The Cullens Arrive
by KitKat Roar
Summary: Carlisle Cullen's arrival with his brood in the rainy town of Forks was meant to be as dreary as the town itself. But unwittingly, he touches the heart of an confused lonely Leah Clearwater, and pushes Edward's tortured love to the limit; while setting in motion a series of events that threaten everything he once knew about love and immortality. Twilight, like never before
1. Chapter 1

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

What if the only thing to offer a soul when its light has been dimmed and put out is darkness.

Vampirism.

I didn't forsake it though, even if all evidence pointed to it being the true sin left to man, the unforgivable and nearly irredeemable curse. You understand your ailment to better treat it… you analyse and test the weaknesses to better strengthen your will against them…

"I am bored" Edward huffed.

"Tell us something new…"Rosalie said rolling her eyes and flipping her magazine unnecessarily noisily.

We were back in Forks-under much better circumstances… A larger coven but the times made a quick cover something achievable but still questionable amongst the humans-a twenty nine year old single doctor with a brood of beautiful adopted relatives.

"You can go with the whole 'providing for my family is what inspired me to excel in medicine'" Edward chuckled, running a finger along the top of his piano and frowning at the dust he picked up on.

Five teenage children that were so well behaved under a young bachelors roof…

"We can rebel if you want, Carlisle" Edward murmured, looking at me with a glimmer in his eyes that made nervous to whether he meant his words in jest or a potential contemplative action.

"Dad wants us to rebel?" Emmett asked, walking into the large living room without a shirt on.

"He wants us to be unruly teenagers to help with our on coming visage" Edward chuckled winking at me.

"Seriously?" Emmett asked, a huge grin crawling over his face.

"You know me better than that, Emmett" I sighed, rising from the chair. "I am off to work, children… do behave. Alice, remember to go shopping for stationery"  
>"Because a vampire has ever forgotten anything" Alice huffed.<p>

"Emmett once forgot our anniversary" Rosalie murmured, flipping a page angrily and tearing it in half in the process.

"Till evening" I sighed, exiting swiftly to the garage.

Xx~xxx~xX

Of course I found gratitude and honourable redemption in my family-the strong loving family I had somehow found and saved from the brink of each member's individual death and self destruction. They had each other, we had each other but all the same I felt alone.

Edward found it easy to tune this aspect out of his life having never had he love of a woman or he desire to love a woman from his human life. It was irrelevant and incomprehensible at times to him. But I knew… I knew what it felt like to be loved simply and in utter and beautiful complexity. I may not remember her name-something that had bothered me before-but I knew the feeling. The feeling remained engraved in my heart, piercing my mind with the flavour and my imagination had spun out a face for the blurred woman.

It was a dream long gone and of course there was little point in my wondering of the whole enclosed beauty of what 'could have been'. What could have been was left in the past and I had to concentrate on what is…

My family and the immense leaps in our salvation we have taken.

"Dr Cullen" Anna McElroy greeted in her high voice, her cheeks turning a rosy blotched red when I returned her smile.

As was per custom since I began at Forks, I was greeted with a million high pitched female voices and their many blushes mingled with flattering eyelashes. If I had been human myself I might have been blushing at all the attention, probably wouldn't have made it past the front doors in my crippling bashfulness but alas-here I was three hundred plus years and gazing at all these children and their misplaced infatuation for a predator. That was what it came down to in the end… my being a predator and their love for the wolf in sheep's clothing…

The day would be short-something I hated about being in a small hospital but the beautiful weather had pulled us all here. I had to bare my limited capacity to help the humans with extra house calls and visits…

Home to my brood soon…

Xx~xx~xX

"Does it ever bother you" Edward murmured, tossing his Elk casually to the side and smoothing his perfectly pristine lavender shirt out. "Their lovemaking?"

"Yes" I laughed, moving my own drained Elk to a spot some scavenger would easily find it. "But it is a natural thing…"  
>"You believe that people should only have intercourse to procreate" he said softly, his eyes narrowed and watching my face in his merciless scrutiny. Edward was most calculative and determined with each endeavour he set out on, no matter how menial… like this very conversation…<p>

"I am not going to ban them from having sex" I chuckled. He had to understand that I never sought out to impose my beliefs and views on others…

"I do" he huffed, still irritated at not getting his way. "Emmett can be most obnoxious about it"

"Well, that is just how your brother is" I sighed.

"I still think it makes you a hypocrite Carlisle" he finishes sulkily.

"Edward…" I sighed. "I am aware that my upbringing was a lot more… jailed than that of most and as you are well aware, vampirism heightens our emotions, views, personalities so…"  
>"Yes, yes" he grumbled. "you are forever more imprisoned in your body and doomed to be a stick in the mud"<br>"I would be a stick in the mud if I made everyone celibate based on my ancient immortal and never changing views"

"Hmm" he grumbles and I smiled, wishing as I had done countless times I could read his intricate mind.

"It is just…" he began carefully and at the same with a hint of vulnerability that was difficult to discern with Edward " I … obviously don't understand it… maybe somewhat with the added telepathy but at the same time its foreign and yet conquered territory and to feel it… I don't want to see them… her… the girls… its infuriating and devastating and you wont understand because your mind has walls that keep you safe from it!"

"Do you wish for a mate, Edward?" I whispered, remembering Tanya's advances on him that he countless times refuted and avoided

"No… I am fine" he grumbled folding his arms over his chest.

"You were changed to young and obviously missed a few experiences…"

"I said I am fine Carlisle" he hissed. "The path of the celibate holy man is the only one I have left open to me and I take it with understanding. So, let's drop it"  
>"Okay" I said smiling a little at the little colloquial "lets 'drop it'"<p>

"I would like to know though" he whispered as we ran back to the house. "Do you wish for a mate?"  
>"I am content" I murmured and he obviously saw from my mind that this was nothing but the truth. I had only been with one woman fewer than three times before I had had my humanity snatched from me. It could be remembered fondly in odd blurry visuals but it was a song whose lyrics were forgotten and could only be hummed.<p>

"Well…" he huffed. "They badger me about it. they make me feel… broken for not having one"

"You are not broken"  
>"I know that!" he snapped. "I just don't…. understand… sometimes"<p>

"Even with the mind reading?"

"Even with the mind reading" he grinned.


	2. Chapter 2

The trouble with vampires is… everything.

I had been a shy child… bashful and withdrawn. Under the stern emotionless gaze of my devout slightly fanatical Christian father, everything had felt _tainted. _It felt like there was a thin line between being good and falling to sin-finding ones self damned consequently and effective immediately thrown to the pits of hell.

The memory of my youth is limited as is with most vampires but the feeling remains… three hundred plus years and the feelings_ remain_. I would imagine it as being alive, breathing and moving with a constant fear of falling. A constant fear of falling on the hard ground, skin bruised and broken and plummeting through the earth and ending up in hell. Every menial wrong meant hell with my father… and the only way to save my soul… the only way to stay clear of that conclusion to my life-had been to constantly apologize for sins yet committed, punish myself for the misdeeds of the future because it is written that we are all sinners…

"Dr Cullen?" Bianca murmured, peering through my office door.

"Yes, Bianca?" I smiled at her, sitting up in my chair and fidgeting just the right amount. She enters a bright smile on her face with a brown file in hand.

"I have some papers for you… on the intern?" she said smiling and fluttering her eyelashes.

"Oh, you can place them on the table" I said.

She placed the file on the table, a little disgruntled that I hadn't reached for them but the simple truth was… my touch would not be welcome to her, even if her poor senses were intoxicated by my predatory aura. I was cold, ice and damned…

The trouble with vampires is… we are damned. We can only work towards our salvation, there is no Jesus to save our evil existence… there is only eternal atonement.

Xx~xx~xX

There is nothing spectacular of my drive home but it is the best part of my journey; the drive. Sitting in the car, still and motionless; save for a few twitches from my feet to balance the speed of the car, a little turn of the wheel and a vague look over the road-the best part of the journey.

The kids enjoy speed; they enjoy the sound of the tar rushing under the wheels of the car and the slicing of the sports cars through the air. I enjoy slow and steady-yet another abnormality in my vampire nature. I enjoy the calm of watching in patience, feeling carefully and moving with simple grace.

This is why humans would always be beautiful to me-the grace of falling, the beauty of mistakes and the attractiveness of their much jumbled confused motions when nervous.

Edward worried that I romanticized them. He told me countless times that they were not innocent children of the lord whispering through their lives but full of evil, lust and greed. Of course I was not so naïve to think they were entirely pure… but Edward's ability to read minds made him entirely cynical and incapable of tolerating any other view besides his own. It had taken me all my strength to make him understand things, understand that they may be evil at most times but when they were good-it was beautiful. That split second that their love and compassion shined, it shattered ignorance and spilled honey over hearts. This had been his basis on whether or not we should refrain from their blood… if it was only the evil ones and then it surely was okay?

We weren't angels, we were demons... we had to remember that least our ego's get in the way….

We were not above them, something Edward and Rosalie had somehow struggled to come to terms with. The other children-Jasper and Alice-were entirely indifferent to the notion. We were not above them… it didn't matter. They smelly good-Jasper.

Alice… she found them… slightly…. Unattractive, noisy and apparently smelly (this is after the smell of their blood abated from her senses). It was as simple as that for her, she wasn't out to harm them nor did she want to make an active attempt to engage them.

It was a thin line I had to walk… trying to get them to interact with humans a little more and at the same time remembering the dangers of such an act-for the humans and for our secret. It worried me, scared me and I was sure if I had nights were I could sleep-I would have nightmares of Aro taking them away from me.

My little family… my children…

Xx~xx~xX 

"You miss us?" Edward asked opening my car door.

"You sound surprised!" I laughed.

"You saw us a few hours ago and yet you arrive all melancholy" he said, reaching for my brief case. "You can be strange…"

"…said the telepathic vampire" I said quickly, not allowing the thought to linger and grinning at him.

He smiled back slowly and rolled his eyes before rushing ahead of me into the house. It was easy to guess that the two couples may have decided to pair off leaving Edward to wait for my company. It worried me that he was not nearly as stimulated as he had been forty or so years ago when technology went through a huge boom and he was preoccupied. Now, he spent too much time thinking and wondering, listening to others thoughts…

"Like yours" he hissed, appearing in the kitchen, besides me. "What are you doing here…?"

"I had been wondering earlier today…" I said thinking of how Dr Cliff had rambled on about his beautiful wife and their Sunday dinners and if maybe I should join them…

"You want to practice eating food and holding it down…?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow-visibly excited at a new challenge-even if it involved _my stomach _being burnt up by carbohydrates.

"No and you need to learn to let people finish thinking before interrupting" I smiled at him. "I was thinking what we would do if one of my colleagues decided to drop by for a visit… and we had nothing to offer?"

"Knowing you… if they stumbled in here and broke a leg you'd offer venom" he grumbled-returning to his brooding seventeen year old act.

"I do not brood" he snapped.

"No, you don't…" I smiled willing him to remain agreeable. "About the lack of human food…?"

"Do you want to go shopping…?" he asked and Alice appeared before us-blouse hastily being buttoned up and grinning sheepishly.

"Did someone say shopping?" she smirked.

"You can go back to Jasper" Edward growled. "It's food shopping… I am somewhat surprised you managed to even here the word _shopping _with your insistent face sucking…."  
>"Don't be sour because…" Alice began but I cut their on coming warring quickly.<p>

"Food shopping… are you interested Alice?" I asked her and she frowned in response.

"She isn't…" Edward murmured. "We can go the two of us Carlisle… we will manage… and if the fruit section attacks you, I'll protect you…"

"I am not scared and you know that!" I laughed watching a bit worriedly as Alice whizzed back up huffing.

Xx~xx~xX

"I think we should go grocery shopping weekly" Edward murmured thrumming his finger tips over the dashboard.

"Why is that?"

"Well, appearance sake…" he replied, fidgeting with his seatbelt instead of strapping it on.

"Put your…"  
>"Why?" he asked turning his head to give me a narrowed sardonic gaze.<p>

"Because…" because its what fathers tell their sons to do when they care enough for their health…

"It's not like I can get injured and what are the chances of you finding yourself in an accident?" he muttered, strapping his seat belt on anyway.

"And besides, at the rate you are going… we would be moving faster if we were at standstill"

"Not everything is a rush…." I said softly and he frowned. "Take your time to enjoy nature and…"  
>"I have enjoyed it enough these last fifty years" he groaned. "Now its time to hate it… for the next fifty years…"<br>"You are entirely difficult" I laughed watching him scowl angrily at the rain hitting the windshield.

"You are entirely easy!" he huffed. "Everything is full of joy… before you remember you are damned that is"

"Why are you so ready for a fight?" I asked him softly. "With everyone… what is it Edward?"

"Nothing" he mumbled, his lips pressing hard and eyes narrowed and full of anger.

"Why didn't you want Alice to come with us?" I asked.

"She didn't want to…"

"You know what I mean, before she knew it was for food not clothes…"

"They…" he took in a deep breath and heaved it out dramatically. "They have each other and I want to think I have you… to my self… sometimes"

"Understandable" I said softly, parking the car. "You could come and work at the Hospital… part time… to keep busy and away from home a little longer?"

"I'll think about it" he muttered, exiting the car.

Xx~xx~xX

"I can't remember how anything tastes" I laughed. "Bread was…"

"I don't remember either" Edward murmured, turning the loaf of bread over with mild interest. "I do remember that my mother made a dish that I loved very much… a stir fry of sorts…"  
>"What is a stir fry anyway?" I laughed. "This is all very interesting…"<br>"No, your interest in all things human is interesting and concerning…"  
>"You forget it is we all come from, Young One" I smiled at Edward and he rolled his eyes at his hated nick name.<p>

"Ice cream?" Edward asked opening one of the doors of the large expanse of refrigerator-walls.

"Why not…" I sighed, reading the instructions on a packet of pasta. "We need… a pot"

"Why?" he asked, placing the frozen box on top of our food stuffs.

"To cook..."  
>"Obviously" he sighed irritated I had missed something he had picked form my mind. "But why are we <em>cooking<em>?"

"It would be fun…?" I smiled at him. "A bonding experience for everyone… so we can all remember to be a family"

"Well…" he growled. "I say you made a big mistake with your sex under your roof…"

"Edward" I sighed. "Will you ever let that go?"

"Not until I am able to fall asleep without the sound of their flesh…"

"You can't even sleep" I mumbled, picking a packet of crisps and reading the dietary information.

"My point _exactly_" he groaned, leaning over the trolley with his head on the handle.

"Dr Cullen…!"Hannah Jordan shouted ahead of us-waving her hand enthusiastically to catch my attention. "Funny bumping into you in here… I was just telling my friend Sharon about you during lunch and… well, here you are… here he is…"  
>She nudged her friend rather forcefully in the ribs, giving her an indicative look and all the while beaming at me. It was very conspicuous and easily discernable to the contents of their conversation with me and all I wanted to do at that moment was disappear…<p>

"Hello Hannah" I said softly, ignoring the slight shake of Edwards body over the trolley, his head still hidden-he was laughing.

"You shopping with your boy?" she asked, wheeling her trolley closer to us, her friend's eyes raking me inappropriately.

"Yes, my uhm… boy" I touched Edwards arm softly and he raised his head annoyed and impatient with the two women-the two humans. Their eyes widened when they took in his paleness and inhuman good looks…

"Entirely wrong" he said softly-a tone that I would only here.

"Good evening Ladies" he said to them, smiling his easy smile that I knew in our eternity together to mean entirely nothing but to be a simple social etiquette he carried out to avoid embarrassing me with his brash indifference to formalities.

They blushed fiercely, breath hitching and I worried he may have scared them a little with his foul mood escaping through his vampire nature…

"Wrong again" he said quickly and softly-grinning at my thoughts or theirs and casing poor Hannah with a middle aged husband to send a hand to her heart and gulp hard.

"He is very…" she stammered. "Like you… uhm, very polite and husband"

"You mean handsome?" Edward asked-corrected smiling helpfully but I could see the impish enjoyment he was having.

"Hands… uhm, handsome" she laughed face red and bright.

"You must be proud of your father" Sharon said smiling at me and fluttering her eye-lashes.

"Entirely" Edward grinned pushing the trolley into me deliberately. "We have to go, ladies… my brothers and sisters are home hungry and Dr Cullen has to get home to cook them a stir fry"

"Oh…" they breathed and remained rooted to the spot as we sped to the tills to pay for the food and escape.

Xx~xx~xX

"It's nice to see you smile" I said-trying not to be annoyed at him using me for his entertainment

"It's nice to see you squirm" he laughed, accelerating the Mercedes and flying over the road. "She was undressing you mentally…. Tell me you _at least _noticed that when she raked over you with hungry eyes."

"No" I grumbled. "Hannah is a lovely patient…"  
>"And you wont have me speak ill of her" he finished, chuckling and turning the car easily into the hidden driveway.<p>

"Well… yes"  
>"Don't worry!" he laughed. "You worry so much about your little humans… they think you are a walking and talking vibrator"<p>

"That is entirely inappropriate Edward" I snapped.

"That's what _Sharon_ was thinking off _me_ and I would say it's inappropriate for a _grown woman_ to think that of a _seventeen year_ _old _not to mention _illegal"_

"This was fun" he chuckled. "We should definitely do it weekly"

**AUTHORS NOTE: yeah, it's supposed to be a one shot-maybe a series of one shot's? Will change it as soon as I get a plot and something else for poor Carlisle to do. I have my reasons for excluding Esme. Thanks for the Alerts and Reviews.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Oooh Ooh…"

The eggs are supposed to be whisked… I was certain of that, but for some odd reason the humans didn't seem to need to put the speed and velocity of the whisking. Whisk the eggs whites until they are…

"Dirty Dancing in the moonlight…" I sang softly, whisking the gooey clear substance slightly too fast in the glass bowl and watching fascinated as the consistency and colour changed. "Make this dream the best I have ever known…"

"Take me down like I'm a Domino" I murmured pouring the sugar in and trying futilely not to dance.

They had all refused to bake with me; Edward had returned to his melancholy in his bedroom and then Emmett had convinced Rosalie to spend the night in a hotel. Jasper and Alice had gone hunting and I was left to cook all the food.

"Don't you know…" they could be most unagreeable "You spin me out of control…."

"I will help you" Edward laughed walking into the clear kitchen "If you stop singing that!"

"I can't help it" I grinned "My favourite patient is a thirteen year old… she had it on repeat on her little stereo… quite catchy this pop"

"Well… sing it with out the butt wiggling" he chuckled, leaning by the door post and folding his arms over his chest. "What are you attempting to do with _that?_"

He pointed at the carrot in my hand and raised an eyebrow.

"I am making us all carrot cake" I smiled at him and waved the carrot a little. "Carrots are good for the eyes, I hear…"

"We tend to substitute that with _rabbits_" he chuckled sauntering into the kitchen. "And I was not sulking…"  
>"You know you were" I murmured grating the carrot humanly slow.<p>

"I just don't…" he huffed, prodding different food stuffs on the table with equal amounts of mild interest and revulsion. "I really don't want to go to Alaska"

"We have to visit, Edward" I sighed. "They are our family and…"  
>"I love them too" he snapped. "It's <em>her…<em>"  
>I really didn't see the problem with Tanya the way Edward had painted it out for me and tried numerous times to illustrate the <em>hazards<em> of having a beautiful woman in love with you…

"She isn't in love with me" he hissed, squashing the apple in his hand into a pulp, the juices flowing free from his clenched white hand and the apple sweet smell perforating the air swiftly.

"She seems to be and…" I began slowly but he rounded on me dropping the destroyed remnants of an apple on the counter top.

"She wants to do uhm me… Emmett told her I was _still _a virgin and it only makes it more _fun _and exciting for her…"

"Surely you may have it wrong" I tried thinking how lovely it would be if he and Tanya were to become mates.

"I am not playing hard to get!" he shrieked hands waving in the air theatrically. "She wants me because I don't want her…"  
>"Oh come on" I laughed. "It isn't because you are entirely good looking…?"<br>"Partly" he grumbled. "Mostly because of my being a virgin and uninterested in other females… she wants to _break _me"  
>"Well…" I sighed. "I say wait for your true love…"<p>

"I don't need a true love" he mumbled. "And neither do you"

"Wipe that mess you made over there" I laughed. "In fact why don't you…"  
>"Yeah, yeah…" he snapped. "I'll clean your Martha Stewart bomb"<p>

Xx~xx~xX

Over the last few years the subject of Edward's virginity had been a constant topic with him as he loomed over his century old years. I was not sure if he felt an interest in sex itself or if he simply wanted to be perfect and conquer all obstacles as was his personality. He treated it like a handicap at times, as though somehow his being a virgin made him defective and then at other times he became entirely angered by the constant questioning on why he didn't have a mate-most of the questioning came from himself. He would out right defend himself one moment and become vulnerable and mercilessly depressed on the fact.

He felt lonely even though he had me and he didn't understand it, didn't want to comprehend that subconsciously he craved for an intimacy that is latent in our vampire nature but the driving force in our lost humanity. He craved love.

Xx~xx~xX

"I think it would really help" Robert insisted, looking around the board tables for support and gaining a few head nods. "Carlisle is brilliant, young and completely compassionate… who better to lead the workshop and relate to the young?"  
>"Well, the thing is…" I said and they all ceased their murmuring to stare at my face with wide awestruck eyes that unnerved me "I really can't go there if they don't feel the need for the workshop…"<p>

I had not thought this through when Robert had asked me to do volunteer work, it felt like a simple day task that I could add to Edward and me's steadily increasing activities and I thought the contact with humans would help him get over his mild intolerance for them and he could maybe make a friend.

But now, this news about a _Reservation Medical Workshop _was undoubtedly complicating our simple plans… I could not go on the Reservation whether or not that ancient tribe had vanished in time. It would be disrespectful to the trust they had given us…

"Oh no, we won't be _going _there…" Fred Winger said "The workshop will be held here at the hospital and that way it wont feel imposing to the Quileute and if they want to come… they come and at the same time it wont be and _exclusive _workshop"

"Oh" I sighed in relief, leaning back in the chair "I didn't sit well with disrupting their peace…"

Or having the old ones who still remember tales of the cold ones look at me with suspicion and fear. Two things I didn't like to see gazing at me from humans eyes… that followed by lust and obvious crude thoughts. Four things that made me uncomfortable…

"And my… we already have a volunteer…" Mary Hills smiled at me "Dr Cullen is bringing his eldest son…"  
>"Actually my youngest" I smiled at her and she knocked her coffee mug over.<p>

"Youngest" she rasped; face red and hands anxiously trying to save her papers from the spilt coffee. "His uhm, youngest son… its Edward?"

"Yes, you met him in my office I believe" I murmured "He told me of the lovely lady who brought my file…"  
>"Oh yes" she blushed.<p>

Edward would not be pleased on how I described that. What he had said was Mary was incapable of leaving without him physically leading her out of the door when she had entered the office and he had been in the process of reaching for something high up on my cabinet and his shirt had been lifted up a little…

Xx~xx~xX

"Sounds boring" Edward mumbled slouched in the passenger's seat and sulking over his fight with Rosalie.

"She was entirely wrong" he sighed mimicking my accent and outdated wording. "She didn't have to use my Aston Martin…"  
>"Edward… she boosted it for you" I sighed. "She said she tried to get hold of you on your cell but you never have the thing…"<br>"Sometimes I think you vampires _deliberately _forget I can read minds" he huffed scowling violently. "She lied Carlisle… she took the car not to spite me I do admit but she took it because she couldn't have cared less whether I would have agreed to her using it or not"

"She doesn't respect me" he grumbled. "And she never lets me use _her_ car…"

"You know how old you sound right now?" I laughed.

"Seventeen" he sighed, closing his eyes. "Maybe I should sit this one out Carlisle; I am not up for slow human talk and gawking women…"  
>"You need this" I murmured, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You keep things bottled in…"<br>"I am not running around baking and bird watching" he snapped at my thoughts on my own stress relieving activities.

"Maybe you could start playing again"  
>"The piano needs inspiration" he sulked.<p>

"You are difficult you know that"  
>"Only because I know you will never stop trying to make me happy" he grinned.<p>

"I am you dad"  
>"My old man…" he laughed exiting the car and messing his already unruly hair up some more. "Now hurry up, we have a bunch of kids to convince that medicine is the 'in thing'"<p>

Xx~xx~xX

"Okay… there are two volunteers from the Tribe" Robert whispered to me. "Uhm… only two… two kids"

"Oh, well…" I smiled at him "That's a lot more than one"

He laughed at this, tears threatening to escape from his eyes at what I had thought was a sad excuse at humour and walked away muttering what an 'awesome guy' I was.

"Two kids your age possibly" I smiled at Edward and he folded his arms and rubbed the bridge of his nose furiously-something I had thought countless times was something his biological father may have done too when stressed or disgruntled.

"There are no 'Kids my Age' Carlisle" he said slowly still not opening his eyes. "And no, I am not going to be left paired with them"

"It would be good for…"  
>"It will be ironic to the Tribe of Old that a Cold One should be walking around with their descendants teaching them the <em>pale faces <em>medicine… that's what it is" he hissed but stopped his angry rant when he saw I was on the verge of breaking down in fits of laughter at his abrupt humour.

"Just do it Edward" I sighed. "It might help with the Quileutes prejudice against us…"  
>"They have every right too…"<br>"Yes" I sighed, cutting him. "But I… I don't want the to… think of us as evil, we are in redemption. We are atoning… we can uphold their beliefs and views but still help where we can. In this grey area…"  
>"You know I hate it when you make sense and mean everything" he sighed.<p>

"So you will 'hang out' with the kids?" I asked him smiling.

"Whatever old man" he sniggered at my attempt with the new colloquials, he always found it funny with my barely noticeable archaic accent. "Let's do this"

Xx~xx~xX

"Leah we really shouldn't be here…" the small boy whined to the frowning tall teenage girl "When mum finds out…"

"What the hell do you mean _'When'_" she snapped. "Do you have a little tittle-tattling diary or something… because if Sue gets wind of this and starts spewing _tribal jargon_ on me, I will skin you, stitch your skin back on then roast you on a spit-fire… do you understand me Seth?"

"It's just… Lee" the boy Seth whimpered "I don't know _why we _have to be _here…!_"  
>"It's free and you know I need this" she said softly, glancing up at were Edward and I stood, busying ourselves with pamphlets and booklets. "This is where I can… learn something. Maybe even get a scholarship when I am through with school… I am not getting stuck on the Reservation"<br>"Okay" Seth said "I get it… I wont say anything"  
>"Good" she peered at us from her distance and Edward frowned.<p>

"She is noting our extreme paleness" he murmured softly. "But she is very cynical… thankfully"  
>"That makes two cynical teenagers under my care" I laughed. "Go call them over will you?"<p>

"Argh, Carlisle… I would rather not. The girl is very…"  
>"I hope you aren't scared of a little human girl…" I chuckled, glancing at the Leah girl-she was frowning and scowling at one of the paramedics trying to talk to her, a rather terrifying facial expression that rivalled Edward's own scowl weaponry.<p>

"I do not…" he huffed and then opted to drop the subject. "I will call the boy, the girl will follow her brother… she is very protective of him…"

"Okay then" I smiled. "I think we may be in the process of healing the treaty and tensions"  
>"We are regular saints" he muttered sarcastically and wheeled around, walking towards the two siblings slowly and deliberately.<p>

I was out of ideas on how to remedy Edward's disgruntlements. This would have to be the differentiating factor… or Alaska would be a lengthy holiday till he _misses _us once more.

**Authors note: Hmm, Leah is in the picture. I can never seem to leave her alone-how do you think she will impact on Edward and Carlisle, this will be interesting. Remember to review!**


	4. Chapter 4

"So… what made you decide to be a doctor" the young Quileute girl asks me, picking a creamy white porcelain figurine swan from my desk. She twirled it with her long slender fingers in a slightly reckless way, her large eyes analysing it while her forehead remained scrunched up in a disapproving frown.

She had been like this since walking into my office; looking at random singular objects and scanning them for prolonged minutes before placing them back down carelessly in their original positions and leaving me with this gnawing sensation that the particular object was somehow defective.

Edward couldn't stand Leah Clearwater and from what I gathered from Seth-they seemed to share similar personality traits at _some_ level that made reaching a mature compromise nearly impossible. I had caught them engaged in a fierce hissing match over some irrelevant subject once; Edward's eyes black and flat while Leah wore an expression that could very well have been manufactured in some sort of medieval torture store. She hadn't flinched at the inhuman anger Edward exuded…

This bothered me for reasons I couldn't quite pinpoint and Edward assured me it was of no concern.

The Clearwater siblings had been the first human's I had interacted with since my family had extended from beyond Edward. There had been two sisters once, they were servant girls for our mansion and they had strict instruction to clean and leave on set dates and times… this had been before I knew fully the effect a vampire's scent had on human hormones…

They had caused us a lot of trouble by the time we had had to move. Beatrice and Henrietta had been their names and I think they were partially to blame for Edward's general prejudice towards human women… and his slight disgust of them too.

"I wanted to help people" I answered Leah's initial question watching as her face smoothed over-analysing my response-before she brought it back into its odd frown.

"Do you want to be a doctor?" I asked her and she scoffed.

"I know he told you… your idiot know it all son…" she laughed rolling her eyes. Edward had in a few words told her she could not become a doctor-or more accurately a neurosurgeon- because she lacked the structural stability required in a mind to solve matters of the brain. He could be most ungentlemanly when it suited him…

"Anyway… I do want to be a doctor" she breathed moving back to the visitor's seat and slouching in the chair.

She had not made eye contact with me since we had begun these little meetings; her and her brother both. Edward said they did not believe the legends but they retained the suspicion. And sometimes suspicions were more than enough-and Edward had wanted to abort the project based on this-but there was something in it, in conversing with the Clearwater siblings that made work a little more enjoyable…

It made Edward more unagreeable unless I managed to separate him from Leah and leave him with Seth-who was indescribably sweet and innocent. Something Edward appreciated in his thoughts… they would go off talking and helping the nurses in good spirits as long as I was with Leah and her scowl…

"I wanted to be a doctor…" she breathed slowly looking down at her hands in her lap. "I wanted…"

"Leah?"

"I do want to be a doctor" she repeated, her head snapping up at me-large eyes narrowed and dangerous as though I had contested her dream.

"And you can be one" I smiled at her and she grimaced as though my intention to pull a smile from her own lips was a crude deplorable act.

"Its four" she sighed leaning back in her chair. "Edward is _always_ on time…"

The door opens, Edward walking in first and frowning and Seth skipping in after him.

"I am on time" he hissed to Leah.

"It's four oh one" she grinned, eyes still closed and ignoring Edwards presence at the side of her chair.

"Carlisle's watch is a minute ahead-" he began but she cocked her head up at him and raised an expectant thick eyebrow.

"You are intolerable" Edward groaned walking over to the other side of the office. "You may leave now… before your mother finds out you were dishonouring your tribe…"

"You are a pr-"

"Yeah, yeah… nothing I haven't heard before" Edward snapped. "You are heating up this place, bye-bye"

"Will I see you tomorrow Edward?" Seth asked, his large eyes-similar to his sisters except they conveyed an unconditional affection to whomever they were cast upon instead of ruthless judgment and love not easily earned.

"Sure buddy" Edward grinned at him and Seth smiled a large sunny smile before exiting my office.

"Leah" I murmured and she shrugged her shoulders indifferently to my goodbye and shuffled noisily out of my office, banging the door behind her.

"Thank God that's over" Edward sighed throwing himself theatrically in the seat.

"I thought you got on with Seth"?"  
>"I do" he huffed. "But it's the <em>Leah girl…!"<em>

"What about her… she wasn't with you…."

"Well, her insistent analysis of your kind eyes and small smile was absolutely irritating!"  
>"What!" I guffawed, pulling my tie lose-an unnecessary end of day practice that made me feel more like a man than a robotic timeless thing.<p>

"Oh yes Carlisle" he chuckled wheeling the chair twice around before stopping it so he was facing me. "But I suppose I do understand her…"

"You have a measure of understanding for a human girl?" I laughed smiling at him. "Do tell!"  
>"Her boyfriend just cancelled their engagement" he sighed. "Seth was telling me about it, she tries not to think about it and apparently-from what I gathered from her soft little thoughts- you make things prettier… you make her world <em>prettier<em>"

"Uh…"  
>"She is too young to be getting engaged anyway" he murmured oblivious to my sudden discomfort and ignoring my rambling disjointed thoughts "I suppose for this day and age anyway"<br>"That is quite…" I stammered, Leah's scowling expression and merciless eyes transforming in my mind into a desolate despairing sadness centred by dark large eyes with intense depths of pain…

"Don't romanticize it Carlisle" Edward frowned in confusion.

"I wasn't really…"

"You are not to give her venom just because she has a broken heart" he chuckled still watching me carefully. "She comes to the hospital at any rate… to be away from the shame she feels from her family… from her small tribe… everyone knows and apparently the boy is acting strange"

"That is a lot for her to bear" I whispered. "You should try to be a little more…"  
>"Oh no!" he shouted rising suddenly from the seat and pushing me roughly. "Are you stupid man!"<br>"Edward" I reproached him-he got this way at times; couth and challenging. "If you need reminding that I am your father then you must have…"  
>"Carlisle…" he rolled his eyes and I smacked him swiftly behind the head with little thought on the action. "I know you raised me better, I wasn't being disrespectful for Christ sake…!"<p>

"Then…"

"I was just saying that I know Leah" he breathed. "I know her mind… she knows Seth confided in me their home situation and if I had shown her pity she would be most ruthless"  
>"It still sounds like an excuse for you to be cruel to her, Edward"<br>"Why do I get the burn when she is cruel to me too?" he whined frowning at me.

"Well, you don't have a fiancé who cancelled your engagement, an entire tribe watching your despair and parents who want you to remain in La Push for the rest of your life"  
>"Fine" he hissed. "I'll be nice to <em>your <em>Leah…"  
>"My… what?"<p>

He zoomed out of the office cackling.

"You could have at least left the door closed" I mumble watching as the door swung limply midway to its shutting position. "Spoilt brat"

Xx~xx~xX

It is the dead of night; the moon is gone from the black sky leaving it bare and sprinkled with holy finishes of light, the dark shadows move clearly to my eyes over the trees, between heaven and earth and the wind is calm and warm to my cold skin.

The elk is dead by my feet, its eyes open and glassy-staring at everything and seeing nothing. I can still taste the raw liquid of its life on my tongue. I can still feel its body's warmth draining into my skin momentarily and when I close my eyes… I see large doe eyes trimmed with long thick splayed lashes and brimming with self loathing…

I don't know why I can't get the image out of my mind. It holds no warrant to any particular point in our project… Edward's words ringing in my ear…

_Your Leah…_

My Leah… he implied she was different with me-although I didn't see it. He implied she was less… heartbroken with me. I made everything prettier…

I smiled.

Maybe I had inspired her. I hoped I did. I had never healed anyone in that sense; not with Rosalie and her terrible misfortunes-that had been Emmett's doing. Not with Alice and Jasper-they already knew they could heal each other. Not with Edward… maybe it was like with Edward. A sort of companionship that had no expectations except to _be… it just _was.

Easy and free with no judgment save for the outside world and at the end of it all-it would always remain _outside _of _our_ world.

Xx~xx~xX

**The undetailed tale of Beatrice and Henrietta**

I am not really interested in the time. Time had lost meaning to me after the ten years Edward had been born a vampire-it was not to say I had forgotten the year because as a vampire we _never forget._

It is a curse. All the ailments humans have are holy blessings to us… they can forget and _we _have to hold it heavily in our minds and dead hearts. Time was a curse bearing heavily upon me and the seconds, minutes, hours and days were the jury and court of my existence-an unforgiving courtroom was the best way to describe my years. I was on trial for eternity…

The place we were in was inconsequential… it held no importance even in this day. Some small village located in Switzerland. Chocolates and watches… that had been the song I had been singing to Edward to get him to at least smile at the efforts of moving. He was still an irritable new born but his control was more abundant, his temper a little less… destructive… and his beauty still entirely hypnotizing to mortals and immortals.

Edward. He did not know himself from his youth and had struggled to retain the remnants of his mortal self feebly in his new everlasting life. He had been spoilt in his youth; he had been an only child to his mother and father, a beautiful boy who was talented beyond his years. His father's involvement in the war had made him eager to be a man… to prove his worth but he was standing on the bridge of child-like innocence and intuitive knowledge. His mother calling him to remain by her side, to be her perfect beautiful innocent son but his father had exposed him to the lust of war and brave men.

It was right there that death had caught him-standing on that very bridge-and stranded him in the damned life of vampirism. A boy man… talented, breathtaking and intelligent and yet always innocently and utterly naïve in his knowledge and assumed understanding.

X~x~X 

Edward had been sulking the entire journey on the ship. He hated being cramped and limited due to _humans_. It was bad enough on land and on the sea's it was unjustifiable. He punished me with terse responses to any questions I voiced to him. He tapped his black pen insistently on the edge of a wood railing because he knew the sound irked me-it reminded me of my long gone father's whipping stick being tapped at the edge of my bed as a youth. One of few childhood memories I had retained-not too pleasant but it was there.

Our arrival had been quiet and deliberately unnoticeable-we headed to the large land I had bought, with the farming land I had no intention of making use of and large expansive mansion to ensure Edward had enough room to move. There were two cottages on the estate-one of which was run down and to be reconstructed into an Art Room for Edward (he had gotten bored of his piano playing after becoming a master at it…) and the other one was reserved for a small family that had lived on the land for generations.

I understood the father and mother of the two girls had died recently and they had worried the new Master of the Land would not want them. They could stay; they could clean as long as they respected the privacy of the two brothers grieving the loss of their own parents.

That had been our first mistake, according to Edward. We should have not given them any link of similarity that would rouse their curiosity. We gave them a red rose of acquaintance in grief apparently; in his pure knowledge of the minds of women-his pure knowledge but lack of practical experience-we had become the two brothers _meant _for the two sisters. A weird sort of cosmic merging of paths had been mapped and drawn by the minds of the two young women.

It had been almost dawn break when we had reached the mansion, moving into the large pre-furnished house silently and finding our suited rooms to rest-or more accurately stand and ponder in. To the outside world, we were curious brothers torn emotionally by too sudden bereavement but to ourselves we were bored out of our minds for two weeks, awaiting the completion of the construction of the hospital.

Those two weeks…

Xx~xx~xX

"She took my pillow case"

"Edward, you are being paranoid and prejudiced" I sighed and received a low growl from him.

"I read minds" he breathed sharply-difficulty. A sign that his temper had reached its apex and I would soon have to start negotiating gifts and boons to calm him.

"What did you hear" I murmured, tempted to call him son. The 'son' thing had begun when we left Chicago, when we left a small dinner held for substantial doctors and Edward was unable to come due to his little 'blood affliction'. My colleague had brought his young son, a bespectacled boy with ginger hair and freckles who adored his father…

"I am not your son" Edward hissed and I felt my eyes widen. I was still unaccustomed to having my every thought heard… my every vulnerable confession to my soul laid bare for this difficult to understand young man.

"She saw me… leaving my Art Office sometime before dark" he muttered moodily. "No, the sun was down… I am not an idiot…"  
>"I never thought that" I whispered.<p>

"You might as well have!" he snapped. It bothered me how ready he was for things to escalate and turn out of control. At times I felt he would not mind walking in the streets during midday and tugging a three ton truck behind him… just to get a reaction out of someone.

"Her thoughts Edward" I sighed impatiently and he outright roared at me before pouting again.

"She saw me and saw how… well, as you can see" he waved his hand over himself in distaste and scowled at the wall. "And now… she is determined to talk to me… she took my pillowcase so I would ask her about it"  
>"Why didn't you lock your bedroom?" I asked calmly.<p>

"Why didn't I…" he gasped. "Why didn't I… what kind of question is that Carlisle. A man has to lock his bedroom door in his own house…"

"A vampire" I laughed. "A vampire has to lock his bedroom door in his house if he has human servants with a serious case of infatuation on him"

"Argh" he shrieked. "You are most…"  
>"Unagreeable?" I chuckled. "Edward… you can hear my thoughts and you know this is not the case… I am trying to teach you lessons on how to be cautious when habituating with humans…"<p>

"I don't want these women here!" he cried. "They… they…"  
>"What Edward"<p>

"They confuse me" he ended in a soft defeated voice. "They smell good and their thoughts on us…"

"Edward… you need to not think of them as potential sin causers…" I murmured. "Talk to her and ask her if she has seen your pillow"

"Fine" he whispered.

He was scared of talking to her… to them, and this was besides the smell of their blood. It was because he didn't understand them. Not in his superior vampire nature but his innocent unlearnt ways on the practicalities of _women._

Xx~xx~xX

"She thinks I like her" he grumbled pacing in front of my desk. "She thinks… she came up with that because I smiled"

It had not occurred to me that this was the first close encounter with a female human Edward had ever had. It fascinated me… his distaste and equal curiosity of their reaction towards him…

"I smiled and her face heated up, the blood pooling easily in her cream cheeks and smelling so beautiful" he moaned. "I smile and she does that… when you smile do they do that…?"  
>"Not always" I murmured. Decades later, they would <em>all <em>still blush for Edward when he delivered his devastating smile… well, except for Rosalie. But then again they had glowered at each other when we had first met her in her human form.

"She said she had taken the pillow to wash because it was dirty" he murmured thoughtfully.

"Maybe it was dirty?" I asked

"Dirty from what… I have never lain my head on the thing and even if I did…"

"Yes, I get it…" I chuckled. "And what did her thoughts reveal on the matter?"  
>"That she thinks I smell like flowers from a sacred hill that grow every full moon" he said thoughtfully before shaking his head. "These women are absurd" <p>

Xx~xx~xX

In all honesty, I should have instructed them to not come into the main house after the pillow incident…

I thought it was harmless infatuation. But it ballooned and spread into something destructive. I made the mistake first, I made all the mistakes… but the biggest had been my desire for Edward to view humans as more than just nuisances to our way of life. I encouraged him to engage Beatrice… to talk to her because I had thought my revelation of his young age-his mere seventeen years of life would deter the young divorcee from her affection.

This had been were Edward's beauty formed a life of its own. No man should bear such looks in humanity and in his _immortality _it was just… unbearable. He was not beautiful like the young men Aristotle would murmur of… he had obvious features that were designed to attract women but their intensity had overlapped into an area that made men look a second too long too.

He didn't engage in a dialogue with Beatrice-he spoke _to her_ never _with her_. He had needed someone to understand him but who better to understand a mind reader than a mind reader and as there were very few of those around, he projected himself on the blank canvas of Beatrice's obsessive infatuation with him. He spoke to her like she was a living dairy-never too affectionately, sometimes berating himself through her and at times trying to mould her into a sort of flesh doll.

I listened slightly concerned as he tried to teach her his many interests and she failed at them because she was not very bright to begin with but her addiction of his looks and smell led her to do all sorts of culturally breaking activities.

But were Beatrice's infatuation with Edward had turned her into his doll, her sister's infatuation with him had turned her into an aggressive poodle for his attention. Edward enjoyed himself and no amount of lecturing managed to make him quell his new fun.

"Beatrice…" he murmured walking too fast out of the main study. "Here… this is some sort of Peruvian fabric…"  
>"Yes" she murmured shyly, eyes wide and large and soaking in Edward.<p>

"You could sew it with your other bland fabric…and make it interesting" Edward was most adept at strategic condescending statements.

"Yes" she murmured.

"Here" he handed her the fabric impatiently. She stood there, fabric in hand and watching Edward in awe.

"_Leave _Beatrice" he said coldly. "Return when you have done something substantial"

"Yes" she said softly and exited the room slowly.

"She does that every time" he muttered when she shut the front door.

"What?" I asked.

"She starts wondering what my skin feels like when I am about to hand her something…" he breathed. "She is better than Henrietta… but good lord…"  
>"Leave the lord out of this Edward"<br>"It irks me" he finished ignoring me. "What of my flesh… what of this hard flesh… this hard dead flesh… what do they _want _with it!"  
>"You need to stop playing with them" I sighed. "They are not toys"<br>"You are always gone… preparing for your work" he said. "I am left with nothing to do"  
>"They are people"<br>"They are mindless zombies driven by hormones… trust me" he snickered going through my hospital files.

Xx~xx~xX

The day things had changed had been sudden. It had actually been a series of days, and from what I could tell… I would never know the gravity of the situations because Edward edited his flaws and errors most effectively. He wasn't one to lay out his shames and embarrassments but the resulting concealment of _such_ had made it difficult for me to handle the situation.

Henrietta didn't appreciate Edward's obvious preference of Beatrice over her. She had been more aggressive in presence, more daring in announcing herself and Edward soon discovered more vocal in discussion of the elusive residence on the other side of the hill.

As it were… for reasons still unknown to me, Edward had instructed Beatrice to climb a tree so he could perform some sort of Physical Science experiment… from a distance. She climbed the height and did as instructed and as was the case with women from her village-she fell due to a garment related accident.

He caught her. He caught his play thing. She was bleeding form some cut and he managed the beast; he managed the vampire… she was most grateful and most convinced we were angels sent to care for her and her sister. We were husbands brought by the very Lord to save them. How unfortunate for us was this great adoring… how entirely dangerously unfortunate….

The whole situation in Switzerland had to have been my fault that I understood. For one, I needed to be more assertive with Edward-at the time we had been playing brothers but really I had needed to be his father. I allowed him to wind me up, I allowed him to bully me into getting his way and bending my better judgment all because he played my feelings of intense gratitude from_ finally_ having companionship.

Edward was a perfect gentleman thanks to his being very close to his mother but at the same time he had no tolerance for ignorance and stupidity. And in these two things had found themselves tied into the two sister's bodies. Impatient when it came with intelligence and becoming completely convinced that human's only thoughts of sex, he was careless with handling his sudden appearance under the tree in time to catch Beatrice.

Beatrice told her sister, who told her friends and before I knew it-the population of the village that had been turned to Christianity had over night regressed to Naturalism and where by my gate baying for miracles and blood.

"I don't know how this has came about" had been the only explanation Edward had ready for me as we moved through the darkness of the Swiss lands and were forced to swim back to America.

Since then, human interaction had been a no go area for him. It held no interest except how quickly it could spiral out of control. The divide of our two species was too great.

But here he was, smiling and free with the young Seth Clearwater and I was sure under his aggressive repelling of Leah was a genuine interest for a fellow brooding being.

Xx~xx~xX

**AUTHORS NOTE: please review after reading this. You would make me smile so wide and beautifully and be inspired to pen out some more material. I do have a few stories under way and my attention is split on how many people read what.**


	5. Chapter 5

Pale beyond white, caught between grey and clear death and as hard as pure marble, lacking visible pores. Skin set tight and with false suppleness over stone like flesh and titanium bones. A face so devastating in its beauty that it covers the demon within and portrays a vivid angel.

The ensuite bathroom to the grand master bedroom is filled with lazy hot steam. The mirror is foggy but I can see my face easily, my altered form in immortality. I have tried futilely to regain the lost image of my human face in memory, I have spent countless seconds of hours searching my mind for my _face _but I have lost it.

I was never anything noticeable-my face reflected my lost soul then; it conveyed a man who wanted to move with little friction over the ground, a being who wanted to be lost in simple life filled with love and kindness.

I was sure of that... I had been exclusively shy, filled with reverence for all things living, more especially the dead and primarily my _father. _It should have been God and in that time, in that living time, I had thought it so but the more I dwelled on that encompassed memory-the memory that I held onto with an iron grip-the more I realised that in some way God and my Father had somehow woven into one being in my youth.

It is only in mortality that I have found a different courage from the one sung in war times; a courage born from the necessity to realise God and fight against a compulsive sin. This had been the one factor that had wheedled me out of my shell, the one thing that made my mantra to abstain from human blood indefinitely all the more strong and the one thing that helped me overcome all the childish temptations Aro had laid out for me decades prior.

And even then I was still shy little Carlisle terrified of his father's rod after spilling milk on his Sabbath Gown...

Funny the memories that remain... never the ones useful to improve on your human self in immortality; just the ones to remind you of what you lost-yourself.

Xx~xx~xX

There really is no need for any vampire to worry about hygiene.

We smell like a bouquet of fresh flowers all the time to some and then to others we smell like the sweetest fruit ripe and mouth watering. The scent never leaves our skin, the venom flowing in our veins fuelling its release from our cold skin and into the air in a thick wave of sweet pollen.

The water is hot to my body. It would have been moderately warm in humanity, and the sensation a different sort of pleasure... I had never taken a shower in my lost human life-they were not really accessible at the time.

There really is no need for any vampire to worry about showering and bathing but it's the only way I can begin a day when one of my patients is set to die.

Xx~xx~xX

A sky blue shirt is laid out for me, a matching tie with geometric tiny designs placed carefully beside it and dark pants pristine to the side of the duo. Edward's way of organising clothes... it would be him to decide what I was to wear today. It would be him who would have heard my thoughts as Alice informed me little Portia was not going to live after five thirty-three pm and there was nothing I could do about it.

Little Portia who loved a British pop Artist called Jessie J and had insisted on turning her room into a miniature Barbie palace filled with pink _everything. _

"Maybe a Pink tie" I murmur, sensing Edward hovering somewhere outside my door.

The door opens slowly and he walks in quietly-human slow.

"Alice would never let you walk out in a pink tie..." he says exponentially low "I don't even think you own anything that isn't some shade of blue, grey or white"

"What about the kitsch one?" I ask him noting that he won't make eye contact with me "The one with a giant yellow smiley face?"  
>"That one... exists" he sighs moving to my wardrobe and rummaging through it in a matter of seconds before returning with the navy blue tie with a yellow smiley face.<p>

"Do you want to come with me?" I ask him and he frowns-a brief twisting of his lips and eyebrows tightly knit-a flash of vulnerable grief that he is maintaining with much effort.

"I would rather not..."

"You tended to her with Seth, Edward" I say slowly and watch pained as he fails to keep his sadness at bay but fights none the less as is his custom.

"I have school..."

"The operation is at four thirty" I sigh. "You have no after school activities... Seth and Leah are set to arrive at six so he may miss... he may miss her but she would love it if you saw her. She thinks you are a living Ken Doll..."

He smiles a little, that sadness still seeping through to his every expression and sighs in acquiescence.

"I will come then... after I drop the others home"

"Go in two cars...?"

"Okay..." he whispers fixing my tie. "Your fashion sense is atrocious still... I don't know what you would wear if it weren't for Alice and I"  
>"I would wear <em>clothes<em> of course" I laugh, a dry fake laugh that still manages to sound like a tinkering bell. "Did you put out my..."  
>"They are down stairs" he sighs. "Your fascination with maintaining a human morning ritual is tiring me Carlisle"<p>

"You don't have to participate... neither Alice nor you in fact" I chuckle following him down the stairs and spotting my shined shoes and socks at the base.

"You like feeling like a father" he states sardonically.

"I do..." I laughed, putting the shoes on easily. "Because I am the father of this house, Young One"  
>"Old One..." he mutters handing me the keys to the Mercedes. "I will see you later... and remember, Sunny Side up"<br>"Always".

Xx~xx~xX

"I have a good feeling about this" Poppy Kennedy murmurs to me, her eyes wide and moist. They are noticeably sunken by now, her frame thin and worn and her hair unkept and too long.

"Yes" I murmur, smiling automatically and trying not to analyse her face too closely. Trying not to wonder if Portia would have ended up looking like her mother had she been allowed by God to live more years on earth.

"I know you don't normally do paediatric cases Doctor Cullen" she murmurs, smiling weakly and tucking her bushy bland brown hair behind a pasty ear absently. "But thank you so much"

"It has been my pleasure and joy to tend to Portia, Ms Kennedy" I say softly and she smiles fully-a slight tint of pink flashing over her cheeks.

"Call me Poppy, please Doctor Cullen" she says blushing more freely.

"Poppy... do call me Carlisle then" I smile at her.

I never liked it when Alice decided to include my favourite patients in her visions when she felt she had enough space for them. It had been a family decision though; I tended to take things harder when I thought that somehow I could fight death in the operating room when in truth and fact God wanted his child delivered to him on _that day_.

"It has been hard Doctor... uh, Carlisle" she says heaving a soft breath and tucking her hair back behind her ear-a move she does when thinking of something painful or sad I thought.

"You are very strong, Poppy" I tell her softly, ignoring the many questioning eyes of the nurses behind her, watching as I rested my hand carefully over her cotton encased thin arm.

"Am I really?" she asks her eyes retaining their lost moisture.

"Really" I tell her softly, remaining tender and yet distanced-an art I had had to learn for such things-a dirty art I thought-and a talent that I was not entirely good at. Caring for someone should never have restrictions, but for monsters...

"I will talk to you in two hours" I say walking away from her and filled with two contradicting emotions. Joy that she seemed happier and sadness that it was all so momentarily before a grief she should never have to carry would take hold of her.

Xx~xx~xX

"She got pregnant really young" Mary-the head nurse murmurs to me, casting cautious glances around us for invisible eavesdroppers. "The guy... well, you know how these out-of-towners can be"

"Uhm..." a fake hesitation on my part because I am really not sure where this is going "Yes, those... bad out-of-towners"

"She looks a bit old but life can do that to one" Mary shakes her head in pity, her hand hovering in a sort of neurotic nature over my arm. I move away from her slightly-unnoticeable to her-but enough to alert her latter senses that a 'touch' is not wanted.

"She really likes you" she finishes and looks down at my shoes before raising twinkling eyes up at me. "_Everyone_ likes you Carlisle"

"Oh" I look around frantically for some form of giant red 'escape' or 'exit' sign, watching from the corner of my eye as Mary's mature round face turns a blotchy red and she begins the ridiculous contamination all the nurses have fallen under: fluttering her eyes.

"Well... this is us being unselfish with you" she squeaks and I gather from 'us' she means 'the nurses'. "We think... you seem to like her"

I had never been gifted with the sight of attraction; I always caught on late when female humans were making advances on me and my naivety tended to lead them on further-it was even worse with _men _because my archaic misinterpretation of the changed times of homosexuality made simple signs seem like uncomplicated strange behaviour. It was not intolerance-never intolerance-but a lack of understanding when it came to sexual attraction and the signs surrounding it.

I had been compassionate with Poppy, overly indulging her in my sympathy of a future I withheld from her and to her and any bystander it may have seemed...

"Maybe a date?"Mary continues-still flirting with me I think, although she was playing a useless matchmaker for someone else.

"It really is against hospital policies" I murmur, smiling a little. "Conflict of interest and the like... you know this Mary"

"You are ever so good Carlisle" she giggles her neck turning red too "So you do like her though... i mean, she is a single mum and you have your _amazing_ kids"

"She is an amazing woman" I say in confusion-how best to say no without causing Poppy pain if this got back to her somehow. This little piece of hospital gossip... it was already afternoon, the minutes ticking away and I had cowardly postponed the moment I would go see Portia-awaiting Edward's arrival.

"An amazing..."  
>"Dad" Edward says standing behind Mary and startling her.<p>

"Edward" I almost cried in relief "You are here!"

"No, I am still on my way..." he deadpans seriously and I chuckle nervously at his dry sarcasm. Mary, meanwhile, is unable to look away from Edward's face-an action that Edward is either unaware of or more likely ignoring entirely.

"Your..." Mary begins

"Son" Edward finishes not bothering to smile. "If we could go to your office... Father"

"Of course" I smile quickly at Mary who follows my movements with bewildered eyes until I turn a corner and move quickly with Edward to my office.

"Close..." I begin but he huffs irritably and shuts the door.

"What was that about?" I ask him sitting on the edge of my desk. "That was unnecessary"

"What was unnecessary is your ambiguity in declining any possible feelings for Poppy" he snaps. "You can only be so kind Carlisle... you can only be so kind until your very compassion turns into an innocent evil"

"I don't..."

"The woman likes you, she takes everything you do as reciprocation and more importantly have you forgotten of Portia?" he says softly-his every word a titanium punch to the face.

"I realised that" I sigh. "I do and its wretched that it should evolve like this... it really is"

"Say you have a love interest... text on your phone... anything to let them believe you are occupied with a different female" he sighs shaking his head in sympathy at my everlasting naivety. "Sometimes... your lack of a mate is more hazardous to our family than my own"

"I understand fully"

"You better, Old Man..." he chuckles, his voice sounding a little strained "Now where is my Barbie?"

Xx~xx~xX

"And... and..." Portia stammers wheezing on her third 'and' before rasping out "Barbie had fish tail..."  
>"So she was a mermaid?" Edward asks softly, his eyes wide and raw as he takes in her impossible frail little frame.<p>

I want to call of the operation, I want to state that she is too weak to do it and give her more time-a day or two of watching her movies and playing with her blonde doll-but in the end, she will return to her Father-her soul will be claimed and she would float up to heaven.

"Yeth" she says in a tiny voice, her large blue eyes gazing up at Edwards face in pure awe. "And her pwince was a mermaid with a tail too"

"Really?" Edward urges her on patiently. It amazes me how he found himself attached to this little girl, ignoring his ridiculous rules when it came to humans and human females. He sits at the edge of her bed, his body turned to her and every fibre alert to her alone.

"Her Pwince wasn't as pwetty as _my _pwince" she says softly-her words barely escaping her ashy lips, before the little excess blood in her body flushed her cheeks feeble-unnoticeable to human eyes, unnoticeable to a motionless Poppy standing by my side holdiing her breath at the saccharine moment passing before our eyes.

"And who is your 'Pwince'" Edward asks seriously although everyone in the room knows Portia has claimed him as her 'Pwince' and 'Knight' and I am certain if she were raised in a somewhat religious manner-the title of Guardian Angel would have been awarded to him too.

"Well..." she smiles and closes her eyes for a few seconds, her thin blonde hair fanned out on her pale bubble gum pink pillow before she opens them, pale blue eyes tired but retaining a youthful lost energy "His name starts with an Ed..."

"Is his name Edmund?" Poppy asks and Portia giggles a little before succumbing to a coughing fit that requires Edward to gentley pat her back.

"I hope his name isn't Edmund" Edward says softly, glancing back at me with terrified eyes before readjusting Portia on her massive pillows. "I might have to duel him for my 'Pwincess'"

"Am i your 'Pwincess'" she asks, eyes wide and hopeful but I can hear the quick rapid raps of her heart behind her thin frame... she is so weak...

"My one and only Pwincess" Edward finishes, kissing her forehead lightly, and ends with a resolute "For _Eternity_"

Xx~xx~xX

Another fact to my living damnation; if I were able to cry surely some of the pain would be released and let lose in the liquid from my eyes. Whatever lecture Edward gave me about _women _is lost as I carefully but firmly hold Poppy in my cold arms. She is not really crying and I begin to realise that her nature as a mother was to believe her daughter would live-as it should be, children should never die before their parents-but as a woman with intuition of the situation... she knew of the possibility.

She is silent in my arms, her fingers clawing at my clean scrubs in soft determination and I wish briefly that I could have given Portia the gift of immortality. A wish I had had a thousand times over... but only managed to fulfil three times.

Xx~xx~xX

"I am glad I knew her" Edward murmurs after an hour of silence. "No... I am honoured to have known her"  
>He remains quiet again, face hard and cold and eyes stuck on a painting of stormy seas and dark clouds hung on the wall.<p>

Edward's one most prominent barrier was his mantra to stay at arm's length from all beings emotionally. His ability to read minds is his curse, his handsomeness his crutch and his own intelligence a social hindrance. It surprised me entirely when he clung to Portia as much as she had to him after I had spent decades of trying to show him the beauty of interacting with humans... how it helped with our own 'vegetarian lifestyle' and it had been that one little girl who had gazed at him with large carefree eyes and pure thoughts that had broken his wall. It may have been broken only for her, gates open only an inch but he knew at least...

"Stop" he sighs rubbing his brow furiously. "It's almost time for Seth to arrive... he is going to be miserable, we really should deal with things, for him at least..."

"Right" I sigh. "What should we do today...?"  
>"I think something away from the hospital would do..."<p>

"We could go work on the park... there are some jungle-jims that need painting"  
>"Perfect" he whispers. "You'll have the lights out for them, right?"<p>

"Right"

Xx~xx~xX

It seems apathetic to a certain extent but the truth is as a being with forever to process and feel, sadness is felt on a different level.

Decades of exposure to different levels of grief, hours spent analysing life and death has left me with a broad understanding of life on earth.

Death is not the true evil... This_ living_ death was the abomination. Dear Portia, watching from the stars, walking in the light and forever young and pure in the heart and eyes of the Lord... Dear Portia, sweet Portia... You will live on in the memories of Immortals. Resilient through time.

Little Pwinces of Hearts.

Xx~xx~xX

"Cancer is..." Seth murmurs, swinging the paint brush absently from side to side.

"Yeah" Edward finishes.

They work silently together; painting the square iron play-box a grassy green, Seth oddly efficient in the minimal light the floodlights provide while Edward murmurs questions to him about his day and life.

I thought I could handle Portia's departure into heaven but I am sitting on the stone garden chair silent and lost to the world around me. The things I have seen and the person that I am; I know it is wrong for me to question it, God's plan and I have already understood why it is I have come upon this wretched _life _I am living but when a young life is put out with illness-it throws everything into turmoil once more.

Surely if I have the ability to save a life... I should? Surely it would be the greater good to give were it is needed...

Edward's head snaps into my direction, eyes narrowed and expression violent before he resumes his slow painting in silence-ignoring Seth's questioning look. He hated it when I let the lines of Vampirism blur into a biased goodness. I knew-oh heavens I knew-that my venom was not a cough mixture to be delivered at the slightest sniffle but Portia had been so innocent... her mother... her mother was now lost in this world, truly alone and I had known from Alice that this day would be approaching...

"Where is Leah?" I ask Seth and he stiffens, the green tipped paint brush falling to the ground with a silent thud.

"She is at home" he says after a beat and Edward frowns at whatever additional information his thoughts let slip.

"She never misses..."  
>"No, she never... would have... but something has come up so... she is at home" he stammers quickly, his eyes trained on the ground for his brush.<p>

"How did you get here?" I ask him and he still refuses to look at me.

"I cycled" he states softly.

"Seth..." Edward sighs. "You could have called me and we would have arranged to meet somewhere"

"My mum doesn't know I am here" he whispers.

"I know Seth" I sigh. "You explained to me..."  
>"No..." he says a little more loudly, looking up at me finally with eyes breaming with moisture. "She... knew... she found out and then something personal happened with Leah, our family and she lost it... I was banned not only by her but the elders..."<p>

"But I came because... well..." he stops, out of breath and looks at Edward who smiles back at him sadly. "Well, the situation at home and I needed to get away from all the whispering and secrest and then Leah hasn't come out of her room... you are my friend right?"  
>"Of course, buddy" Edward murmurs reaching a hand out to Seth and patting his back. "You can call me whenever and we can... hang out"<br>"Cool" Seth sighs relief washing over his features. "I am sorry Doctor Cullen... they are good people-my family-but they are also really traditional and all the things..." 

He stops immediately and smiles sheepishly. "I really am not suppose to talk about it anyway"

"Yes, of course" I say, my chest constricting, thinking of possible 'situations' involving tradition and personal things that would make Leah Clearwater miss something she considered utmost importance to her future.

"I guess I should go home a bit early" Seth sighs, placing the brush in the paint tin "The kids park looks good"

"You can't cycle back in this darkness" Edward sighs. "You can catch a cab... Carlisle?"  
>"Of course, call a cab Edward"<p>

"You really don't..." Seth begins

"No, I have to" I finish smiling at him. "You are my sons friend and therefore my son too"

Xx~xx~xX

I am not sure if the day got better or worse...

"It got worse" Edward says scorchingly, shifting the gears of his Volvo roughly. "Incredibly and entirely more unbearably _worse"_

"She believes their legends..." I whisper to him "She thinks I am a monster"  
>"You are a monster, Carlisle" he laughs "But no... I don't think that is it..."<br>"Then...?"  
>"Seth is not sure, he is extremely confused" Edward sighs. "They found Leah's ex-fiancé"<br>"Is it... is he okay?" I ask him staring out the window at the pine trees.

"Yes and no" Edward mumbles. "He is healthy but strange... according to Seth and all their elders are 'tending' to him"  
>"So Leah and him have managed to settle whatever grievances...?"<br>"He has told Leah he is in love with her cousin" Edward says coldly. "He came to their house and announced it during dinner"  
>"Oh Dear!" I stare at Edward in disbelief. "That could not have gone well..."<p>

"Surprisingly, it did" Edward laughs sardonically. "Leah's father and mother congratulated him"

"Oh no... Leah..." I murmur, trying to put myself in that situation and then realising I fell short: I had never known Love.

"Yeah" Edward says softly, pulling into our driveway "She has always been the strongest person Seth knows... He doesn't know how to handle this, how to feel... He looked up to Sam"

"Sam?"

"That's the dogs name-Leah's ex-fiance"

A.g.t.h

Authors Note: excuse lack of bolding

So, things were sombre here right. We have been interacting with a more innocent Carlisle stuck in his own world and coddling his sulky teenage son, but that has to change.

Little possible spoiler: Bella may feature, thinking of trying my hand at a potential samesex love interest... You the reader will have to voice out grievances for that dramatic turn of events quickly before i do it. And by quickly, i mean immediately because i am itching to continue on this. Keep an open mind tho.


	6. Chapter 6

"You are going to be okay"

"No I am not!" Edward snarls, his fingers harassing his hair, eyes flat and black and face a contorted mask of pain.

"Do you want us to leave?" I ask him and he halts his pacing, freezing like a statue.

"This is not about you Rosalie!" he growls, not facing Rosalie's still form on the couch. "And you know very well it is not as simple as _controlling the monster…_"

"You want us to go through another move!" Rosalie shouts, attempting to rise from the couch but Emmett's arms lock around her waist. "When we have found the _perfect _place!"  
>"I didn't say that" Edward hisses.<p>

"_I_ said that Rose and it is simply a precaution" I sigh. "I do not doubt Edward will not be able…"  
>"You put too much faith in me" Edward cries facing me, his hands falling to his sides in disbelief. "I wanted to kill that girl…"<br>"You are stronger than this and you know it" I tell him sternly. "If you were going to kill her… when she was near irresistible to you, we would be moving by now"

"Yes" he murmurs shakily and I wink at Jasper for helping the situation "I would have…"  
>"We are scheduled to go visit the Denali Clan" I say smiling at him-hoping he doesn't lose hope in the strength I know he contains "A little break and we return"<p>

"I really don't_ want _to…" Edward begins-momentarily forgetting his turmoil in favour of his childish dislike for Tanya.

"Yeah!" Emmett shouts. "Holiday with the cousins!"  
>"I do miss Kate…" Alice sighs.<p>

"But we return…" Rosalie asks. "We return to the life we have here after… no moving?"

"No moving" I whisper thinking of the phone call I received from Leah.

Xx~xx~xX

I hadn't realised she had my cell number.

After the phone cut, after I told her goodnight and she should get some rest; the memory of her asking to view my advanced phone had lifted up. When she had asked me about the touch-screen and I let slip it had been modified to operate on physical touch rather than body heat.

It was eleven in the night, I had been going through files-human pace, this was something I enjoyed doing-and was planning on looking through some old poems of mine and a few art pieces I had collected recently. It was an attempt to keep my mind busy, to stop worrying and wondering on immortality.

How many cool nights spent wondering… for centuries. The answer was never going to be revealed but I tortured myself with the _wondering._

The phone vibrated in the pocket of my jacket, a few feet away from me; the sound was droning and hypnotic, the fabric shifting lightly and mesmerizing me. I let it ring for a minute before Alice knocked on my door and told me the sound was interrupting her movie.

My phone never rang. Only my second phone which was perched on top of a worn book on Elizabethan Gentlemen ever rang; that was my emergency number for patients and doctors. I had looked at it for a few seconds in confusion and then back to the jacket hung on the back of my office door. It was on its third vibrate-third call.

"Hello?"

"It's…"  
>"Leah?" I finished, frowning and looking at the caller id. It was on private.<p>

"Doctor Cullen…" she murmured. "I wanted to talk to you about something"  
>"Anything Leah" I whispered, moving to the window and staring at the high trees and shadowy forest floor opposite the house.<p>

"Do you think… suicide is a sin?" she asked.

"You told me you were an atheist Leah" I murmured

"I didn't say I was…. I believe in a God and Jesus" she grumbled-a lie revealed and a lie refuted. "It gets confusing with my tradition… just answer the question?"  
>"Yes" I muttered. "But then again… it was you and Edward who labelled me a 'Religious Prude'?"<br>She laughed lightly-a rasping sound. Her voice was strained and I wondered how many of these nights she had spent crying when she had needed someone to talk to.

"I think… suicide is… for the brave" she sighed.

"Are you brave?" I asked her.

"No, I am not brave…" she said softly. "Not yet"

"There are different ways to be brave Leah" I said. "Let me show you?"  
>"Uh… I have to go" she whispered and I heard her shuffling around the other line. "I will see you… soon… Doctor Cullen"<br>"Okay then…" I murmured. "Goodnight Leah"

Xx~xx~xX

"It is inappropriate" Edward murmured, slowing his run so I could catch up.

"She needs someone to talk to" I sighed. "Why shouldn't it be…?"  
>"I don't like it" he finished, moving through the thick trees encroaching the Denali house. "I don't like it one bit"<p>

"You don't like _her _one bit" I laughed. "But if you could see past that and understand that…"

"I don't mind her" he huffed. "I don't … truly Carlisle…but we have never done anything like this. Phone calls from humans…"  
>"It is risky" I sighed.<p>

"It is… but, they always have little _markers _keeping them at bay" he said softly, staring at the house unseeingly-lost in a memory possibly "The Clearwater's… it's like the markers have fallen away with each second they spend close to us"

"It is, isn't it…" I whispered. "The level of trust…"

"You shouldn't be so dependant on that feeling" Edward hissed, walking quickly over the snow to the house. "So enthralled that she trusted you and called you… it isn't the way we do things, even if in this instant it is warranted with her slight suicidal tone but just know… _you were not suppose to answer her call_"  
>I frowned at the back of his head-he could probably see from my mind that childish disregard welling inside me, making me angry that he knocked me down to something less than his father-causing me shame at being so... irresponsible when it was I who had began this way of life and sought to perfect it and protect them.<p>

I knew he was right, he spoke truth and logic but being curbed of that interaction felt unjust. It felt like a life sentence…

"We are here to help you with that _girl_" I said coolly "Enough worry over something so_ meagre_"  
>"If you say so, <em>Old Fool<em>" he snapped, disappearing into the house.

Moments later, the rest of my children arrived; with questioning looks over my uncommon sullenness and Edwards own sulking form opposite me-casting me narrowed challenging gazes.

Xx~xx~xX

"My brother…"Eleazar began "Do you wish to talk about it?"

Vampire hearing was nothing but a nuisance.

"No, not particularly" I sighed. "A little misunderstanding with Edward… we have them time to time"

"He is very…." Eleazar murmured, looking up at the night sky, eyes honey and warm.

"Sad" he finished finally, his way of talking was always slow and decided-he never spoke until he knew exactly what it was he wanted to say. An irritating thing when one wanted to get to the point of a conversation but entirely welcome in our friendship.

"He has a _singer_" I told him. "He bested it though…"

"I don't mean sad about _that_" Eleazar murmured. "I suppose he is pinning it on that in a way… but I mean he is sad with his immortality… he feels alone now"

Edward had spoken to Eleazar. It shouldn't surprise me because it wouldn't be the first time he would indulge Eleazar with his personal thoughts but _it did._ And as it had done many times before-I felt jealousy. Being his father figure had formed a sort of barrier between us when it came to certain things. I was never as much fun as Eleazar, never entirely understanding and too quick to _try _to understand him.

"He has me" I whispered. "He always has me…"

"He knows that" Eleazar said smiling lightly "But I suppose… what I gathered was that… something has changed"

"With him…?" I asked.

"With _you Carlisle_…" he said sternly.

Xx~xx~xX

"If you want…" Tanya murmured her voice low and husky-leaning by Edward's ear "I can cut your hair for you"

"What for" Edward snapped, flashing of the couch and appearing at Carmen's side. "It will grow back in ten minutes"  
>If there was one thing that I found funny in our vampire forms… was our hair.<p>

The abundance of dead cells in our bodies meant a hair cut was never something achievable. The hair remained the same length… frozen, but any alteration of such would only last mere minutes…

"I want to see how you look…" Tanya drawled.

"I am not a toy Tanya" Edward snapped. "I am going for a walk… no, stay Tanya"

She frowned at him but form the twinkling in her eyes I gathered she was not going to be commanded. Seconds after Edward's exit… she got up and excused herself.

"Carlisle" Carmen murmured, her accent making my name sound more out of place in the changed times. Her tense tone drawing out the 'l' and making my name sound like Car-li-ie-yaal

"Yes" I whispered.

"When are you…?"

"I am content" I said quickly. "I am content with my family"

"Edward needs a woman's understanding" she said calmly. We were alone, as was customary… the boys had gone of with Eleazar and Rose and Alice were somewhere with their cousin. I would have been with Edward and the rest of the men… if we weren't so tempered at the moment…

"You can be the woman to understand him" I sighed.

"There is something different about you" she insisted, leaning on the chaise elegantly, her flowing gown swirling in red and cream colours.

"I am the same"

"Hmmm" she murmured, watching me with her predatory sultry eyes-eyes Eleazar had told me countless times had won him over completely.

"There…" I began and stopped, wondering how destructive it would be to mention this. "There is a girl…"  
>"You have met someone?" she smiled fully, eyes twinkling. "You wish to turn her…"<br>"No, you misunderstand!" I said quickly. "The girl is a child…"  
>"Carlisle" she drew out rolling her eyes "You think everyone is a child if they are not over three hundred years old"<br>"Well…" I said smiling at her "She is a child"

"What of her anyway" she urged.

"She… well, was sort of like a patient… her and her young brother" I said, trying to pull it out in a way that Carmen would understand-in my own view point and not the one Edward had implied to me.

"And she has gone through some… difficult times" I continued "She was suicidal and I offered her council. Edward disapproves… he thinks I am spreading my _compassion _too far… and I suggested to him, more in thought than in words… that he might be overreacting because of the girl he encountered in school"  
>"That was unlike you" she whispered, eyes wide and mouth set. "You never lash out so much at your little boy"<br>"He is not so little" I sighed "The maturity he can encompass in his near century years…"

"He needs a mate too"

"What is your fascination with _mating off _everyone" I teased her and she giggled. "Edward and I are fine"

"No, you are not"

Xx~xx~xX

"Tanya got in a kiss!" Emmett guffawed, slapping the dining table hard-the wood creaked and groaned.

Edward and I had stayed a week while the others returned to Forks for school. It was needed… but something about the trip had changed us. The knowledge that there was more to Edwards distress than he was letting out caused me pain and the barriers he had suddenly constructed intruded on our previous carefree love. We were back home and he had been quiet the whole run, eventually running ahead and leaving me to my own jumbled mind.

"Yes" Edward said coldly-emotionless.

"And you let her?" Rosalie asked. "You let her kiss you… _you let her?"_

"It matters not" he growled at her.

"So …you like her then?" Alice asked. "Finally…? I didn't see _this one_ coming"

"No, I don't like her… I just hoped after she got that little thing she would leave me alone" he huffed. "Stop harassing me with your questions and thoughts…!"

He shot me one distressed look-this would have been the part I came to his rescue but I delayed, hesitated when our eyes met and I saw a raw hopelessness in them, something inside his eyes crying for me but I was confused on _how_ to save him. He ran out, through the night and away from us.

"What was that about?" Jasper asked me. "What happened?"

"I don't know" I whispered. "I really don't… know"

Xx~xx~xX

Had I been too engrossed in unnecessary musings that I had lost sight of Edward? He was with me, near me… conversing with me but might it have been such that I had not been _with him _in return. He was so closed, so impossibly imprisoned in himself…

I didn't want to think it had anything to do with me answering Leah's call. It didn't make sense… but I couldn't overrule the possibility. Something about that simple action had unlocked a disgruntled hidden emotion in him and now he was fighting to keep it at bay. And as his nature was-he wanted to fight alone…


	7. Chapter 7

"So if you… no, not _if_… definitely…" I stammer-a sound that would seem eloquent to humans but is riddled with brief intervals of sharp unnecessary breaths. "You can _definitely_ talk to me"

"What do you see in Leah?" he asks softly.

"See…?"

"In your mind-you don't really notice it-but you have put her in a category all on her own, some sort of rare specimen that grabs your every attention when it fleets by your sight" he says swiftly, scowling at the dark sky outside the windscreen.

I had asked Alice to look into his future for any anomalies, to see if he would possibly leave me like he had done when he was younger but she comes out blank. Entirely blank except for activities in the near future.

"What is this about Edward" I whisper.

"You know she is a child right?"  
>"You don't…." I take in a sharp breath gripping the steering wheel too tight-trying to control this new abrupt anger that has crept up on my life; on my relationship with Edward. "You do not think that I <em>want <em>her?"

"I do" he says softly.

"_Why?_!"

"Because she is beautiful and broken" he murmurs and leans his head back on the headrest, eyes shut but moving under his lavender eye lids.

"I guarantee you that is not the case" I heave, turning the car into his school parking lot, the rain falling harder-announcing our drama. "With your mind reading I cannot _believe _you can not see this!"  
>"I have heard many thoughts, seen the many signs of <em>want<em> before the feeling has located itself in the heart" he says softly.

"What are you afraid of Edward?" I say-almost shout-because his words are so easy to deny with the logic in my mind but my heart squeezes at some unknown truth in them. An unknown possibility but it might be his intention to plant such a thought in my mind, to become the psychopath in this unnecessary drama… the puppet master…

"I am afraid of losing you" he whispers, ignoring my charging thoughts "I am afraid because by all accounts… she should have the same effect on me surely? On me… some girl should… make me feel that way…"

"I don't understand, Edward?"

"I'll see you in the evening" he sighed and murmured before closing the door, entirely low and almost easily refutable as a sound carried on the wind "I love you, Carlisle Cullen"

Xx~xx~xX

I am distracted.

A distracted vampire is an automatic being. Our minds have too many different segments, different compartments that allow us to function even in this commotion-easily and with little hindrance.

I am cold and automated to the humans around me. Their blushing and soft greetings are a background noise that I respond to with terseness. I have always enjoyed my morning routine of greeting patients and file work. I enjoy my morning quips with the janitor and speaking to Todd about his wife's pregnancy and his excitement at having twins. I enjoy the smell of the artificial cherry room deodorizer one of the nurses _kindly_ put in my office.

Instead… I finish my rounds in record time, almost forgetting to pretend to be tired at the pace I worked at. This was a work roster a doctor was supposed to complete just after lunchtime but I am now seated in my office, staring at the door and waiting for someone to enter.

It is odd for me to expect Edward to walk through, to saunter in grinning impishly and possibly slap his hand on the desk and tell me, "April Fools, Old Man"

It is not April and there was no prank plaid. His eyes-that little vulnerability I always caught before he chased it away-had emerged full force, torn up through his golden eyes and left his emotions bare before me.

I can't get the image out of my mind.

I cannot comprehend the emotion he was carrying… I do not want to comprehend it but he is my _son…_ Good Lord, he is my son…

A soft knock on the door stops my mind from wringing out what seems to be the most illogical equation ever set our before a man and saves me…

"Its Leah" she whispers and my body goes rigid.

She knocks again-louder and more insistent-and I can hear the heavy irritated breaths she is huffing out, her heart beat familiar to my ears and my nose detects her scent past the cherry artificial smell and varnished wood of the door. She turns the door handle and steps into my office; unable to see my still from in the chair-the lights had not been switched on; I had been sitting in darkness and brooding.

"Carlisle?" she whispers, squinting her eyes in my direction. "I can see you…"  
>"No you can't…" I blurt and she chuckles, walking closer before taking a seat in the visitor's chair.<p>

"Why are you in darkness?" she asks.

"I forgot to switch on the light" a white lie. I could not be bothered-I had no use for light…

"You are a terrible liar" she lies for I could be most proficient at evasion.

"Could you at least switch on the lamp, Dr Cullen" she murmurs and my mind suddenly-the most impulsive action it has taken all day-takes hold onto the fact that her voice is husky and textured.

The lamp goes on and I pretend to notice her appearance for the first time.

She walked in here skinnier than her normal leanness, her hair had been much shorter-boyishly cut-and eyes had dark bruises around them. Lips ashen and skin a paler version of its lightly creamed beige-russet quality.

She taps long thin fingers on the table, looking around my office as was her custom but her eyes do a sad rendition of their scrutinizing dance. Instead, I feel like everything she gazes upon should be destroyed for the pain and heartbreak it inflicts on her…

"Has Seth been here?" she asks softly.

"No"

"How is Edward?"

"He is…" a little voice pops up in my mind-a sad disappointed voice murmurs the word into my mind but I quickly halt it, fight the soft voice…

"What's wrong?" she asks and I realise my face is twisted into a pained self-loathing grimace.

"Nothing" I whisper looking away from her. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

"No" she laughs. "I graduated a few days ago; I am not a kid you know" 

The things that I should know. The disappointment the voice carried was not for the fact that there was a possibility that what I had read on Edwards face, what I had seen in his eyes translated to him being _different_. No, _never. _The disappointment came full force, directed entirely on myself; how had I lived with him for _decades_ and never known… how had I been so blind and unseeing, so selfishly absorbed in other directions…. How had I let him feel alone and disregarded his confusion, giving him my own solutions…

"Dr Cullen" she whispers. "Is this a bad time?"

"No" I say monotonously, trying not to look at her-not to wonder on the things Edward had said of my subconscious falling before my awareness reached the same level….

She sighs, folding her hands before her and staring at them.

"My brother has not been here?" she asks again.

"No, Leah" I murmur and her name forms differently on my lips. Her name sounds…different and valuable…

"He…" she hesitates, voice hitching and looks up at me and I break. Her eyes are too large, eyelashes to thick and it is a sin for there to be any form of moisture in them-she is unravelling before me and her vulnerability calls out to a side of me that I have never been able to control. My compassion wheedles fully in my dead heart and my hand stretches out violently across the table and lands over her warm hand softly.

"He is with… this guy… uh, Sam" she looks down on my hand questioningly but doesn't remove her own hand from under it and the hollow space in my chest wrings in memory of a once beating heart. while her own heart itches and feels the air in a faster tempo.

"Is Sam a bad guy?" I ask her although I have full knowledge of him being her ex fiancé.

"Sam is the guy who tore my heart out" she growls, that brief innocent pain leaving her eyes and a terrorizing brutal violence filling them instead. "And Seth hated him for it… and now he is hanging out with Sam and his goons?"  
>"Seth would never do anything to hurt you Leah" I murmur warring with myself to remove my hand; a simple gesture suddenly tainted by Edward's words and this little connection I have formed with Leah. This level of trust that allows her to speak to me of things I am sure no other being hears.<p>

"Exactly" she sighs her fingers twitching under mine and her eyes refusing to leave our hands alone.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

She opens her mouth experimentally, tilting her head to the side and looking at me with a confused sadness rounded with a destroying anger; as though she could incinerate her heart but the memory of loving is stopping her-her heart will sooner go into withdrawal after chasing that high... She hates Sam, this is fully fledged hate tainted with real love. I would never know, but in my mind I would imagine it the truest form of sadism Love and Hate can perform on a being. Unable to fully hate the one you love for fear of loving the one you hate…

"You are very pale" she murmurs her eyes snapping back down on my cold hand resting too comfortably over her own. I immediately remove it, tucking it under the table self consciously.

"It's a family condition…" I murmur, looking at the silly painting Edward painted for me of a stormy sea in avoidance of her gaze. "Very fragile topic for us…"  
>"I can imagine" she whispers looking down at her own hand before looking up at me once more. "I don't want to go home"<br>"Home is where the heart is" I whisper.

"My heart is broken"

"If your heart were broken…" I swallow hard, thinking how I had no heart and I was a walking corpse "You would be dead, Leah"

"What if I am a ghost" she grins-every emotion on her face is tainted by _Sam_ "What if you are seated there, talking to ghost…?"

"Then I would say these were the best conversation's between the living and the dead" I laugh sadly-wishing I could breathe with purpose, hurt and bleed-wishing my heart could break so I would understand her better.

Xx~xx~xX

Edward isn't home when I return, late in the evening. He doesn't appear by my car door and offer to take my briefcase. He doesn't follow me to my room, chattering about his boredom and irritation on all things human at his school, his irritation at Rosalie or a new idea he has come up with to entertain his brothers…

His room is missing him, his gold couch laden with books and various objects that reflect him. By vampire standards, his room is a mess… Edward was always most meticulous about his personal space, and I almost come to the conclusion that one of his siblings had invaded his space-but everything is coated in his scent.

He made the mess.

Discs on the floor, shirts thrown over his wardrobe door and the windows left closed. I walk in slowly, touching every surface tentatively with nervous hands; afraid that some electric shock would pass through my finger tips with the touch and I would know the truth behind his depthless eyes staring at me before he moved quickly to his 'Purgatory'-to his school.

There is no dust really; just his essence on everything. A black shirt crumpled on the floor… when I straighten it and bring it to my nose it releases a freesia and honey scent. Lavender coated freesia and honey…

"What are you doing?" he asks, appearing in between the frame of the door, wet from head to toe and pale as a sheet of paper.

The shirt drops on the floor with a resonating ruffling thud and my hands quirk on my sides; as though I had been caught doing a despicable crime and I can feel my jaw hanging lose.

"I thought you had left me" I exclaim-a rush of wind escaping my lungs as he idles into his room, looking around his mess with narrowed angry eyes; as though he is searching for anything else I had tainted, stolen or broken.

"I… tried" he says dryly-not looking at me and moving to his window, opening it and standing exactly between the moving air that passes through it so I am hit with his scent.

"Where is everyone?" he asks and before I can word out the memory of the little green sticky note on my bedroom door that they were in the clearing preparing for baseball and would wait for Edward and I to arrive and join them-he raises his hand in the air dismissively.

His light grey sweater is wet, sticking to his body and bronze hair looks menacing in its blackened dishevelled glory tipped with reddish-black flames. Had he run from school and then decided to run away before returning or…?

"I am back" he says softly.

"Do you want to…"  
>"You don't want to talk about it Carlisle" he cuts me coolly, never facing me. "You know… its funny"<br>"What is?" my throat feels constricted, every word feel s like an accusation.

"I am the one person you are able to be angry at" he chuckles derisively-turning his body slightly towards me before returning it to its parallel stance by the window. "The one person you don't mind being selfish towards, the one person you can challenge and the one person you don't mind forming all these barriers against"  
>"You are my son Edward… we have no barriers…"<p>

"_Bullshit_"

"You are my brother…" I try and he rolls his shoulders impatiently. "I have never had a friend like I do in you… why can't I be comfortable enough to be angry and childish with my son, brother and friend?"

His shoulders slump-the way the do when he sees truth in a mind after refuting it-and finally turns towards me. His eyes are not large like Leah's-a disproportioned size that would have made her seem perpetually innocent if not for the constant scowling-but they are large enough when he looks at me that I see his pain and surrender. I should not be happy to see him submit to my guiltless chosen ignorance… surely I should…

"I have been unfair" Edward whispers-a husky emotion riddled imitation of his voice. "I know you are a compassionate man and I should not have been jealous… she needed you like… others had needed you and… you are no sinner "

My jaw drops and I take a step back. My initial feeling is relief that I would have him back, then the memory of my hand over Leah's surfaces and when he grins… a soft smile really and it my have been my own interpretation of it-he grins slyly.

The thought he had put in my mind this morning, the action that had played out between us and the moment I had had alone with Leah is quickly scrubbed and dismissed by his words. Carefully crafted to fight whatever error he had blurted out in the morning.

"Edward?"

"Carlisle" he whispers closing his eyes. "I have repented, and for any other faulty emotion-I will forever be in atonement… Wont you take me back?"

"Of course" I murmur automatically-dazed-as he walks towards me. "You are my son"

"I am _like a son"_ he insists by my ear hugging me tightly. "We should go join your children for baseball?"

Xx~xx~xX

I doubt we will be the way we had been in years.

I doubt I would be the man I had been. The vampire I had been.

It is as though I have had two separate images tattooed on the insides of my eyelids. Under one eye Leah Clearwater's face stares at me; sad, beautiful and lost. She stares at me with feeble hope that I would some how hold the answer to this too sudden stage in her life; this heartbreak.

The other eye is brandished, burned and engraved with the raw defenceless emotion exuding from Edwards face. That fleeting golden treasure in his eyes that I had never seen or felt directed at me by another being. How his lips had quirked as if to word out the feeling in that moment, as though looking at me caused him pain but he was unable to stop himself…

All gone and hidden as soon as they had been revealed and yet I felt they spoke co-dependent to my own self.

Was I Leah to Edward and was I Edward to Leah? Was I Edward and Leah…?

And if they left me, who would I be…?

**AUTHORS NOTE: **

**Remember to review… **


	8. Chapter 8

There are days that it seems the world would surely fold over on itself.

The sky is supposed to come crashing down over the heads of ignorant sinners, God's wrath delivered in the shining arrival of a ball of fire and the very ground tearing open into a gaping mouth and swallowing the forever-atoning but never-repentant demons down to hells depths…

Those days… had been long gone for me. Those days had been long forgotten for me when I had found Edward, when I had found Rosalie and she had brought Emmett to us… when Alice and Jasper arrived at or door step. Those days had been erased from the calendar of my immortality and I had felt that God had looked down on this shamed beautiful distorted demon and thought "Live on, die not… but remember me as I give you a family"

The morning is dark, the canopy of trees falling in with the darkness of the rain clouds. Angry grey clouds covering the sun and distant stars, hiding the corrupt forms on earth from the condemning view of the heavens and spraying us sadistically with the spit of disgust with each wave of heavy rainfall.

"You find me disgusting?" he asks, sauntering out of the trees, wet pale and determined.

"I find myself…" my voice comes out hoarse and dry and I stop, sighing heavily and collapsing on my knees. "I find myself disgusting…"

"Carlisle…"

"Edward…"

How had we arrived to this?

Xx~xx~xX

We had formed a truce of sorts.

It was simple as not repeating what had passed between us, what Edward had revealed about himself and keeping the name of the beautiful Quileute girl at bay. Our family had returned from baseball, we had laughed with them, we had laughed with each other and all had been well with the buffer of their voices and presence.

Their voices had drowned out the ringing raw voice of Edward murmuring those words. Those words that he had told repeated me too often through the century, with little pause and little question. Those pure words that I had cherished… in his young and yet assertive voice, said to me and held dear in the empty compartment of my chest.

Emmett's laughter droned his voice out, Rosalie's snorting covered the memory of it… they all tried with no knowledge of their action to save me from relieving it but that moment of silence-that very instant, that nanosecond-that had allowed Edward's voice to fleet across the TV room to my ears in soft waves had been enough. Our perfectly crafted environment was disrupted, our eyes met and I coughed hard and unnecessarily. Jasper's bewildered expression alerted me to my shrewd departure:

"I love you, Carlisle Cullen" the words rang in my ears, the memory of that vulnerability that I had once been privy to in its fleeting moments on Edward's face; exposed fully, intensely and in concentrated overdose entirely for me. Directed upon me by him with total loss of control and I had shattered upon it, for I had never had a being look upon me with such _love_.

Xx~xx~xX

The early hours of the morning had been spent alone in my office, listening intently on their conversations down bellow, my throat constricting every time Edward's smooth honey voice announced something and trying desperately not ruin my family by thinking of _things_, by thinking of _Leah_…

Leah Clearwater was a friend. That was my only thought but even after I ended the statement, that evil side of me that lived in the hard tissue of my demon encasing drew the image of her hand under mine, of the beautiful contrast of ivory marble and silken russet gold.

In a few minutes before three am, Alice suggested they visit the Denali Clan once more for their school holiday tomorrow. My shoulders relaxed somewhat, the reflection of my tensed pained expression on my office window smoothing slightly; I would be left alone as I had work. I could think of all these things without Edward's silent prying…

"I will stay" Edward murmured. "Surely you don't expect Carlisle to function alone?"

I had shut my eyes tight and prayed hard that what he meant for us to do was heal this open bleeding wound between us and not jab at it some more with his curious fingers.

Xx~xx~xX

My human routine was the only thing left to me since we had moved to this perfection called Forks.

I took an hour to prepare for work, most of this time spent under the hot shower nozzle. There was a jagged spider web of a crack on the tiling in the cubicle of the shower from were I had let my head fall. The tiling was a beige colour with different variations of the colour. The squares were about the size of my hand-which was out of proportion with the rest of me in its smallness. I pushed the ceramic carefully, grinding the clayed fragments to fine powder before pulverizing the crack into an almost perfect crater were the once perfect square tile had been.

The shower was my favourite part of the day, my little piece of heaven left to me to unwind and think but I had intentionally desecrated it.

Xx~xx~xX

Eleazar had once stressed to me the importance of disciplining the one you sire. The importance of establishing your relationship to them, of teaching them the ways of a vampire as well as your role in their immortality.

Eleazar had spoken to me these things after Edward had been reborn.

I had asked Edward what he wanted us to be and he had not had an answer. I don't want to remember the past but it is unavoidable with a titanium memory so all I have left is refusing to look back to it, refusing to reanalyse our time before Rosalie and most of all refusing to deal with the mistake I made in letting my compassion rule us into delusions and denial.

I _suggested_ our relationship with no actual conviction in my timidity at having a new companion. In my eagerness to please him and have me want to stay with me of his own accord. I played into my ignorance and allowed it to tease him into being everything I had longer for, and chose to overlook the relationship he wanted with me with selfish ignorance.

I was selfish and manipulative with my naivety…

Xx~xx~xX

The clothes are laid out on the bed; a pale blue shirt coupled with a navy soft tie and dark pants, the waistcoat is white and modern and next to it is my light grey coat. Sitting still and silent on the edge of the bed beside this carefully selected compilation of my day-uniform is Edward. His eyes are averted from me but his body faces me.

My eyes are wide-I am aware of this-my mouth agape and my hands have jerked down to hold the lime towel tightly over my midriff. I never wipe the droplets of water of my body, always preferring to walk around the room with the heater on and allow them to slowly steam of-feeling the odd sensation of the liquid warming over my cold skin.

He looks at me finally, eyes wide and innocent and smiles.

"I thought… I thought we could spend the day together at your work?" he murmured, smiling slightly-eyes stuck on my face.

"Okay" I said softly, smiling awkwardly. "That would be okay"

He mad no move to leave, returning his gaze to something uninteresting on the opposite wall.

"I need to change Edward"

"So change" he sighed. "I have seen you naked countless times, why now do you think I am a pervert"  
>"I do not…"<p>

"Change, I won't look Carlisle" he said softly-an odd disappointment in his voice.  
>"Why do you have to be in here?" I said-but it came out like a whiny rasping sound.<p>

"So you can get over this and stop _wondering _and _speculating_" he hissed lurching of the bed and taking a step forward towards me, causing me to jerk confusedly left right and then returning to the centre when all my exits were blocked-still clutching the towel tighly.

"Here…" he reached behind me and I stiffened as his body came too close. The opened the drawer behind me and pulled out a pair of boxers. "Boxer's go first…"

"Hmm" I closed my eyes gulping hard.

"They are blue…" he whispered. "Do you want the blue ones or the black ones, Carlisle?" 

A moment passed and all that was said was inaudible, my only thought being that he was too close and the air felt too hot although I had not gotten around to switching on the heater. He dropped his hands by his sides defeated, the cotton boxers crumpled in his hands and when he sighed his breath spanned over my face in warm freesia.

I closed my eyes again when he looked up.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore" he whispered still not allowing me to move out of this corner, not allowing himself to move away from me.

I remained silent and afraid.

"I like looking after you, Carlisle" he said softly. "I like… doing this. This son act I have played so well for you"

"You are supposed to be my son" I said abruptly, opening my eyes and meeting his own, gasping when that vulnerability was swimming in them, a sadness that I had caused and didn't know how to take care of.

"And I am" he said. "I just… sometimes… you are too _beautiful_ to me"  
>"No"<p>

"Yes" he insisted. "It had all almost gone away, those wretched _longings_…"  
>"No" I said childishly, shaking my head.<p>

"Until you decided to find Leah attractive" he continued sadly. "And it wasn't even a full fledged thing, but why her… why did _she _have to make you laugh and nervous and make you miss her"

"She is a friend" I said, smiling nervously. "She is…"  
>"Yes" he whispered. "That is what she can <em>only be<em>, don't you see?"

"I need to get dressed" I coughed.

"Then get dressed" he sighed taking a step back and shocking me when he reached for the knot of my towel and pulled. "Have I not taken care of you already? What do you wish to hide that I don't already know about Carlisle?" 

My hands fumbled over my exposure and I stared out the window to the rising sun. He sat back down on the bed, watching me with an unreadable face and threw my boxers over to me-which I caught with little thought on how the action would leave me bare again.

I put them on quickly, my breath coming out to fast. I felt like trembling but I could not in my vampirism. I wished I could blush by I had no blood that was my own. I wished I could sweat but there was no bodily fluid save for random few.

I wished I could release this nervousness I felt under his gaze, I wished I could let the steam of the water that had somehow escaped _inside me _out through a huff of air, I wished the heat I felt snaking in my stomach would disappear.

He threw my clothes to me one by one and I put them on hastily-remembering odd human memories of my shaking hands or blushing face at random embarrassments whose details were lost in that mortality.

When I was done, he walked over to me grinning.

"That was not so bad"  
>"You are evil" I hissed irritated, nervous, afraid and irrationally excited simultaneously.<p>

"Did you die?" he chuckled and I felt like we had resumed our relationship with the jesting. We were back…

"No" I mumbled.

"Let me put the tie on for you" he sighed "You always manage to put it of centre by two millimetres"

He was taller than I and easily reached the tie around my neck and over the collar of the shirt. The fear returned tenfold although I was now clothed and he was concentrating on the tie. I did not close my eyes this time when he cast me fleeting glances. I had enough space to move back if I wished by did no such thing when he stepped closer and inhaled my scent. His fingers stopped ghosting over the shirt and I began to feel their every twitch through the too thin fabric. He tugged on the tie to fix it in place and my eyes jerked from his ashy fingers to his eyes and locked in place. He pushed the tie into place and shifted it over the buttons of the shirt and took another step closer.

"If you want me to, ask?" he whispered, his scent swirling around me.

"If I want…?"

"Me too?" he said slowly-deliberately. "Ask"

"What are you saying…?"

He lurched forward and I felt his kiss move fevered over my still and shocked ones. Instantly, I flung him off me and he went through the window-no sound emitted from him and eyes trained on me even as he disappeared from my view, hurtling down to the ground. Before he had crashed or righted his form on the ground, I flew out of the house. I heard his soft sigh-his soft murmur of my name-as I disappeared through the trees.

Xx~xx~xX

I was not going to make it to work today.

"I called them and told them you had caught a chill" he chuckled slightly.

"Why did you do what you did?"

"Because I knew you would always forgive me" he sighed. "I realised that I have all of time to push you to this until you break"  
>"Edward…"<br>"Carlisle…"

"This is… I am your…"  
>"You were <em>never<em> my father"

"I am _not_ like this"

"I know and I don't care" he said. "You are awakened to the fact and cannot hide behind your naivety and religion. Whether you look at little sad girls with infatuation… they will die and I will always be here"

"Do you realise what you have done to us" I whispered to him. "Do you realise…"  
>"That I have thrown us into the flames?" he finished. "You know I am not evil"<p>

"I know…"  
>"I am a slave to this… for so long…" he sighed, falling to the ground by my kneeling form, lying flat on the wet ground beneath the pouring skies. "Can I not sin this once, before repenting?"<p>

"You are hurting me Edward" I cried. "I love you and you are selfishly hurting me…"  
>"It is you who has been selfish and hurting me for so long!" he hissed, snapping his eyes to my face with viciousness.<p>

He knew I would forgive him. He knew I would want to heal this thing that he claimed could not desist between us. He knew… because I had needed him and I owed him. Because I would make it my fault. He knew that Leah Clearwater would die soon.

This was eternity. Forever.

**Author's note:**

**This started back to beginning and back again to anyone who got a bit confused.**

**Uhm, I should probably change the rating soon…**

**Please review…! Thank you to all that have reviewed, you are amazing. Ghost readers, review and be known!**


	9. Chapter 9

I find myself thinking of the past a lot.

I find myself remembering fragments of a mortal life I had long thought dead. I remember the city as it were in the eyes of a being whose sight is governed by logic. I remember the smells through a nose that didn't have an understanding of what was carried through the air, of scents and blood.

I remember the streets with their cobbled stone grounds, the intricately and often badly constructed buildings, the encroaching villages that surrounded the new modern England that was fighting for dominance and the fight for morality.

Every day was a fight for morality, a fight for purity and sanctified living. Everyday my father sought to fight the man walking past him with his bible, tried to stress the importance of a marriage to the man who wanted his wife, girlfriend and prostitute at the ready for him.

He fought the men, he fought the women and he fought the beasts of the night. He fought them with his bible and cross…

"So you think those two things will stop me from feeling this way for you?" Edward asked, sitting calmly opposite me and brushing his fingers over the black leather of my second favourite bible.

We were in my office at Forks General. He had come straight here after leaving his brothers at home and disrupted what I had thought would be a simple day.

"You think me a disruption?" he asked.

He terrified me in his new split personality. He was this Edward-a new version of his former sulking brooding teenage self-this new Edward that was stubbornly trying to pry something out of my body that would leave me broken…

And he would change back to this vulnerable boy who needed guidance and love. This helpless confused person who hid behind a carefully crafted visage of grandiose and conceited determination…

He scowled at my thoughts, picking up my little wooden cross I had carved for myself in the first five years of my pained immortality and brought it to his head violently, pressing it on the skin of his unyielding forehead.

"Do you see…" he hissed "I do not _burn_…"

"Put it down" I whispered closing my eyes. "Now"

I heard the clatter of the cross as he threw it petulantly back on the table and huffed in his seat. I peered at him and saw his lower lip jutting out, eyes narrowed, angry and confused.

"You don't even know what you did?" I asked softly. "Do you Edward?"

"I kissed you" he mumbled and then grimaced almost in pain, his hands going over his face and murmured hoarsely "You wanted…me too"

"No, I didn't…." I said strongly. "You manipulated the situation; you used your gift against me…"

He dropped his hands and stared at them, his expression still baring the remnants of confused pain.

"Not entirely…" he murmured. "Do not make me out like a deluded lovesick…"

"I never said…"  
>"You thought it… not in so much those words…"<p>

"Edward!" I snapped. "Take hold of your situation and stop being a _child_"

"You know Carlisle…" he chuckled derisively, leaning back in the chair and eyeing me carefully. "You are the master of self delusions, the King of ignorant lack of recall and selective memory"

He was right.

"Of course I am" he smirked. "Just say it…"  
>"Say what?"<p>

"Edward…" he said, imitating my subtle American-English way of talking, lost to human ears but a source of amusement for my children "Edward, I really wanted you to be my son but I saw that you wanted me in another way… and I was afraid of losing you so I kept you around. I lead you on…"  
>"I never led you on!" I hissed, slamming my hand on the table and flinching when it groaned sickly.<p>

"Do you remember that day, by the lake… before Rosalie… moments, maybe a few weeks before Rosalie…" he whispered still surveying me with a mild interest of sorts and suspicion.

I nodded.

"When you decided to take a swim after I dared you to" he laughed. "Do you remember how I had watched you take your shirt off?"

I nodded.

"Do you remember how I had started hyperventilating when you undid your belt buckle…?"

Of course I remembered. We were vampires and nothing was lost in memory but I had put it down to him being excited that I was finally loosening up to his childish competitions…

"I was" he said dryly. "I was initially happy you were humouring me… I want you to know it was not a trick for me to gaze upon you to begin with… But I had never seen you so close to naked. I had never put you past that title of friend brother and man I admired…"

"Hmm" I looked away from him, at that chaotic sea he had painted for me.

"So you had stood before me, happy smiling and free of all your ridiculous centuries of worry…" he murmured softly, imploring me with his eyes to look upon him but I was a coward. I stared at the little boat thrashing in the waves… "You stood beautiful Carlisle and for heavens sake you weren't even _completely _naked and I had fallen"  
>"I had fallen in love" he finished softly. "And you had found a brother and friend. And all I had found was pain"<p>

"You were young" I murmured shaking my head, still not looking at him. "That is not the way one falls in love"

"What do _you_ know about _falling_ in _love_?" he hissed. "You noticed the way I looked upon you"

"I never"

"Liar Liar, pants on fire" he laughed. "_Why is he looking… don't think it, he will hear your thoughts, Carlisle old chap… just go into the water…"_

An exaggerated imitation of my voice accompanied by eye rolling.

"How polite you were in ignoring the discomfort in my boxers and penning it down to 'cold weather'" he laughed sadly. "Cold weather Carlisle? I am a _fucking _vampire…!"

"You decided to form all this delusions" Edward finished coolly. "And what could I do but watch as you noticed my exponential affection for you and quickly give this _difficult love I had for you_, your own reason so I would stay, so you could be _you _and have your dream. Your family"

"And suddenly you had to save Rosalie…" he sang. "Suddenly I needed a _mate_, straight after the 'Edward had a hard on' incident"

"I…." I stammered, my chest constricting.

"I don't know what I want" he sighed heavily and I felt that in this moment he stopped being seventeen and had turned to a century old vampire, tired of a never ending life.

"Will you hunt with me?" he asked looking up at me and I felt his pain. I felt the pain I had caused. "Tonight… when you return home. Please, Carlisle…?"

"Of Course" I said gruffly.

"Good bye father" and he left.

Xx~xx~xX

There are things that have started growing in the dark compartment that once housed my heart. These things struck, prod and jab at the cage I have set around them. Some of these things took root when I returned to Forks this second time around. Some of these things had been hidden and with the new emotion growing next to them, their fighting to be noticed.

I can never allow myself to notice them. If I did, the world-my world-would surely end.

Xx~xx~xX

"Carlisle!" she called and I saw her thin form running towards me, too fast and determined.

I carried on with my task, opening the back passenger door and placing my briefcase in the seat of the Mercedes, closing the back passenger door and then opening the driver's door and taking a seat; ignoring her call and starting the car.

My mind screamed at the action-the unnaturalness of it, going against the man I was in this immortality, this compassionate being I had become. Leah being here was not conducive to anything except an awkward hunting trip with Edward when I could tell he was trying to get me to understand… he was trying to fight with me, this side of me that wanted desperately to live in illusions and ignorance.

"Carlisle…!" she gasped, her hand splayed on the window of my door, immediately fogging it up from the outside. She had run much faster than I had anticipated and calculated for a getaway. "I need… I need to talk to you!"

"Uh…" I mumbled gulping and remembering Edward mentioning she was not an immortal, Edward reminding me that it was all pointless.

If it was pointless, there was no harm.

"You can… get in the… passenger seat" I said carefully, motioning for her to go around. She huffed hard once and sprinted around the car, opening the door clumsily and throwing herself theatrically in the seat.

"Sam tried to kill my cousin" she breathed, her voice coming out hard and laboured. " Brought a bear to her or something… Now she is comforting him, like… like… he is the one that was attacked. Idiot probably tried to woe her with one of those tamed bears and the thing went berserk and clawed at her…"  
>"Leah…?" I murmured. "Catch your breath..."<p>

"Oh…" she heaved and bent over in the seat, placing her head between her legs and breathing slow but still hard.

"Shouldn't you be with your cousin?" I tried and she snapped her head violently towards me, giving me her 'medieval scowl'.

"You don't think I tried?" she hissed. "I tried but there she was, rubbing his back while he _cried _like he had been the one _mauled_"  
>"And everyone was all <em>sympathetic<em>" she finished, anger still running in her veins. "And I had to get away"

"Can't you go home?" I asked.

"Home to what?" she snorted. "My father trying to make me understand this predicament? My mother angry that I am refusing to comprehend this… beautiful love Sam has for my cousin, Sam my ex Fian…"

She stopped, gulped hard and tears fell freely down her red tinged cheeks. She let them roll, she let them fall and when I reached a frozen hand to her too warm cheek she welcomed it, cradling her head into my open hand and sighing softly as I brushed he hot liquid away with my thumb.

"Please, Doctor Carlisle" she exhaled pained "Home is were the heart is… and my heart is long gone"

Xx~xx~xX

"Have you ever been in love?" she asked, her head turned to the window, watching as the sky cried tears upon it, soft and slow-the once dark grey clouds lighter and less intimidating.

"No" I sighed, turning away from her slouched form in the tan coloured leather of the passenger seat. Watching with equal confusion as the rain calmed my mind-I had no soul or heart to be comforted. Only a conscious to be freed…

"It is like… being on drugs" she chuckled. "The high you get… the feeling you receive when you are on it… incomparable. And when it is time to get off it, when the drug is taken from you… that withdrawal will damn near kill you…"

"I can only imagine, Leah"

"You are different"

"Yes, I am" I sighed, gripping the steering wheel although I was no longer driving. The car was parked at the side of the road, a few metres from the invisible no-man's land between the Quileute and the 'Pale Faces'.

"You are sad" she murmured. "You are sad and seem… older"

"You are very perceptive, Leah"

"What's wrong?" she asked her voice finally clear after she had struggled with her emotions. It rang in my mind like a gong and I heaved hard in my seat, titanium steering wheel bending slightly in my iron grip.

"Something…" I breathed, grimacing hard. "Something I cannot comprehend… something I refuse to understand because it will send the world I had crafted for myself for so long into turmoil. Unrecoverable chaotic turmoil and I will never… I will never have the peace I have found in this… life I was thrust into with such evil"

"Uh…." She put a finger on her chin and smiled shyly. "Maybe slower… you talk…"  
>"Funny" I laughed. "I talk funny"<p>

"Not funny, just in an odd sort of old way…" she sighed. "But what I got was… something you have been hiding from has caught up, and it has caught up around the same time you are happy and now… you have to chose between your happiness that you have found and this _thing_?"

"No, not really" I said, looking at her. "There is no choice. Choice is for those who have limited time. Either way, for however long… I will have to confront it and the _force_ that bears this… _confusion_… wont allow me _time._ No time to adjust and get over it… just abrupt and forced…"

"I don't even know what it is" she breathed hard staring out the window. "But it sounds complicated"

"It is…" I whispered. "Because I cannot confront the answer because I… don't feel… certain… on it"

"You are scared of what your own emotions on the matter are?" she asked smiling. "Look, I can talk all intelligent too!"

"Because you _are_ intelligent" I chuckled.

"Okay, you are afraid on what you _feel_ on the matter because… you _know _you _feel_ something?"

I remained silent, the smile she had managed to produce on my face left hanging oddly on my lips, my eyes seeing past the soft rain, over the sleek road and through the trees. My father stood in those trees, I imagined. He stood there daring me to over turn everything he had fought so hard to bring. Morality, honour… God…

"Leah…" I murmured, my chest constricting, fear welling in the pit of my stomach but I had to release her now and return to the organised chaos of my eternity. "Will you be okay to go home now?"

"I guess…" she sighed. "I'll go to Billie's house, my Dad's friend… no one is there except for his son. The brat probably needs baby sitting…"

"Okay, I have to go" I said. "I have to take Edward… for our regular bonding session"  
>"Maybe that will help you get your mind of things" she said smiling at me.<p>

"I doubt it" I grinned. "Take the umbrella and my coat… I don't want you catching a chill and visiting me on a _real_ doctor's appointment"

"_Whatever_, Doctor Carlisle!" she laughed, opening the door and swinging the coat over her thin frame "Take it easy, and one last thing"

"Yes?" I murmured, peering up at her.

"The more you hide from that itsy bitty emotion…. The more it will grow"

Xx~xx~xX

"Do you have to watch me like that?" I sighed throwing the carcass indifferently to the side, ignoring the blood stains on my mouth, the way my shirt had somehow managed to get ripped and dirty in my frustrated tumbling with the lion.

"Do you have to make it so _obvious_ now?" I asked kicking at the ground hard so kilograms of dirt released from the earth and semi covered the lion.

"I am sorry" he murmured stroking the dead animal he cradled carefully in his arms. "But you look _heartbreakingly appealing_… when you lose control… it is a _covetous_ sight"

"I had not known you were so full of hormones" I grumbled, refusing got look at him, to look at his still form seated on the boulder, holding the dead drained lion in his arms with his white buttoned up shirt pristine and unharmed.

"Do you want me to show you, Carlisle?" he asked.

"No"  
>"Liar…"<p>

"I mean, of course I would be…" I stammered.

"Curious?" he whispered. "Are you curious Carlisle?"

"You don't care that I saw Leah?" I asked.

"She is your mortal friend" he sighed. "I have one of those too"

"You can't stand humans…" I laughed, spinning around to look at him. "What is this about…?"

"That girl… with her _blood_" he flinched when he said this. "She is a friend… well, maybe a pet…"

"We have been through this" I hissed. "You cannot make humans your play things, Edward"  
>"I am not telling her to climb trees" he laughed. "Are you jealous?"<br>"You are the mind reader" I frowned at him "You tell me?"

"You are not jealous" he said coolly "I didn't expect you to be"

"It's dangerous" I huffed, walking a few feet towards him. "She attracts your vampire side too strongly…"

"I have control" he sighed, letting the dead lion fall to the ground with a cushioned thud. "I need someone to talk to about you, like you talk to Leah about me"  
>"I do not talk to her about you" I said.<p>

"Not directly…" he scoffed. "You know what your problem is, Carlisle?"

"A confused teenage son?"  
>"Funny" he scowled "Your problem is you like to cling on to your naivety, you r innocent oblivion… even when everything is so plain before you. And yes, we have forever to break you flimsy defences… you will look into this and you will confront these emotions because I am tired of putting you first. How about you put me first?"<p>

"I always…"  
>"Bull shit" he hissed walking over to me. "Carlisle"<br>"Edward?"  
>"Kiss me" he murmured, rushing too fast over to me and gripping my arms.<p>

I stood still, not bothering to fight him and just stared into his determined eyes.

"Kiss me, dammit!" he cried shaking me. "Do not look at me with pity, you do not get to pity…"

"I love you" I whispered, taking his hands of me easily and pulling him to my chest-hugging him tightly.

"Love me the way I _need_ you to" he cried into my chest, clawing at my back desperately.

Was this a form of evil I was baring upon him?

"Yes…" he coughed, pulling away from me. "Your holiness is an evil to me"  
>"Why does it have to be me?" I asked him slowly. "Why can't you find this in someone willing, someone who has not titled their love for you… do you know that my love for you is <em>titled<em>…?"

"You think of me as confused son, desperate brother and determined friend" he said softly, taking a step back and looking at his kill angrily.

It was how it should be. We are changed into vampires and our essence as humans is frozen forever. I would forever walk with the lessons my father taught me of morality, love, pain and discipline. Edward had come, and here we were… and what he wished was for me to strike at the unmoveable stone rock of this essence, to break it down… and if I did I would be left a shell. If I broke down that essence of my humanity I would be left nothing.

If I confronted that small itsy bitty feeling it would fissure the rock and my world would spill over.

"Itsy bitty feeling?" he whispered frowning in confusion "What…?"

I quickly began thinking on the complicated operation I would be giving one of my patients, reciting various medical theorizes on the subject and all of this was done while walking away from Edward carefully.

"What feeling Carlisle!" he shouted and I hummed the English anthem simultaneously as I thought on _everything _that was irrelevant, breaking into a run away from him, thrusting my feet hard to the ground until his cry for me to wait and stop for him fell behind. If he had wanted he could have chased me and caught me easily…. but he knew time was on his side.

The trees were thick north of our territory, thick lush tall and beautiful. I never fully enjoyed them. I never fully enjoyed the denseness of the forest, the pine scents filling the air and the latent scents of my children left in the leaves and bark. This was home, this was peace and if he thought he had eternity to disrupt it, and then I had eternity to maintain it…

I stopped abruptly-my feet planting into the ground on their own accord and sending my body toppling over violently through the dirt-velocity fuelled cartwheels, uprooting a sturdy tree in my path and forming a gorge before I managed to right my stance again, immediately crouching low and defensive.

The black wolf stood still a few metres into the trees, golden fires burning were its eyes should be and teeth exposed as its lip curled up. It took a step forward and I saw it was much bigger than the wolves of old but still… it had to be…

"The treaty would not be broken… I mean you no harm" I said trying to keep the panic at bay. "I am in the territory belonging to the cold ones…"

It took a step back, lowered its head once and then brought it up again in a sign of comprehension, sent me a low growl and bounded of into the darkness.

"The treaty…" I breathed standing straight and trying to smooth over my ragged remnant of a shirt. "Oh Lord… this is… not…good"

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**I do apologize for the double chapters.**

**Remember to review guys… seriously, it helps when I get detailed criticism, suggestions or what ever you feeling! Questions and such..**

**Till next time.**

**tj**


	10. The Beginning of Bravery

I am being ambitious. Hell, I am being ambitious, stupid and reckless.

This is acting out on a new scale, this is destroying heaven for something that could blow up on me and this was going to hurt more than just myself. This could hurt someone else in the world who would end up being a version of me, this could hurt Carlisle even…

This could hurt…. But it could be the sweetest pain too.

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

**THE SWEETEST ADDICTION**

"She has these brown eyes…."

"Shut up Jacob" I sighed, flipping the magazine noisily.

"She goes to Forks High…" he continued, pacing in their little living room, his hands flailing in the air as if he was giving thanks to God for sending this _Swan girl _to him.

"And you don't go to Fork's High and you are a fifteen year old boy" I murmured half interested and more annoyed than anything. I didn't want to hear about love or even this watered down version, this puppy love and missed placed infatuation.

"Fourteen actually" he murmured sheepishly pausing to survey me. "Billy doesn't like it when people put their feet up on the couch"  
>"Because Billy can't put <em>his <em>feet up on the couch" I grumbled, tucking my feet more securely under me on their soft couch and ignoring his look of outrage. "Yes, I went there… now get me something to drink"

"You are a bitch you know that" he hissed.

"I know" I laughed. "The question you should be asking is if I _care_"  
>"Argh!" he screamed storming into the kitchen. "Why did he make you my <em>babysitter…<em> I can take care of myself, he knows that… what the hell is with this new curfew thing…"

I ignored his ranting and closed the magazine. I hadn't really been reading anything but had opted to look preoccupied instead of gazing into the distance and daydreaming about Forks General and more importantly my time in a certain black Mercedes.

My mother would freak… her daughter spends her time stalking grown men and sitting in their cars on the side of the road. My mother would freak and she had better…

"Your water" Jacob announced, placing the glass on the coffee table in front of me "Your Bitchiness"  
>"Thank you" I smiled at him. "Now go to bed"<p>

"It's eight…"  
>"Go the <em>fuck<em> to bed, Jacob" I whispered closing my eyes. "This is me being _nice_"

"No wonder _he_ left you" he murmured, stomping of to bed.

No, he left me and then I _became_ his way… dear little Jacob Black.

They were all gone to some meeting, top secret and hush-hush. Everyone was gone; Sue and my dad, Billy and Old Quil and it was held at _Sam's place._ Jacob was irritated at being left out, Jacob wanted to know what it was about and why suddenly there was a _curfew _on the reservation. What I wanted to know was since when did Sam become the messiah.

I needed to get out of this place and all its damned secrets… I needed to save myself and my brother. I needed to find my own heaven…

Xx~xx~xX

"Hello Leah" Mary said waving her hand at me from behind the large reception of Forks General.

She was a large woman with abundant bosoms and a large round face that gave her a perpetual smiling face. She also had a large mouth that held no secrets. My favourite type of nurse when it came to getting regular news on Carlisle…

"Hello Mary" I said smiling at her. "Your hair is different?"  
>"Yes" she blushed touching her overly done hair with fat fingers. "Had it done yesterday…."<p>

"Its lovely" I lied, watching in odd fascination as she blushed some more and shook the ringlets a little in satisfaction.

"You are lovely!" she exclaimed, doing her odd snorting giggling thing.

"Mary…." I aid thoughtfully. "You never did tell me if you managed to get Poppy and Carlisle…"  
>"Oh, yes" she said her face immediately grabbing on to a serious expression. "It got quite difficult after Portia passed"<p>

"Yes, Seth was gutted by that…" I whispered, leaning on the desk. "Said he didn't think he could do medicine if that was what it entailed"

"oh no" Mary sighed. "He could do it… I mean, Carlisle… he is so loving… youknow, in his distant sort of way"

"Yes, in his distant sort of way" I murmured, thinking of the way his eyes would open up and reveal a pain that felt to old and intense that it seemed it would tear him up but he would still smile under that. he would still smile and speak softly… when it was obvious he wanted to scream.

"I wish I could be like that" I whispered.

"Like… Carlisle?"

"Yes…" I said thinking of my own pathetic control on emotions. "I wish I could bear pain and still smile and love the world"

"he is one of a kind" she giggled, blushing again. "I see you have fallen spell to him too?"

"Hmm?" I asked smiling in confusion at her.

"We call it the 'Carlisle Conundrum' here" she whispered winking at me. "Every woman is bound to fall to it… but honestly Leah, I would think you were more of a match with his _son. _you are too young…"

"Edward?" I scowled, leaning on the desk with my elbows. "That's like fitting a square to circle… him being the _square…"_

She laughed and I scowled again; I hated Mary's laugh and her fake kindness when it came to a good gossip. But everyone had their uses…

"Is Carlisle in, do you know?" I asked her-she would know naturally. "I have a few questions I would like to ask him on potential Universities I want to apply to…"  
>"He called and said he would be late" she sighed, busying herself with papers and files. "He has been… odd… lately. He is always on time… never misses a beat"<p>

"Hmm" I murmured, knowing she needed little prodding to divulge. She was itching to…

"Oh yes…" she sighed sadly. "He is very… detached of late. Family issues I suspect, or maybe his secret girlfriend doesn't want to be a secret anymore…"  
>The nurses all theorized that since Carlisle was intensely quite and private, he <em>had<em> to have a secret relationship. Something that our conversation in the car confirmed; he was having relationship issues…

And I was feeling ambitious.

"Well…" I sighed. "I am sure it isn't as serious as it seems…"

"Will you wait for him?"

"Leah Clearwater waits for no man" I laughed. "I have things to do, see you later Mary"

Xx~xx~xX

Maybe I would have gotten over the whole 'Cancelled Engagement' if I had some sort of support group. If I had my mother telling me I would find my true soul mate, if my father had gotten so angry he wanted to murder the 'Son-of-a-Bitch' who broke his daughters heart and if Seth…

I would have been able to deal if I knew my family was right behind me. I would have been able to deal if I had my _best friend._ If I had my Emily with me, throwing darts at a picture of his stupid face and eating ice-cream all night.

I would have been able to deal with it if he hadn't hopped into her arms immediately and stolen her from me.

I had no one.

I had no one…. For a while.

But in this new misery, this crippling sadness that left me sitting in front of the television at hours on length, seeing past the colours on the screen and into the past that held a lost happiness that Sam brought to my life. this new misery that made anger a power I whielded against all who challenged me, this misery that made me want a man who seemed to harbour limitless love for _all people…_

In this misery I had Carlisle.

Wasn't it him who said he would teach me how to be brave?

I was going to be brave today… ambitiously brave and risk everything because I had nothing left to lose.

Xx~xx~xX

"Whose the paleface, Black?" I asked, pausing my trek up the stairs to stare at the brown haired too skinny girl sitting awkwardly on Sue's couch. "Why are you bringing pale faces to my house…?"  
>"Billy sent us here" the girl answered lifting her chin up at me.<p>

"Is your name Black?" I asked her softly.

"It's Isabella" she murmured.

"Then Isabella…" I walked slowly down the stairs and stood in the frame of the door, ignoring Jacob's terrified look. "Do not speak unless you have been addressed and I know damn well that you are not Jacob's secretary or mouth piece"

"Leah is that necessary…" Jacob tried and I shot him a warning look, and he gulped hard.

"I just…" Isabella tried and I shushed her.

"Why are you here, _Jacob Black_" I asked softly.

"They are having… some kind of meeting at my house" he sighed. "Your mum and my dad said we could hang here"

"Why can't you hang at Pale Face's?" I asked.

"Her name is Bella" he groaned. "Billy doesn't want me to leave the reservation"  
>"My house is the last house on the Land… it's the same as not <em>being <em>on the reservation…" I said tucking the little gift back behind my back and out of Isabella's questioning sights. "Just… drive a few metres… same thing"  
>"Billy stressed" he sighed. "You think I want to be here, Clearwater?"<p>

"I think Isabella doesn't need to be here" I murmured. "I can't have you bringing _girls _into my house"  
>"Its not like that" Isabella laughed and Jacob blushed. "I was helping him with his mathematics"<br>"Right" I sighed. " Well, I am off…"

"You going to the hospital?" Jacob asked and I stopped my movements. "Your mother said you weren't to leave either… especially to go there"  
>"Why?" I whispered.<p>

"Uhm… I think it has something to do with them boycotting the Doctor there… the one trying to _lure_ Quileute's to use his facilities…." He said frowning and shrugging his shoulders indifferently.

"Dr Cullen?" Isabella and I said simultaneously.

"Uh…" Jacob stammered.

"How do you…?" I frowned at her and she blushed.

"I know… his son" she blushed. "Edward… he is… a friend… I am actually supposed to go over to their house later on…"  
>"Whatever, no one cares about you and <em>Square<em>" I growled. "Black… I do what I want, just to be clear. Keep your mouth shut… if you value its functionalities"

"I hear you loud and clear, Clearwater" he sighed, plopping his gangly body too close to a squirming Isabella on the couch. "Quileute's and their secrets right"

"Right"

Xx~xx~xX 

"Leah!" Mary called, leaving a younger nurse she had been scolding to come over to me.

"He is in…" she whispered, looking around the sanitized passage for invisible eavesdroppers. "But… he said he didn't want to be disturbed, so maybe come in… tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow" I murmured, pretending to think. "No, that won't work for me…"  
>"You could wait a little, maybe catch him when he does his last rounds" she tried peering at the little bag I carried.<p>

"I don't wait for any man" I sighed-so soft she couldn't have heard anything but inaudible muttering.

"I have to talk to him…" I said sternly, looking her in the eye. "It's important… about my future…"  
>"Oh yes" she whispered shaking her head. I knew she knew about <em>Sam.<em> I let her believe it had to do with that, it was easier.

"I am sure he will understand" I smiled at her.

"He always does" she blushed. "Good luck Leah"

"Thank you" I whispered, walking down the corridor that leads to the turn to his office. "I need it"

Xx~xx~xX

Sam had been my first.

We had done it a total of three times and I knew fro what I had read in books and heard form women that this was not how it was supposed to feel. It hurt the first time, it felt icky the second time and the third time I had drifted off thinking about my plan to go shopping with Emily.

I was nervous walking toward his office. My mouth was dry and my heart was hammering angrily at my chest, screaming at me for making it work overtime; it was just staring to return to a semi-normal rhythm after the Sam episode and now I had it bearing the weight of this complicated lust I had for Carlisle. This emotion that made me break down in front of him with little fear of rejection or judgment. This emotion that made my anger seem pure and less venomous, that made my sadness seem like a weight I could carry in my little finger and my joy something achievable in the near future; all these things seemed possible when I was with him.

Sam had been my first and I had not known about the complexities of _lust._ I wanted to know now as I felt it. I wanted to know how to seduce and be wanted in a passionate way. I wanted passion because it seemed like the best cure for all of this.

Something raw and untameable-something pure and holy. I wanted Carlisle.

It wasn't a selfish _want_, I knew this without any experience n the adult world of desire and envy. He had saved me when I wanted to give up and now I knew I could save him from whatever this was that made him want to give up on himself.

This happiness he had found didn't have to go away, we could share it and look after each other…

I was in front of the office door, my heart thrashing inside me, my skin damp and my hand shaking slightly, the little bag in my hand with the candles and incense vibrating with each reluctant shudder.

If I had this piece of heaven, I could heal…

The blinds were down, the light off and it was quiet inside but somehow I knew he was inside. Sitting in darkness like before…

I knocked and there was no answer. So I opened the door and stepped into his darkness.

Xx~xx~xX

"Carlisle?" I whispered, squinting in the darkness.

My eyes adjusted quickly and saw his shadowed form in his large wing back seat, still and quiet and holding something. I moved towards him, around the desk to his side, placing my little seduction kit on the table and carefully went around his still form in the chair and reached for the lamp, switching it on.

The light wasn't as bright as the light the main light on the ceiling would have given; it cast everything in tones of cold grey-white. I sighed, the breath coming out in a shudder and moved around him again-carefully. It felt like he was blind or a statue-his stillness eerie and eyes seemingly unblinking.

"Leah" he whispered, his voice had lost its warm kind bell and was replaced in a faux imitation of huskiness and depth. I liked this new voice…

"Why are you in darkness again?" I chuckled uneasily, sitting opposite him in the visitor's chair.

"You shouldn't be here" he sighed, still not moving or looking up at me. His blonde honey hair falling over his face and hiding his eyes in shadows.

He sat still, his arms propped by his elbows on the table-as if to clasp them in prayer-but instead he held a crumpled black fabric in his hands by his face, as though inhaling it or breathing through it.

"What is that?" I asked and he moved slightly, a soft roll of his shoulders before slumping them in a sort of defeated gesture.

"It's Edward's shirt" he murmured through the fabric as it was covering his nose and mouth.

"Why are you smelling it?" I asked frowning.

"I don't know" he whispered and then placed it down on the table, pushing it away from him distastefully and looking away from it like it was an incriminating piece of evidence that would find him guilty to _something._

His face seemed impossibly paler, eyes still averted from me and hair-his hair was always nested in a very intentional whimsical way that gave his face an innocence-but today it was a rough unruly version of its former glory… as though he noticed my staring he ran his fingers through it, lifting the longer strands away from his face and revealing his tortured angelic beauty for a moment before violently ruffling his hair and letting it fall over his face once more.

"You shouldn't be here Leah" he whispered. "I really feel like being alone… I am sorry"

"I want to talk to you" I sighed, ignoring the stabbing pain when he dismissed me in his polite compassionate way.

"Talk to me?" he asked "I can offer no advice… I am _useless_"

"I want to talk to you about _you_" I whispered. "I want to offer _you _advice"

He cocked his head oddly, a sort of childlike puzzlement spreading on his face and I giggled.

"You aren't used to being the one on the _receiving_ _end_ of therapy?" I asked and he smiled awkwardly-unsure if he should give up his brooding for a moment of humour.

"Today…" I said softly, ignoring the lump in my throat "I am going to be your _therapist_"

"hmm" he breathed his mood immediately returning to melancholy.

I took the bag and took out the candles and incense slowly. He didn't bother to look or care for what I was doing, lost in his turmoil… oblivious to my nervous excitement. The candles were lit and placed everywhere, the large office immediately filled with the scent of cherry-jasmine.

"Is this a Quileute meditation technique?" he asked, his lips quirking slightly-fighting the humour at bay.

"Yes" I whispered, returning to my seat. "Now, tell Leah what's bothering you"

He looked at me finally, eyes honeyed but dark-a golden glow filling them as thought the colour was liquid and swimming in unattainable riches. He looked at me closely, intently and with question and I squirmed under his gaze. I shifted and gulped feeling guilty for my intentions, feeling like an unworthy wretch for wanting this; he always looked this way, always looked innocent and oblivious to his allure.

Like an angel lost on earth…

"Leah…" the way he said my name, another gulp inducing sound-heart beat raised, palms sweaty… "You see… this?"

He prodded Edward's shirt carefully with a pale long and yet masculinely delicate finger-as though terrified something would jump out of the crumpled up fabric.

"Yes" I whispered. "You brought your son's shirt to work… creepy"

"Yes" he agreed. "Creepy"

"Do you know what is creepier?" he continued, looking at me with a heartbreaking sadness. "He isn't my son anymore, he hates being my son and I am…"

He paused, grimacing in pain and leaned back in the chair.

"Leah, he has destroyed me" he whispered. "And I have destroyed him"

"What do you mean he isn't your son anymore?" I asked. "Has he returned to his biological parents or…"  
>"They died a long time ago"<p>

"What happened to Edward?" I asked and then remembered the Swan girl. "I thought you were having a dinner or whatever with Isabella Swan?"

"Isabella Swan" he said frowning slightly but didn't continue on the name.

"She sounded excited…"

"This is… far beyond that" he laughed.

"What is going on with Edward, Carlisle?" I asked sternly and he sighed deeply, remaining quiet for a minute before delivering a low:

"He loves me in the wrong way" his eyes never left my face and I was unable to hide my shock.

"Wh…"

"He kissed me" he continued.

"Aren't you related?" I coughed, the incense smoke suddenly too thick, the scent nauseating and assaulting me. A sweet bleach like smell filling the air.

"In a way…" he murmured watching me. "I am damned Leah, and I have sinned further as is…"  
>"What…?"<p>

"His kiss lingers on my lips" he said coldly, detached and in the same moment, he ruffled the air in violent movement-getting up and moving to fast to a darker corner of his office and I heard sob like sounds emitting from the shadows he stood in.

"Do you see now?" he asked his voice raw and yet alluring in its exposure "You shouldn't be here… I am damned, evil and _unworthy_"

I got up slowly, placing two fingers on his mahogany table and watched fascinated when the wood around my fingers fogged with moisture. His back was turned to me, his head facing up at a framed picture-a painting I had seen numerous times of a boat in an unforgiving sea.

"You see…" he said quietly. "With Edward… it had begun as it has with me. it had begun with an _itsy bitty _emotion hidden and he had tried to squash it… but with time it grew and it darkened in his… I suppose in his heart. It got angered at being hidden, it got bitter at being made inferior and now… I has been set free and it has taken him over…"

"Leah…" he whispered as I took another step-carefully and tentatively. "He is good… oh heavens knows he is good. It is this evil we are born into that makes us turn to this…"

"You are not evil, Carlisle" I whispered, placing a hand on his back experimentally. His form went rigid but he allowed it, never turning away from the wall and painting.

"I have a similar situation…" he continued. "And I fear it is worse… Leah"

"Why?"

"I have two itsy bitty emotions sitting in the compartment were my heart should be…"

"You do have a heart Carlisle!" I said vehemently, startling myself and him.

"Okay then" he said calmly. "In my heart, there are two itsy bitty emotions…"

He turned and faced me, my hand left hanging in the air unsure for a moment before resting on his chest with the new change in position. His eyes were devoid of any moisture although I was sure he had been crying… I could drown and surface in them… I was drowning and surfacing…

"There is something odd he unlocked in me with his _kiss_" he whispered never breaking eye contact and oblivious to my heating up hand on the fabric of his pale shirt-the hot skin of my hand pressing on his cold skin through the thin fabric. He was oblivious to my chaotic heart, to my misting eyes…

"Leah…" he said huskily. "What do I know of love and _want_… what do I know of loving him and wanting you?"

"Huh…?"

"Oh" he murmured closing his eyes tightly and reaching for my hand, cold fingers clasping my wrist in an odd contrast of freezing fire and incinerating ice. "This… I apologize… I think our… therapy session has come to a close"

"No"

"Leah…" he gulped smiling oddly and trying to lower my hand from his chest-resorting to being forceful about placing it down. I raised my other hand with intention of touching his face and he caught that one too in a steely grip.

"I apologize" he said again. "This is highly inappropriate"

"I _want_ you too" I said calmly, surprising myself with the control my voice maintained in the audio reality when inside I was in chaotic Armageddon.

He swallowed, looked at the hand he held in the air while his fingers that held the wrist of the hand he pushed down twitched. I watched as he tried not to look at me; obviously warring with himself on whether to forcefully push me away or reason with me-convince me that I had misunderstood him.

"No" he said softly.

"Let me…" I tried twisting my hand out of his but he was strong in his angelic capricious vulnerability.

"Let me free Carlisle" I gasped fighting with him to release me. "I _won't_ hurt you"

He looked at me coolly, emotion hidden, eyes wide and lips parted and released my one hand slowly and then the other before rushing back into his seat and leaving me standing bewildered in front of the east wall, staring in confusion at the painting.

"You should leave" he whispered, grabbing the black shirt violently. "What you really should do… Leah… is return to the Reservation"

"Okay" I said calmly walking over to him. "I'll leave"

"Good" he said and swallowed again, throwing the shirt aggressively on the floor. I stood still by his side.

"Leave" he said again. "Please"

I wove my fingers into his hair and he groaned, his head rolling impulsively when I reached for the roots of his soft golden hair and clawed possessively.

"Please" he groaned-a sort of desperate cry.

"I'll leave" I whispered stroking his face and watching in sick fascination as various emotions fleeted across his face-pain, confusion and pleasure.

"Leah… I am evil…" he moaned when I wheeled his chair around to face me, closing his eyes. I touched his nose and let my finger run down to his lips were he pursed them in fear.

"Why are you always so cold?" I whispered not waiting for an answer when I brushed the pale skin of his lips with my thumb.

"I am damned" he murmured against my thumb, peering up at me with confused yet curiously excited eyes.

I quickly sat on his lap-straddling him-and he started, an odd stiffening movement, his hands going behind me and gripping the table.

"Stop" he said and this time the raw hoarseness of his voice was discernable. His eyes were large, unbelieving on my face. "Have you heard nothing Leah… stop!"

"Stop me…" I whispered fisting his hair.

He grabbed my waist as if to throw me off him and when I pushed forward he released his grip and groaned loudly, returning his hands to his desk.

"Stop…" he cried but his conviction was lost.

I touched his face, his lips, his nose and his hair in wonder. Is eye lids were soft, his jaw strong and hair felt like silk. No part of him was warm… and when I kissed his lips, imaging I was erasing Edward's unjust kiss for him, he breathed against mine and returned the motion in tentative wisps.

"He is just confused" I whispered against his lips. "Don't punish yourself for him"

"No…" he sighed "We are _all_ confused"

It was suppose to be selfless (something for him and I) but I got lost in it; I got lost in his lips, pushing his barriers with insistent tugs and nips, touching his arms and revelling in the strength and shape they had and then I felt something I had never truly felt when with another-when being physical with another.

I could feel the honey warming in my stomach, I could feel the tightening and pleasant tugging happening and without a doubt, that honey had left my pink cotton panties wet. I hitched my dress up carefully and sought him out, pushing forward against him and moving with instinct… searching…

"Argh…" he groaned, inhaling sharply and eyes flying open. His eyes were black as night, wide and primal. "Leah…"

I shivered.

His hand returned to my waist painfully, and held me in place-his eyes unblinking on my face, dark and hooded, breath coming in huge huffs and released with difficulty-his nostrils flaring. He held me for seconds, to a minute-his grip tightening and eyes never blinking.

The next instant he placed me roughly on his desk, kissing me once more with fervour and need before leaving the air above me cool and hot and slamming into the metal cabinet behind him and pushing against it as if to get away from me.

"Ngh…" he groaned watching me in fear. "You shouldn't… be here, Leah"

"Carlisle?" I whispered, feeling odd and stupid as the high left my body and I fixed my dress self consciously. He stared at me from the cabinet, terrified.

"You should… stay at the Reservation"

"I want to _leave _the Reservation" I said confused.

"I am not… I am evil" he whispered. "This was… evil"

"No" I said stubbornly, my eyes welling up.

He rubbed his face with is hand roughly and tried to calm his breathing.

"Leah…" he said sternly. "You are strong…"

One tear escaped my eyes as I remembered how Sam broke it off. Quoting my strength and passion as the things that would make it easier when in fact they made it harder….

"I will be leaving soon" he said softly not looking at me. "My whole family and I… we have not yet discussed it but that is the only option left"

"No" I said automatically.

"Your people… your family, they love you Leah" he said smiling sadly. "And I understand now why they would not have you visit this hospital or associate with… us"

"No"

"You shouldn't be here Leah" he whispered.

"No"

"Go home… to your family and let them take care of you" he sighed walking over to the door and opening it for me. "You are young and do not need _this_…"

I stood unsure in the middle of his office before walking over to the door, to where he stood in fake calmness.

I kissed him once, softly and he returned the kiss mildly with restriction.

"You have made me brave, Carlisle" I whispered. "Finally… I thank you"

Xx~xx~xX

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Wheeew! Three updates in a short time… the story is running in my head and I can't concentrate on day to day tasks so I have to pen it down before all the juicy bits get lost!**

**Why did I do this in Leah's point of view… if felt more appropriate that way. I might switch to her point of view from time to time, if people found this okay and comfortable. A nice distraction to Carlisle's constant brooding and masochistic melancholy. A nice change from bearing Edward's painful confusion…**

**In Edward's defence, he is a confused guy with an ego problem (_why wont you like me_ is what's bugging him).**

**Bella and Jacob shall feature somewhere in the future… trying to weave Jacob a more prominent storyline. Sigh.**

**Thank you for the love and reviews! It's probably why this got done so fast ;).**

**To the ghost reader, here is an opportunity to be heard… review!**

**Till next time.**

**tj**


	11. Deliberate Destruction

"Her name is…" Alice sang, twirling around the dining room and placing lavender flowers in random nooks.

"Isabella" I finished dryly.

"He told you about her?" Rosalie asked, frowning slightly.

I had expected Rosalie to be livid at this discovery, I had expected her to carry out my anger for me and demand that this human girl not set foot in our house. She would have been the one to point out that Edward was risking too much with this, whether she knew of our nature or not. This was too big a risk…

"Why have you not explained to him the reason this girl should not be allowed a glimpse into our world, whether she is aware that her 'Boyfriend'…" Jasper drawled, arms crossed over his chest and rounding on me.

"She is a _friend_" Alice giggled. "Just a friend… he needs one of those after the vision I had"

"What vision?" I asked her coughing nervously when Emmett would not stop smelling me.

"He went to Volterra" she sighed grimly, peering up at me with large eyes. "He went there with the intention of staying there _long_"

"Oh" I sighed twisting away from Emmett's frowning suspicion.

"Why have you not spoken to Edward yet?" Jasper repeated scowling. "This is dangerous not only for our secret, Carlisle, but for the girl and well… my control…"  
>"This is selfish!" Rosalie shouted. "Why are you not stressing this to him?"<p>

"You haven't really spoken to Edward in a while" Emmett said, brushing my shirt experimentally with his fingers.

"What's going on?" Alice asked.

"We had a little… falling out" I said softly, smiling painfully at them and realizing how lost I had been in the world of Edward and Leah that I had neglected them. "Nothing too serious"

"You smell funny" Emmett frowned. "Like… did you hug a human or some kind of human imposter? … hmm, the scent is a little _strong_…"  
>"You do smell funny" Alice agreed scrunching up her nose. "What's that scent… whose is it? Not from your infatuated nursing brigade….?"<br>"Uh, a patient" I murmured. "I couldn't exactly be rude and refuse their hug, now could I?"

"You are lying" Jasper droned pursing his lips. "What is happening with you and Edward… is this some kind of bravado show of control?"

"You know that is not the case!" I chastised him and he smiled sheepishly at his rudeness. "I have had a hard day… I am going to go shower and you had all better prepare for your brothers… _friend_. Jasper… now would be a good time to catch a snack"

"Argh…!" Rosalie snarled. "You always favour Edward and let him get away with… well, it might actually turn into a _murder_…"  
>"Rose" I said sternly holding her gaze. "Best behaviour… no scaring the girl. Let her leave with the impression her 'Friend' comes from a normal home. Thank the heaven's I bought food… Emmett, cook… put that shirt down please…"<p>

He dropped Edward's black shirt startled and looked at me with wide eyes.

"I have to cook?" Emmett asked in disbelief. "I don't know how to cook…"  
>"You're a vampire…" I sighed walking up the stairs. "Watch the cooking channel for thirty minutes and become a master chef in less than five, for heavens sake!"<p>

Xx~xx~xX

I can't get her scent off of me.

I tried masking it with various pungent things but all it did was distract its original potency to other vampires. It doesn't matter because it is I that remains with the scent with defined recall, remembering the crucial fragrance with clarity; it's in my nostrils, it had seeped into my skin and every movement I make sends a waft of rosemary spice and juniper invigorating and sweet through the air around me. If that is not enough, my hair is a lost cause. My scalp tingles with her touch, every strand tainted in the holiest of shines from wherever her fingers brushed… my nose… my forehead… my _lips…_ she has claimed them all.

The water cascades down my back, it is searing hot and violent but it can't erase her hot hand brandishing me through my shirt with one simple touch-marking me in some way as hers. Eyes closed and all I can see is her. Breath held and I remember clearly the headiness that assaulted my nose and mind when she moved sinfully over me and set her legs apart wider-releasing _that smell._

I had become most strategic, oh I had become most conniving… I had to send Jasper away. I could not contain it in me… this emotion bearing down heavily over my mind, pulling at my righteous conscious with titanium hands and singing sweet immoral lullabies to my mind. I had never wanted to be a demon this much… to lose control….

And it was because of this I had to fight as hard as I had done with the blood. This felt like that first time, when I had woken up to roaring thirst and unforgiving fire. This was a fire… good heavens, sweet Lord, save me… this was a fire and it surrounded me. I was in hell and I had the audacity to dance in the flames with each time I recalled her hot lips on my own, with each time I let her touch me so willingly with fake contest and the worst of it all was to wonder what it would have been like to lose myself in it.

To lose myself in her.

To grab her and take her with me in the darkness of sin. To grab her innocent fire and throw wet judgment over it and fuel its blaze for my own sick need, my own new addiction… this… I knew this.

Those two _itsy_ _bitty_ emotions had woven themselves into _one_. There was no 'Oh, Edward my son'. There was no 'Oh, Leah… too young and mortal'. There was just want, desire and selfish coveting and I was in dire need of priest if ever I was to remain an atoning demon.

A good demon…

"Carlisle…" Alice whispered through the door of the shower, shocking my eyes open. "They will be here in twenty minutes; I have laid out your clothes…"

"Thank you" my voice came out hoarse and I heard her stall on the other side of the door.

"Carlisle…?" she whispered. "You have been strange…"

"I am okay, Alice" I whispered back, turning the water off.

"I am here…" she sighed moving slowly away from the door. "If you need to talk"

How utterly idiotic I have been. Now, she would watch my future…! This had been cut too close; I had been too reckless with dealing with both Edward and Leah. Edward had been right; my naivety was my greatest evil… I expected the good to fight for its self while I watched and courted sin with flirtatious coy glances.

I paced the bedroom in a blurry motion, thinking of Leah and wondering on her words and well being. Thinking on my tactless handling when I ended things with her by allowing her freedom from caring for something wretched and unattainable to begin with…

How could I have been blind to her affection?

Oh, how could I have been so ignorant… my ignorance would cost a life… it would cost me so much soon… hiding behind it, using it as a shield so I could justify every want and action played in my favour…

"They are here…" Emmett said softly from the kitchen and I started when I heard the Volvo parking in its usual spot.

Now I had a son-a brother and something untitled-bringing human girls to the layer of his demon family to prove a point… and the cherry on everything lay in the fact that I would have to announce to them a possible cause to our immediate departure from Forks after they had settled. After Edward had now decided to do this… Isabella would be most intrigued on such a quick departure…. We didn't need intrigued infatuated girls… and I didn't need Aro taking Edward from me. I needed him happy. He needed her…

It was simple as being a man. I was a man, and this was my brood. We had come here and I would protect _all of them_ the best way I knew. They would be happy… I would be… I didn't need happiness right now, I needed normalcy.

I needed the storm to desist.

Xx~xx~xX

"This is Isabella…" he murmured, smiling softly at her.

"Hi" she said shyly, blushing red and sending an intoxicating aroma through the air, pushing the smell of unsavoury cooked food out of the kitchen.

He introduced her first to Emmett-his brother and less disparaging family member, he then wheeled her around to Rosalie who grunted beautifully and sent me a sulky pout of discontentment, and when Alice arrived with Jasper-she hugged the terrified girl careful and announced that Jasper was tired and they would be heading to their room.

I was last. Purposefully last and I felt Edward's eyes and mental ears reading me carefully as he turned her to me, brought her a step closer, his hand resting prominently on her waist and murmured, "This is Carlisle… my father for all intents and purposes"  
>"It's a pleasure to meet you , Carlisle" she whispered. "You really do look younger in person"<p>

Wouldn't that be counter productive to our alibi, you mentioning I am younger in person…? I thought and he smiled a small impish smile.

"Isabella…" I said softly and Edward cut me carefully, a low snorting sound.

"You have to call her Bella" he said.

"Only me?" I asked and she blushed when I arched an eyebrow in question.

"Everyone really" she explained. "I prefer Bella"

"Then…" I smiled at her and took her hand carefully in mine. "It is my pleasure to meet the young woman who has made my son so happy"

She blushed furiously, her scent swirling sadistically in the kitchen and sending Rosalie out of the area while Edward's face went rigid, eyes narrowed at me and lips set in a thin line.

"Let me show you my room, Bella" he murmured and disappeared with the girl.

"That went well" Emmett laughed.

"Yes" I whispered, keeping my mind preoccupied with a thousand and one things including the sound of Bella's heart beat. "I do think it went well"

Xx~xx~xX

He had taken her back home after enjoying her admiring intoxicated gaze for an hour in our home. She left her scent on too many things, punishing us for trying to make him happy; I was allowing this punishment after making him eternally sad.

Xx~xx~xX

"You are not to tell her of our nature" I told him sternly and he scoffed. "Edward, I am serious… this is not a backward village… this is a modern world and the Volturi…"  
>"Would sooner kill an entire village before allowing my <em>talents<em> go to waste for a little _girl_…"

"And this is why I knew this was a bad idea!" Rosalie shrieked. "You are a pompous selfish brat, do you know that…?"  
>"Yes" Edward murmured. "I do"<p>

"Edward… you are not selfish or pompous, I refuse to believe that" I said softly, trying to quiet Rosalie. "Now I have something important to say that will put a dent in this little development of yours…"

"He really likes Isabella" Alice murmured. "I have _seen_ it"  
>"He doesn't <em>act<em> like it" Jasper laughed. "Didn't you say he once made a girl his pet…?"

"What's to say he isn't doing that again…?" Rosalie hissed.

"I told you" Alice sighed. "He likes her… I don't know why he is downplaying it and being difficult"  
>"Can I say my piece?" I sighed, watching as they scowled and huffed at each other. "I saw something in the…"<br>"No way" Edward breathed staring at me as the memory of the giant black wolf standing tall in the trees and staring at me with vile dislike fleeted through my mind.

"I saw a wolf" I said quickly. "A wolf of Old"

"From the Old Native American tribe….?" Rosalie asked.

"Yes" I sighed.

"The treaty is still intact" Edward murmured. "I am _not_ moving"

I thought he would want to move, unless he really has become attached to Isabella…

"Her name is _Bella_ and that is not why" he said frowning. "I like it here…"

"I like it here too" Jasper agreed and Rosalie, Alice and Emmett nodded in agreement.

"I suppose if the treaty is intact" I said softly. "But… this new human contact you have made Edward…"  
>"Do not talk to me about human contact" he snapped and I lost my control for a brief second, remembering Leah's single tear falling as I hurt her with my oblivion of insight on the things in front of me, hurt her when I found myself a little too late to control the situation…<p>

"What did you do?"

"It is nothing" I murmured. "You need to be careful with Bella"  
>"I always am" Edward snapped.<p>

"You need to understand there is more at stake here…"  
>"I do" he frowned. "You saw Leah today?"<p>

"I saw Leah" I whispered. "Excuse me… I think I will go for a run, we will discuss this further when I return…"

"Carlisle don't…"

But I was gone.

Xx~xx~xX

"What is going on" Jasper asked walking out of the shadows, his blonde hair dancing in the air like moon beams.

"You will have to be more specific, Mr Hale" I sighed.

"You and Edward…" he huffed, thrusting his hand to the side in frustration

"You mean the human situation I suppose?" I asked him and he nodded once. "Leah was a child who…"

"_Was_?" he asked cutting me and taking another step towards my still form on the boulder, a slightly intimidating air around him. "Does this imply you will not make contact with her again…? Carlisle… I honestly don't understand. Our laws forbid it… and you are most meticulous at staying out of Aro's radar…so…"

"That is what I am getting to Jasper" I sighed. "I was counselling Leah on her career choice and that has subsequently ended…"

"Okay" he whispered frowning a little as he processed what I told him.

"Edward…" I said-pronouncing the name experimentally before sighing and leaving the name hanging in the air.

"I did not expect you to condone this" he said softly. "I expected you to try and understand and then reason with him that this is selfish. But this… you want us to accept it… that he wants a human pet…"

"Alice said it was not the case" I sighed wearily, frustrated with Jasper's insistent refusal to let it be-frustrated with the sense he made when I wanted to run back to my safe haven of unawareness.

"Well… she is enjoying having the human as a pet too" he sighed squeezing his lips together.

"So you were looking to me to tell Edward not to do this thing, so you would not have to confront Alice of your own grievance with the matter?"

"Something like that" he smiled sheepishly. "You have to understand… I am the one affected by this the most…"

"Let me put this in plain sights for you Jasper" I said softly, rising to face him and smiling" Your wife thinks of this girl fondly. Edward-in his arrogant way, I suppose-thinks of this girl fondly too. Vampires are not to make contact with humans on this particular level, it is not truly a law but it is a precaution… you know the only law is not to make a spectacle of our nature…"

"Well…"

"Let me finish, son" I sighed. "The thing that scared me most, the one reason you say I am _different_ at this moment… is that Alice saw your brother leaving me-leaving us-for Aro. She saw Edward unhappy and that is not a prediction on its own, he has been unhappy for a while… he is my son, Jasper and you have to understand that I would have him happy"

"I would have him happy but not in Aro's house" I whispered. "You need to understand that as a father I find happiness in the happiness of my children. I have been… derailed of late, subconsciously seeking my own happiness. This is unnatural… to my character"  
>"This has <em>what <em>in context to the Swan girl…" he grumbled. "Might I remind you, her blood calls to him… might I remind you she is a _risk_"  
>"A necessary one" I sighed looking him in the eye. "Jasper… you have Alice. Emmett has Rosalie… Edward has…"<br>"Edward has you" he said matter-of-factly and I could not hide the grimace forming on my face in time.

"You _all_ have me" I clarified, looking away from him. "He is seeking an _objective _form of companionship-even if it is for this brief moment, let us allow him that. You and I know he is more than capable of handling this… please, do not let his behaviour turn this into a bitter conflict between the two of you…"

"You do spoil him" he whispered, grinning derisively. "You spoil him so much, to the point of _compensation_… Do you feel guilty he has no mate? Is your intention to have this Bella be his mate?"  
>"My intention is to keep everyone happy-so I too can be happy-and uphold the treaty of the Quileute which explicably states that no mortal is to be <em>bitten<em> on these here lands…"

"Hmm" he murmured watching me from his height "On the subject of _mate_… the women, well really by women I mean my wife Alice…"  
>I smiled at him knowing were this was going.<p>

"She is concerned that if Edward is becoming wrestles about this... bachelorhood thing" he said uncomfortably and I knew Alice had sent him to enquire "Then surely you are… also…"  
>"I would have expected her to simply <em>look into my future<em>" I laughed.

"She did" he said softly. "She can't see anything further than a few days… it worries her, like there is a constant road block appearing in random spots of your future… Edward's too, in fact _all of us_. She has been sulking about it…"

This should not please me so. It sent the little worry I had had that she would see something forbidden, floating up into the air and disintegrating.

"You should be worried?" he asked.

"I don't think it is anything drastic" I said calmly. "She does tend to spread her vision thin…"

"Yes" he laughed, walking back to the house with me. "She likes _knowing everything_, this would be good for her I suppose, give me time to run around and get her an anniversary gift with little worry"

Xx~xx~xX

"Hello Mary" I said softly and she immediately dropped the files in her hand on the desk, rushing over to me in her wobbling gait with a furiously determined expression on her face.

"Dr Cullen…" she gasped.

"Uh… Mary"

"I saw Leah leave yesterday… from seeing you…"

Oh no, oh no…

"She was upset, said something about you leaving us soon…" Mary said softly, her hand going on my arm and squeezing slightly. "She was _really _upset… you had become the big brother she had never had…"  
>Then I had to be the worst big brother to ever be had….<p>

"I thought it couldn't be true…" Mary sighed, folding her arms over her chest. "This here, at Forks General… is your second family… you wouldn't up and leave so abruptly?"

"I…" I began trying not to recall the chaos I had carried when I told Leah those words, told her I had to leave… "I thought… I would be leaving soon, but really you are right. My _second_ family and the kids are so settled here…"

"Exactly!" Mary exclaimed. "I knew she was just overcome by her little crush on you, you know after the whole engagement thing, poor girl mistook your compassion for more… they always do though, I bet!"

If I could blanche I would.

"I recommended she redirect her affections to Edward" Mary laughed. "Makes more sense… you are a grown man with teenage children-adopted or relatives or whatever-you have adult responsibilities and she really shouldn't be so determined with her _crush_… inappropriate. And you know something else…"  
>"No" I said dryly.<p>

"I heard from Chief Swan, who told Charlotte who told… well it got to me…" she murmured, doing her side glance look of checking for mysterious spies "That the Quileute have really gone all out on this 'Anti-Forks General' thing. They have gone as far as promoting their kids stay within the Reservation…" 

Oh, yes… they knew of our existence, or at least their elders knew… did Leah, she couldn't know... she didn't allow her tradition to infiltrate her worldly views. It didn't matter; I was not to see her… she would not seek me out after what happened in the office…

"Hmm" Mary finished. "I guess the workshop has come to an end?"

"I guess so" I said coolly walking of to my office in a daze.

"Money wasted and all we learnt is that the Natives wont ever stop hating us Pale Faces" she grumbles-a sound she thought too low for my walking-away form to hear.

Xx~xx~xX

"I thought I would surprise you" Edward murmured, smiling a little.

"Hmm, and you did" I nodded at him, checking the clipboard and reading Tyler's information. It felt like the whole of Forks High was in the lobby and I was not amused by his appearance through the crowd. I was not amused nor was Rosalie and Jasper…

"I couldn't exactly let her die" he said softly, following me as I checked the other injured teenagers.

"No, you couldn't" I said "And for that… I am proud"  
>"She won't tell" he whispered desperately. "I trust her…"<br>"When were you going to tell me you can't hear her thoughts?" I asked him and he froze-the question came out with little delay surprising him.

"When… we had… recovered our _friendship_" he whispered nervously.

"Well…" I murmured, handing the pile of clipboards to Charlotte and still speaking in wisps too low for human ears "You are going to be in the firing line with Rosalie due to your _impulsiveness_… I had already managed to explain to Jasper about your little… Bella, and he somewhat understands your need for her"

"Thank you" he murmured as I walked away from him. "Shall I come and see you after this is done?"

Do what you must Edward, when have you ever waited for my permission, answer or response?

"Right" he murmured metres from me, watching Bella blush at the attention she was receiving. "You are upset with me"

Xx~xx~xX

Damage control.

That was what I had done with shaky haste and mild strength. I didn't have Leah to talk to but I had regained a semblance of my family. I had my family but I knew I was not the same man since those hot kisses had landed on my mouth and plucked something out of me.

I was upset, I was derailed, I was cold and hot and I had to keep this up because in the end, the one thing that had saved me from becoming a red eyed vampire-besides my acknowledgment of God and hell-was my family. It was them who made me strive to keep our path clean and pure.

I had no right to shake that. I had to keep us intact-it was what I wanted. Edward would never know that the future saw him running to Aro, and leaving me for a while-a while was a long time for a vampire… and Aro would be more than intrigued to learn of the new additions to his mental library, to learn of my not so pure form after decades of denying any need for…

I heard his ghost footsteps approach the door and dismissed my internal turmoil to something softer and less burdening. He entered, smiling uncomfortably and closed the door silently.

"Carlisle?" he whispered nervously, turning the light on. "You need to start switching your light on…"  
>"When I am in darkness I feel hidden from your telepathy" I lied and he laughed even though my face remained serious and cold.<p>

"I… wanted to know how upset you were" he asked, walking over to my desk. "I don't want you upset"  
>"Funny you should say that" I murmured surveying his fake smile "It was what you had been striving towards for so long and now that you have it you want to pretend you are not pleased?"<p>

"So you are jealous?" he asked finally, his eyes twinkling and smiling truly. "Is this… are you upset that Bella makes me happy?"  
>I am glad he has found someone who seems to have enough patience for his… <em>over<em> _confidence_.

"Just admit it" he frowned.

"You know I am not jealous" I whispered closing my eyes for a moment. "I am happy you are happy"  
>"<em>Why<em>" he scowled.

"You smile, you laugh… its lovely" I whispered. "You stop looking at me so _intently_"  
>"I will always look at you <em>intently<em>" he muttered leaning back into the chair. "It is just… after pining for so long it is nice having someone look at me with concentrated adoration"  
>"Edward, you promised she was no pet"<br>"And she is not" he stated blandly, stretching forward over the desk. "She is my _Leah…"_

For some unknown reason, I had thought he would never mention her name to me again. Her face, torn and confused fleeted through my mind but decades of living with Edward allowed my mind to regain control of other unnecessary subjects for a quick cover.

"You broke her lose?" he asked and I frowned in fake nonchalance.

"You deliberately broke her heart?" he prodded.

"She was not in love with me…" I whispered. "She was confused about her fiancé and home situation"  
>"Did she make a move on you?" he asked quietly, curiously, prodding my control on my mind-willing me to release the carefully constructed barrier.<p>

"I know what happened" he said smiling, rising out of the seat and walking around my office. "She made a move on you-like I had done-and you rebuffed her, like you did with me"

His condescension irked me, his smirking prickled my anger and I lost.

The detailed memory of my tumble with Leah from the front of his painting back to the table came unbidden and with full force, swirling between the recollection of her alluring eyes and hallowed womanly sent to her hot touch and soft caresses and more prominently my flimsy control that allowed me to taste her velvety golden cherry lips in billowing kisses…

He growled, the sound shaking the picture window slightly and resounding thought the office in rumbling waves. He stood still, rigid and fists balled and hard at his side. I wanted to care, I wanted to feel remorse but instead I smiled.

This was what he had introduced to me with his illicit kiss and this was what Leah had shaped with her heady scent.

Daringness.

"It was cheap" he growled, his back to me-facing the picture window that showed the corridor.

"Oh, but it wasn't…" I murmured. "I suppose I needed to know, subconsciously… before I ended it"

"You wish to upset me"

"I thought you would be happy Edward?" I whispered "I ended it for you… to some level"

"You call that an _ending_…!"

"I can never seem to make you happy, can I?" I muttered, touching the gauged wood of my table-were I had gripped to tightly when she rubbed on my leg… there was no need for barriers now. The memories trickling through…

He snapped his head back, eyes black and flat and his face a livid beautiful destructive angel. I pretended not to care, he knew I was terrified of what was to pass between us but my physical nonchalance aggravated him further.

"There is nothing to be upset about Edward" I whispered, touching the other gauge on the table and pulverizing the indents. "You have Bella-a preoccupation-and I will return to my medicine"  
>"I have Bella?" he hissed and then laughed sardonically-an alluring sound that could capture hearts.<p>

"Yes" I murmured.

"Bella…" he said thoughtfully "I suppose… but you know how I am with enigmas"

"So it is about her locked mind?"  
>"Her mind and her smell" he murmured absently.<p>

It was out in the air, no more secrets and hidden thoughts. Surely now…

"Never" he hissed. "It will never be content"  
>"At least something similar?" I tried. "I forgive you and wont you forgive me?"<br>"You forgive me…" he laughed. "For what?"  
>"Edward…" I sighed. "This is unnecessary"<br>"You think my _loving_ _you _is _unnecessary_? You think I want to walk around in your shadow waiting for you to feel this chill too?" he shouted and I zoomed over to the picture window and closed the blinds.

"Don't even try and run to your fucked up ignorance and selected revelations" he whispered behind me, too close.

"I know you have understood my _ailment, Good Doctor" _he whispered by my ear while I gripped the plastic rod to close the blinds tightly, staring at the bamboo wooden strips intently. "I see it in your mind"  
>"Enough of this" I hissed, manoeuvring away from him and back to my seat.<p>

"I suppose your file cabinet is a result of 'rebuffing Leah'?" he asked dryly and I peered at the dented metal cabinet and sighed.

"What the hell do you want from me, _boy_" I exhaled, covering my face with my hands and hiding him from my sights. "Everything is near perfect again, I have compensated this to the point of destruction…"  
>"Do you know the true pity of this destruction?" he said-his voice cackling and breaking in odd hitches-the tell-tale signs of a vampire crying "You wanting <em>her<em> and not…"

"Edward… concentrate on Isabella…"

"Why don't… why can't you want me like that" he whispered pained and I felt him move towards me "Why didn't you throw her off you and send her flying through the picture window and into the corridor when she kissed you?"

"Because…" I grumbled not removing my hands "She wouldn't survive such violence"

"Oh, but you think I did because I am made of _marble_" he laughed "Who in God's good name made me of _marble_…?"

"You are spreading me thin Edward" I cried.

"If I touched like a human…?" he whispered and I felt his hand ghost over my own softly, sending electricity in odd places from the point it made contact "Would you be less terrified of this?"  
>"Stop" I hissed shoving him away violently and growling low, surprising us both with my quick turn to animalistic vampire. He crashed into the wall, cracking the paint and plaster.<p>

"No" he breathed, brushing little grey fragments of his sweater-ever meticulous with his appearance-even when we were nearing doom.

"Do you know what it is…" I hissed, pushing out of the chair violently and stalking towards him. "You make it difficult… for everyone… when you do not have your way and I have to run around covering for you because it is somehow my fault you are so…"

"The only _way_ I want to _have_ is _with_ you" he hissed back lips pulled over his teeth in a grin-like-snarl "And that is the way you won't permit so do not spew this…"  
>"Go and exhaust yourself in Isabella so you can let our eternity be peaceful!" I shouted shoving him back and snarling.<p>

"Do you want me gone?" he asked irking me further with his odd turn in mood-calm, anger and mocking.

The memory of Alice murmuring the words, the realisation that he would leave…

"I _will_ leave…" he whispered. "Because you cause me pain, Carlisle…"

"I cannot do what you want me to do!" I cried. "I don't…"  
>"But when Leah wanted it from you it was acceptable?" he asked cocking his head.<p>

"And now I can never talk to her" I said softly. "You would risk this thing, this emotion… and have us disintegrate…?"

"Kiss me" he whispered, taking a step forward, his hand reaching for my own. "In this office… it will end here… and I will be free, it will be like it never happened, Carlisle… all these thoughts I have on you, on me… this pain… I just…"

"Edward..."  
>"You see, you destroyed the office…" he said a nervously, voice coming out huskier, his hand waving in too much energy over the things I had knocked over in inhuman strength-when I had lost control with Leah "You destroyed it with her and… we can destroy it and you will ask for a new one…"<br>"You are being absurd…"  
>"You will ask for a new office and every <em>sin <em>will be left in here…" he murmured his hand taking my own easily and tugging so I turned towards him.

"No" I whispered staring at his desperate eyes, watching fascinated as they darted from my eyes to my mouth in a dark hunger. He stood closer and inhaled, groaning slightly.

"Carlisle" he breathed squeezing my hand and carrying it easily to his chest-were his heart should be, his tongue moistening his lips and razor teeth biting lightly over the inside of the flesh.

"No one will ever know, Carlisle" he murmured closing the pathetic distance. "You won't have to keep deluding yourself that I don't have an effect on you, you will be free too"

He had been beautiful in his humanity, a boy worthy of staring maidens-caught between having too much affection thrown his way and wanting to chase after that which didn't care for his beauty. Only a blind man could over look his face, his hair, his smile, his lips, his scent… I had had to fight Aro so he would remain with me… so sure I was his father, so sure I was immune to such beauty

Was I not immune…?

"Carlisle…" he moaned, his eyes locked with my own, relentless and loving.  
>"Edward?"<p>

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Thank you all for the reviews, and love and detailed likes and dislikes…! (I do like detail)**

**A little OOCness in the vampire biology here-well, it may actually be something S. Meyer has confirmed but I will announce it anyway: Vampires emotions are extremely heightened, hormones included… now, Carlisle has been going around suppressing these _feelings _ for hundreds of years… the closet is full, Old Chap… and about to burst open.**

**Edward-is stuck a teenager with teenage angst. A never ending immortal phase, ouch. Now, hormonal horny teenager plus century old mind doesn't really make for a good combination surprisingly **

**I think this story is more about the complexities and different forms of love and lust and how they affect each other when you have forever to get over it, or get into it. The plot is alternate universe of twilight-so Twilight will be bent and warped but remain the skeleton of the plot.**

**Jacob… we shall see with time.**

**Isabella-Bella. Uhm… I say her name with slight bitterness after the Breaking Dawn fiesta, but I will try not to let this be a 'Bella gets Slapped and Dumped' story and remain objective through out.**

**I did the fade in black… because I had not changed the rating as yet. Cough, cough… and my, cough… 'getting-to-know-your-elbow'/lemony writing skills are not yet honed, so here is to hoping all the hot and bothered scenes are felt _whilst_ reading and not searched for _after_ reading.**

**Thank you for the alerts, favourites and reviews once more.**

**Your awesomeness is LEGENDARY**

**TJ xx oo **


	12. Selfish  Destruction

The peach blossoms flutter through the air in a peaceful swirl, dancing in the breeze to the sound of the birds before finishing their journey in a serene floating retreat-spreading the earth in a blanket of innocent white beauty with their sweet kiss when landing.

It is the only peach tree in Forks… I had planted it when I had visited the area a few years ago, scouting for a house for us to live in-all done quietly and discreetly. It lay right by the encroaching forest, its little perimeter enclosed with granite and wood and its white crown of flowers contrasting in wonderful light spectres with the lush green background of the dark shadowed forest.

I love that tree. I love the scent and fragrances it releases that fleet through the office each time the window is opened. I had not known to what extent I cherished that tree, I had not comprehended what its allure had been that had caused me to buy it and plant it in that very spot and I had not known the disappointing happiness it evoked in me with each cherished peach smell and tentative floating petal…

I had not known in my conscious decision, but my mind-at the very back of it, the section reserved for emotions that can no longer pass through a dead heart-had known.

I loved that tree in substitute to Carlisle. I loved that tree the way I loved Carlisle. That tree was Carlisle. I had loved it for him and because of him. I had planted it opposite his office with latent knowledge that he would spend his time in his new office once we moved and open the window and be greeted with the sacred peach scent that represented my love. He would gaze out the window, and unknowingly bear witness to the love I had for him, growing with each day…

His office was cluttered with books and notepads. I suppose in vampire terms he would be labelled a hoarder; a Hoarder of Memories. He was so afraid of forgetting things when his mind caught each detail with ease and permanence. Things were written down, documented and always he tried to keep it clinical and sanitized.

Always he tried to stay objective in his records of his little world that he lost himself in, of the people encroaching on this world and of his _feelings._

_Always guiltless even when sinning…_

There is a little doodling on his desk, a drawing of an eye.

Carlisle would not have been able to pass as an artist in his human life, that I am certain of. Everything he does and feels is tainted in the logic of a man of medicine. He deals with technicalities and sacrifices… there is no place for whimsical thoughts or alternate realities with him. This drawing represents that; it is easily discernable to me as an economical imitation of art-something a human with dull eyesight would mistaken as a masterpiece-the lines are semi-hard and directed, the shading too even and careful.

He drew that eye when he received Leah Clearwater's phone call, his hand unwittingly giving evidence on the sand coloured dry paper of what his mind was preoccupied with. He never draws or performs any art aside from his melancholy musings that he thinks of as 'poetry' when penning them down. He never expresses his emotions by his own free hand, from the brain and past the cavity of his chest… that is what art is, in retrospect. An expression of emotions.

The drawing is of Leah Clearwater's large dark eyes-well, _eye_ really. He got the shape right, he got the too thick lashes right too… but if one had never seen the owner of this drawn eye, if one had never born witness to Leah Clearwater's acid anger and cynical sadness, they would have missed the romanticized despairing beauty Carlisle had attempted to capture in the single eye.

This eye drawn on a torn piece of ancient parchment represents more than just Carlisle's constant thoughts on the eyes owner.

I flick the lighter open carefully, smelling the gas fumes immediately and the heat of the little flame terrorizing my senses. It is the same as burning, loving Carlisle. It is worse than burning because the flames do not desist. I want to put it all out on the little piece of paper, blame it for everything… blame it for turning me into a villain in Carlisle's subconscious, blame it from destroying the control I had crafted over so many decades… but I know, and God do I hate knowing this, I know the only thing to blame… is the _emotion_ it self. The only thing to blame is my self for thinking that eternity was long enough to wait for Carlisle's love.

Eternity is up…

The peach tree burns wild and strong, as though it had been waiting for too long to be embraced by this inferno. The continuous cold unloving winter left the branches and bark dry and they crackle through the flames in withering despair, the pretty innocent blossoms charred in the heat of neglect and the smell of sinfully sweet peach fills the air in dramatic exit.

Xx~xx~xX

**EDWARD CULLEN **

**SELFISH DESTRUCTION**

"Hey" Bella mumbles, rubbing her eyes furiously. "I thought you would be going to school with your brothers and sisters?"

"No…" I murmur "They left early and I thought I would treat you to a ride in a modern day car…"

"Ha ha ha" she mutters sardonically, throwing her feet of her bed and stomping of to her bathroom. "I'll be a minute Edward"

"Take as long as you want" I whisper, lying on her unmade bed.

She likes to pretend she doesn't like arriving in my car; she likes to pretend she doesn't like it when I offer her my jacket or when I offer to pay for things. She likes to pretend… she reminds me of Carlisle in that way except Carlisle really _believes_ it when he _pretends._

She nodded vehemently when I asked her if we could be friends and if it was okay with her but somehow, she has forgotten to let her friends know this. So every little action I do-born out of a different time and decades with the ever bumbling gentlemanly Carlisle-is taking as a sign of unity.

Bella, sweet Bella with the scent and hidden mind…

Xx~xx~xX

I hate school.

"Did Carlisle sleep in at work?" Alice asks.

"Shouldn't _you_ know, oh psychic one…"I murmur uneasily-her talents of the future had caused me many migraines of late… I had expected her to barge in my room any day and call me out. She stopped heckling me after her last vision of Bella, surprisingly and had been oddly quiet and reserved…

"No, but his scent was on you when you returned home" she said frowning.

"Stop being an idiot, Jackass and just answer Alice" Rosalie sighed, breaking her French roll in half and picking at it till it resembles a pile of dust.

"Yes, I was with him last night" I said carefully. "Briefly… and then I went… for a run"

"Are you having trouble with your memory?" Emmett frowned. "What's with the stammering?"  
>"He was dropped as a newborn" Rosalie muttered and Jasper and Emmett laughed.<p>

This would have bothered me on a different day, this would have irked me on a different week and this would have caused me to miss Carlisle terribly had it been delivered months ago, before I had been utterly stupid and impulsively destructive to my own environment. I looked away from them, and sought out her mane of mahogany hair and silent thoughts. She had become like a pain killer for me, a silent retreat from the questioning thoughts of Jasper, frowning suspicions of Alice and insistent dislike and arrogance of Rosalie… even Emmett was becoming exceptionally perceptive of late…

I didn't want to think about what I had done, what I had done to us…

"Edward?" Jasper murmured, touching my arm. "What's wrong…?"  
>"I just…"<p>

"Don't _engage_ it" Rosalie sighed. "What's new, he is sulking and brooding and over thinking this immortality. He is his father's son after all…"

"Uh… you okay buddy?" Emmett asked peering at me. "Uhm, you will be with your _human_ soon…"

"Hmm" I muttered, returning to my salad.

"Edward?" Alice tried again. "You left Carlisle at work…?"

"Yes…" it was sort of true but Jasper kept watching me. Jasper and his suspicious nature…

"Did you two have another fight?" she asked, smiling a small patient smile and her thoughts coated with an odd worry, her mind occupying it self with all things to do with my face.

"Another fight?" I asked. How many had she born witness too in her visions…?

"You fight a lot of late" Rosalie murmured quietly. "Frowning and huffing and glaring…"

"Yes" I muttered. "A fight…"

They dropped it then, the grimace I had been too late to hide misconstrued as uncomfortable recall and resumed their own conversations. I was left to battle with my mind, battle with my self and battle with a conversation I would soon be having with them-a lie I would have to construct and perfect when delivering it to them that I had sent their father away with my selfish love.

Xx~xx~xX

Alice had tried to keep the vision she had of me leaving for Volterra at bay.

While she was in her Art Class with Jasper-hoping that I was preoccupied with Bella long enough for her to peep ahead into my future-she checked, praying it had changed, praying that my constantly increasing distance from Carlisle would not bear truth to her sad prophecy.

The vision was solid. It had cracks in its journey, there was no in-between prediction, it skipped from me going home today to what could be months ahead in Italy. Something was not right with her talent, there where holes in it as large as moon craters… this made her more anxious to see Carlisle and in turn shot my blood pressure-I suppose, venom pressure-up thirty two thousand percent.

A simple lie that Carlisle had gone to visit Eleazar would not suffice. They would check… they would check anything I told them at this point. I had destroyed us… and I was now living with them on borrowed time.

The only options I had-the only true things left to me in my chaos were a true death or cowardly refuge under Aro. I could not live without my family, worse of without _Carlisle_.

Xx~xx~xX

"What's wrong?" Bella asked, tugging at my hand with her too hot one. I pulled away, frowning when she unwittingly stepped in front of a stray breeze and tortured me further with her scent, sending my already feeble control on the edge and alerting me to the fact I had not hunted in days.

"I… did something" I whispered, looking away from her large eyes-wondering why they were not as large as Leah's. Leah and her eyes, eyes that had Carlisle wondering too many things…

"Is this about that person you liked?" she asked, frowning. I didn't need to read her thoughts to understand her, I soon realized. She wore her emotions with feeble control all over her face, falling through in every blush and fluttering eyes.

"Yes" I said stoically, staring at her father's house, wishing I was human and fragile. Easily broken and irreparable…

"Is this about Carlisle?" she tried and I smiled. She liked to think she was exceptionally perceptive of others when in fact; she was absorbed in _only me_. I had left her sufficient clues to the contents of my insistent brooding. I knew she knew… she of course, was lost to my _knowing_ she knew…

"Yes" I murmured.

"You told him?" she asked, playing with the hem of her sweater nervously.

"Yes, I told him… a while ago" I whispered, finally looking at her-watching as she blushed, listening as her heart beat sped up and gulping hard when venom pooled in my mouth.

"I suppose…" she murmured, looking down at my shoes and then back up to my face in desperate understanding "It is… okay… since you aren't really related and he _led_ you on"

"I am not _with_ him" I clarified. "Nor am I gay… I think…"  
>"You aren't gay?" she asked her breath hitching and eyes shining with hope.<p>

"I think..." I reiterated. "I cannot explain this to you, Bella dearest. It's a vampire thing… there isn't _gay or straight. _There is just … a _prominent_ preference. We are sexual beings… from what I gather anyway and the lifestyle we live, my family and I, it goes against this _nature_"  
>"Sexual Beings…" she murmured and her heart thudded seductively under her chest. I could only <em>imagine <em>what she was thinking of me.

"Yes" I whispered, thinking on my last visit to Italy with Carlisle, the last trip we ever when it had been only him and I and our easy brother-father friendship. When he had stopped allowing his love to flow free for me and began dictating it with hidden suspicion and coy release.

"I should leave, Bella" I finished.

"Will you come in the evening…?" she asked, slinging her backpack over her shoulder clumsily. "To talk… you can talk to me, _always_ Edward"

"No, not tonight, Bella" I sighed, entering the Volvo. "I have to go find Carlisle…"

Xx~xx~xX

The truth about some emotions is that you never really realise you are carrying them until they are laid out in front of you, bleeding and writhing in unrecoverable anguish.

The Volvo slides over the wet road easily, sleek and elegantly powerful through the air-the perfect machine to describe the side of me that wishes and yearns for security and control. It is what I had strived for before I had been thrust into immortality; with wispy explanations from a beautiful shy doctor… it is what I had strived for under the watchful eye of my not so easily pleased father and over compensating mother. Carlisle had been a warped version of both of these things once; too easily pleased and over compensating with his _love_.

Every aspect of a human's personality is frozen in immortality, frozen whole and then exponentially increased when coated in silver venom.

The human Edward had been a perfectionist, the human Edward had been an only child who excelled at everything but never managed to qualify for his fathers full approval and had thus become obsessed with gaining it-gaining that love and security, the human Edward had every girl in his vicinity adoring him to a bored distraction and a mother codling him with too much love bordering on crippling.

The feeling I get when I think of that past, with its blurred edges and orange coloured hues of hidden truths is heavy. A heavy emotion that crushes my immortal reality that behind my human visage of peaceful home living and a loving family… I had been unhappy. It had been a terrible perfection that had cost me _something_ and that something was lost with my mortal death, lost and never found nor discovered to its contents.

The delay Carlisle had when it came to visiting Aro had confused me back then, it's funny how time has clarified that confusion; it's funny how his delay has highlighted his sanctified wisdom at this present pandemonium…

**Italy, Volterra-a few decades ago…**

"What is Aro like?" I asked him, turning the letter experimentally in my hand, analysing the twirling inscriptions of Latin, written with a quill by an ancient hand and irked that I couldn't understand its hidden message in the antique language.

He thought about Aro the way one would think of a brother or friend that was constantly in contest with you, although they loved you in their distant way. Aro was beautiful, as he had promised all vampires were-something he had sprung up in my earlier life as a new born when I had been obsessed with my reflection. In his mind, Aro had dark hair, palest of skin that conveyed ancient youth and eyes that revealed a civilised hunger for human blood and a curiosity that knew no bounds.

I had worried that Carlisle and this elusive Italian God were closer than acquaintances, worrying even when his thoughts revealed that their friendship struggled to remain in its give and take loyalty. The way Carlisle perceived the world sometimes made his thoughts untrustworthy to the reality of that _very_ world; he would gaze upon a beggar with such romanticised pity that by the time his memory of the decrepit drunk individual came to me, he had painted a vision of a glowing lost soul, cast upon the earth by an unforgiving society and I would share with him this pity till I searched out this 'lost beautiful misinterpreted soul' and saw in fact, a man wasted on the streets hiding from a wife and children so he could get drunk in peace.

Aro, it seemed from his mind-was very child like in action but regained a deductive calculative mind that was almost sadistic in its ingenuity at manipulating the environment around it. And when he had mentioned Aro's gift as a side remark, I had reeled over in envious shock-in my mind, I was the only one to possess powers that held the minds of the living and dead at hostage.

Now this Aro individual could see into the mind further than I could, weed out lost memories and thoughts long passed…

"He is… hospitable" he said concise and softly; even when his mind flurried with the images of Aro's curious gaze and quirked smile that showed wayward thoughts.

"Maybe we shouldn't…" he sighed a second time, rereading the Latin letter Aro sent him; reading it in Latin in his mind and frustrating me further to its true contents behind the mental pictures each foreign word evoked in his mind.

He thought about human women in a pitiful tone, he thought about Aro showing me around their grand underground palace with panicky reflection and he thought about a little vampire woman with blonde hair and distant cold red eyes with a guarded sort of fear… all in Latin and all causing me great discomfort at not knowing these individuals true connection to him because of how Carlisle's mind diluted things through his compassion and naivety.

"I should not have told him about you" he whispered, dropping the letter heavily on top of his desk with a thousand medicine books and parchments. "I shouldn't have…"  
>"As much as I like being your little <em>secret<em>" I laughed "I would like to meet other vampires"

"Maybe Eleazar…" he whispered, placing his smallish index finger on his lips thoughtfully, the man-Eleazar-appearing in his mind with fond recollection.

"He sounds lovely" I grumbled, already knowing that this man-this vampire Eleazar-would be briefly interested in Carlisle's "son" before grabbing Carlisle away from me and talking of their 'good old times' that Carlisle hid from me verbally and only released in uncontrolled thoughts.

"You want to meet Aro?" he asked again. _Of course he does, Aro's gift is similar… he wants to understand…_

"Yes" I whispered, oddly relishing in his unwillingness to share me with Aro and protectiveness when he thought of Caius and even the slight pity he felt when the third member, this Marcus appeared in his mind.

"Okay" he said, pursing his lips into a pinkish yet-to-bloom rose.

"Okay" I grinned at him and he smiled freely, never able to resist returning joy and happiness.

"Just one thing, Edward" he said, frowning slightly. "One thing… please, when we go there… do not forget everything I have taught you about my way of life…"

"Carlisle…" I cut him, already knowing were this was heading naturally "It is not _your _way of life… it is _ours_".

Xx~xx~xX

The beauty that is Italy.

What does a Chicago born only child raised to strive for the unattainable know of Italy? _Everything and nothing…_ countryside beautiful, glorious and quaint, a people lovely and rich… a world old and seductive… I had fallen in love.

Oh, better yet-in retrospect of the landscape-this would be the backdrop to falling unrecoverably _in love. _

My initial impression of Aro, Caius and Marcus was one of awe. They sat still in the thrones, their position intentionally orchestrated that way, months before for a great impression on Carlisle, a reminder that his peculiarity was of little threat to their splendour and more importantly to win the eyes of is newborn.

Xx~xx~xX

"You see Edward" Aro murmured, walking around me, too close and personal-briefly touching a hand on my shoulder and squeezing "Carlisle… he runs away from the things he loves the most"

_He will run from you like he did me…_

"He would _never_ abandon me" I said, frowning at the painting on the wall. The gothic image of vampires merrily devouring young maidens in a field of wheat…

"No…" Aro whispers "Not for as long as you remain a young innocent boy lost without parentage"

""I do not care for your mind games…"  
>"Watch your arrogance!" he hissed, appearing in front of me-too close again, momentarily baring his teeth before staring at my lips in obvious question. "Such arrogance might have me thinking you were <em>special…<em>"  
>"Carlisle loves me" I said simply, walking calmly away from Aro and moving on to view the next painting. "He loves me and I love him…"<p>

"You have caught his naivety" Aro laughed, a slight maniacal laugh that required attention. "You have caught on to his self delusions of fairy tale worlds and romantic _goodness…_"  
>"Carlisle…"<p>

"Carlisle _this_ and Carlisle _that_" he laughed again and I felt an unreasonable anger, a fierce fire burning inside me at his mocking. Aro was highly intelligent, easily discerning from Carlisle's entire record of memory on how to deflect his thoughts, firing away with unnecessary questions that sent his true intentions in a round about.

"I like the way we live" I whispered.

"It is the only way you _know_ how to live" he murmured, thinking on his last meal-sending my throat on a slight tingling path reminiscent of thirst (Carlisle had insisted we over indulge when we had hunted).

I watched mesmerized as he fleeted through images of human young men, naked and dying while he bled them dry and quenched two different types of hungers in him. I watched terrified as he remembered emotions and releases that in his mind seemed cheap and common although their setting was that of lush grandiose _pleasure_…

"Human's are worth so much more than blood" he whispered, watching me carefully as he used his memory as a picture book to his words-showing me things that Carlisle had explicitly alerted to me that they were an unnecessary choice of immortality, things Carlisle had painted as unholy in their disgusting nature and yet they captivated me in their forbidden glamour….

"It is against our nature what you do… how you _live_" Aro said softly-sadly "But I am sure Carlisle has told you this in his… guilt inducing manner"  
>"I agree with him" I whispered hoarsely.<p>

"But you question it on a constant basis" he muttered "I saw that, Edward… I have seen _all_ your thoughts and those of the many others you have heard… how _magical_ you are"

I smiled.

"And yes…" he whispered springing an image of mine of a laughing Carlisle trying to rid his mane of light reflecting hair of wood chips "He is _beautiful_ past our vampire nature…"  
>"I…" I whispered, staring at him in disbelief. "That is not how I perceived that memory!"<br>"But it is…" he laughed. "Like you, I see the truth… unless of course you have altered this memory in someway so Carlisle's laugh sounds any less hypnotizing?"  
>"He barely laughs so…"<br>"Yes" Aro agreed "I don't think I have ever heard that particular abundance in his laugh yet alone a snort!"

"Hmm" I mumbled, touching the iron of the gate, wondering what conversations Carlisle was managing with Marcus, if he was being analysed of the nature of his relationship as I was.

_You are entirely beautiful Edward, wont you stay with me and let me teach you things...?_

"We have this time" I said softly, not looking at him. "I… will not be away from Carlisle"  
>"Again with <em>Carlisle<em>" he chuckled "He made you but you do not have to feel indebted to him"  
>"I do not…!"<br>"Don't you…?" he asked, cocking his head, another unnecessary question.

"Shall we return?" I offered "I would like to get to know more on your _Volturi_"

"And more you shall learn, young and distressingly beautiful Edward" he laughed, wheeling around, his coat swirling in black airiness and charging ahead too fast, laughing all the way at my obvious unease and potentially finding a new game for himself.

I had thought I could handle him. I had been overconfident in my telepathy and never once considered his own form of mind reading a potentially disastrous thing-never once had I considered any thought I had ever had as a potential weakness when it came to Aro but as I walked behind his skipping footsteps, I felt unnerved and afraid.

This was a game to him, I was the best playmate he had received since Carlisle had abandoned his advances and he wanted me for himself… and I had not been taught of the vampire meaning of _want._

Xx~xx~xX

"Describe him to me" Aro announced, ignoring Jane's pouting and huffing.

"You know what he looks like" I droned watching Caius carefully as he moved a chess piece on the table, touching his chin thoughtfully before analysing Carlisle. "All you have to do is look at him…"  
>"I want to know how the <em>son <em>views the _father _who created him!" Aro exclaimed, clapping his hands.

"Aro…" Carlisle sighed. "Leave my son alone… Do not bother him so…. All these _questions_"  
>"I am only curious" Aro laughed<p>

"You are always curious" Caius sighed, leaning back in the antique chair.

"And your curiosity never hurts you, only the thing that has garnered your attention" it was the most Marcus had said, leaning back into his seat. "So dear young Edward, be wary…"  
>"He is a mind reader!" Aro hissed "I am sure caution is like breathing to him, what could I possibly sneak past him?"<p>

"Now describe Carlisle to me…" Aro insisted "I need to know his little 'Doctor Life'"  
>"But you have seen it in both their minds?" Jane whispered, slightly irritated at being neglected of attention.<p>

"I want to hear it from his mouth" Aro said softly, watching me. _I want to hear it from his heart…_

"Vampires have no hearts" I stated and he quickly back tracked, covering the thought as though it was incriminating in its oddness, smiling almost sheepishly except he always managed to look impish before waving for me to continue.

"Well…" I murmured, looking at Carlisle's fidgeting form-a human habit he found hard to shake-on the golden inlayed stool, his tweed jacket outdated by years but still managing to capture his build in everlasting awe…

"He is most meticulous with what he does, very passionate…." I said carefully.

"What was it you had said to me" Aro laughed, cutting me with no thought to the action "You said he 'Loved his humans to obsession'"

"I thought it… in the past" I clarified, looking at him suspiciously. Vampires did not make mistakes of memory. "I thought it long ago and you picked it from my mind when you…"

"Anyway…" he urged, waving his hand again, dismissing my anger in indifference "Continue…"  
>"Oh yes" I mumbled, uneasy with this game, suspicious of the small group of vampires watching me with varying levels of distrust and cautious to their strange guarded thoughts.<p>

"He… is mostly busy and…"

"So when does he have time for _you_" Aro asked, cutting me again.

"Time for me?" I asked confused "We are always together…"

"Hmm" he murmured. _Always together… reading and talking… how utterly boring_

I knew what he was getting at, I saw the implied contrast he made when he thought of Jane and even her brother and their 'Quality Time' but I chose to ignore it. I looked away from his gleaming eyes and surveyed Felix and his frowning face and irritated thoughts at having 'guests'.

"Well… young Edward…"Aro sighed "I do say he has not taught you all there is to know about vampire nature… I do say that you should have been brought to me much earlier"

_He wants him…_ Carlisle thought, his lips tugging down. _Aro's obsession with beauty and the exceptional talents… _

"I have been taught all I need to know" I whispered, feeling a slight nauseating pain at Carlisle's worry that I was somewhat captivated by all this ostentatious representation of Nobility, Carlisle's little worry that he may be left alone yet again…

"Let's be frank" Caius snapped "The boy is lovely and talented and you want him"

"How perceptive" Aro laughed.

"He loves his master" Marcus droned.

"But I can give him a love his master wont ever allow" Aro whispered, eyes gleaming in burgundy ice, ignoring Carlisle's shocked terrified expression and my own startled one.

"You see" Aro murmured. "You are young… you had needs when you were young as a human and you will remember those needs when your eyes truly rid themselves of what Carlisle thinks of as 'demon red' colouring"

"Your mind will recall things you have forgotten in favour of _thirst_ newborn Edward" he finished.

"Aro…" Carlisle hissed, an anger he never reached exposed for the first time before me "I did not bring him here so you could corrupt him"  
>"It is not corruption…" Aro laughed. "It is embracing his nature…"<br>"Let him be Aro" Caius sighed irritably "Carlisle is happy, should you always have _everything…_"  
>"Edward is not <em>everything<em>" Aro murmured, leaving his grand seat on his throne and appearing seated by my side, his hand gripping my thigh "He is the _one_ thing…"

"Master…" Jane whined and Aro left me, returning to the middle throne between Marcus and Caius empty seat, eyes watching me with furious _intention_, mind chanting a loud mantra on how my beauty was too much for one being, how it should be his and my talent occupying his house… his mind loud and hiding a white noise underlying thought I was sure was the true reason he sought to disrupt my inner being so…

My leg tingled. His warm touch turned hot through the material and I had realized that since I had turned, I had not been touched by another with calculated intent save for brief brushings with Carlisle, a brusque hug or a helpful hand held out.

"I…"Aro sighed, smiling-a smile I was fast hating and fearing "I have not had visitors in well, do forgive me Edward"  
><em>Forgive him Edward, <em>Carlisle pleaded fearing my stubborn nature and quick temper would disrupt things further, would arouse Aro to be more elaborately childish in his displays of envy. _Forgive him son, I wish no harm on you… he can be extremely cruel to the things that hold his attention…_

He immediately thought of the innocent looking Jane and her terrible gift. I snapped my head in her direction and she smiled sweetly, charging her torturous power in her mind and promising me a lesson for capturing Aro's eye.

"There is nothing to forgive" I said dryly, swallowing venom, confused and terrified by Carlisle's tense form in front of the chess table. "No wrong done, just…"

"Teaching a newborn how to be a vampire" he finished, twinkling eyes never leaving my face, thoughts hidden and revealing only that I had evoked something in him he had missed for centuries. "And I would like to finish the lesson before you leave us at midnight, I promise to be well behaved… none of this _bullying_"

Xx~xx~xX

"I knew I should have waited a little longer" Carlisle cried, pacing in front of me-not bothering to be graceful about it and swirling hay fragments about his feet like fairy little grasses drawn to him.

"I should have waited when your eyes had fully changed, how could I be so reckless…" he muttered, not looking at me, rolling a long piece of wheat stalk in his fingers with delicate ease-something I was still struggling with when it came to delicate objects and my vampire strength.

"Oh, now he has tempted you with _blood_" he murmured and I went rigid-momentarily thinking he was lying (Carlisle never lied, only evaded and misconstrued things in self-deluded deliberateness) before realising he had done what was his specialty. Heard and understood only a side of Aro's attack on me-on us-that he could handle. Romanticised it from the slight vulgarity of its reality to a well acceptable one in his still humanly naive way of thinking.

Or maybe that was what it had always been and it was I who had heard something underlying in each word and fragmented thought Aro let out, but Felix had been ascertained to it, Jane jealous to the context the conversation had played out in…

Had I heard something else entirely or was Carlisle deaf to insinuations…?

"You are my son and he can't have you!" he hissed, pausing his pacing, the tweed jacket removed and flung to far into the green grass and yellow hair blazing were the sun hit it.

His anger pleased me oddly. His possessiveness was strange to me in the way it changed his passive nature, in the way it challenged the level of compassion he put out for the world and in the way it made his turn from awkward guardian angel to something past dangerous archangel…

"He is not going to have me" I sighed, ignoring the warm feeling tugging inside me at his frowning and pouting. "I am…"

I wanted to say _yours_, I wanted to say, "I am yours Carlisle Cullen-my beauty and talent and everything is for you alone" and it would have been all in mock, all in jest and he would have frowned at how light I was taking the situation and chastised me, but instead I stopped.

I stopped because the words I had been about to say impulsively felt too real, they lodged in my throat when I had realised the tone they were carried in was full of raw emotion and hot sensations.

"You are?" he asked, looking at me with wide eyes, his mouth slightly parted.

"I am…" I muttered looking away from him; feeling like his face had turned into a glaring beam of the sun "It doesn't matter"

"Edward, it does…!" he stressed, rushing to me, standing by my side and placing a tentative torturing hand on my suddenly weak shoulder, imploring me with his thoughts to let him into my own mind "It always matters to me"  
>"Uh…" I breathed, wanting to shrug his burning hand from my shoulder "I won't stay in Volterra"<p>

"It isn't about you staying or…" he went on, his accent thick in its English origin and startling my ears with the realisation his voice was deeper than my own, more prominent than any other-his voice was lost of its soothing bedside tone and instead held a frustrating tenor in his anxiousness that in turn made me apprehensive.

"Edward" he whispered desperately "I am caught between wanting what is good for you and wanting you to choose for yourself"

And somehow I caught only the word '_want'_ with confusing obsession.

"Aro…" he sighed wearily, watching the setting sun. "He is… very… indulgent to every vampire emotion that fleets through him. Very impulsive… I mean, I would have no qualms with you being here a few years from now, on your own accord…"

_Even then, I don't trust him…the way he looks at Edward, even Caius is suspicious… why can they not understand…_

I smiled abruptly. He frowned at my smile and quickly re-edited his thoughts, throwing away bits he felt too intrusive to his vision of me…

"Do you want to find out about this life style?" he tried, trying to keep to his safety of objectivity. "I… if it is what you wish…"

"I want to be where you are" I murmured, watching his frustration and hopelessness fight for control on his face-trying to push away the carefully constructed mask of understanding he was holding onto with feeble despairing panic.

_Oh…_

He looked at me, a small smile playing on his lips, gratitude for the hope I had produced in him and pride at the thought that he had conveyed this ideal immortality of his with precision-and never once thinking he had conveyed his own beauty with irrevocable precision upon me.

It was painful to watch; my face staring up at him through his eyes, staring with awe and something he noticed but quickly pushed aside and his unnerved smile, his fleeting eyes and rambling thoughts constantly beating hard on him self for bringing me here when I had been still vulnerable to the lust of vampirism.

"I do not care for the human blood" I murmured. "I am only curious as to the talents of other vampires and the way they live…"  
>"They live immorally" he said quickly "This is not the way… it is bordering on hedonistic, Edward…"<p>

"Would you say your religion has made you biased to their way?" I asked softly and he paused, fingering his hair and pursing his lips.

"I would say…" he sighed "That when you limit people-vampire and otherwise-they become frustrated by these restrictions"

"What restrictions have you placed upon me without my knowledge" I whispered, watching him and tuning in only on his thoughts-the sounds of the country side falling to the back and serenading us in peace and awkward contentment.

"Do you believe Aro when he says that?" he asked "That I have been sneaky about your introduction into vampirism?"

"You believe it" I murmured, picking the words out of his mind. "How have you done this…?"  
>"I have… haven't I?" he sighed, sitting in the grass heavily. "There are… I thought you would <em>feel<em> it and then just _ask_"

"You were shy about it?" I murmured, watching through his mind as the thoughts and frustrated procrastination played out.

"Well… yes" he mumbled "You were very intimidating earlier… you still are in a way"

"Do vampires have sex" I whispered and he stiffened. "Have you had sex Carlisle… before…?"

_Many a temptation but I fought… many a thought but I prayed…_

"No" he mumbled behind his clenched teeth. "I have not had sex in my… vampire life. But vampires do… have sex…. And it is a very intricate thing, I would imagine"  
>"Intricate…" I murmured. "I have <em>never <em>had sex"

"Is it something… you want?" he asked carefully. "Is it something Aro has offered to organise for you in his thoughts?"

"In some ways, I think he has" I breathed. "And no… it is not a simple emotion, a simple action for me… I do think of it in terms of religion and love and all of that"

"Uh…" he murmured sheepishly, embarrassed at his insinuation that I was simply looking for something quick. "I suppose in that regard, maybe he is more qualified to _teach _than I am, and it is good to know your morals have not been tainted by abundance of hormones and needs"

"My morals could never be tainted as long as you are my father"

Xx~xx~xX

And it was with that deceptive conclusion that I had walked into Aro's private chamber like a lamb to slaughter... still not comprehending the word _want._

He asked me questions on random thoughts I had; mostly thoughts on Carlisle. He confessed in giggling tones that he found Carlisle almost like an aphrodisiac in his awkward beauty, he was always enticed by Carlisle's passive fight against every temptation he laid out for him-including himself.

"He is a beautiful man and you are most fated to have him as this _father…_" he sighed.

"What do you mean to say 'as this father'" I asked, frowning at how he had perfected his thoughts around me now-all for this game he refused to let up when I had valid and important questions.

"Well… he is not really your _father_" he said seriously "And if you were not told yet, most vampires are made for their beauty's appeal to their maker, the effect in which such beauty will have on the maker… bordering on obsession"  
>"Carlisle was made accidentally" I muttered.<p>

"Yes" Aro sighed "And what a beautiful accident"  
>"What did you mean by 'A vampires wants are consuming'?" I asked him. "You thought it before… when we with the others…"<br>"I mean just that" he murmured, the wicked gleam in his eyes scaring me. "They consume one…"

"Edward" he said strongly and in that moment I felt his age "I _know_ you"

"You have listened to every thought I have ever had" I said petulantly and he smiled, intrigued by my abrupt rudeness that Carlisle had warned him of.

"I know you because I was _you _ in my humanity" he sighed. "I was you-the you you are now in vampirism"  
>"I understand" I cut him as he weaved out the explanation further in his mind.<p>

"You see…" Aro muttered, leaning back into his chair, lush and rich and old. "You and Carlisle are too abundant together…"  
>"I won't leave him" I said quickly as his thoughts began to turn in that direction.<p>

"I realised that" he murmured. "You love him…"

"Yes"

"And now…" he said tensely, smiling ever more wickedly "You are now realising his distractive beauty…"

"He is my father" I said, my chest tightening as his thoughts revealed themselves in slow dribbles.

"Let me put it this way" he sighed. "Marcus felt something from you, something you seem to fear acknowledging even to yourself…and quite simply put… your denial is costing me"

"He is my father and we are like brothers" I reiterated, tensing and fearing his verbal wording of such dangerous thoughts.

"You see Edward" he whispered. "I had _wanted_ Carlisle… but alas, he will never… I suppose _break_ is the word to describe it, and he is now running around making intriguing beautiful vampires for himself…"

"It is just I" I whispered. "I am enough for him…"

"Are you…?"Aro asked. "Let me make you understand this world, _boy…"_

All pretence of hospitality fell away and I felt the cold come over his chamber, I felt the power he never revealed show up in his eyes.

"I wanted Carlisle for his mind" he hissed. "Fine, I do not have him and to my knowledge, _no one ever_ will. He is a lost cause. But now, with your appearance in this world, he is a lost cause that seeks to undermine my power…"  
>How had he hid such things been hidden from me…<p>

"And undermine it he has by having you!" he growled. "You and you're awakening to the obsessive lust of vampirism…"  
>"I do not lust for…"<br>"Oh, you did not know you did while you were fighting away the bloodlust but now the thirst desists" he laughed.

"I have seen it in your mind" he whispered. "I know you… you are Narcissus and the unattainable will always be the foremost desirable to you because only the unattainable will lure you out of your control Edward"

"And how desirable it is to lose control when it is what holds you together and gives you purpose" he sighed. "How desirable it is to be in chaos"

"Edward" he said softly, watching my terrified expression with satisfaction. "I want you and I will have you… but I cannot allow for Carlisle to run around spreading his 'word' on 'alternate vampirism' and becoming some sort of yellow eyes messiah sprouting beautiful eternally more talented children"

"I would never destroy his vision" I hissed.

"Give it time" he finished. "Give it _eternity_… a vampires want is consuming… and you are no ordinary vampire, Narcissist. Your want will consume you, it will turn you to obsession for as long as you deny it or better yet prolong its release and you will destroy him and return here, to Volterra-to me… were you belong"

Xx~xx~xX

X

The Volvo remains on the side of the road as I speed through the Peninsula, searching for his scent, searching for his thoughts.

I should never have kissed him. He should have never given in to me. The high it gave me had been too short even in its hour of destroying his office, tugging at clothes and biting of flesh. It had been the sweetest high incomparable to any other, to any human blood I had run to once; when he had become too much of a torture for me in his chosen oblivion to such a great affection I held for him. How sweet and pure he had been in my arms like the petals of a peach blossom and I had tainted it beyond recovery with burning reckless love. And how quick he had felt appalled, how fast he had run from me…

An implication so many years ago by the master of manipulators and I had taken hold of the suggestion with furious masochism all the way through our eternity on to this _point_ with narcissism born out of a human life of obsessive need of assured love; of selfish love. I wish I had not felt those things when Aro suggested them so conniving, I wish his beauty had remained hidden to me, I wish he didn't make me believe that in this evil world-this vampirism-he was the only one who contained a soul. I wished he had been mine from the day I had been reborn and opened my eyes…

They say we are reborn in vampirism and contained in the human mind we held, its potency intensified with venom beyond alteration. I had been altered by his kiss, I had been awoken from the spell Aro had me under by his lips; his love had being the anti-venom to all of this but it was too late.

I had selfishly destroyed us… and so much more.

**AUTHORS NOTE: **

**Remember to review. Next chapter may be in Leah _and _Carlisle point of view.**


	13. Self Destruction

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

**SELF DESTRUCTION**

"Anyway…" Sue continued "You should go and see her"

"No" I whispered, pulling the pillow tighter into my arms and frowning at the television.

"She misses you Leah" she said softly, touching my arm.

"And I miss the old her" I growled."I am sorry about her face and I hope they find the bear that did that to her and put it down"

She grimaces painfully, placing the cup of tea on the table and leaves without another word.

Xx~xx~xX

There are days when I think I will never wake up and be lost in the world of my subconscious, protected from reality and spared the pain of being alive. And then I wake up…

I wake up and I am still stuck in this goddamned house, still stuck in these four walls with a family of nonspeakers who coat everything in careful smiles and pointed looks. I am stuck with the sound of their murmurs, too low for me to hear but I know its my name that has them whispering so desperately. In between complaints, sympathy and anger-they have me running in their minds, trying to come up with a solution to this unfortunate mishap of my life.

I have graduated but there is no money to send me to school. I would have run around and gotten a scholarship but suddenly the things that used to matter don't matter so much but that doesn't really help Sue and Harry much. They need me gone, they need me far away but simultaneously they want to keep me locked up in the house were they can monitor my 'condition'.

And Quileute's are the worst gossips to ever have their own little tribe… _That Leah, oh have you heard, she lost her fiancé to her cousin-who got mauled-and now she is suffering from depression. So sad._

Xx~xx~xX 

"Where is Seth?"

"Uhm…" Sue mutters, wiping the tears from her eyes and resuming her onion chopping. "He… went for a walk"

"Right" I say calmly, sitting on the kitchen stool and watching her. "He goes for walks a lot lately…"

"He is stressed with exams and such…"

"Of course" I murmur "His exams are so close, only three months away"

"Leah I don't appreciate your sarcasm" she snaps.

"I don't appreciate your lies" I say.

Xx~xx~xX

"Seth…" I breathe , watching as he idled by the edge of the forest-shirtless and hair cut too short. My breath fanned over the window of my bedroom, fogging it up. He looked up at me-at the window-and sauntered back into the trees, back into the shadows before disappearing.

That would have been the first time I had seen him in days save for the time I saw him passed out on the couch. He had shot up, became too tall over a short period of time, his limbs gangly and uncontrolled and frame skinny.

And then he was gone from me. He stopped knocking on my door to find out if I was okay, to find out if I was awake or just to tell me about his silly little daydreams. He stopped. He just stopped… caring.

I didn't have him anymore to ward of the sadness for those brief moments and I don't have Carlisle… that had to be the stupidest thing I had ever done. Carlisle had been my friend, he had been a mentor and I had gone and destroyed it because I missed being held by strong arms. I would take it all back to have him; every kiss I gave and eager move-I would erase it from his memory if he could just smile his small smile and look at me and make me feel like I was strong and worthy.

I would never have Carlisle because I hadn't fought for him, I had not apologised or whatever it is one does when they make a fool of their emotions. It was too late.

I could at least try with my little brother…

Xx~xx~xX

"Hey Leah…"

"Go away Black, I am not in the mood and I don't know why you think we are friends" I hissed, walking away from him and turning into the frozen foods section. He followed me, of course-he had sisters and knew how to irritate on a professional level…

"Leah…" he insisted, stopping with me when I pretended to check out the calamari rings. "I wanted to ask you something"  
>"Not in a million light years" I growled, rounding on him.<p>

"I am not asking you out" he frowned "You are like… Forty!"  
>"Hmm" that actually stung. "What the hell is it?"<br>"Its about Seth…" he whispered, looking around him carefully. "He is younger than me"

"So?"  
>"How come he hangs out with Sam and Jared?" he frowned, his nose scrunching up. "Aren't they too old…"<p>

He stopped, his eyes going large and filled with delayed comprehension but it was too late. My face went slack first, then my heart squeezed painfully and when my eyes stung like they were being pricked by pins, it was over.

Thick liquid clouded Jacob Black's vision from me and welled up heavily in my eyes before spilling in two burning wet lines down my cheeks.

"I am so sorry" he stammered raising a hand unsure over my arm.

"Don't touch me" I said hoarsely, manoeuvring out of his fumbling attempt at comfort. "He has been hanging around Sam? Has he been to see Emily… he has hasn't he?"  
>"I…." he spluttered. "I just wanted… you see, Sam has a gang and they call themselves…"<br>"I don't care for your problems, Jacob Black!" I hissed, wheeling around and storming of "That bitch took Seth from me too!"

Xx~xx~xX

"Leah, you are overreacting" Sue stammered, watching my furious pacing with great unease.

"I am overreacting… are you _high_?" I hissed, pausing to glare at her.

"Leah!" Harry shouted, coughing a little and pushing his emptied plate of food away from him "That is your mother…"  
>"No, she is <em>Emily's <em>mother!" I laughed. "And you are…"

"Enough!" he roared. "Enough… you know we understand your pain."  
>"Do I?" I whispered, a sick grin playing on my lips derisively. "Do I know that Dad? How the hell could I possibly <em>know that<em>?"

"Lee" Sue tried, raising her hands in front of her "Lee… we know you are hurting but you have to try and find it in you to understand Sam and Emily's…" 

The door opened heavily, wet bare feet squishing over the floor and a heavy sigh escaping overexerted lungs before the door was slammed. Seth charged ahead, never entering the living room and heading straight up stairs, to his bedroom and banging his door.

"She made Seth hate me" I whispered.

"Your brother doesn't hate you" Harry murmured sadly "He is going through some things and Sam is trying to help…"  
>"Do not say his name!" I hissed. "He helps no one but himself, he wants to bring me down to my bare minimum and dance on my bones"<p>

"Leah!" they cried but I went out, stomping through the mud and rain, tears mingling with the rain and headed for First Beach.

It was cold and I was on foot but who cares if I catch my death.

Xx~xx~xX

I understood in that moment what type of man Carlisle was.

The moment I had stood at the door of his office and he had tried not to look at me, I knew. I knew that here before me, stands a good man. Here before me stands a man that I would never have known had I not had a broken heart. Here is a man most women would over look because his beauty and gentle love was hidden purposefully by some Higher Power-like a treasure were only the deserving could ever find it.

And I had become brave. I had become brave to my fate and found some little inspiring hope that I would meet someone like him one day-brave to the fact that that day hadn't come and I had no right to try and forcefully snatch him from his true love who was searching for him-snatch him because I needed a hug and a make out session.

That fateful day that I had been brave had passed and I was back to square one-now I was not only trying not to pick at the scab Sam left on my heart, but I had bruises on my chest from were I had let my heart beat momentarily for a man not meant for me.

I should be cold, I should be freezing and shivering and on the verge of becoming unrecoverably sick but I am not. The rain beats down on me, my arms holding my knees tightly to my chest and I rock back in the wet sand-watching the grey expanse of sea.

I need to be away from the sea, I need to run in the opposite direction, never look back and leave La Push and all its pain.

Xx~xx~xX

"You have to tell her!" Seth shouts.

"No… we can't Seth…." my father begs. "You know its elders and… Sam has instructed you…"  
>"Instructed?" Seth cries. "He <em>ordered<em> me…!"

"Ordered you to do what?" I ask walking into the living room, not caring for the wet footprints I leave or water droplets sprinkling all over the floor. They are standing in the middle of the living room, Seth shirtless and his too pale russet skin tinged deep red with the frustration he is exuding. He stares at me momentarily-in shock and fear.

Seth goes rigid, wheeling backwards a few steps before looking to my dad panicked. Harry shrugs his shoulders and smiles awkwardly at me. They are strange… they behave as though there is a secondary element in our lives that dictates our movements…

"Leah…" Harry smiles.

"Not buying it Dad" I murmur. "Tell me what Seth?"  
>"Nothing" he says gruffly.<p>

"Seth…!" I plead walking over to his tall lanky frame and he manoeuvres away from me, shooting Dad one last accusing look before running out the house and into the now stormy rain.

"Seth!" I scream following him out, running through the mud and pivoting in the middle of the slippery lawn, trying to find his silhouette through the sheet of rain in the air.

"Leah no!" Harry shouts waddling out after me, wheezing heavily "Leave him be, he'll come back…"  
>"No, I have to find him before he gets to Sam!" I yell, charging through the pelting droplets, shivering even though I am beyond the cold.<p>

"Seth…?" I whisper when a heavy shadow moves through the trees. With little thought I run into the forest-fast and determined-ignoring Harry's insistent calls and heavy breathing as he followed behind me.

Xx~xx~xX

**X**

**Xx~xx~xX**

He shocks me with the raw need in his hungry bites. Nibbling at my flesh in steadily lost control, tongue ghosting over my tentative lips in warm tortured experiences, his hands hovering over my form-still trying to be in control, still trying to pretend he isn't_ frenzied_ by this want…

And I remain a jerking doll in his arms, terrified by the heady scent swirling around me, captivated by his rough strokes and tugs and saddened by my own _want_ that increases exponentially with each push he gives on the walls of our feeble morality.

When he nibbles-I groan, when his tongue laps over my lips-I moan and when his hands brush over my back, tugs at my hair-I growl. I am blinded by this, I cannot comprehend the itching in my fingers to return his selfish favours nor do I want to feel the swirling heat folding over itself in my stomach and pushing through my veins down south…

Oh Good Lord…

"Argh" he hissed, spinning me around with him and slamming us in the opposing wall too fast, cracking plaster and brick underneath the wallpaper. "Please… stop loving me through your mind and _touch me…_!"

I pry my eyes open carefully, his breathing coming out in torrents-freesia cascading over my face-and I meet his black flat hungry gaze. I shudder under it, dark telescopes evoking evil things in me, tempting me into the abyss…

"Carlisle" he moans when I kiss him back clumsily but with weird drive, with strained adamant energy "Oh… _Carlisle!_"  
>He loves and I love him back-fighting against the restrain I feel with each kiss, ignoring the jab in my dead heart that I have given him something filled only half way… because I can feel it in his touch. He has wanted this for so long and it terrifies me; how many years have we sat side by side and he has been restraining this want. Quelling its fuel with each scripture I have read him from my Bible…<p>

This that we are doing is wrong, Edward.

"No" he pulls my hands back to his hair and kisses with desperate need.

I feel only a fraction of what you hold, Edward. I crave only a morsel of this meal, Edward…

He ignores the segment of my mind that chants this and instead concentrates on the part of my mind that is releasing in these physical emotions after being deprived of them for so long. He repeatedly touches me in places that cause me to moan the loudest, he tugs at the hair above my ears intently and makes me growl in his mouth and finally he rubs against me…

I turned into some riotous version of myself; rubbing bucking and feeling without thought, the sensation dispelling all logic, reason and morality that had been waging war in my mind-winning the war with no contest. I vaguely feel the pants straining pathetically around me, I feel instead Edwards own frustrated physical need and it drives my body into him wildly.

It takes me too long to realise what I have allowed to happen, past just a kiss-past just a kiss to say I want you to be happy and with me… It takes me too long to realise and understand the sickness that he had held in his body for me, this ailment that he let consume him-it takes me too long to realise it is contagious and I have caught it. I want him.

I want him.

He…

"No… Carlisle…" he cries desperately but I begin to fight him off, trying to remain careful with the amount of noise we let out in my office, trying not to hurt him physically, trying to be free…

There was no way in heaven this feeling would dispel from my body now. There was no way I could ever gaze upon him and not wonder about the things I had felt in tight pants, not miss the addictive sensations I had last held in my human life-exponentially terrorizing my control and sanity in this wretched everlasting form.

It was supposed to be just a kiss; heavens would this naivety never let me go! It was just a kiss, just a kiss… What half a century old emotion can ever be quenched in _just a kiss!_ This was a conniving thing, this was a sadistic opportunistic demon in us that knew it would be awoken and not put to sleep by _just a kiss…_

There was no way I could be his father… he was never my son again. I had… destroyed us.

"No…please…" he whimpered when I left, love lost in the office as I sped out like the ghost I had become.

Xx~xx~xX

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

**SELF DESTRUCTION**

I think I may have known it.

I may have seen it in Edward but I gave it a reason and explanation that saved my sanity and kept him with me. You see, when one is turned into a vampire-they have a maker. You awake into the flames of thirst and you are wild and fearsome but you have your maker to stop you from turning into a true monster.

My maker…

My maker had been _God_ since birth-mortal and otherwise.

And what conversations he could amount with his withering demon child, squirming in a pile of potatoes, dying as the flames of hell consumed his throat and sin-coated lava dribbled through his insides and scorched his internal organs, erasing a heart.

_Die… you are a monster_… that was all I heard. And I had wanted to die because those words in my mind spoke truth. I had dug myself a grave, covered the light out and lay in darkness waiting to die, feeling like I _was_ dying but never did _I die._ Never did I sleep or die but always I heard the feet of people moving somewhere far of from the field I had 'laid myself' to rest. Always I heard their heartbeats…

And God told me I was not trying hard enough. I was holding on to certain _goodness_ that I was undeserving off…

So of a cliff I went, denting the earth and tearing clothes but never did I die. I got up from that ground, dusted my self and stared up to the heights I had plunged from, frowning and devastated at the fake life I retained.

Suicide became like a hobby to me. Pain was a sought after drug because I felt _nothing_. Everything was soft to my stone body, everything was breakable in my titanium fingers and everything was lonely in my devastating thirst.

And it was this for years, this 'life' laid out to me as I wondered England-far from people, having only Faith to lead me in my search for friendship, prayer to God from a being with an unheard voice and monologues with a Maker who would not teach me of this curse, who would never accept me as I had walked unwittingly into sin… walked into sin because of my ignorance and petulance when my Father told me of monsters, sin and the damned; had I not found it hard to believe him?

And this was the vampire I had been shaped into with no guidance. I had been a newborn without direction and when I created my children, I had been overzealous with giving them assistance.

Amongst many other faults… and now, I was paying the price. They had needed me, I revelled in the feeling that came with being needed perhaps and now, they could be without me… they could do away with me and my corrupted love and biased goodness. I was undeserving to be with them.

And now I was back on top of a cliff, the little voice murmuring to me that I should just jump and be done with all these thousands and one versions of turmoil and despair…

Xx~xx~xX

**XXXX~xx~xXXX**

_She runs through the trees blindly; she doesn't care that she cannot see, she doesn't care that the branches and bushes whip sadistically at her… she hears her father follow desperately, but she charges ahead, her strong legs propelling her through the rain, the wind and the pain._

_She wants to hurt, she wants to feel and she wants to destroy it all-but Seth… he had always been there and damn it she was going to fight for him this one time and if she failed, it would be over._

**Xx~x~xX**

_He finds Carlisle's scent finally, following it with fervour and drive-praying that its freshness means he is still in Forks and still in these woods. He has always been fast but his speed wont matter on this day. His penance and offence towards his own self will last momentarily as the future unfolds with each step he thrusts in ghosting wisps over the ground, a future Alice Cullen would never have seen…_

_He is at the edge of their territory, he thinks. At the edge, near the beginning of another territory…_

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Uhmm, review… questions, criticism, suggestions, love, dislike… it seriously helps a writer!**

**Well, this is an ANGST story so emotion turmoil takes centre stage... Thought about making it as long as Edward's point of view but decided it was unnecessary and would ruin the melancholy of this first half-second half is supposed to have a different feel-chaos or something along those lines.**

**Thanks for the love, responses, and suggestions!**

**About this chapter or the 'Destruction' series-it is set in real time mostly, so the events are playing out through a day. **

**Till next time,**

**tj**


	14. The Edge

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

**THE EDGE**

"Carlisle"

"I just needed to think" I whisper, watching the wave's crash bellow, fierce and unforgiving on the side of the cliff. I want to jump so badly, I want to feel something else than this…

"I understand" he sighs and walks closer to my large perimeter; he is still a good few feet away-dressed in dark colours blending into the edge of the shadows the forest produces, his hair a wet dark mess on his head and unperturbed by the fierce rain.

"I don't know what to do with this… feeling" I whisper. "Do you know?"  
>"Yes"<p>

He remains silent even though I mentally ask him to elaborate; watching me from his great distance, something sad and broken in his eyes. I expected him to be angry at my cowardice, I expected him to push against this that we had started-to push till it toppled over and consumed us…

"It hasn't consumed you Carlisle" he whispers. "You are free"  
>"How can you say that?"<p>

"I know it" he murmurs, never coming any closer, never calling me to him as I wish-just watching me with dark heavy eyes.

He remains silent, listening to my thoughs and watching as I stand in the rain-the wind slicing through me in its feeble attempt to throw me over, to push me past the ledge and into the waters. This is a decision only I can make… to live or to die momentarily…

"You can never die" he whispers. "You can never die, Carlisle. Will you promise me that?"  
>"You know that is a promise I can keep" I laugh. "I will never die for all of time just for you Edward"<br>"Hmm" he murmurs. "No matter what?"

"Why do you ask this of me?"  
>"Because…" he sighed, taking only a step closer, something in his eyes telling me he wished to run to me, to crash right into me. "Because Carlisle Cullen, I love you and it is a selfish love but there it is. I love you and in my eyes, these predator eyes… I believe on thing"<p>

"What is this one thing?"

"You have a soul" he whispered in reverence "And by God what a beautiful soul it is"

The wind roars over his words but they carry through it easily, fighting against natural destruction to be heard, whistling through my ears and floating down into my centre like warm honey. I watch him and he watches me-silent and controlled. Edward and his control-they had terrified me in his new born life; he craved it and was addicted to it. Being the best at everything, having everything conform to his every need… but these last few days that felt like eternity-he had lost control and what I had thought to be fearful had turned to horror. We had to break this thing if we were ever going to get over the horror…

"Do you hear that" he hissed, turning his head too fast to the left, crouching low.

I listened over the sound of the storm and there came the soft flimsy sound of a human whimper and moments later, blending indistinguishable to the feeble cry in greater frequency, I heard the pained howling of a wolf; too strong and powerful to belong to anything created freely in the eyes of God.

Xx~xx~Xx

X

Xx~xx~Xx

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

**THE EDGE**

"Seth…!" I screamed, using my hands to thrash at the thick bushes, searching for his shadow somewhere in the darkness.

"Lee…" Harry cried his voice far away-easily mistakable as the whistling wind.

I stopped, my breath coming out hard, the rain now comfortable to my heated skin and propped myself on my thigh-keeling over and trying to stabilize my breathing. I hadn't imagined Seth running into the woods, I hadn't seen some spectre ghost through the trees… and I was going to find him and make him understand how totally fucked up this all was.

He was going to understand…

Harry needed to catch up. I don't even know what he was thinking following me… he needed to catch up and we would find our way back together. We had to have been gone for an hour atleast, my pace ensuring we were deep in the woods, possibly near the edge of the forest were the outer cliffs were; the territory closer to Forks Central…

"Lee…" he cried.

"I am here dad, just follow my voice…" I shouted, spinning around and peering through the rain for his round form and grey-white hair. "You will catch your death…"

"No, my dear… it is you who has caught your death…" a soft velvet voice murmured from behind me.

"What the…" I spun around and before me stood a man with olive skin and piercing black eyes dressed in nothing but a waist coat.

"Are you mad?" I shouted over the thunder, scrunching up my nose when a gust of wind blew through the man and crashed into me in bleached forest spice.

"He likes to think so" a man appeared suddenly by the olive toned man's side, cocking his head thoughtfully at me and smiling sickly. "We all like to think so"

He was pale, palest white and his eyes-red fire shone through them, evil and sadistic. He smiled widely revealing white teeth and I shuddered, taking a step back carefully. Something about him felt familiar…

"Leah…" Harry breathed crashing through a bush before pausing dead in his tracks when he saw the two beautiful men. "Who are…?"

He came closer, standing next to me and squinted his eyes through the rain, his face contorting as he narrowed his vision and when he had a visual, he gasped and stumbled backwards, gasping and spluttering.

"No" he muttered shaking his head.

"He knows what we are, James" the beautiful black haired man murmured thoughtfully.

"It doesn't matter" James snapped. "There is two… we can all be fed…"  
>"Run… Leah" Dad whispered and the two men grinned. The fear inside me confused me, my every fibre alerting me that this here was a fatality at its highest point.<p>

"Leah…" he tugged at my hand and pulled me back with him. "Run!"

"Huh?"

"He said…" a red haired woman said in a tiny childlike voice, appearing right beside Harry. "Run"

She reached for his throat, her tiny hand disappearing under his chin and picked him up easily, levitating him of the ground and cocking her head thoughtfully before throwing him a few feet to the side and giggling, her hand covering her mouth and eyes shining red and evilly at me.

"Dad!" I screamed, running to him and crashing at his still form on the ground. "Wake up… Harry… wake up!"

"Harry wake up from that pathetic sleep, before I put you in a comma" James whispered by my ear, his presence sending nauseating thrills along my spine, my mind fogging up and heart thudding.

"He is still alive girl" the black haired man murmured. "Maybe you can wake him up just yet…"  
>"Dad!" I moaned, shaking his heavy form and gulping when he twitched his eyes open, his eyes locking with mine in ice fear.<p>

"Leah…" he groaned and the James man came, pulling him easily by one foot and laughing as I struggled to keep him with me, a tug of war ensuring as Harry moaned.

"Let go of my father!" I screamed but he laughed harder, the woman joining in with girlish giggles while the black haired man frowned. I didn't bother to understand how he was holding Harry so easily in his one hand-I didn't bother to make sense of their weird movement through the rain-blurring and appearing feet away before reappearing inched form me…

It didn't make sense and yet _it did…_

"The Cold Ones Leah…" Harry said-the last thing I would ever hear for him as James picked him clear of the ground and snapped my father's neck before my eyes.

"Dad" I whispered staring into his dimmed eyes, my body shuddering and thrumming furiously.

"Dad?"

Xx~xx~xX

I was paralyzed momentarily, my body shivering and blurring through the rain but when the red haired danced over to my fathers still form on the ground-I found something in me. Something furious and unafraid. I fought the black haired man-the cold one-I ran to him and hit on his hard body angrily but he held me at bay, frowning at my desperate demented attacks and flinging me feet away from him easily. The shivering heat coursing through my spine refused to desist and I knew it was some sort of energy but I wasn't working right…

In a minute, James moved away from Harry's body, his lips tainted red and grinned at me-his eyes red and glowing.

"Don't worry little Pocahontas" he crooned "After you are done pumping all that adrenaline in you and marinating beautifully… you and I are going to have fun…"  
>"No!" I screamed, charging at the olive toned black haired man again and being whacked feet through the air and landing with a heavy thump on the ground.<p>

"Surely she should have a broken leg or _something_ by now?" James frowned. "Or are you really this weak, Laurent"  
>"No-argh…groar" I moaned rising up again and charging but midway, pain shot through my back-ripping at my spine and the hot shudders turned into violent tremors, ripping at my skin and cracking my bones. I doubled over, my skin stretching too tight over my frame and hands creaking with each movement. Before I landed on the ground, I saw the terrified glint staring at me through Laurent's eyes.<p>

I heaved, feeling out of place in my own body and confused by their slow backing away but the just as the shuddering had stopped in that second-it returned and I shrank around the earth-the prickling acid sweet smell leaving my nose and the shiny glimmering appearance of the trio desisting. I was naked on the ground and they stopped their slow terrified retreat with a look of comprehension.

"Kill her before she turns!" Laurent hissed at James, pushing him forward. "Go do it! the Children of the Moon are known as grudge holders… Kill her!" 

"No…" I whimpered, staring at Harry's leg from my position on the ground-his boot coated in mud and jeans frayed and tattered, trying to reach out for him and pull him closer-not caring for James approaching form "Dad… I am…so…sorry"

"Leah?" a too clear voice murmured and the next second, a wild rushing sound cut through the air and a torpedo hit James, flinging him through the air.

Before me, Edward Cullen stood-his body crouched low in front of me and wild growls rumbling through his chest. James rose from a bush too far for me to see-but I saw him. He stood up, brushing leaves and fragments from his damp icy white body and frowned violently at Edward.

"Friend" he hissed. "That there is my kill…"

"You can't drink from her" Edward murmured. "You can find some other Werewolf…"  
>"How did you know…" James spluttered only the sound still managed to sound to clear and resounding.<p>

"The Children of the Moon are believed extinct" Laurent said in a reasoning voice. "By all rights, she is our kill…"

"No" Edward whispered "You are in my territory…"  
>"Well… it seems…" James laughed. "We have you outnumbered"<p>

"Edward?" another voice-too clear-murmured. I heard a soft gasp and ghosting movements but my pain-the pain I felt when my bones had cracked and when Harry had fallen-wouldn't allow me to rise. The voice said my name, a whisper of pain and I saw through blurred vision the form move over to me, a damp fabric placed over me and stand beside Edward's shimmering silhouette.

"You are still outnumbered" James laughed. "Move away…"  
>"No" Edward hissed and a growl came from the shadowed form beside him.<p>

"You are in our territory" the voice murmured and I knew-I knew in my cold heart that the voice was Carlisle. That the shadowy silhouette besides Edward's own blurred form was Carlisle… they had been right. They had been utterly right and I had…

What had I done?

"Move" James growled.

"No" Carlisle snarled. "This doesn't have to turn to this…"  
>"Turn to you dying?" the red haired woman laughed-her form appearing like a wild frame with fire for hair in the thick rain.<p>

My eyes shut tight, the rain seeping through the shirt and thunder roaring painfully above me. From the ground I could hear heavy feet pounding the earth, numerous and fast. From the ground I felt the shaking of something heavy and determined…

There was movement and growling and when I managed to peer through the hot haze-I saw James and the red haired tackling Carlisle while Laurent and Edward wrestled. In one move-Carlisle lost his whole arm, stumbling through the ground and James leaped through the air at him, Edward crying out to him but the red haired quickly moved to help Laurent fight Edward.

Before I gave up, before I refused to accept the reality of this nightmare-a giant black wolf and dark grey smaller one leapt across my vision and fell into the mix of roaring and growling while something hot and large-another wolf-nudged my slowly numbing body gently.

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Good people who have red and enjoyed, have a query or suggestion… do review and bring me smiley faces!**

**Thanks to all who have reviewed. If you are reading Avatar: A day in the life of Zuko-the next chapter is two thirds complete. **


	15. Alternate You

The smell of blood fills the air; rust tainted elixir mingling in with the stifling smell of the two giant wolves, the initial alluring aroma of Harry Clearwater's blood lost to both vampires under their gaze-the hostile glare-of the giant black wolf and dark grey smaller sturdier wolf.

Carlisle and Edward tensely wrestle with James-the red haired vampire woman was long gone and the dark haired male vanished the moment the thundering footsteps of the wolves had shook the ground. James, he had to taste the blood of a Werewolf-James didn't understand the fear in Victoria's eyes. He didn't bother to learn the full extent of her odd gift of evasion and escape and thought she was just afraid. He wasn't afraid… the girl was unconscious and wouldn't be turning into a Werewolf-the two vampires were not a threat even if the taller leaner one knew what he was thinking somehow. The blonde yellow eyed one was distracted by the girl and the blood in the air left no room for sensibility…

And now he was paying dearly for that lost awareness of that predicament. Carlisle held his torso with his one hand, Edward stretched his arms apart-increasing his strength with each wince James gave and the Wolfs watched tensely. They watched as the arms flew away from James torso, they watched as the red eyed demon hissed and snarled in pain but remained in Carlisle's single arm, unable to escape. They watched as the legs came of with a sickening screeching sound, they watched as his head was decapitated with little wincing by Edward Cullen and when the pile of marble bleach-sweetness was left wriggling momentarily-they knew.

These were the cold ones from their treaty-the original vampires of the Old Quileute land-and if this was so… their plan to eradicate them had reached a hitch.

Carlisle watched closely as Seth Clearwater held his sister's limp body in his arms, trying to wake her up and simultaneously keep Carlisle's drying shirt over her body. He went of a few feet to retrieve his arm from a bush, watching Leah and watching Seth's turmoil. He ignored the black wolf's snarling when he seemed to come to close to their carefully constructed perimeter and ignored their odd curious eyes as he reattached his arm painfully.

"I'll use flint" Edward huffed, watching Carlisle's arm closely as the seam from were it was torn off smoothed over into his skin. "You have no bites?"  
>"From uh, the…"<br>"No, _venomous bites_" Edward breathed, hitting the two stones together until a spark flew and lighting a dry branch.

"No" Carlisle murmured, turning his head obviously to watch as Seth placed Leah carefully on the black wolf's back-his eyes meeting with Seth and grimacing when the young boy radiated volatile distrust towards him before moving over to his father.

He lifted his father of the ground carefully, holding the bulky hefty body easily in his gangly arms and moved over to the Black wolf.

"Sam" he breathed. "What of _them_"

He cocked his head towards Carlisle and Edward and narrowed his red tinged eyes at Carlisle. The black wolf huffed, prodding Seth with its head before indicating to the slowly incinerating body parts of James, their twitching cackling movements eerie and the scent assaulting sensitive nose.

"We did not lure her into the woods" Edward murmured, walking carefully forward and stopping when the giant black wolf growled. "And technically you are in our grounds"

"No, they didn't…."Seth whispered watching Edward, who turned his head away from them and stared into the shadows of the forest. "She was following me, she moved… so fast and… Dad… Dad…"  
>"I heard her cry and a wolf howl" Edward said quickly still not looking at them. "I was with Carlisle a few kilometres from here… we ran and stopped him…"<br>He cocked his head back to the smouldering ashes when he said this before sighing.

"Really, it had nothing to do with us" Edward sighed and Carlisle gaped at him in disbelief.

"It had _everything_ to do with us" Carlisle hissed at Edward. "Leah…"  
>"Don't say my sister's name, Dr Cullen" Seth murmured his eyes cold and detached.<p>

"Seth…"Edward whispered but Seth looked away, the black wolf snarling softly.

"There is no need to compromise the treaty" Edward said softly touching Carlisle's bare arm. "We will be on our way"

"If _you_ want…"Edward murmured and the black wolf grumbled, looking quickly at the grey wolf and back at Carlisle.

"I hear minds" Edward said coolly, frowning again.

"What are they saying…?" Carlisle whispered desperately. "She was not bitten… is she…?"  
>"She is fine" Edward said dryly. "She… will possibly be fine… we can't be sure what happened"<br>"James called her a Werewolf" Carlisle said hoarsely, looking over at Leah's slumped body on the black wolf.

"Women do not turn to Werewolves in their tribe" Edward murmured "He may have meant she is _from_ the Quileute or something… he was deranged, his mind was a chaotic flurry of psychotic obsession with _hunting_"  
>"You are welcome" Edward said nodding his head tersely at the black wolf. "She is a dear friend…"<p>

"_Was_" Seth snapped, sniffling slightly. "She won't ever come to the hospital… she was… my dad…"

"She was a dear friend" Edward murmured. "You too, Seth"

"Can we go Sam?" Seth coughed, rolling his forehead over Harry's greying forehead.

And like that, the scene of destruction was cleared with only the remains of a vampire loved by one vengeful woman.

Xx~xx~xX

"Why did you say that?" Carlisle hissed pushing forward to keep up with Edward.

"They did not need to know about your affections for one of them" Edward said softly. "They would have taken it as a threat. They needed to know that the option was available to us to let her die"  
>"Don't say it like that!" Carlisle groaned.<p>

"And I knew if I said it had nothing to do with us" he sighed "You would show the depth of your own compassion. You are not a very good actor, Carlisle… your only convincing when you are truly _feeling_"  
>"Oh" Carlisle sighed, slowing down with Edward as they neared the house. Edward walked ahead, not turning to look at him, his hair dishevelled as it dried out in different directions from the storms onslaught the smell of James faintly coming of on his clothes.<p>

"Edward!" Carlisle called.

"You didn't think I would save her?" Edward asked softly, pausing his walking. "You think I would do that to you?"

"You saved her for me?"

"Everything I do Carlisle" Edward whispered desperately, never turning his head to look at Carlisle's half naked form, despairing and confused "Everything I do is truly for you and I have been doing it wrong for so long. I said you were free of this…"  
>"You are free too Edward" Carlisle cried. "You saved her because you are good… you know that…"<br>"I am good because of you" Edward hissed, wheeling around finally and grabbing Carlisle by his shoulders, his warm skin tingling under the feel of Carlisle's smooth muscled shoulders.

"You make me good Carlisle" he sighed. "And I make you…"

"You make me happy" Carlisle said slightly confused, feeling something inside him-something alerting him that this soft spoken Edward was dangerous to his relationship with the original Edward.

"Anyway" Edward laughed gingerly, removing his hands from Carlisle and brushing of leaves that had dried to his skin. "The wolves… their treaty is intact with you"  
>"With us" Carlisle clarified.<p>

"With us" Edward murmured. "Similar situation… they know they are outnumbered with the addition of 'absent Cullen's' and really can't afford being… difficult"

"Hmm" Carlisle sighed walking to their house, his mind throbbing with the image of Leah's slumped body turned face down in the dirt and a sneering James.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

**ALTERNATE YOU**

"There is nothing we can do about it?" that was Sue's voice, I was sure.

I knew Harry was gone, I knew it in my mind but my heart kept waiting to hear his slow droning voice give instruction on something. I kept waiting to hear his soft chuckle that ended in a high sigh. I kept waiting…

Waiting for my eyes to open. Fearing that if they did I would be staring into a pair of red devil's eyes…

"No" Sam said tired. "It would be… very dangerous. There were two of them there but according to Seth they number at six. That's more than what the original pack had to deal with… and even then… if they don't want to go, we can do nothing about it but be grateful they are upholding the treaty"

"They should die" Sue hissed. "Those demons… should… die"  
>"I should have just waited when she called to me" Seth cried. "I should have… I shouldn't have gone at it with Dad about keeping her in the dark"<p>

"I should have not commanded you…"Sam murmured in a soft voice.

"There is no time for should have's…" Billy muttered. "We need to worry about the other tow blood drinking vampires… we are at incredible risk"

"There are two…" Seth growled. "We are three…"

"It doesn't work that way Seth" Jared grumbled. "You are a pup…"  
>"It killed my father!" Seth roared. "And god knows what it was about to do to Leah… ripping her clothes…"<p>

"Jacob is coming" Jared whispered, shushing Seth. "Keep it cool…"

I should not have been able to hear their conversation, they were in the kitchen and I was sure I was upstairs in my bedroom. But I could hear it clearly, I could hear the forks on the plates scraping away and when Jacob opened the door-I heard it's every creak and his deep sigh.

"Seth…?" Jacob murmured.

"We are in here…" Billy shouted.

Jacob shuffled through the house, stumbling and failing to pick up his feet as he moved, before opening the kitchen door slowly and walking in. it was silent in the kitchen, an uneasy cough from Sue.

"Jake…"Billy murmured. "How is Bella?"  
>"You're asking me about Bella when…"Jacob stammered and then took in a shaky breathe. "Fine I suppose. How is Leah"<br>"Still asleep" Sue murmured-her voice scratchy.

"Did you say Isabella Swan was dating the youngest Cullen child?" Sam asked.

"I never said…"Jacob murmured suspiciously.

"He said it to me" Billy sighed. "Yeah, Charlie said something…"

"This is not good" Jared sighed.

"Are they serious Jacob…?" Sam asked again, his voice rising and becoming aggressive. "Does she spend time with him alone…?"  
>"I… uh, well… she makes it out like they might be like friends with benif..." he paused and laughed nervously. "What has this to do with anything? Are you okay Seth"<br>"I am fine" Seth snapped. "Please answer Sam's questions"  
>"Uhm… she is… she likes him a lot" Jacob finished timidly.<p>

"You have to tell her to break up with him Jacob" Billy breathed, his rich voice resounding through the house.

"Why?"  
>"They are evil" Sue hissed.<p>

"He is not good for her" Billy said softly. "Will you do it, Jake… will you ask her to?"  
>"It's just…" Jacob sighed. "Weird"<p>

"For twenty bucks?" Billy asked.

"Maybe for twenty bucks" Jacob murmured sheepishly.

Xx~xx~xX

Everything seems different.

My room is my room but it is not my room. This is so… everything is heightened, everything is blown up and colours and smells… the smells. I stumble out of bed, the sound of my own feet on the hard wood hard and thudding to my ears, my movements seem so nibble and before my brain can comprehend the change in my dexterity I crash into my wardrobe.

"Argh…" I groan listening in downstairs for any movement. The house is empty; Sue has gone to arrange Dad's funeral with his best friend. Seth is off with Jared somewhere… and I had groaned a low "No, I can't go anywhere today…" to Mum.

And Sam-ever the saint-offered to come by later to check on me… with Emily, I was sure. Nothing like the murder of ones father to bring together cheating boyfriends and treacherous cousins…

"Ngh..." I moaned, my vision blurring momentarily and a hot heat crawling over my body, soft shudders subsiding slowly.

I wobble over to the mirror carefully and try and stand straight before it-willing myself to look up and see the damage the 'Cold One' inflicted on my body. I don't know what I am expecting; bruises the size of craters, purple and black or twisted limbs and a scarred disfigured face.

I don't know what to expect or think…

"Maybe she is still asleep" Emily's voice drifts up and I hear heavier footsteps behind her-Sam.

"We'll sit in the living room" Sam whispered and I cringe at how clear his voice has become to me-the soft way it drifts when he speaks to Emily a sick imitation of how he once spoke to me.

I hesitate in the middle of my room, never making it to the front of the mirror and look down at my body. I am in boy-shorts and a blue vest… not really the most convenient outfit when one wants to sneak out of a house…

I take a step and the floor creaks unbearably loudly.

"She is up" Sam tells Emily and I hear him take in a deep breath and Emily whisper 'Good Luck' to him, before he makes his way up the stairs.

I need to leave. How the hell did these two idiots think them being here was any helpful… I needed to feel this new other emotion of not having Harry here all by myself. I needed to be all by my self…

I had to leave.

The window… The curtains are open, and the cool breeze swirling the many smells of my room an indication that the window too was open. I had never jumped out of the window before, the dizziness I got just looking out of it and at the forest a determent enough but I would rather break a leg, possibly become paralyzed than deal with Sam and Emily's guilt originating level of compassion…

"Leah?" Sam murmurs knocking twice on the door while I simultaneously open the window wider.

"Be right with you!" I shout, lowering one bare foot tentatively on the ledge and manoeuvring my body slowly out the window.

"Leah…?" he asks again and I see the door handle turn, and just before I fall backwards to the ground when my sweaty hands slide over the frame of the window-I see his large disbelieving eyes staring at me.

Xx~xx~xX

I don't even bother closing my eyes as I fall back fast to the ground. Sam Uley's stupid matured face will not be the last thing I see. I want to see freedom and beauty and when I hit the ground with a revolting thud, eyes going shut as a sharp pain spreads from my back to my mind-I see Carlisle's face; confused, pained, childlike innocent and mature wisdom spreading over a tortured angels features.

"Leah!" Sam shouts somewhere way above me but I don't move.

"Oh God" Emily cries. "Was that her… did she…"  
>"Quickly, Em!" Sam roars and I hear commotion as he rushes down the stairs, breaking the door down and zooms to me.<p>

I can feel movement inside of me. My back is blanketed in heat and my muscles ache slightly; a bearable sort of pain. I open my eyes the moment Sam reaches me-locking eyes with him yet again and being filled with unbearable besotted recollection of his worried features.

"Get away from me!" I growl, shoving him back and ignoring his confused face when he stumbles backwards onto his behind.

"Leah…" he tries but I wobble upright, rubbing my forehead hard.

"Leah you could have broken…"Emily says softly walking carefully towards me, her feet crunching over the ice-topped grass.

It's the first time I have seen her since… well, a while. I pause all movement as my eyes slide over her face, over her eye and down to her twisted up mouth. She still has that cherubic beauty-somewhere-under the three angry red rip marks on her face, under the twisted flesh around the rip marks and in her smile could be disguised by the twisted lip.

"Emily?" I whisper.

"Yeah, Lee" she sighs taking another careful step towards me.

"I don't…" I mutter, moving back and watching as Sam gets up slowly, shuffling to Emily's side. "I want to be alone…"

"Leah…"He mumbles. "You can't be alone… you see, what happened, with your Dad. You are at risk…"  
>"What the hell do you know about that!" I snarl. "You don't know anything you self serving…."<p>

The shuddering returned, my form thrumming but I ignored it-ignored the look of recognition on Sam's face, the horror in Emily's…

"All the legends are true!" I growled, taking a step forward and Sam simultaneously moving in front of Emily and pushing her back.

"Emily… go in the house" he commanded and she yelped, bobbing her head twice before rushing back into the house. Something about the action bothered me, irked me… _infuriated me…_

"You took my cousin away from me!" I roared at him and he put his hands out in front of him, palms facing me-a sign that I was suppose to calm down.

"You want to act like I am the one who is going to harm her…!" I screeched, flailing my hands. "You want to come here and I give me your fake sympathies because your little holy union is tainted by me!"  
>"Leah…" he whispered. "Keep cool…"<p>

"And you know what" I shouted. "There are things that happened in that forest that will blow your little infidelity-prone brain sky high, Sam!"

"Like what Leah…" he asked carefully.

"Like my father was killed by some… vampire and…" I cried "And… then…"

Carlisle and Edward were Cold Ones… hadn't Carlisle said his skin was pale and cold because of a family condition? Was he evil… the notion of the thought seemed as incredulous as vampires roaming the woods…

"And then what Leah" Sam pressed.

"And then there were giant dogs!" I cried and when I peered up at him-I was afraid. His eyes so calculative and careful with each thought he seemed to process reminded me of the black as night wolf. I backed away slowly and he took a step forward.

"Leah… come inside" he whispered.

"Stay away from me!" I hissed.

"Leah…"

I wheeled around and ran-straight into the woods-barefoot and in shorts. I pushed my legs forward through the ground, flung violently at branches and bushes and when I heard his footfalls behind me-my skin tightened and bubbled over my bones. I didn't stop, I ran… and when my feet ached and flexed in weird twitching spans, my hair crawling over my scalp in ant like sensation and my teeth throbbing in my gums… I ran.

I toppled over finally, losing some form of my balance and crashed into the ground-digging up trees and bushes.

_Argh… the fuck…_

_Leah?_

_Seth! Where are you…? I fell…_ I wheeled around, startled when my voice came through my neck in billowing air pockets and escaped my mouth in hoarse growls and huffs. And when I looked over my nose, past the bushes and a good few metres away, I gasped. My vision telescoped and expanded, ranging in a weird umbrella blanket off more than one hundred and eighty degrees and when I refocused on the immediate objects in front of me; I saw a long grey snout sticking out of my face, were my nose was supposed to be.

_Leah… stay were you are_ Sam's voice resounded in my mind, pushing Seth's panicking thoughts and emotion's away and locking my whole body in place.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**EDWARD CULLEN**

**ALTERNATE YOU**

Would you believe me if I said I didn't care about what other people thought of me?

I knew over the expanse of the years what type of person would react to me, in which way and to what degree. I knew what a certain smile would wield to a certain person, a small complement would bring out in another one and how a sympathetic head nod could deliver a sense of trust from the most formidable distrustful beings.

The wolves… they were not humans but they came from them and in their alternate forms they held that human edge. Of course, I am not trying to appear arrogant about knowing a species that I had met twice and for equally brief moments… but I had never known one of them closely like I had known Seth.

And to have Seth stare at me with confused dislike; his new sharper vision dissecting me with the fond memory and then pertained that 'Older Brother Edward' to this new one where a member of my own species had murdered his father… now that made me _uneasy_. That made me feel oddly about ever having allowed myself to think of him as the little brother I was _supposed_ to be to Carlisle.

"Do we move?" Jasper asked. He had never met the Wolves of the Quileute tribe and his only understanding of the term Werewolf spanned over the feared Children of the Moon-who were thought extinct. Violent creatures with a taste for marble flesh…

"No" Rosalie snapped. "The treaty holds and besides… if they out us we'll out them… and even then, we outnumber them"  
>"We will not be fighting with them Rosalie" Carlisle said sternly, buttoning the cream shirt Alice gave him quickly.<p>

I could hear it in his thoughts; the indecision of moving-caught between keeping our family out of the Quileute's way, keeping us-Him and I-happy and his realisation that the other two vampires may return and Leah, he had to know she was okay.

"Maybe…" Carlisle murmured. "We will move after Rose and Emmett graduate…?"  
>"Hmm" Rosalie murmured frowning. "I suppose that would be better for me"<br>"You mean 'us'" I sighed rolling my eyes at her.

"I mean us" she hissed. "Thank you for correcting me, Edward"

"A pleasure" I murmured ignoring her hissing thoughts and spitting insults.

"So…" Emmett frowned. "We are still anonymous vampires to the rest of the town?"  
>"Only the Quileute's elders will be certain of our existence" I said carefully. "We can finish high school… right Carlisle?"<p>

"Right" he breathed.

And after High School I would leave them. After I was sure he would be truly happy and content.

**AUHTORS NOTE:**

**It took a while didn't it?**

**Well, don't be shy… don't jump of to bed after finishing reading… Review!  
>And once again, thank you to the constant readers and reviewers… thank you all!<strong>

**Edward's unrecognisable self is a result of putting Carlisle's happiness first after being an idiot about it to begin with. Lol.**


	16. The Last Traces of a Drug

Have you ever daydreamt?

Dumb question, everyone has daydreamt… Have you ever stared unseeingly through a window on a particularly boring day-it may have even been hot too, in a classroom or an office-and found yourself wondering what it would be like if you could fly? What it would be like if you could lift up cars? If you could turn invisible and walk into a shop and randomly pick up all your favourite snacks and walk out again? Or maybe if you could turn back time and stop yourself from tripping down the stairs or rearrange your high school look so you could be popular?

Having infinite power and controlling the destiny of the meagre _hoi polloi _in your wake, being exceptionally good looking and having a body that could incinerate the sun?

If you have-which you really probably _have_-it doesn't really make you a subdued version of a narcissist.

It makes you an idiot.

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

**THE LAST TRACES OF A DRUG**

The dress I bought with Sue one particularly happy day is laid out on my bed. It's a coral colour with sprinkles of white flowers and a lacy little pick-a-boo thing right by the cleavage dip. Its pretty and I have only ever worn it a total of three times.

In some bizarre impulsiveness, I have decided to wear that today at my father's funeral. It has nothing to do with funeral but it has everything to do with Harry because, it was him who told me that I didn't need to worry about make up and such if I was wearing that dress. He said his looks-because I did look like him-had managed to redeem themselves in me, and by God… he and Sue had made a beautiful girl.

All his words, too.

That dress felt sacred after that. That dress was meant to be seen on _occasion_. But when I had tried it on, and it had slipped over my stretched up arms and clung slightly tighter over my now firmer bust and hugged my hips too snugly I had known that the dress would forever be sacred to _the old Leah._

It was tighter-not because I had put on weight and heavens knew it wasn't because I had suddenly gained a lovely Kim Kardashian ass. Oh no, I was still lean… but suddenly everything about my leanness was prominent. Including my height. The dress stopped mid thigh…

I had hurriedly taken it off, hating to spend another second staring at myself and dying in the realisation that this _curse _I was under would not be lifted soon. The universe felt that my father dying before my eyes, my fiancé ditching me for my cousin, making out with a cold dead beautiful unforgettable enemy was entirely not enough of a 'Let's Fuck With Leah' post card, it threw in 'turning into a giant dog' quirky line.

And just for kicks it made my ex fiancé the head of this messed up operation, and the cherry on top was having everyone bear witness to how you were dumped, to how he loved Emily, to how he thinks he sort of still loves you and then you revealing how truly pathetic you are of having shining hope at that and only digging your emotion grave further when the word **Imprint** pops up in everyone's head…

Turning into a giant dog?

It separates me from human kind, it separated me from woman kind but the one thing it did deliver in its uniqueness… is unique separated pain.

So fuck being _unique_ and a chosen protector…

Fuck it to hell.

Xx~xx~xX

"Leah…"

"Go the fuck away Jacob" I hissed, turning sharply and causing him to stumble into a plastic chair.

"Leah, wait" he shouted, rushing clumsily after me. "I want to ask you something"

"Is it about why I am hanging out with Sam?" I asked, pausing.

"Yes"  
>"Well, I have one thing to say to you…" I whispered when he caught up. "Sam… well… I am hanging out with him because <em>I have nothing better to do with myself<em>"

He didn't buy it of course.

No, not Rachel and Rebecca's little brother; what it did do was make him exceptionally curious to the contents of the members of La Pushes _finest_ protectors lives, and give Paul and Jared something to do that didn't involve _stalking_ me on behalf of Sam.

Xx~xx~xX

"It's funny huh" Seth sighed, entering my room without knocking or waiting for me to invite him in. Ever since I had phased, he had taken the opportunity of my inclusion in the secret pastimes of the La Push freaks as a green card to overwhelm me with his pent up brotherly love-which included spying on me for Sam too.

"What is squirt" I sighed.

"They seemed so normal…" he said ominously, sitting on the edge of my bed and flinging a bra disgustedly out of his little space and into the corner of piled up clothes.

"_Who_ seemed normal?" I asked stupidly.

"Them" he grumbled. "Edward…"

"Yeah" I cut him before he said Carlisle's name, it was hard enough not thinking about him when I had phased, not keeping his face at bay… it was so hard… having everyone in your mind when you needed time to process your thoughts and mull things over.

"It makes sense now, though" Seth grumbled. "There were some things Edward did or said… like he would know what I was thinking or what to say…"

"He was your friend" I said abruptly "But… just… stay away from him"

"Wasn't planning on searching him out" he scoffed before asking softly "Were you?"

"Never"

Xx~xx~xX

"So the treaty is still in place" Sam murmured.

"You didn't really have a choice on that one" I mumbled, forgetting that everyone here could hear far beyond normal human ear capacity.

"What do you mean by that?"Paul growled. He had phased almost as soon as I had, and just like me… he was constantly looking for a fight or something to chew on.

"I mean…" I sighed, squeezing closer to Seth and away from his glowering face. "They outnumber us"  
>"We are five" Jared muttered, and everyone stared at me.<p>

"They are five too" I snapped. "And… much older and experienced…"  
>"And that Edward can read thoughts" Sam breathed eyeing me through narrowed eyes, not appreciating me taking over his meeting.<p>

"He could have been lying" Seth whispered. He was having a hard time deciding whether or not he wanted to believe that Edward Cullen could read thoughts.

"And why would he lie?" Paul growled, shifting closer to me on the three seater, and sandwiching me between him and Seth.

"The fuck…" I growled and he growled back more animalistic, his eyes watching me with anticipation as I got up and wheeled around him. "There are no fucking cheap thrills here so stop rubbing on my leg…"  
>"You bit…"<br>"Shut it" Sam roared. "There are more important things to worry about…"  
>"Argh…" I hissed walking out of Sam's house. "You can fill me in on the Wolf Anti-Privacy Network later on… I have things to do…"<p>

"Leah, get back…" Sam started but I banged his door, the wood splintering at the hinges and leaving the frame loose.

Xx~xx~xX

It was only a matter of time before they found me, before they would barge in here and give me a disciplinary hearing. I probably had about ten minutes of this… and it felt like ten minutes in heaven…

Carlisle liked the colour blue, I had thought back then. He always wore blue shirts in different shades and hues. Geometric patterns or colour blocking… it makes sense now though. Blue was great at deflecting freaky paleness. It made me wonder if blue wasn't really his favourite colour, then what was…?

His shirt is soft, rich and silky-although the fabric is not silk. It's a shade of navy blue I realised once it had dried over after being rained on, the buttons were a plastic version of the colour and it had very faint stripes running down it-almost unnoticeable to a person of inferior eyesight, the darker stripes running down the navy expanse.

The way I was curled under my bed was pathetic. There were a number of things about me that had increased dramatically on the pathetic scale but this… this took the cup. Under my bed was the one place were no one would bother looking-if they didn't bother listening in for heartbeats and breathing-those kind of telltale signs wolves use to locate people. It was also the one place were I could keep a shirt that smelt of saccharine magnolia and silk with no fear of the scent swirling up too noticeable.

I heard them open the door, talking loudly and calling out my name rudely. I heard their footsteps as they shifted around the floor before heading into the kitchen as normal. I heard them but I remained lost in my world, Carlisle Cullen-sworn enemy-marked on my eyelids and his shirt held tightly over my chest and to my nose-breathing in and out through him as though his scent was cleansing the air.

They say the Cullen's are evil, and I was inclined to believe that… after all, I had seen my father killed by a vampire. But I had done something treacherous… I had felt for him-this monster, and put him on a pedestal that made his face the representation of purest form of peace, a peace I was searching for-and if they ever found out… I would know the true depth of a loneliness I had only been sampling in this pathetic She-Wolf life.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**EDWARD CULLEN**

**THE LAST TRACES OF A DRUG**

We are all formidable liars.

The one look Carlisle gave Leah Clearwater's unconscious form made me realise this… that we lie and lie and most often we lie to ourselves. And though it was a sin, it had to be a negotiable one… The one we lie to the most is our self and these lies that we tell ourselves are formed for the simple part of protecting our minds, emotions and those of us who pump blood-hearts. I was inclined to lie to myself, it was the last defence I held in my arsenal of this thing Aro had set me up for. It was the only way I could remain here with full knowledge that Carlisle had indeed found something he craved over his religion and compassion and it wasn't me…

So a lie was formed. Or rather, a simple game Carlisle had taught me called ignorance of the obvious.

I was ignorant to the fact that my insides had been torn apart in the last few weeks.

"Edward, do you find Juliet beautiful" Bella asked.

"No, I find _you _beautiful" I whispered and she tortured me with her blushing; blood rising through her skin and its scent swirling in the air followed by her quickened heart rate.

"Is Alice really throwing me a birthday party?" she asked. Her hot hand resting tentatively on my arm.

"Yes" I murmured. "She is… I suppose my family does need the distraction"

"Distraction from what?"

"It's nothing" I sighed, turning to face her and use her hormones against her. "Have I told you how beautiful you are when you are being so inquisitive?"  
>"No…" she gulped blushing again.<p>

"Well, you are…"

Xx~xx~xX

"I just realised something…." Alice murmured, skipping over to my side while Jasper walked stiffly by hers, hating Isabella's alluring scent with each second. "I have had no visions of these werewolves"  
>"Hmm" I murmured, holding Bella's hand carefully.<p>

"I mean…" Alice sighed, irritated by not knowing things and slightly intrigued by the feeling of anticipation she got "Anything to do with them… so it means that… well, it explains why I have had difficulty with Carlisle's future and yours"

"Very interesting" I whispered. "Do you see anything now?"  
>"I see… Argh" she grumbled "Another obtrusion, a wolf I suppose… I can't see past Bella's party"<br>"Do you see Carlisle?" I asked her.

"Yes… he is going to have to stay in for work…" she sighed. "I think…"  
>"Damn these wolves huh" I chuckled, nudging her.<p>

While she was still adjusting to this new quirk in her gift, I would make the most of it and go and see Carlisle later on and convince him to be there for the party… the strain I had felt from him pouring his efforts in his work and being away from me, from home-had become most intolerable.

Xx~xx~xX

"It isn't so bad" Carlisle laughed, tilting Johnny Vermont's head up and chuckling slightly when the little boy grimaced at the taste of the cough mixture.

"It is!" Johnny squealed, pouting "I'd like to see you try this!"  
>Johnny glared at Carlisle in fake dislike, his thoughts giving away his fondness for his favourite doctor and folded his arms expectantly over his chest.<p>

"I am not joking Dr Cullen" he said seriously and I laughed quietly from the edge of the young boy's bed as Carlisle raised an eyebrow.

"You want me to try your medicine Johnny?" Carlisle asked, his lips quirking in a sad rendition of a smile I knew once.

"Yes" Johnny stated smiling impishly. "I want to see if you can take a big boy gulp like I did"

"I want to see that too, Dr Carlisle…" I murmured and he looked at me frowning.

_Is he serious…_ he asked and I nodded.

"I am sure Mr Vermont is curious too" I chuckled and John Vermont smiled, playing along in his son's favourite past time of 'I dare you'.

"Okay then…" Carlisle said dejectedly, pouring the brownish liquid in a different medicine spoon and staring at it.

"Any day now, Dr Cullen!" Johnny chirped chuckling.

He inhaled sharply, sending me one last imploring look before opening his smooth lips and letting the spoon pass through his teeth, immediately swallowing and not allowing the liquid to linger on his tongue. I felt the burning sensation of dirty thick mud through his mind as the medicine slid down his throat and grimaced with him.

"Yuck!" Carlisle yelped, sticking his tongue out and causing Johnny to roll over in his bed in fits of giggles, two nurses who had been spying on their favourite doctor blushing as Carlisle made an adorable distasteful face, scraping his tongue over his top teeth and puckering his mouth.

"I owe you an apology Johnny" he laughed, reaching in his pocket for a chocolate bar he had reserved for Johnny and his difficulty when taking medicine. "Here is a little present for your troubles"  
>"Thanks Doctor Carlisle!" he squealed snatching the chocolate bar and causing his dad to roll his eyes at his son's sugar addiction. "You're the best Doctor ever!"<p>

Xx~xx~xX

"You are overworking yourself" I murmured looking around his new office. It was larger and had more colour and warmth, the tones oddly moving away form the safety of his grey haven to oranges and green accents.

"I have limitless energy" he sighed, placing Johnny's file on his desk and flipping his laptop open. "In truth, I am covering for Doctor Dempsey…."  
>"The paediatrician?" I asked, touching his new desk experimentally.<p>

"Yes, him" he murmured, watching my fingers move slowly over the dark wood of his desk and abruptly thinking of how I had touched him, causing me to jerk to a standstill-staring at the wall rigidly.

"I am sorry" he whispered staring at the screen of his laptop compulsively as I sat down in front of him "I don't know why…"  
>"You were saying about the… paediatrician" I said quickly gulping unnecessarily, imploring him silently to continue fighting the stupid memory…<p>

"Oh… he is sick so I decided to cover for him" he sighed finally looking up at me "What brings you here?"

"I like watching you work" I said looking into his darkened eyes, not quite black but retaining that honey dip only he maintained after years of living as a 'vegetarian'.

"Oh" he said after a moment of trying not to over analysis my statement.

"Carlisle…" I murmured, thinking how even if I did manage to leave him… I couldn't bear to leave him with this large emotional sucking thing that had formed between us…

"Yes" he whispered tensely.

"We…" I started, gulping a little as he thought about Leah… as he thought about me and how in some weird way both Leah and I had changed him. "We should be honest with each other, don't you think?"  
>"I do" he sighed.<p>

"Okay" I breathed.

"Okay" he laughed nervously. "I was thinking… and you were right"  
>"You feel for me?"<p>

"I feel for you" he murmured. "But… it is because… of…"  
>"What I did to us" I sighed and he nodded. "I pushed you to it… I apologies for that"<br>"Okay" he smiled. "Okay… we are okay"

"Yes" I smiled softly at him, his relief pushing my own unnerved feeling at his still lingering hidden desire for me. He didn't realise but I had; all there was there after his pure love for me was a wrong lust I had formed in him and twisted it cunningly from his centuries of self depriving holiness…

"Will you be coming to Bella's party?" I asked.

"Uh…" _I really want to be alone…_

"Please…" I whispered, reaching across his table for his hand "Please be come"

"Uh…" he sighed but I already saw him concede "I'll come"

**AUTHORS NOTE: REMEMBER TO REVIEW KIDS. **


	17. Introduction to HeartBreak

"That went well…"Rosalie sang, dancing into the room in a blurry flowery motion, leaving the teak floor clear of glass in her tornado spinning.

"He is distraught" I breathed, flinging the bloodied white cotton cloth into the metallic dish and lighting a long thin match carefully into it"Please, Rosalie… would you be kind?"

"Why" she sneered, pausing her victory dance at the unveiling of Edward's destruction. "I warned him about her… I warned you all about bringing that _girl _into this…"  
>"Because… he is your brother" I murmured and she rolled her eyes derisively "And for me Rosalie. Won't you do it for me…?"<p>

"Carlisle…" she whispered, unsure on her moment of sadistic joy.

"Rose…" I breathed "You could not have been blind to Edward and I's strained bond of late… you could not be blind to my own shadowed gloom…?"

"I…" she stammered looking away from me, the large shard of glass from the once pretty vase held irresolutely in her hands. "You let him get away with so much!"

"You cannot be so ignorant of his loneliness" I whispered. "I know you better than that Rosalie… I know you are better than that"

"And if you think this faux pas will go unpunished" I said grimly, recalling Edward's heartbroken irreparable expression "Believe me when I say to you, he has punished himself to the full extent for simply trying to reach out and have something you and Emmett share"

She dropped the glass sharply on the floor, it left a straight cut on the wood before bouncing of and then hitting the teak with a final shattering blow-one simple desolate move on Rosalie's part and one quenched lesson on compassion on her alternate ruthless personality. She stood there looking at me with a hurt expression-hurt because I had made her relate and understand her most difficult brother, her most difficult relationship in immortality when she wanted to hide behind 'I told you so's' and self righteous pomposity.

"Why do you always turn this on me…" she breathed.

"Because I love you and would not have you fear loving outside of Emmett's adoration simply because Edward doesn't regard your beauty the same way he does" I whispered.

She nodded once and murmured a soft 'I understand' before leaving the living room slowly. It was the closest I would receive from her that she would support her brother… but it was enough. None of us were allowed to run away from Edward's heartbreaking success at saving Bella's life from Jasper. Forever lodged in our minds and memories his contorted face trying to control the monster that wanted to turn around and indulge in the blood of the one he was trying to save… that cascading expression, flashing from vile destructive beauty to helpless desperate exquisiteness.

And with me forever, amongst other treasures of memory was that soft cry Edward let out-as Emmett and Rose wheeled Jasper out, Alice in tow… I was not sure if they had heard it with me-I prayed they had not because in an appalling twisted place in my unbeating heart, I wanted to hold it resolutely to my ears alone. Selfishly knowledged that it was I he would call out to in such vulnerable lustrous rawness… inducing in me a wicked awareness that whatever love I radiated for him would be contaminated by this secondary illicit covetousness and curious impish wonder that in his arrogant control it would always be I he would need the most...

That timid cry as he ran out, flying through shimmering crystals as he gave in to his thirst but miraculously refused to destroy Bella's crouched form on the ground and flung himself out the window. Better to be away from the allure than remain at the edge of temptation…

That soft cry, "_Carlisle_…_please,_ save me"

Xx~xx~xX

"Has he contacted you" Jasper asked carefully, his back facing me-wind ruffling his pale blonde hair carelessly.

"No" I sighed, dragging a foot in the dust and watching as dust particles swirled up slowly, grains drifting to soft sands in a mushroomed cloud of miniature destruction. "He hasn't… he just left"  
>"You could go find him" Jasper said his tone levelled and controlled "You could seek his scent out, maybe he is with… her. Isabella"<p>

"Hmm" I breathed. "Maybe…"

"Alice said he would forgive me" he murmured his voice hitching slightly around the word 'forgive' "But she was lying. I felt it…"

"He will forgive you" I said carefully, walking to his side but not looking at his face.

"He has been most miserable…" Jasper groaned lifting his hair up violently with his hand and then shaking his head vehemently "So sad and miserable and I have doubled it tenfold because I am so pathetic with this life, how will Alice look upon me when I am such a failure and I have sent her closest friends-both of them-away from her…"  
>"Jasper" I whispered. "She cut her finger. Her blood was in the air…"<p>

"Oh, but I had fed!" he cried, wheeling to face me-his darkened eyes wide and despairing. "I had prepared and I had wanted so desperately for Alice to have this… and for Edward to be happy. I know you think I don't feel past Alice…"  
>"You know that is not true" I breathed.<p>

"…and that I am detached because you are not my maker" he continued pacing in front of me.

"Jasper…"

"I know…" he chanted.

"No" I said sternly and he stopped, facing me, his eyes lost and worried "You know how truly blessed I feel to have you here with me, son"

"Yes" he conceded. "Blessed… when I have killed human's under your care and cost you your name…"

"I love you as I do all my children" I sighed. "Wont you… wont you stop and reason with this slight chaos?"

"I suppose self pity is not attractive on such a scarred monster" he said coolly.

"You were never one for it before" I chuckled lightly "What I most admired about you was always rising when you had fallen, all the more determined… and because of Alice…"  
>"Because of my Alice" he smiled and then his lips dropped into a sad bow. "And… I almost took that away from him"<p>

"He will forgive you if he hasn't already" I told him-no room for doubt in my voice-the words I said where true to the point. "The person he has held accountable for all of this… the one person he has put on trial and condemned to execution… is himself Jasper. And he needs us… he needs you"  
>"Yes" Jasper murmured nodding his head and a new light flashing over his eyes. "Of course… Carlisle… <em>father…<em>"

"You see…" I whispered through the whistling wind, looking at the swaying dark green branches hiding the stars momentarily with each movement "We are all corrupted"

"Not you" Jasper said instantly and I flinched at the wordless conviction he punched into his voice.

"Especially me" I breathed looking down ashamed by things that had not even happened-ashamed by their presence in my mind. "So it should not surprise us so when we slip up on our path to… righteousness"  
>Oh but how surprised I was with my own little 'slip up'... My core rocked by these unrelenting thoughts I was trying so hard to quell, fleeting between Edward and Leah-neither satisfying this new hunger and both leaving me in a constant famine of inquisitive yearning. And as all things were with vampires, and as I had feared for days now-these emotions, thoughts, wants and unmet ignored needs would be etched permanently all over my form for all eternity. Never changing or desisting and only increasing…<p>

Everything exponentially increased with each day.

"Hmm" Jasper murmured, his mood lifted and lighter and spreading over to me and disrupting my oncoming angsty chaos to crave for the forbiddingly unattainable in silence and oppressive guilt.

"Thank you, Carlisle" he sighed walking of into the trees, possibly to hunt. "This family would not exist surely without you, you are a Goodman… and I wish you would not worry so"

"A good vampire" I chuckled nervously, wishing these emotions would desist once again. If I were a vampire, they would not be blown out of proportion as they were, they would not become this permanent addictive pain to my body…

"A good vampire" I whimpered, staring at the moon and praying he was with Isabella and healing.

Xx~xx~xX

I should have known he would not go to her so soon.

He was in my office, sitting still in my chair and hidden in shadows. His face drawn and tired and eyes gone and demented. The door was locked, I had not suspected anything as I had unlocked and stepped in but when his scent sifted faintly I sighed in relief.

"I have ruined us" he breathed the moment I switched the light on.

"No" I whispered desperately dropping the briefcase on the ground indifferently and rushing to him, turning the chair around and kneeling by him. "You have not… don't do this Edward…"

"How will she look at me knowing I am truly part of a monster" he murmured.

"Jasper is most regretful…" I began confused and he snorted derisively.

"Oh, but I knew he would be and I cannot put blame on him on my fault!" he laughed manically, never looking at me.

"Do you know…" he whispered prodding a few objects on my desk in a detached manner, refusing to look at my imploring desperate gaze "I am a monster for using her. You were right, I used her like that idiot girl in Switzerland…"  
>"You are lying" I sighed. "I could tell you needed her"<br>"I sometimes forget you can be most perspective when you are not putting wool over your _own_ eyes" he laughed. "Fine, I needed her but you mistake the degree of need and its context…"  
>"Then tell me"<p>

"I needed her to heal from you" he said softly and I went rigid by his feet, my hand resting oddly on his knee.

"You cared for her" I said hoarsely staring at my hand, wondering if he wanted to shove it of for causing him this.

"Oh, come on!" he hissed grabbing my hand violently and glaring at me. "This is not _your_ sin for the billionth _bloody_ time!"

He glared at me momentarily, our eyes locked in a heated connection-my definitely honey coloured ones perplexed and drenching by the hot magma of his tortured coal ones. It was a loaded moment that made me feel somehow unworthy kneeling by his feet, somehow like a failure unable to decipher this new complication piling mercilessly on his already crowded hill of impediments and then it transformed instantaneously.

A moment altered when his eyes widened in sad relief, a moment lost as another one took its place in passive trust and despairing love and before I knew it-we were drowning in each other for minutes-wallowing in the deep waters of this suddenly pure connection, a silent comforting playing out before us as I hugged him with each passing look, as I loved him with each soft breathe… all while I kneeled by him and we held each others hands never moving a muscle.

"I envy your control" he breathed finally, blinking and then gazing at me carefully. "I envy you of _you_, Carlisle"

"Funnily" I laughed shakily "That made sense"

"I make sense to you" he smiled. "Only you"

"Oh, Edward" I sighed looking at our hands-how the colour was different only by a diminutive shade, my skin paler and smoother and giving away telltale signs of centuries of dead living and a lost mortal paleness to my once living skin.

"So much the same" he whispered "Unlike with her russet _warm _skin"

I froze, snapping my head up at him.

"I wish you wouldn't compare…" he breathed. "I don't stand a chance… don't you know"

"I thought we were…"  
>"We are over it" he said in a small voice, brushing his thumb over my knuckles and sighing deeply.<p>

I wanted to pull away from his touch when the soft movement began heating my hand up in delusional electricity, nerves alerted to the fact that this touch had been wanted in quiet moments alone and my mind failing to control what I had imagined as an influx in hormones. He didn't stop but he didn't press further and I grimaced at how underhanded I was, how lost I had become and perversely selfish to him with each little bit of compassion. How dissimilar I conducted my direction to him as father from his siblings…

"It matters not" he breathed-his voice ragged and dry, dropping my hand suddenly as though I had burnt him. "I need one thing… from you, if you wish… _Father_"

"Hmm" I managed never looking at him and glaring at my hand, hovering comfortably in the air-the treacherous thing…

"Tell me what to do" he whispered and I met his eyes, his sadness pushing my wicked split personalities away. "With regards… to Bella?"  
>"Go and see her and after…we can go hunting and <em>talk<em>" I sighed, rising from the ground and turning away from him. "She loves you"

"She is _infatuated_ with me…"

"No" I said sternly "She _loves_ you… I saw it in her eyes when I stitched the wound. She is willing to give you her soul…"

"Oh god" he hissed, rising from his seat. "She wishes to give a _demon_ her soul?"

"Edward…" I said carefully watching as he rose from the chair, his eyes wide, wild and frenzied with some crazed form of realisation.

"I have abused her!" he cried.

"Edward, calm down…" I said trying to touch him, hold him still but he moved easily from my reach.

"I have to…" he paused looking at me once, eyes large and raw and I felt as though he was attempting to drink me in, to engulf me into his vision whole and permanent as though he would never see me again. "I have to… speak to her and I will fix it; fix this thing that I have caused"  
>"Edward?"<p>

But he was gone. As soft as a sigh in the air, rampaging through this immortality carrying chaos in his body.

Xx~xx~xX

_A distracted vampire is a dangerous vampire_

I am not sure what I had wanted to say to him, I am not sure what I had wanted to do to him but after hours alone in my mind, working on fragile soul possessing mortals… I was unable to suppress it. I needed to see him-and it terrified me how intense that need had become with each ticking second of over analysing the look in his eyes… It turned into a desperate need by the time I had finished work, a want and a need rolled up in one and there was no denying to myself the simple factor that after what had passed between Leah and I-I was awoken to Edward too.

In two different ways but all I could do was thank God that Leah was _away_ from me. Because I had become a lesser man and it was all because I had thought that blood would be the greatest temptation I would ever receive and that as long as I was able to deny it I was safe. And now I was awoken to a rude fact…

There were other temptations to a vampire and _after _the initial call of blood was squashed-they formed themselves into _obsessively neurotic_ _addictions_.

She was the concentrated drug… and now I was chasing for her initial concentrated high in Edward, savouring whatever diluted intensity I managed to grab onto and revelling in a love that had turned too multifaceted after a century of hiding.

Xx~xx~xX

"Is he home?" I asked Alice, walking quickly through the living room and placing my briefcase on the table.

"No, Carlisle" she whispered in a small voice, Jasper holding her easily in his arm.

"Rose…?" I asked smiling awkwardly at the odd gathering of them around his piano. "Where is Edward? I saw him at work… he said he would go and see Isabella…"

"He told her she would never see him again" Alice murmured.

"What?" I asked looking around them, looking to the stairs expecting Edward to idle down at any moment, to walk carefully down and say he was ready to go hunting, just the two of us…

"He told her…" Rose sighed. "She needed to have human normal relationships…"

"He broke up with her" Alice mumbled. "She is devastated…"

"Where is he?" I asked again, fear welling inside me-my smile etched on my face painfully. "Where is Edward…Emmett, do you know…?"

He looked away from me, frowning sadly.

"Jasper…" I whispered. "I spoke with him… he never once blamed you at all"

"I know…" Jasper murmured. "He told me… before he… left"

"Left?" I asked quietly. "To go hunting…? Has he gone without me…?"

"He is gone, Carlisle" Emmett said slowly.

"To Volterra" Rosalie murmured apologetically.

"To Aro" Alice finished "For as long as he can… he had said…"

"Forever?" I exhaled pained and broken, standing pathetically between the door frame, the smile engraved masochistically on my face as my expression contorted between recognising the emotion about to consume me and denying it altogether "Not… _forever_…"

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	18. Introduction to Heart Break 2

**EDWARD CULLEN**

**INTRODUCTION TO HEART BREAK**

**THE CATALYST**

The thought that I may never see him ever again burned a hole in my psyche.

The thought that if I did see him again, I would be witnessing the pain-no the happiness I would have left him by leaving. The happiness I would have left both of them by leaving. The joy and uncomplicated peace I would leave both Carlisle and my _Bella_… and my brothers and sisters. How truly selfish a being… but we have already established that-now is the time for redemption but first I had to introduce them both to this.

To this temporary heartache and dishevelment-but it was necessary. It was crucial to every being I had touched including myself. If I was to save myself, save Bella and Carlisle…

I had to go.

"You… don't… want me?" she stammered, her large brown eyes staring at me in a disfigured combination of incredulity and comprehension.

"Yes" I whispered forcing myself to watch her pain-forcing my own pain down like it was a hard fifty centimetre radius pill.

"That changes everything then" she breathed trying to swallow away _something _horrid in the fabricated revelation.

"Bella…" I murmured controlled and cold "Do this one thing for me, wont you?"

"Anything" she breathed hard, giving in easily to my equally sadistic and masochistic demands with no knowledge of their contents in her unwavering _trust _in me.

"Don't do anything reckless…"

"Wh…" she began and then grimaced, shaking her head "Okay"  
>"And another thing…" I sighed, Alice's face flashing over my vision "Don't… ask any of my siblings to search me out for you… don't ask them about me, they know nothing. Just… live… if you harass them, they <em>will <em>move with me"  
>"Alice…"<br>"Yes, Isabella" I said sternly "Alice and the rest of my family will remain for a short while, enough time for you to adjust without a too sudden overdose on trauma… I know I should have given you a clean break but this was all so sudden…"  
>"This was because of Jasper!" she hissed-a pained rough sound.<p>

"No" I stated and then tried for the truth "that was just the catalyst-an accelerant to a fact to this reality I had been hiding from"

"Fact to…"  
>"I am a vampire and you are a human" I whispered sadly "We are never going to work"<p>

"Never…"

"Never" I said coolly touching her cheek one last time. "This is goodbye Isabella..."

"No" she said to the wind, never seeing my inhuman exit from the encroaching section of forest in front of her house. Her calls for me to return to her died down in seconds as I whizzed to through the trees-to the edge of Forks Peninsula.

I imagined it would be like freedom. Like flying. Like atonement… to jump off and plunge into an abyss of void emotion…

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

**INTRODUCTION TO HEART BREAK**

**THE REQUEST**

I hate tribal meetings.

All the elders and in-the-know normal human folk (which really is just _Emily_) gather around to listen to Sam feel important and flap his lips. They discuss the Cold Ones who live on the other side of Forks, they discuss the 'Bella Situation' with Edward and more importantly they discuss the other young Quileute's whose lives appear to be on the verge of a supernatural meltdown due to sudden growth spurts.

Today, however… they are discussing _everything _at once and its all because of that idiot Bella Swan. But I won't be around for that… because this would be the last chance I have to go and see him; to go and talk to him after Edward jumped of that cliff and swore he would never return to his father-to Carlisle.

I knew about heartbreak and I knew Carlisle; and against every fibre of my wolf body-I knew he was good, probably the only man I would ever meet who could hold that level of goodness in his body in the face of such evil. And I wasn't going to let it fall to prejudice because _Sam _said so…

Xx~xx~xX

**That morning…**

"You skipped out on patrol yesterday, Leah" Sam whined.

"I wasn't feeling well" I grumbled, sinking in the corner of his grainy soft couch-watching as Emily nervously shuffled out of the kitchen and disappeared into the bedroom.

"As long as it's not your period…" Paul began-looking around at his brothers when they laughed in support "You have no excuse"

"I didn't know we had two Alphas'" I hissed "Or is this you 'coming out' as Sam's side-bitch?"  
>"Bit…" he began but Sam growled.<p>

"For punishment…" Sam began.

"And you and I both know how you like _bondage_" I grumbled, looking away from his heating up face and wondering why I was so adamant to dig this grave for myself.

"Patrol for the whole fucking day!" he roared-forgetting to _not _abuse his Alpha Timbre and left my muscles shudderingneck tensed.

"Uh… Sam…"Seth said-tinkering between anger and fear "Could you maybe give my _sister_ a less… uhm…"  
>"Sadistic…" I spluttered<p>

"Uh…" Sam muttered wearily, looking away from me pained. "I mean… Patrol for the whole day, breaks and all… cover everyone…"

"Hmm" I muttered rising up and shaking my limbs free. "You're the best boss ever"

"I am not your boss Leah" he whispered.

"My aching calf begs to disagree, oh _tinkling Alpha voice abuser_"

Xx~xx~xX

"Leah…"

"Argh…" I growled wheeling around from my intended path to the comic book store and doing an odd jog-run back to the edge of the forest. Who cares if people see me disappearing through trees in shorts and a tank top, as long as Embry Call got left behind?

"Leah…" he insisted, jogging easily by my side "I can do… patrol with you…"  
>"No, you can't" I hissed. "Man up and face the guys insistent wondering on who your dad is and stop bothering me…"<p>

He paused his running, slowing down steadily before throwing a "Bitch" towards me and returning to the comic book store that _I_ had wanted to go to so badly.

I dragged my feet through the soft forest ground, only slowing down when I was a good thirty minutes into the dense woods and sat on a moss covered lock calmly. I felt slightly horrible for being so brazen to Embry but in retrospect, it was good for him. You couldn't afford to be afraid of secrets when it came to being a wolf. There just wasn't room for it… especially if you weren't any good at it.

Something about having the single most hated mind in the wolf link made my ability to block certain thoughts from being heard _ever_ that much more easy. I didn't have a 'buddy' who had suddenly shot up a few feet and filled up like he was set to audition for WWE, I didn't have a drunken mother calling me a 'good for nothing' whenever she forgot my name and I didn't have an imprint that left my ex wretchedly heartbroken. I didn't have a lot of 'juicy anything' but what I did have was a slight obsession for Forks Generals young doctor… and that secret had to be guarded with the intensity of an entire army, locked in a vault in a lost cave somewhere in my memory every time I phased. And that level of concentration left ones mind drained…

Moments alone as a wolf were greatly welcome because of this and Sam's punishment had turned into the ultimate wolfy holiday…

Xx~xx~xX

The forest was filled with the silent sound of life.

The hum of birds flying through the moving cool air, the chorus of their soft singing and rhythmic fluttering wings serenading the peace. The whisper of the wind breezing through the leaves of the tall trees, whistling past green lush vegetation with familiar effortlessness and swirling the air around every living thing; casting each scent in a soft cycle around the giant slim grey wolf.

She stood still, her eyes closed and breathing calmed. This was the only moment allowed to her to enjoy being a She-Wolf; this singular moment in space when her mind was filled with nothing but instinctual peace of a wolf, her human emotions pushed gently to the back and all her pack-brother's absent hormone fuelled barging thought void.

Soft jasmine like smells, the scent of the pine trees, the shrubbery... the hidden animals that were cautious of her presence but not too worried to immediately vacate her perimeter. She imagined what a 'Post Card' sight she might be-beautifully light grey wolf slender and sleek hidden in the emerald shadows of giant trees exuding a delicate peace...

A peace so fragile...

The sweet syrupy scent of bleached flowers and honey hit her sensitive nose hard-ramming her mind over, carried by the wind in tentative wisps and her eye lids flew open viciously; her haunches tensed and hackles raised, body going low to the ground and coiling up instinctively. Her breathe knocked out of her lungs in a heavy billowing gust, swirling the air around her and her wolf-mind immediately filled with violent panic and uncontrolled aggression. It was a natural reaction any Quileute wolf had to the scent of a vampire-but this had been her first encounter with the scent as a wolf.

Her head whipped left then right and back to its lowered centre, she took three steps further back into the shadows-her human train of thought on _peace_ lost to the wolf's overpowering fear. She lay in the shadows hidden for minutes, powerful lungs working overtime as the fragile scent swirled in the air-a scent that was possibly carried by the wind from a far of place she realised.

She counted backwards from twenty in an effort to return to her human minds shrewd control; twenty, nineteen... vampire... thirteen... vampire... ten...

Carlisle was a _vampire_.

She paused, blinking rapidly, a very un-wolf like expression gracing her features as a reckless thought found its way in her _lonely_ mind. She was near _their_ border, she thought. It could only be Carlisle...

With one last look around her-expecting to see Sam Uley walking towards her with a superior righteous expression to her action-she checked her mind once more for any telltale signs of shimmering hidden company before springing off through the trees-following the light freesia scent.

Xx~xx~xX

He stood still and silent by the edge. His hair moving violently in the wind in a reddish black fire, shirt whipping around him and revealing smooth marble flesh were it flapped but he didn't shy away from the razor sharp wind slicing past the cliff and hitting his rigid body with adamant force. He just stood there, his back facing me and his scent carried torturously by the wind to my sensitive wolf nose.

Edward Cullen.

"Leah…" he whispered through the whistling wind. "How interesting to see you again… in that form" 

I paused between the trees, wondering how he knew it was me-how he could have heard my stealthy stalking down wind of him and if I should let my wolf mind rule the moment and leap back into the depths of the wood and back to Quileute territory.

"I wont harm you" Edward whispered and I realised how different his voice sounded to my wolf ears-how entirely different it sounded to the memory of him before I phased. It was high and clear and had no hitches as was common with people-a smooth melodic honey sound cutting through the air forcefully with no care on whether it was wanted to be heard or not. Disregarding of nature, as was with _vampires_…

"Don't worry… you wont see this _vampire_ again" he sighed, turning to face me and smiling when I stepped back confused by a billowing despair etched on his face. He was leaving, they were leaving, the dreaded Cullen's, _Carlisle…_

He frowned, pausing his movements and breathing hard before shaking his head vehemently.

"He will remain" he answered my question and quelling any lingering doubts that he wasn't a telepath. "I am leaving on my own accord"

_Why…_

"I have done enough damage" he laughed-an attempt at grandiosity that broke him instead, revealing a hidden youthful sadness and misunderstood boy. "I have… you see, I know he told you about me"  
>Naturally he would know about Carlisle's every thought… unnaturally in retrospect. How evil a gift hearing thoughts had to be…?<p>

"You have to be the first person to understand that" he murmured eyeing me carefully through the shadows. "Hmm… you hear each others thoughts… wont this conversation affect you?" 

I scoffed, a grunting sound escaping my muzzle and he frowned.

So he was leaving; realising his crush on a man who was supposed to be his father…

"It is not a stupid _irrelevant_ crush" he hissed-his face twisting into a beautiful mask of marble violence and I growled, haunches tensing. "Nor was my relationship with Isabella…" 

Leaving two broken hearts and somehow he stood there looking like the physical representation of pity. _A freaky attractive shimmering beautiful _personified pity… but somehow it came out. Pathetic pitiful broken vampire… an ancient sort of pain in his eyes and I was somehow here… watching it…. break….

"Would it be different if Carlisle was the vampire standing here breaking" he murmured, a contemplative look crossing over his pained features.

Damn right it would….

"That's why you are here" he whispered. "You thought it was him. You ignored instinct and came for him. I am sorry to disappoint you Leah…"

I almost believe him.

"It would be nice if you did" he sighed, staring out to the sea in a weird form of defeat. "Leah… would you believe me-with all your instinctive hatred towards me…"  
>Some of it wasn't so instinctive...<p>

"Fair enough" he chuckled. "I had been childishly jealous of the level of interest you held for Carlisle… before I even knew whether it was attraction and you know something…" 

"I think I made him see you in a different light" he continued. "I was childishly persistent and I placed the thought in his head. It grew, evidently and he wondered about it… but it doesn't matter anymore. We are all monsters now, isn't that so young Lady Clearwater."

"But now… I think I am the bigger monster" he breathed slumping his shoulders. "And I have to leave…"  
>Had he even spoken to Carlisle about this… somehow I didn't think Carlisle would agree with his self pity and masochism… somehow I think Carlisle would like to carry all the pain on behalf of Edward and release him from his own self made hell. Yes, that was what Carlisle would want to do… <em>sacrifice himself…<em>

"You know him so well and yet you have but months in his presence" he whispered frowning at me. "I am glad you found me here…"  
>Yes, I was playing priest and this was confession. Was there such a thing as a suicidal vampire…? because I don't think I could handle it…<p>

"No, you wouldn't be able to handle it" he whispered. "But on the subject of confession… would you alert Seth… would you let him know how _deeply_ sorry I am that I deceived him. Our friendship meant something to me."

Now, how was I to 'alert' Seth to that? Seth wasn't very good at hiding his thoughts and I wasn't about to replay this whole conversation for Alpha Kujo also known as Sam in his human form.

"Well, do what you have to do" he sighed, glancing at the sea again. "One last thing…"

Did he seriously think a Quileute wolf would be doing favours for him… me of all wolves, especially me…?

"Especially you" he whispered, holding my gaze intensely. "Because… only you Leah would be able to do this. I am leaving. I am going to the one place Carlisle fears I would end up in and it will break him… you have to promise me Leah-wont you make sure he doesn't follow me?"

"Aro…" he said and then paused looking at me and smiling sadly. "He wont be able to convince me to return to him-there are vampires with abilities that will ensure that, Leah. And knowing Carlisle… knowing Aro… oh… it would break him if I refused to return. And a broken vampire isn't a pretty thing. I don't want to break him…"

Break him like Carlisle had unwittingly done to Edward.

"It's of no relevance" he grimaced. "Convince him that this is of the best…" 

Why not get one of his other _leech sibling things_ to do that for him… why involve me when I was bound by ancient magic to hate vampires…

"Would you say you _hate_ Carlisle?" he whispered severely. "My siblings cannot know what has passed between Carlisle and I-it would dissolve our family. It would ruin the family Carlisle has poured himself into… and besides, at this point-you could convince him he could fly if you wanted" 

"If you want Leah…" he finished softly, leaping into the air and spreading his arms like he was about to fly, his voice fleeting up to me as he disappeared under the edge of the cliff "You could save him"

And he was gone. I rushed to the cliff's edge-stupidly expecting him to be levitating or something-but all I saw was violent thrashing waves on the cliffs face, spilling over jagged rocks in foamy fierceness. I had never seen a vampire killed except for the memory from the other wolves minds of Carlisle and Edward ending James and even then-with our doubtless telepathic link-it felt to… fictional. They had marble hard bodies-I was told. Their very skin was like titanium, their speed was unbelievable…

But to see Edward leap into the air, face contorted in self loathing and eyes closed-it felt like I had witnessed his death. It felt too implausible that he could survive such pain, survive such a fall from this height…

I had just seen a suicidal vampire and he was right; I didn't know how to handle it.

Xx~xx~xX

**That after noon, ditching the tribe…**

Would Carlisle really risk everything to get him back if he went to this mysteriously dangerous Aro place? Would Carlisle fight till there was nothing left of him for Edward to return to him…?

I knew he would.

It wasn't about anything but _goodness _with Carlisle. He would do what was good not because he wanted a check box at the end of his eternity or _whatever_ commending him for his 'Effort'-it was who he is. He was good. A good man. A good vampire…

Who cared about Bella Swan being ditched in the woods by Edward Cullen? She was human; she had time on her side to get over things. She had a whining Jacob Black trailing along after her waiting to be picked up. Carlisle had eternity to feel and hurt… if he allowed himself.

"Leah" Seth whispered through the door and I froze, curling rigidly under my bed with his shirt in my hand. "I know you are in there…" 

He opened the door slowly and I rushed out from underneath the bed, whacking my head on the edge and flinging the navy shirt over my head and not bothering to make sure it landed somewhere out of sight, praying my eyes weren't red from crying, praying my still fresh woodsy scent would push aside his already fading sweet scent from me.

"What were you doing" he asked frowning.

"Nothing"

"Why… you were crying?" he asked frowning and I nodded. No point in lying on that one…

"How's the meeting…" I sniffled.

"Edward is gone…" he sighed. "They called the Cullen home… One of the children answered"

"Hmm" I murmured. "So meeting is over…?"  
>"I left" he whispered closing the door behind him. "Its still going on"<br>"Right…"  
>"Leah" he sighed, sitting on the edge of my bed and reaching for something crumpled, reaching for Carlisle's shirt… "Its different for <em>us<em> because we _knew_ them. We can't just rejoice and have a bonfire. It's not one down, five more to go for you and I… you know?"

"Hmm" I murmured as I watched him tensely as he held the shirt in his hand thoughtfully.

"Edward left" Seth whispered. "He left Bella… he left his family. _Why? _ I mean let's pretend one moment there were no tales of giant wolves and cold ones…"  
>"The things you want to pretend" I whispered, walking over to him slowly, my hand reaching for the shirt. "Are dangerous Seth…"<br>"Like keeping Carlisle's shirt is dangerous" he murmured, watching as I froze, hand extending in the air confusedly. "It would have been easier to keep… if you were the only wolf in this house Lee"  
>"What were you doing in my room" I growled.<p>

"Mum was cleaning…" he whispered. "Came to me with this shirt, said she was worried… why is Leah keeping a man's shirt in her room. It looked familiar but then I smelt it… had leech all over it and I _knew_"  
>"You told Sue?" I asked him, my voice wavering.<p>

"I told her it had been Sam's" he sighed, flipping the shirt to the side. "She dropped it then"

I stared at him, his usually peaceful face drawn hard and horribly into a stressed frown. I had never thought of Seth as intimidating, but his quiet thoughts flipping visibly over his troubled eyes scared me… he had managed to keep this bit of information hidden, I had made him lie to the pack…

"He said he wished you'd forgive him" I breathed abruptly and Seth whipped his head towards me, his eyes large and wide and back to his lost childlike naivety.

"Edward?" Seth breathed, shifting to the edge of the bed. "You spoke… you've been communicating with _them?"  
><em>"No…" I sighed, gulping hard and reaching for the shirt-bringing it to the safety of my own hands. "I saw him when Sam sent me to patrol alone today…"

"You saw him leave"  
>"I saw him die" I whispered and Seth tensed up, a fleeting despair in his eyes.<p>

"I mean…" I said quickly "He flew of a cliff"  
>"He flew?" Seth asked softly.<p>

"No, well… jumped" I stammered. "he jumped and before he spoke-he really is telepathic."  
>"And he asked that I forgive him?" Seth asked again.<p>

"Yes"  
>"What were his exact words?"<p>

"He said your friendship was important to him and he didn't want to have to deceive you" I sighed. "I guess… it was necessary for them"  
>"Why did he leave" Seth asked. "Was it because I…"<p>

He paused, shaking his head and then went back to his intense look.

"What did he say about leaving?" he asked again.

"Just that… he didn't like being a monster" I whispered editing things swiftly. "He understood he couldn't be with Bella I suppose. She is human and he is… what he is. It hurt him to leave"

"Of course" Seth sighed. "And you?"

"Me?"

"I know you care about Carlisle" he said and then laughed. "That shirt… well, you can't deny it after the shirt Leah"

"He is a vampire" I whispered, looking at the shirt. "That's what matters right?"  
>"Right"<p>

"I just…" I sighed. "I have to see him one last time… there is something I have to do. That I promised Edward"

"I wanted to see Edward one last time too" Seth breathed.

"He was like a bother to you" I murmured, realising we were speaking about them like we had done with Harry-after the funeral.

"Like anyone of my pack brothers" Seth sighed. "It hurt to hate him… if you can understand…"  
>"I do" I murmured sitting beside him and holding his warm hand-we were warm to each other, not cold like everyone else. Just warm…<p>

"Can you keep a secret" Seth grinned at me.

"You betcha kiddo" I sighed, resting my head on his bare shoulder.

"If they ever find out…" he whispered into my hair. "We would be… alone"  
>"No" I murmured. "We'd have each other"<p>

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**First and foremost, I have to apologise for the delay-I went on holiday and left my laptop behind. Silly me, or maybe that was a good thing-I wasn't a social delinquent then…lol.**

**Reviews and Pm responses**

**I mentioned somewhere that this would follow the twilight universe formation so I guess Laurent and Vicky will be seen somewhere… in what manner, we shall see.**

**It is a bit hard balancing the ANGST and potential romance without getting lost and confused by it but everyone is supposed to get a happy ending. That's the point of stories I think, happy endings…?**

**Characters- man oh man, yes… thank you (you know yourself) for realising the work I put in into making each perspective distinctly different to the characters. It's hard to keep Leah-Leah and Edward-Edward while managing Carlisle in his ancient mind. I really hope the characters are in well, character for everyone… of course slight changes will happen due to the alternative universe the story is set in.**

**Jacob-still a bit undecided about him. Loving Seth too much and I don't know if we can handle too many hot people running around and brooding.**

**Yes, Edward was meant to be the _bad guy_ for a bit. He is supposed to be the _hate-to-love-him-but-love-to-hate-him _character. He is spoilt and pompous and manipulative but at the same time he is just a kid in an eternally hot body looking to be loved and understood… wont you love him and understand him?**

**And to DHH to answer your grievances-the fanfiction I am using only allows for two pairings, not three… maybe you have a different version? I am sure I have mentioned somewhere that this is firstly a Carlisle/Edward/Leah triangle. Of course the intention is to end up with people paired of and not tripled… but before that I think you and I can both understand that a successful romance needs a bit of history to stand on? Which is what I am trying to give Leah and Carlisle…?**


	19. Babe in the Woods

**THE BABE IN THE WOODS**

**Xx~xx~xX**

**xXx**

**Xx~xx~xX**

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

Edward had always told me of the differences between humans and vampires.

He would speak of our most obvious dissimilarity with mild disdain, uninterest and self loathing; we were beautiful, we were fast, we were strong and we did not age. We had superior senses; sight, smell, hearing and possibly taste in a more intense manner but it was their hidden differences he would talk of in awe.

In awe of _them…_

Which was something entirely mesmerising to watch in Edward; jealousy and wonder. Two things he covered with ease along with other 'signs of weaknesses'.

The sense of touch would always be our one weakness, he would say-because it fell in the same category as our sense of emotion and feeling. We felt at an advanced level-but this didn't make us superior… instead, this was our greatest weakness and self destructive force. They could ignore, we could _detach_. They could love; we could become consumed by _obsession_ and _need_. They could hurt and we could _break_ and _rapture_…

"Carlisle?"

"He will come back" I whispered to Alice, staring out the window-staring at my stone reflection. "Don't worry, your brother will come back"  
>"I am worried about <em>you<em>, Carlisle" she whispered. "You have to go to work…. At least?"

"Everything about Forks General reminds me about him" I breathed, ripping my eyes from my demented reflection to stare at my hands.

"Carlisle… don't do this to yourself" Rosalie sighed, walking into my office. "You know he is one for dramatics, he… he will return"  
>"He went to Aro, Rose" I whispered, cringing at the memory-the memory of Aro's obsession with Edward. "He will never let me have him again… I took him from him that once, he won't permit it a second time. He is gone…"<p>

"Not even you, Alice… can be sure of that" I laughed weakly. "Tell me you see him home with me; tell me you see my son back…"

"I…" she mumbled. "My vision is… tangled up… I see you in the woods and then you disappear…"

"Carlisle…"Jasper breathed.

"Let me feel, Jasper!" I hissed, and he shrunk away. "I want to _feel_…"

"Carlisle…"Alice said shakily, pulling on my hand. "_Father_…"

I let her turn me around, raising my head slowly to look at them. They were all in my office, they all stood apart tense and in despair and they watched me with anxious eyes.

"I see you in the forest…" she breathed, her face twisted in sadness. "The vision changes, you are there then you disappear… but the end of it… I see you going to Volterra"

"To get Edward, no doubt?" I breathed. "He comes back with me, doesn't he…?"

"You stay with him when he won't leave" Rosa says dryly, looking away from me and scowling viciously at the wall. "Your _precious_ Edward…"

"I stay?"

"You can't go, Carlisle…"Alice begged. "You can't go to Volterra… let him be. He asked for you to stay with us…"  
>"It would be too much of a sacrifice, won't you say?" Rose whispered. "For one who doesn't want to be with you no longer…"<p>

"But… He will corrupt him" I whispered, squeezing Alice's tiny hand. "Aro will ensure he hates me. He will ensure he will never come back to me…"

"He isn't _yours_ just because you _made_ him!" Emmett roared, stepping forward aggressively, letting his arms swing dangerously as he moved lithely towards me. "You are not responsible for his every action… you coddle us Carlisle, you indulge _him_. This is _his_ decision and by God, let him live with it…!"

"I know you hurt" Emmett whispered, looking away from my bewildered face "We hurt too. He was our brother… but he did this. He caused this. Let him be… please. I'll take you to work, I'll pick you up and Jazz and I will go hunting with you later on… okay?"

"Let us take care of you Carlisle" Rosalie breathed, reaching for my free hand. "We can do it just as well as he does… we are your children too"

"Yes" I gulped. "I have been… self indulging in this misery…"  
>"It's okay" Alice sighed. "Just… promise you won't go to Volterra, Father. We can't be Cullen's without you Carlisle"<p>

"Promise" Rosalie said sternly, yanking at my hand lightly and pulling my gaze to her determined one "Promise you won't leave _all of us_ for _him_"

"Your brother… my son?" I asked her.

"My brother who was _not_ kidnapped but left on his _own_ accord" she said dryly. "Promise it, Carlisle… Aro has a few additions to his guard that have the talents to _persuade _ones loyalty to the Volturi and their lifestyle… Edward knew this. It could never be you, however"

"Do you say that he is more suited for that lifestyle…?" I whispered.

"We say that he went there knowing he would be asked of it" she said coolly. "You don't want that, Carlisle. Promise you will stay"

"I… promise"

"We do this for you…."Jasper sighed. "We love you _father_ and know that being stripped of all you believe in, against your will would destroy you-if you go and Aro will surely do this to you, it will destroy you"

"We love you" Rose breathed. "Him too, but he chose his path and its only right we continue ours"

Xx~xx~xX

"Does Alice say she doesn't see him returning to us?" I asked Emmett carefully, watching his tensed face as he drove down the road to Forks General. He had been his brother too, his friends and confidant… I couldn't dismiss that as _less_ because of what had passed between Edward and I in those dreaded passion filled few weeks.

"No" he said stonily. "Not in this lifetime at least…"

"You are angry with him?" I asked softly, looking out to the trees-the trees had always been our favourite thing about Forks after the perpetual lack of sunlight.

"Yes" he muttered. "I saw Bella when I went into town with Rosalie. She looked like a spectre and then there is _you_…"

"I am fine"

"You hadn't moved an inch _literally_ until we had our intervention Carlisle"

"So that's what that was" I breathed-trying to laugh and dissolve the cool emotion spreading over my fingers, through my veins and dripping ice into my hollow chest but only managing to trap air in my throat, a silly clumsy reaction that lead to a grating cough.

"I knew it would break you" Emmett sighed and then growled "But he was convinced I was overreacting, like it wasn't obvious how connected the two of you are"  
>"You are my son too, Emmett" I whispered, looking at him and flinching when he bent the steering wheel of the Mercedes ever so slightly.<p>

"I am your son" he chuckled sardonically, snapping his head to his door window, driving perfectly without looking at the road "but _he_ was _more_"  
>I whipped my head forward, staring at the gravel moving beneath us, that cavity in my chest immediately filling with wispy coldness, billowing and unforgiving. I couldn't say anything even though my logic told me to save my face and laugh it off; refute it. But I was no natural born liar and opening my mouth would sooner give fact than plant doubt-sooner convict me…<p>

"He was your friend" he sighed and I released a shaky breath, laughing nervously. "He was your… buddy or _whatever_. The vampire you went to bake and read poetry with… I mean, I don't see Jasper and I entertaining that!"  
>"I miss him too" I whispered.<p>

"Yeah…" he sighed. "Rose thinks he is the most selfish prick to ever walk the earth"  
>"It's a lot more complicated than leaving a human girl heart broken and disappointing ones father" I breathed. "It's so complex that I can't see the beginning or the end, no one can see the conclusion…"<p>

"We are here" Emmett said turning the Mercedes neatly into my parking spot. "Rose is convinced I should pick you up too… Said we needed to 'talk' and 'feel'"  
>"Not <em>your<em> strong points?" I chuckled and he smiled-a rendition of his once easy happiness.

"No, but I… I need it" he sighed, looking out the window, miles away. "I can't understand him, I want to… but I can't. Why he would go to Aro… why not just go exploring and return when this is done. He knew that Aro was the one place you would never want him to go to…"

"He also knew that it was the one place you wouldn't allow me to follow him to" I murmured, leaning my head back heavily on the headrest.

"He doesn't want this" Emmett breathed "He doesn't want this life with us anymore…"

"It seems like that" I sighed, opening the door and stepping out into the warm freezing air of Forks. "It _only_ seems like that, Emmett…"

Xx~xx~xX

They all know that my son has left. They frown at me at first, possibly wondering how best to find out the true nature of such a departure-then they offer sad understanding smiles when I am unable to hide the limits of my pain and in due time I have had fourteen offers for coffee.

It has everything to do with Isabella Swan being found alone in the forest edges by her home. It has everything to do with the steadily vocal petition from the Quileute Reservation against me; against the Cullen's and all it does is offer distraction, morbid or otherwise… but it is _welcome_. Distractions are hard to come by when you are breaking apart…

"So he… he has found his parents?" Mary asks in fake shyness.

"He left" I say coolly signing of the patient report.

"He ran away?"  
>"Could you deliver Mrs Gifford her medication please, Mary" I say quickly, handing her the list. "I think it is my lunchtime"<p>

"Your… you never go for Lunch" she says abruptly, her eyes wide.

"There is a first time for everything" I breathe walking away from her.

I am terrified of being alone; the sound of chatter, movement and the world consoles me. If I am alone, I will have no interruption to the sound of his voice ringing in my ear and it is _enough_ that his face is imprinted on my eyelids. A face of a man I had broken with my difficulty in accepting when I have sinned, owning up to my own evil…

"Doctor Cullen" the young nurse whispered desperately. "Doctor Cullen _please_…?"

"Yes" I sigh, looking up at her patiently. She gulps when our eyes make contact, the darkness of my own no doubt terrifying her and then blushes before spluttering something that translated to the Chief Police wanting to speak with me.

"He is here?" I ask her softly, feeling dread and uncomfortable guilt seeping into my mind. She nods vehemently before looking behind here, to the hidden waiting area.

"Doctor Cullen…" she whispered. "Maybe we shouldn't keep him waiting…"  
>"No" I said, rising and leaving the filled food tray on the table, walking carefully behind the small nurse.<p>

"He has come by three times already… during the week" she whispered quickly.

"It seems I may have unwittingly _tried_ his _patience_" I sighed, spotting Charlie Swan standing annoyed in front of Mary's large reception desk. He was tapping his foot as he shuffled in one spot, his police hat being wrung mercilessly in his hands and when he spotted me he made three angry steps forward towards me-his expression filled with the rage of a father…

"Charlie…" I breathed quickly, interrupting his oncoming tirade and reaching a hand out behind his back and gently pushing him forward. "Let us make our way to my office, I would like to hear how Bella is doing… does she need anything?"

"This is your son's entire …_what_?" he paused slightly confused at my sincerity before frowning behind him and grumbling that my office would do indeed.

Xx~xx~xX

"Doctor Cullen…" he breathed shakily, his initial pent up anger vanishing slowly with my hospitality and left to wither with each word spoken "I respect you. I respect you being here in Forks even if the pay is… well, you know how they pay. And I respect your work as a father… your children are lovely. Alice… I love her like I do my Bella. But your son… that _boy…_he left my Bella in the woods after breaking her heart!"

"I know Charlie" I whispered but he was too far gone in his anger to hear, to notice my terrified expression at my own office-an office that should not be tainted in all things to do with Edward.

"I stand up for you with the Quileute Elders…" he continued in his nervous anger pacing in front of my desk, never once looking at my tense form in my seat "I banish their prejudices… I mean my best friend was on their counsel, two of them in fact… and when he died they were all about 'It's the Cullen's fault…'"  
>"He left" I whispered and Charlie Swan paused his stammering ranting.<p>

"He… yes!" Charlie said taking a seat clumsily in front of me finally. "Why the hell… why did he do that to her!"

"To all of us" I breathed, looking up at him and he swallowed brusquely, looking away from me quickly. "He left all of us, Charlie… he ran away to be with… well, to go to someone he felt would be a _better father_, I suppose"  
>"He ran away?" he said disbelieving. "From you…"<p>

"He ran away, Charlie" I sighed, looking at the new desk that had been brought in. It didn't resemble the old one but I didn't need any visual to pull on the stone image of my old office. This new one might as well have morphed into that old one, filled with its history and damning secrets… "He ran away from _everything…_"  
>"He ran away" Charlie nodded, a glimmer of belief settling into his eyes. "Okay, he ran away… that… that's better than what I was coming up with on my own"<p>

"Hmm" I murmured, trying to banish the swirling void in my centre.

"I am… sorry Carlisle?" he tried then puffed out a hard breath. "No, I am _really_ sorry because I knew… I knew in my heart even when Sam Uley and the lot of them were trying to convince me of all these evil _scenarios_ with Bella when we couldn't find her-I knew that you were a Goodman. Now, I don't come around a lot of those-good men… but I know one when I see one. And if Edward has left for… is it another relative or…"  
>"Yes" I nodded quickly and he nodded back in understanding.<p>

"…well, if it is some other person…" he sighed "He has made a grave mistake. He is young, he will learn…"

"I am truly sorry about how this has affected Bella" I sighed smiling sadly at him. "I am so sorry she has been hurt this way"  
>"Well…" he breathed leaning back in the chair. "It would help if she accepted her other friends… but somehow she has become distant to Alice too. I suppose she doesn't want to be reminded of him…"<p>

"Yes" I whispered. "Memories can be so painful, reminders crippling…"  
>"Well…" he chuckled nervously "This wasn't how I pictured this happening"<br>"Nor I"

"Good day Carlisle" he said leaving me alone in the office.

"Good day" I said to no one, watching as the door closed slowly and loudly to my hearing. A thundering thud that announced that the time had finally come for me to brave memories and reminders and discover if I could fissure and rapture with no help from any other forces but my own damning dead heart.

Xx~xx~xX

**Volterra, so many years ago…**

"Let him stay with me!" Aro begged-threatened, wheeling me around easily and shaking me. "I will make him great…!"  
>"Was it not you who said vampires do not have the pleasure of fame and greatness in mortal worlds…?" I sighed, taking his hand of my shoulder slowly, calmly. "He likes attention; I know that… he is my son"<br>"Ah…" Aro chuckled. "_Your_ son…"

"_My_ son and I know what is good for him, Aro" I said sternly, watching as mischief danced in his ancient red eyes.

"How can you know what is good for him when you don't even know what is bad for him" he laughed, slapping me to hard on my back and dancing away, appearing feet above on the balcony, perched on the top of a gargoyle with the breeze moving his dark hair sinisterly through the night air.

"What is bad for him is being around blood drinkers when he is young as he is…"I sighed.

"That wasn't what I meant by 'bad'" he chuckled walking over to me slowly. "You deny him attention…"  
>"I just <em>told<em> you I give him all the attention he needs" I sighed exasperated. "He has no interest for a mate; the new additions to our little family are weighing on his patience…"

"She is most lovely this Rosalie" Aro interrupted thoughtfully. "I do wish you had brought her to me"

"Not for all the gold" I chuckled.

"I have no interest for her momentarily… even in her loveliness" he breathed. "Edward has captivated me, why you torture me so…"

"You are only interested in his talents" I sighed. "It will be your greatest weakness one day my friend"  
>"Humph" he scoffed. "Does it seem like I am interested in only talents? I tell you, Edward has captured my <em>attention<em> because of more than his _talents_ and when you return to him; do let him know that this _attention_ I hold for him is more _addictive_ than the rationed quantities _you_ allow him and he will never have to crave…"

"I would do no such thing" I snapped, and he growled low at me-Jane appearing from the shadows slowly, letting me know of her ever persistent presence for her master.

"Well then…" he chuckled. "Try not to _think_ about it when you see him, dear Carlisle…"  
>"I shall leave now" I stated coolly. "It has been… as always, a pleasure Aro"<br>"I will have him"

"Goodbye" I snarled, walking by Jane with mild regard-the determination in his eyes weighing on my every step.

"And everyone you turn… and if you do not join me you will be left alone" he called out, Jane's ringing cruel laughter crooning my exit.

Xx~xx~xX

I had made a promise and yet I was walking through the woods away from Fork's General…

But it would not stick in my conscious. It felt unnatural to refuse my feet the urge to run to the forest edges. It felt unjustifiable to allow Aro to take him away from me… I couldn't accept that he would leave me after everything. I couldn't-wouldn't accept it. He had either been taken away from me by some unknown seduction from Aro or driven by my own callousness when it came to his needs.

A promised that weighed on me…

I couldn't stay but maybe I could return to them… if I somehow managed deceit in my presence in Volterra… lured him away from Aro. Brought him to me quietly and held him away from all the pain of the undying world.

Aro's words were the heaviest even after decades; he wanted them all-my family. Edward had always been the foremost prize because he seemed most _unlikely_ to leave in his love for me. But he had gone first, and with Alice with me… with Jasper and Emmett and Rose and all their uniqueness in immortal rebirth-he would not stop till they were his. And if I sat still for a moment and pretended to continue on a path to eternal living, he would be given time to leave me alone eventually or have me turn into a monster more thoroughly.

If I was to save them, I had to get Edward back… it was logical disillusion of a bleak situation. As long as he had Edward, we would all be called to Volterra eventually. It may be Emmett in his depression at losing a brother, Alice a dearly loved fellow talented friend, Rosalie would overcome her hard exterior and forgive Edward for not returning her one time petty affection and go to him… it could be anything. We would be called there, rather me who had so much to lose by staying than them who could easily fall into persuasion.

I had to go to him.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

You would think that after days upon months of Sam thinking about the imprint situation, thinking how he had hurt me and how he had caused Emily to have imprinting doubts and betraying her cousin… you would think that after all that time of _thinking _of the _pain _he had caused me; Sam Uley would give me a mother-fucking break…

"And for skipping on the meeting and search party for Bella Cullen…" he murmured, squinting against his own writing before placing the paper down and sighing heavily when I didn't look up at him.

"For general disrespect of your brothers…" he continued and I yawned. "For disrespect of me… your Alpha…"

Another yawn.

"For letting an innocent..."

I snorted this time, then yawned and then scuffled deeper into my favourite corner of his seedy couch.

"Leah…" he breathed. "This is serious"  
>"Could've fooled me" I snorted, finally gazing up at him. "You're in a yellow apron, Sam. Trying to pass judgment on me… how am I <em>supposed<em> to take that seriously?"  
>"I am helping Emily bake" he said dryly and I frowned at him. "Anyway… Jared and Paul have test so your judgment… I mean punishment…Argh… just patrol and come back and help with cooking…"<p>

"You really going to trust me with your imprint?" I asked him coolly and he growled, his frame shaking slightly and eyes flashing with very wolf like precision.

"Are you…. threatening…"  
>"I will patrol" I sighed-trying to maintain a calm façade, trying to ignore the chill I got at his vicious expression and shifting up slowly. "That wasn't a… I wouldn't say that to… anyway, <em>continue…<em>"

"On top of your other patrol punishment" he growled. "Leah, I am trying to make this work…"

"By trying to make me bear witness to the love you give Emily that I never got a taste of?"

"This isn't…" he stuttered, shaking his head. "I am just as hurt…"

"Oh, please" I scowled "You could never be as hurt as me-you don't have your ex raining fire on you every chance he gets!"

"You committed offence in our pack rules" he hissed. "You want me to just let you walk scot-free because you are hurting…"  
>"Actually" I chuckled, folding my arms defensively over my chest "Yes, I do want to walk scot-free because I am hurting… every fucking day…."<p>

"Lee-lee"

"Go to hell" I hissed running out of his house "You and Emily both. Holier than thou _offenders _of hearts"

Xx~xx~xX

"So you are going to pull the 'I-hurt-because-of-your-imprint' card every time you over sleep and miss patrol" Seth asked thoughtfully. "And when someone wants you to help out with tribal stuff…"

"Hell yeah" I laughed, taking another doughnut from the box and stuffing it in my mouth, skipping freely at the thought that I wouldn't be in a room filled with 'elders' and _Emily_. "And every time Vampire Diaries is on too…"

"Maybe I can cash in" he sighed. "I miss my Play Station…"

"How the hell are you going to do that" I chortled, spraying doughnut fragments in the air and making him grimace in disgust when he got caught up in the crossfire.

"You broke my sister's heart now I have to go comfort her" he said thoughtfully and I shook my head. "Okay, what about… my sister possibly phased because of her broken heart-it caused me trauma?"  
>"Nope" I laughed. "But there is one that's sure to get you permanent leave from patrolling ever… or phasing with another wolf…"<br>"What?" he asked his eyes wide and intent.

"Sam, I may be _gay_… all these hot wolves are making me horny" I said, imitating his 'innocent-wide-eyes' perpetual expression and he blushed hard, punching me playfully and looking around him anxiously for invisible ninja eavesdroppers.

"I didn't tell you that so you could torment me!" he hissed.

"Oh come on…"I chuckled. "Don't be so surprised, tormenting you comes with the title 'Sister'"

"I have had enough of our _bonding_ time" he grumbled, veering in a different direction from my path towards the forest. "Go do your time quietly please"

"Stay away from my make up!" I shouted and he tensed his shoulders before walking quickly towards the house.

Xx~xx~xX

To say I was getting over Sam would be an overstatement. I was over him, but I was not over my anger… anger has a funny way of ruling any progress you think you are making. No one knows the bitterness of a heart, and no one can share in its joy…

_Argh…._

I stopped my languishing movements through the undergrowth of the forest, ears prickling up and heart thudding hard. Any thoughts that had been allowed to drip freely through my mind immediately shut of in a water tight cell; anything to do with Seth and me's human conversations, anything to do with my personal musings and more importantly anything to do with a Cullen…

I shut them away and immediately pulled on the memory of Sam in Emily's apron, the memory of the violent rage born from imprinting flashing over his eyes and directed towards me… all because I didn't know how to edit my thoughts before they came out of my mouth. My heart thudded, the still air moving sluggishly with anticipation and I waited for a more pointed thought to give a name to the lone wolf in my mind.

Whoever he was stumbled through trees, uprooting small shrubbery and ripping at wood clumsily and in his mind I smelt the bitter sweet bleach of _vampire_ hitting his nose ruthlessly. I felt the pain as a blurring torpedo flung at him once and twice and then the panic as he thought of _Bella_. Bella Swan was _somewhere_…

_Where are you, Jacob!_ I roared, springing into the air and running towards the Swan house-praying they were somewhere near there. He panicked when he registered there was someone else with him in his own mind, momentarily stopping his thrashing on the ground to listen and then yelping when the invisible attack didn't desist. He thought about the idiot Swan girl wanting to go to some secret place, they had gone off a familiar trail… I just needed to get there, I knew that trail…

I howled to the sky, moving sleekly through the woods-leaving the sparing trees behind as I stepped into Cullen territory, their lush thicker dense trees attempting to slow my desperate advance. There were no giant wolves here to keep the redwoods in check…

The vampire wasn't interested in the Swan Girl who had run off by now. It wanted the wolf. The newly phased pup, I was sure. It dragged Jacob further away-deeper into the Cullen territory and I ran. I followed the scent fearlessly the moment I caught it-wolf, blood and bleach. I howled out to the air for back up, waiting for the familiar shimmer in my mind and trying to give instruction to Jacob. Begging him to remain calm, recalling my own practices for standing on four's and willing him to learn in seconds… willing him to make sure he wasn't bitten…

And then the olive toned vampire pulled him through the trees, and from Jacob's mind I momentarily thought he had gone blind-but it was the stinging light of a clearing. The smell of the ocean wafted past the vampire and sent his disinfectant saccharine reek through Jacob's nose and into mine. I was minutes away…

"Of the cliff you go…" the tinkling hitch-free voice murmured, dragging Jacob by his hindquarter.

_Snap at him, Black!_ I yelled. _Bite him or something…!_

He whimpered again as the stone cold fingers tightened and went through his flesh, yelping and groaning before braving one pathetic swipe that only served to make the vampire laugh. And slow down a little more… it was all I needed. I was there, in the forest of the cliff's edge and I could see the vampire-marble disco like skin sparkling in the little sun and dark hair billowing like fire on its head.

"It seems…" Laurent murmured-for it was him, as I remembered him in my shady recall of that fateful day my father had died "We have company"

I growled and he paused his tugging at Jacob's leg that was dangling sickeningly-his mind overloading with pain and thoughts a series of flashes from Isabella's terrified face to the vampire's red eyes. He was a mass of reddish brown fur, his breathing laboured and by his head I could see the darkened blood matted fur.

_Have you been bitten Jake…_ I whispered and I felt him try to answer with a thought but he was slipping. _Don't sleep Jake, please Jake…_

"I am guessing…" he murmured in a thick Italian-like accent "You are a more experienced werewolf or something…"

I growled again and he frowned, his head tilting to the left.

"Hmm" he muttered, dropping Jake's leg and then stopping on it in one vicious motion-Jacob howling low and deep when his leg was broken in another place-and then he moved a little to the side. "I had come to see you, dear friend… and then… I was interrupted on my journey by these crazed wolves!"

I froze, the scent I had been obsessing over tangling in with Jacob's blood and the smell of the sea side. He walked out of the woods, metres away from our awkward face-off, his hair moving like sanctified holy breath and skin luminous in the pale shadows of the trees. His dark eyes looked towards the squirming injured wolf once and then carefully at Laurent.

"He is injured" Carlisle murmured, his face controlled. "In a scuffle or…"  
>"In a scuffle" Laurent said carefully. "I was on my way to talk to you about your <em>lifestyle<em>… I met with a clan in Alaska and they told me more thoroughly of you"

"Where is your mind reading son…" he asked casually and Carlisle grimaced.

"_Away_" Carlisle said stonily.  
>"Maybe… we can head back" Carlisle said after a beat, unsure, his eyes moving over Jacob's shimmering body with panic and then meeting my eyes in worry and I gulped-moving a step forward towards Jacob and then back. "And leave the wolves alone. They may have been… distressed when you went into their territory"<br>"I was in _your _territory" Laurent lied smoothly. "It attacked me uncalled for…"

"You would not know were our territory is" Carlisle sighed. "Leave them be… and come with me to my home"

"These beasts you share land with are crazed" Laurent murmured, watching Jacob closely. "Entirely rabid… do you know what a bite from a werewolf can do to one"  
>"I am aware…"Carlisle said looking over to me, his eyes wide. "He is hurt, is it not enough…"<p>

"No" Laurent whispered hungrily as Jacob solidified into a groaning squirming naked man. "It is not enough…"

"I cannot permit you to feed on my lands" Carlisle said moving forward in sync with my own hurried movement towards Laurent.

"I cannot _protect_ myself nor can I _feed_ on your lands" Laurent murmured thoughtfully glancing at me. "Well, in the faith of benevolence, let me have a _taste_…"

It happened so fast, Jacob's cry as he saw the red-eyed vampire move for him and my own sharp panic as I flung across the little clearing the cliff gave-ignoring the entry of Embry's thoughts as I headed for Laurent-as both Carlisle and I rushed towards him. He leapt up in the air, Jacob in his embrace and mouth latched to Jacob's throat but Carlisle caught his leg as I twisted on the ground to get upright again. He flung him down and Laurent released Jacob and begun wrestling with Carlisle-his mouth was stained red and teeth gleaming white with a pinkish tint.

"I have not killed him!"

"You have _damned_ us of residence on these lands!" Carlisle snarled, pushing at Laurent who kept trying to get back to Jacob, his darkening eyes filled with a demented seducing hunger.

I stood over Jacob's quivering body, snarling and growling at Laurent who seemed unable to see me past the smell of fresh blood. Jacob was bleeding; I needed to stop the wound… I needed to phase…

_Don't you dare Leah…! _Embry growled. _I am on my way… I am sure Sam heard my howls._

Jacob had been bitten, his neck almost ripped apart… If the venom wasn't as poisonous as we thought it was to us Quileute wolfs, his loss of blood would get him… I couldn't wait for _Sam…_

_Leah…!_

I phased barely, my every instinct in tune with the fact that I was in the most perilous of situations. I didn't have time to put on my sundress, and I used it to slow the flow of blood from Jacob's neck instead, watching as his dark eyes rolled indolently, his mouth slackly open and his leg twisted, lumpy and purple in a horrifically nauseating manner.

"Jake… come on!" I hissed. "This is what you get for playing with girls all the time, didn't Rachel warn you! Fucking wake up…"

"Leah?" Carlisle murmured, pausing his blocking-dance with Laurent and I heard a thundering whack as Laurent got an edge on him. I raised my head and saw Laurent leap towards me but Carlisle quickly moved up from the ground and intercepted his attack.

"Leave!" Carlisle roared gruffly. "Leave with him, take the boy…"

"You are helping them?" Laurent asked in disbelief, his tone comically surprised.

I tried hoisting Jacob up but his broken leg wouldn't permit it. I flung him over my shoulder, ignoring the thundering pain his weight gave and chanting in my mind that I was a She-Wolf. I was _the _She-Wolf. I could carry him all the way to Mexico if I had too…

"In all honesty" Laurent whispered and I could feel his eyes on me as the air ruffled with their silent moving-Carlisle never really striking him but jamming his way towards me and Jacob. "It is her we are after… her and the boy. Your boy, the mind-reader who killed James; Victoria is most livid, you see… _I could_ forgive if you allowed me the _dogs_… I would make it quick and painless. But now, I am afraid when she hears this new twist in the story… I am afraid you will…"  
>"She is <em>one<em> skank" I hissed behind, lugging through the woods and ignoring my nakedness and the brush scraping at my skin-my hand placed tightly over Jake's wound, the blood drenching my cotton summer yellow dress in burning crimson, his temperature decreasing to something human-like.

"Well…"Laurent laughed, listening as the thundering footfalls of my brothers vibrated the earth. "She is one… _vengeful _skank. And what's to say she doesn't wipe out your entire little tribe… what's to say she doesn't rid _you traitor vampire_ of your entire _coven_" 

And with that he leapt of the cliff-a vampire strategy I realised; wolves were no good in the water-and left a dishevelled Carlisle looking out to the waters in despair, his fingers twitching indecisively before he followed me into the woods slow and careful.

"Let me assist you, Leah" he whispered unbuttoning his shirt. "His hear beat is slowing…"

"The venom…"I mumbled tentatively allowing him to hoist Jacob of me easily, his eyes never indulging my naked form.

"I'll get that out too" he breathed, handing me his shirt and placing Jacob slowly on the ground as the pack neared. "Just… make sure _they_ don't _tear me apart"_

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Thank you all for the reviews and sharing your thoughts on things! I guess this is the big break we have been waiting for…**

**Remember to review your thoughts, likes, dislikes, suggestions and whatnots… I am always open for that but like any writer, when it comes to criticism-just elaborate and explain yourself **

**Little news flash:**

**One fifth done with Avatar fic if you are reading that. **

**Till next time kiddies,**

**tj**


	20. Skin Deep

"Keep the pressure on his neck…" Carlisle murmured, his calmness seeping into my skin and pushing the edginess of my natural instincts away.

"Good heavens, his bones are healing too fast…" he whispered, tensing as Sam moved through the trees, black towering wolf snarling and growling.

"He saved us" I said quickly looking up at his yellow furious eyes. "There was another vampire and…"

He growled, snapping at me and I didn't need to be in wolf form to know what kind of colourful language was being hurtled my way, Jared and Paul emerging on either side of him radiating aggression.

"Jacob phased… first time, I am sure" I said too fast, the words tumbling over each other as I watched Carlisle's suddenly still fingers hovering unsure over Jacob's leg, his dark eyes wide and anxious. "He was with Bella… the vampire attacked them-well him, and the Swan girl bolted… it pulled Jake here-don't know what it was going to do with him and I was alone… and then Carlisle… I mean, Doctor Cullen…"

"This is only a few metres into my territory" Carlisle said slowly and Paul growled. "I saw them Sam… and I sought to pull Laurent away from the boy, he was going to well, feed of him and then kill him. Or worse, take him to the red head woman-she has a vendetta against both your tribe and my family"

They all emerged from the forest, forming an arch around Carlisle and my self's crouched forms over Jacob, growling, snarling and shaking. All it would take was one wrong word from Carlisle, one trigger happy wolf and he would be snatched from the ground and ripped to tiny marble pieces.

"Its true you guys" I hissed. "We don't have time for this, Jake has been bitten. Carlisle… we have to get him to our land. Maybe the elders know something…"

I looked to Sam quickly and he frowned-a pulling of the upper lip to reveal glistening daggers burrowed into his wolf gums-before nodding tersely once and snapping his head left and right; orders to his two goons. They backed away slowly, lowering their heads and never letting their eyes leave Carlisle.

"You won't be able to keep up Leah" Carlisle murmured, lifting Jake too easily from the ground and carrying him bridal style, my yellow dress tied around Jakes neck. "Shouldn't you turn into a wolf…?"  
>"I'll manage" I grumbled ignoring Paul's not-so-subtly wolf glare and walking over to an obsessively composed Seth. Like hell I was going to phase after being near Carlisle, I wasn't in charge of my thoughts as yet…<p>

He shot me one last frantic look; his deathly white top half cradling a too big Jacob Black comically before zooming past Sam and Paul-who immediately bounded after him, Jared in tow.

"I guess I am going to be going on Seth express" I whispered to Seth and he bent his front legs slightly, allowing me to jump on his back.

"I tell you these woods…" I muttered, closing my eyes tight as he leapt through the forest, the winds hissing and whipping my face ruthlessly and I was grateful the shirt Carlisle gave me this time around was slightly longer to cover the 'necessary' when riding on ones wolf-brother "I tell you these woods are _damned_!"

Xx~xx~xX

"I need to suck the venom out, Sam" Carlisle murmured, a sound carried easily over the sound of the thundering rain and his phones insistent vibrating.

"Hmm" Sam grumbled, his huge arms pulled tightly over his chest and eyes a narrowed line of distrust. "Answer the phone… Cold One…"

"Cold…" I began and then pulled in a deep breath, moving stiffly towards Seth and Embry and squirming between them. Was he seriously pulling a 'Lost Native American' dictation right now…?

The Blacks lounge had always been small and clustered with different kitsch mementos from Jacob's mothers days and the twins days. It was like walking into a time warp fleeting between the eighties and late nineties. It had always been small but now with Sam, Paul and Jared crowding around Carlisle and Jacob's form on the couch, Billy and his huge wheel chair situated permanently right in the middle of the room and another two oversized boys-namely Embry and Seth squeezing into the heating up room; it was unbearable. Instincts were pushed up, Carlisle's every movement sent a wave of bleached juniper and something minty into the stuffy air and made the other wolves groan and scowl. I had had time to get used to it under my bed, and his shirt on my skin-cool and breezy-felt comforting in the terrorizing fear Jake's darkened veins sent into us.

"Something came up" Carlisle murmured-impossibly fast-into his silver phone. "I am on Quileute land"

"I am fine" he said coolly. "No, don't come to the boundary. I will be home. Do not worry Rose… I am okay, they have done nothing to me, I am helping with a young injured… boy"

"Rose I have to go" he closed the phone, stuffed into his pocket and kneeled by the chair, angling Jacob's head slowly to the side. The wound were the venom was wouldn't heel, the tendons sticking out in darkened tints under his russet skin-the veins leading away from the messy bite all appeared filled with tar under his skin. And his leg… Carlisle stressed the venom was more concerning.

"If the venom is poisonous to us" I whispered and Sam turned his scowl into my direction "Wont our blood be…"  
>"We don't have time Leah" Carlisle whispered, lowering is mouth slowly to Jacob's neck, ignoring the soft growls that erupted into the room like a warm applause of violent warning.<p>

"What is happening?" Charlie asked, pulling on Seth's hand.

"Jake was hurt" Seth said quickly and Sam nodded his head in the doors direction. "While… motorcycling… let me tell you about it outside, Chief Swan"  
>"Where is Billy" Charlie asked softly, trying to peer over the too tall massive bodies but Billy was hidden in the wolf-circle with Carlisle and Jacob.<p>

"He is with Jake on the couch…" Seth murmured. "Let me tell you about it outside…"

"Right" Charlie murmured. "Carlisle is there…?"  
>"Yes Charlie" Seth whispered hurriedly as the inaudible sound of Jacob groaning as Carlisle sucked back his blood filled the ears of every supernatural being in the room-our instincts going into override on how wrong this was…<p>

"He is a good doctor" Charlie muttered, exiting after what seemed like eons. "The best…. He treated Bella you know…"

And then Carlisle groaned ever so slightly, a too low difficult pleasured sound and Sam growled taking a step forward as Embry and Paul began shaking.

"Easy" I whispered, placing a hand on Embry's arm. "He is in control"  
>"<em>Control<em>…"Paul scoffed, but Carlisle was already done, moving swiftly away from Jake's neck and working on his legs again-his lips a faint pinkish colour although they had been in contact with Jake's bloodied wound.

"I need to break the bones…" Carlisle said quickly over the sound of his vibrating phone. "The neck wound is healing…"

"Then break them" Paul stated and Sam growled at him.

"What do you need?" Sam murmured.

"I need my medical bag" Carlisle said smoothly squeezing Jake's leg lightly and causing him to groan, his head lolling to one side and Billy gasped. "I need… morphine too and painkillers"

"Why can't you just…"  
>"Paul shut the fuck up!" Embry roared and they faced of from across the little room glaring at each other.<p>

"Do you really think now is the time for this?" Billy asked, his rich voice shocking us all-he spoke louder than anyone in his dulled human senses. "Give… Doctor Carlisle whatever he needs"  
>"We don't have a medical… whatever…" Jared mumbled.<p>

"I can ask Rosalie to bring it to me" Carlisle said quickly. "And morphine… she can get it easily from the hospital in large quantities I think and have it here in the next ten minutes…"  
>"Ten minutes?" Sam said suspiciously.<p>

"Or less…"Carlisle sighed. "Do you permit it Sam?"

"I…" Sam began and then looked at me with wide eyes.

"Do it" I hissed. "Is this really the time for prejudices Sam?"  
>"A 'yes I agree' would have sufficed Leah" Embry said in morose humour nudging me and I groaned tetchily.<p>

He flipped the phone open, speaking too quickly this time for even wolf hearing to catch and snapped it shut, moving from foot to foot once-as though the air around him-and exhaling sharply. I could imagine what the heat in the little circle allowed to him, Jake and Billy felt like to his cold skin; a sauna, an oven like imprisonment with violent aggression radiating on his back instead of barbed wire tipped walls and the looming possibility that at any second now, someone would turn into a giant fur ball of teeth. I wanted to go there and tell him he was safe, that he could fix Jake and walk out free of harm-but even I couldn't be certain of that with the narrowed sets of eyes begging for an opportunity. Even I knew not to court Sam's temper and show more than my normal dose of compassion-and for a blood drinker no less-even I knew to stand on the outskirts of the anti-vampire wolf support group and hold myself together in his soft shirt.

Jake was injured and being so near him made me think of his grey toned office and the soft cool kisses I had stolen. How utterly messed up could one person be…

"She is here…" Seth announced, walking in quickly and sending me one uncontrolled look of distressed. We could barely manage one vampire so close, what more of two…

"Send her through" Sam announced. "Jared, take Embry and go patrol the border… just make sure Charlie doesn't see you or anything. I have a feeling he is going to be hanging around for a bit"

"Leah, go check on the Swan girl" Sam finished, eyeing me distantly.

"Her name…"Jacob croaked and then groaned before wheezing. "Is… Bella…"  
>"No one gives a damn" Paul sighed heavily, shifting beside Sam as the room gained a few more cubic feet of air with the disappearance of Embry and Jared. "Why can't I …"<p>

"Because you would take this opportunity to fight and we need to keep things calm around the reservation" Sam hissed. "Stay by my side, in case of anything… Leah why are you still standing there"  
>"I am wondering why I have to go to the Swan…"<p>

"Bella" Jake coughed.

"…girl's house" I whispered, trying not to look at Carlisle's composed face.

"Because you have a uterus" Paul said in an _isn't-it-obvious_ tone. "Or had one… do you have one still?"  
>"Seriously dude…"Seth hissed as a vampire-who thank the heavens didn't have billowing red hair-walked in behind him.<p>

They all stood there momentarily and it was obvious there were no thoughts in their minds as she glided stiffly over Billy's unvarnished wood, her hair flowing liquidly through _unmoving _air like yellow silk and skin smooth and supple looking in its marble quality. They watched as what could only be describes as the most beautiful woman in the world walked into the Black's crappy badly decorated lounge and lighted everything up in stammering incoherent awe of ethereal beauty.

"I brought the bag" she said coldly, her face twisted in obvious disgust and eyes yellow and frantic. "And Morphine"

"Hello to you to" I muttered and she snapped her eyes at me-giving me a death glare that _I _had invented.

"Emmett was unwilling to let me come alone" she said quickly, everything directed to Carlisle. "I shall leave now. We are by the border… they say they understand what you are doing and we shall be waiting for your return"  
>The last bit was a threat to us… if he didn't return… we would have this Miss World and Carlisle's other children to deal with.<p>

"We won't harm him…" Paul murmured, finding his diplomacy so suddenly and mystically in the face of boobs and legs.

"You have my word as Alpha that no harm will come to C…" Sam said.

"Hmm" she scoffed-interrupting him and exiting swiftly. She threw me one last aversion bleached reproachful look-which I returned gleefully-almost tempted to tell her I had grinded up on her 'dear father's' lap but quickly deciding that I wanted to see another sun rise again and wouldn't taint such a beautiful memory of mine for this blonde beautiful breezy bitch.

"Leah…"Sam said in a daze and I sighed-unable to stop myself from looking up to Carlisle, Seth nudging me violently in the ribs.

"Can I go with Seth, then" I sighed, peeking up at Carlisle. His gaze remained fixed on Jacob as he laid out different instruments and bottles.

"Yes…"Sam said thoughtfully. "We should all be in pairs…"  
>"Come on, Leah" Seth said quickly pulling me out of the room and through the passage leading out to the door. "Let's get this done with…"<br>"While there is still chaos?" I murmured, rushing into the woods with him.

Xx~xx~xX

"He whacked Jake…" Bella spluttered, pacing the kitchen floor in a daze, her eyes wild. "So hard, there is no way he survived because he is a… strong man"

"Right" I grumbled, leaning over the kitchen counter top in disdain. I needed to be at the Black's, making sure Jake was okay and that Carlisle was…

"So, what were you doing in the woods again?" Seth asked.

"Uh, you two sound like the police" Bella laughed uneasily.

"Jacob is okay" I muttered, surveying her skinny form with mild interest. "Just so you know"

"He is okay?" she whispered. "I thought for sure that v…uh, man… was going to …"  
>"He is okay" I said more sternly. "You didn't see any one else there?"<br>"No" she whispered, wringing her hands over each other. "It was just… _him_"

"And you were in the woods doing what, again?" Seth asked, his eyes winning Oscar's for their innocent and interested concern.

"There is this place…" she sighed, taking a seat on the stool and pushing a bowl of chips over to Seth absently. "A place…"  
>"Yeah?" Seth prodded his voice cool and warm-the opposite mine had on any traumatised person I imagined.<p>

"Edward showed it to me" she finished, clutching her centre so abruptly and knocking over her glass of juice, the red pooling over the table too fast. I grabbed a towel quickly, watching worriedly as both her and Seth's face contorted in different yet distinctly similar variations of pain.

"He… "Seth tried and then gulped once, throwing me a frantic look with pained eyes before braving his voice again "A place… your… boyfriend showed you?"  
>"Yeah" she whispered, her eyes far gone and settled in her memories. "He showed me this… place once, when we went hiking and I asked Jake if he wanted to go with me when I went out to search for it"<br>"Did you tell Jacob this; that you were looking for your runaway boyfriends secret place?" I asked and Seth groaned when Bella bumbled in a moist voice. I hadn't exactly made her cry, she was already on the road to that destination before I got there…

"No" she said finally in a tiny voice. "If you don't mind guys, I would… I have to prepare Charlie's meal. Thank you for coming to check on me and inform me on how Jake is doing"

"Cool" I sighed, stretching a little and punching Seth out of his confounded stance. "Let's head back to the Black's before something unfortunate goes down with that idiot Paul"

Xx~xx~xX

He wouldn't phase after that visit to the Swan girl. One little sigh and hands shoved in his pockets told me there was no 'super Seth thought control' left in him to brave our wolf telepathic link. What could he have that was a lot harder to hide than making out with a dreaded 'Cold One'. What could he have that was worse than getting butterflies for an ancient man while in a room full of your pack mates, ex boyfriend, a bleeding teenage venom infected boy and ones brother.

Being gay couldn't really be worse than all of that surely? Or could it….?

**AUTHORS NOTE: THANK YOU YET AGAIN FOR THE REVIEWS!**

**Loves**

**Tj.**


	21. Skin Deep Extended Version

**AUHTORS NOTE: THIS IS AN EXTENDED VERSION OF SKIN DEEP. SCROLL DOWN TO CARLISLE PERSPECTIVE IF YOU HAVE ALREADY READ THE INITIAL. ITS ABOUT A THOUSAND THREE WORDS AND DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO GIVE IT ITS OWN CHAPTER… **

**Xx~xx~xX**

**x**

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

**X**

**SKIN DEEP**

"Keep the pressure on his neck…" Carlisle murmured, his calmness seeping into my skin and pushing the edginess of my natural instincts away.

"Good heavens, his bones are healing too fast…" he whispered, tensing as Sam moved through the trees, black towering wolf snarling and growling.

"He saved us" I said quickly looking up at his yellow furious eyes. "There was another vampire and…"

He growled, snapping at me and I didn't need to be in wolf form to know what kind of colourful language was being hurtled my way, Jared and Paul emerging on either side of him radiating aggression.

"Jacob phased… first time, I am sure" I said too fast, the words tumbling over each other as I watched Carlisle's suddenly still fingers hovering unsure over Jacob's leg, his dark eyes wide and anxious. "He was with Bella… the vampire attacked them-well him, and the Swan girl bolted… it pulled Jake here-don't know what it was going to do with him and I was alone… and then Carlisle… I mean, Doctor Cullen…"

"This is only a few metres into my territory" Carlisle said slowly and Paul growled. "I saw them Sam… and I sought to pull Laurent away from the boy, he was going to well, feed of him and then kill him. Or worse, take him to the red head woman-she has a vendetta against both your tribe and my family"

They all emerged from the forest, forming an arch around Carlisle and my self's crouched forms over Jacob, growling, snarling and shaking. All it would take was one wrong word from Carlisle, one trigger happy wolf and he would be snatched from the ground and ripped to tiny marble pieces.

"Its true you guys" I hissed. "We don't have time for this, Jake has been bitten. Carlisle… we have to get him to our land. Maybe the elders know something…"

I looked to Sam quickly and he frowned-a pulling of the upper lip to reveal glistening daggers burrowed into his wolf gums-before nodding tersely once and snapping his head left and right; orders to his two goons. They backed away slowly, lowering their heads and never letting their eyes leave Carlisle.

"You won't be able to keep up Leah" Carlisle murmured, lifting Jake too easily from the ground and carrying him bridal style, my yellow dress tied around Jakes neck. "Shouldn't you turn into a wolf…?"  
>"I'll manage" I grumbled ignoring Paul's not-so-subtly wolf glare and walking over to an obsessively composed Seth. Like hell I was going to phase after being near Carlisle, I wasn't in charge of my thoughts as yet…<p>

He shot me one last frantic look; his deathly white top half cradling a too big Jacob Black comically before zooming past Sam and Paul-who immediately bounded after him, Jared in tow.

"I guess I am going to be going on Seth express" I whispered to Seth and he bent his front legs slightly, allowing me to jump on his back.

"I tell you these woods…" I muttered, closing my eyes tight as he leapt through the forest, the winds hissing and whipping my face ruthlessly and I was grateful the shirt Carlisle gave me this time around was slightly longer to cover the 'necessary' when riding on ones wolf-brother "I tell you these woods are _damned_!"

Xx~xx~xX

"I need to suck the venom out, Sam" Carlisle murmured, a sound carried easily over the sound of the thundering rain and his phones insistent vibrating.

"Hmm" Sam grumbled, his huge arms pulled tightly over his chest and eyes a narrowed line of distrust. "Answer the phone… Cold One…"

"Cold…" I began and then pulled in a deep breath, moving stiffly towards Seth and Embry and squirming between them. Was he seriously pulling a 'Lost Native American' dictation right now…?

The Blacks lounge had always been small and clustered with different kitsch mementos from Jacob's mothers days and the twins days. It was like walking into a time warp fleeting between the eighties and late nineties. It had always been small but now with Sam, Paul and Jared crowding around Carlisle and Jacob's form on the couch, Billy and his huge wheel chair situated permanently right in the middle of the room and another two oversized boys-namely Embry and Seth squeezing into the heating up room; it was unbearable. Instincts were pushed up, Carlisle's every movement sent a wave of bleached juniper and something minty into the stuffy air and made the other wolves groan and scowl. I had had time to get used to it under my bed, and his shirt on my skin-cool and breezy-felt comforting in the terrorizing fear Jake's darkened veins sent into us.

"Something came up" Carlisle murmured-impossibly fast-into his silver phone. "I am on Quileute land"

"I am fine" he said coolly. "No, don't come to the boundary. I will be home. Do not worry Rose… I am okay, they have done nothing to me, I am helping with a young injured… boy"

"Rose I have to go" he closed the phone, stuffed into his pocket and kneeled by the chair, angling Jacob's head slowly to the side. The wound were the venom was wouldn't heel, the tendons sticking out in darkened tints under his russet skin-the veins leading away from the messy bite all appeared filled with tar under his skin. And his leg… Carlisle stressed the venom was more concerning.

"If the venom is poisonous to us" I whispered and Sam turned his scowl into my direction "Wont our blood be…"  
>"We don't have time Leah" Carlisle whispered, lowering is mouth slowly to Jacob's neck, ignoring the soft growls that erupted into the room like a warm applause of violent warning.<p>

"What is happening?" Charlie asked, pulling on Seth's hand.

"Jake was hurt" Seth said quickly and Sam nodded his head in the doors direction. "While… motorcycling… let me tell you about it outside, Chief Swan"  
>"Where is Billy" Charlie asked softly, trying to peer over the too tall massive bodies but Billy was hidden in the wolf-circle with Carlisle and Jacob.<p>

"He is with Jake on the couch…" Seth murmured. "Let me tell you about it outside…"

"Right" Charlie murmured. "Carlisle is there…?"  
>"Yes Charlie" Seth whispered hurriedly as the inaudible sound of Jacob groaning as Carlisle sucked back his blood filled the ears of every supernatural being in the room-our instincts going into override on how wrong this was…<p>

"He is a good doctor" Charlie muttered, exiting after what seemed like eons. "The best…. He treated Bella you know…"

And then Carlisle groaned ever so slightly, a too low difficult pleasured sound and Sam growled taking a step forward as Embry and Paul began shaking.

"Easy" I whispered, placing a hand on Embry's arm. "He is in control"  
>"<em>Control<em>…"Paul scoffed, but Carlisle was already done, moving swiftly away from Jake's neck and working on his legs again-his lips a faint pinkish colour although they had been in contact with Jake's bloodied wound.

"I need to break the bones…" Carlisle said quickly over the sound of his vibrating phone. "The neck wound is healing…"

"Then break them" Paul stated and Sam growled at him.

"What do you need?" Sam murmured.

"I need my medical bag" Carlisle said smoothly squeezing Jake's leg lightly and causing him to groan, his head lolling to one side and Billy gasped. "I need… morphine too and painkillers"

"Why can't you just…"  
>"Paul shut the fuck up!" Embry roared and they faced of from across the little room glaring at each other.<p>

"Do you really think now is the time for this?" Billy asked, his rich voice shocking us all-he spoke louder than anyone in his dulled human senses. "Give… Doctor Carlisle whatever he needs"  
>"We don't have a medical… whatever…" Jared mumbled.<p>

"I can ask Rosalie to bring it to me" Carlisle said quickly. "And morphine… she can get it easily from the hospital in large quantities I think and have it here in the next ten minutes…"  
>"Ten minutes?" Sam said suspiciously.<p>

"Or less…"Carlisle sighed. "Do you permit it Sam?"

"I…" Sam began and then looked at me with wide eyes.

"Do it" I hissed. "Is this really the time for prejudices Sam?"  
>"A 'yes I agree' would have sufficed Leah" Embry said in morose humour nudging me and I groaned tetchily.<p>

He flipped the phone open, speaking too quickly this time for even wolf hearing to catch and snapped it shut, moving from foot to foot once-as though the air around him-and exhaling sharply. I could imagine what the heat in the little circle allowed to him, Jake and Billy felt like to his cold skin; a sauna, an oven like imprisonment with violent aggression radiating on his back instead of barbed wire tipped walls and the looming possibility that at any second now, someone would turn into a giant fur ball of teeth. I wanted to go there and tell him he was safe, that he could fix Jake and walk out free of harm-but even I couldn't be certain of that with the narrowed sets of eyes begging for an opportunity. Even I knew not to court Sam's temper and show more than my normal dose of compassion-and for a blood drinker no less-even I knew to stand on the outskirts of the anti-vampire wolf support group and hold myself together in his soft shirt.

Jake was injured and being so near him made me think of his grey toned office and the soft cool kisses I had stolen. How utterly messed up could one person be…

"She is here…" Seth announced, walking in quickly and sending me one uncontrolled look of distressed. We could barely manage one vampire so close, what more of two…

"Send her through" Sam announced. "Jared, take Embry and go patrol the border… just make sure Charlie doesn't see you or anything. I have a feeling he is going to be hanging around for a bit"

"Leah, go check on the Swan girl" Sam finished, eyeing me distantly.

"Her name…"Jacob croaked and then groaned before wheezing. "Is… Bella…"  
>"No one gives a damn" Paul sighed heavily, shifting beside Sam as the room gained a few more cubic feet of air with the disappearance of Embry and Jared. "Why can't I …"<p>

"Because you would take this opportunity to fight and we need to keep things calm around the reservation" Sam hissed. "Stay by my side, in case of anything… Leah why are you still standing there"  
>"I am wondering why I have to go to the Swan…"<p>

"Bella" Jake coughed.

"…girl's house" I whispered, trying not to look at Carlisle's composed face.

"Because you have a uterus" Paul said in an _isn't-it-obvious_ tone. "Or had one… do you have one still?"  
>"Seriously dude…"Seth hissed as a vampire-who thank the heavens didn't have billowing red hair-walked in behind him.<p>

They all stood there momentarily and it was obvious there were no thoughts in their minds as she glided stiffly over Billy's unvarnished wood, her hair flowing liquidly through _unmoving _air like yellow silk and skin smooth and supple looking in its marble quality. They watched as what could only be describes as the most beautiful woman in the world walked into the Black's crappy badly decorated lounge and lighted everything up in stammering incoherent awe of ethereal beauty.

"I brought the bag" she said coldly, her face twisted in obvious disgust and eyes yellow and frantic. "And Morphine"

"Hello to you to" I muttered and she snapped her eyes at me-giving me a death glare that _I _had invented.

"Emmett was unwilling to let me come alone" she said quickly, everything directed to Carlisle. "I shall leave now. We are by the border… they say they understand what you are doing and we shall be waiting for your return"  
>The last bit was a threat to us… if he didn't return… we would have this Miss World and Carlisle's other children to deal with.<p>

"We won't harm him…" Paul murmured, finding his diplomacy so suddenly and mystically in the face of boobs and legs.

"You have my word as Alpha that no harm will come to C…" Sam said.

"Hmm" she scoffed-interrupting him and exiting swiftly. She threw me one last aversion bleached reproachful look-which I returned gleefully-almost tempted to tell her I had grinded up on her 'dear father's' lap but quickly deciding that I wanted to see another sun rise again and wouldn't taint such a beautiful memory of mine for this blonde beautiful breezy bitch.

"Leah…"Sam said in a daze and I sighed-unable to stop myself from looking up to Carlisle, Seth nudging me violently in the ribs.

"Can I go with Seth, then" I sighed, peeking up at Carlisle. His gaze remained fixed on Jacob as he laid out different instruments and bottles.

"Yes…"Sam said thoughtfully. "We should all be in pairs…"  
>"Come on, Leah" Seth said quickly pulling me out of the room and through the passage leading out to the door. "Let's get this done with…"<br>"While there is still chaos?" I murmured, rushing into the woods with him.

Xx~xx~xX

"He whacked Jake…" Bella spluttered, pacing the kitchen floor in a daze, her eyes wild. "So hard, there is no way he survived because he is a… strong man"

"Right" I grumbled, leaning over the kitchen counter top in disdain. I needed to be at the Black's, making sure Jake was okay and that Carlisle was…

"So, what were you doing in the woods again?" Seth asked.

"Uh, you two sound like the police" Bella laughed uneasily.

"Jacob is okay" I muttered, surveying her skinny form with mild interest. "Just so you know"

"He is okay?" she whispered. "I thought for sure that v…uh, man… was going to …"  
>"He is okay" I said more sternly. "You didn't see any one else there?"<br>"No" she whispered, wringing her hands over each other. "It was just… _him_"

"And you were in the woods doing what, again?" Seth asked, his eyes winning Oscar's for their innocent and interested concern.

"There is this place…" she sighed, taking a seat on the stool and pushing a bowl of chips over to Seth absently. "A place…"  
>"Yeah?" Seth prodded his voice cool and warm-the opposite mine had on any traumatised person I imagined.<p>

"Edward showed it to me" she finished, clutching her centre so abruptly and knocking over her glass of juice, the red pooling over the table too fast. I grabbed a towel quickly, watching worriedly as both her and Seth's face contorted in different yet distinctly similar variations of pain.

"He… "Seth tried and then gulped once, throwing me a frantic look with pained eyes before braving his voice again "A place… your… boyfriend showed you?"  
>"Yeah" she whispered, her eyes far gone and settled in her memories. "He showed me this… place once, when we went hiking and I asked Jake if he wanted to go with me when I went out to search for it"<br>"Did you tell Jacob this; that you were looking for your runaway boyfriends secret place?" I asked and Seth groaned when Bella bumbled in a moist voice. I hadn't exactly made her cry, she was already on the road to that destination before I got there…

"No" she said finally in a tiny voice. "If you don't mind guys, I would… I have to prepare Charlie's meal. Thank you for coming to check on me and inform me on how Jake is doing"

"Cool" I sighed, stretching a little and punching Seth out of his confounded stance. "Let's head back to the Black's before something unfortunate goes down with that idiot Paul"

Xx~xx~xX

He wouldn't phase after that visit to the Swan girl. One little sigh and hands shoved in his pockets told me there was no 'super Seth thought control' left in him to brave our wolf telepathic link. What could he have that was a lot harder to hide than making out with a dreaded 'Cold One'. What could he have that was worse than getting butterflies for an ancient man while in a room full of your pack mates, ex boyfriend, a bleeding teenage venom infected boy and ones brother.

Being gay couldn't really be worse than all of that surely? Or could it….?

**Xx~xx~xX**

**X**

**Xx~xx~xX**

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

It would have taken me zooming through the trees, fleeing my responsibilities with a heavy heart and cutting through the thrashing waves of the sea-it would have taken me having no conscious to the decision I was about to make and consequently dooming Leah and the young Jacob Black.

Deliberation had saved them; saved us-her Vendetta had come to light earlier than she would ever have expected.

_Victoria_-the red haired vampire.

Xx~xx~xX

"Your idiotic compassion would have cost you your life!" Rosalie hissed, her hands balled into titanium fists and hair thrashing violently as she paced the dining room.

"It was chance…" I whispered, looking at my hands, remembering the feel of Jacob Black's impossibly hot blood sliding over them in its dark crimson value.

"I wanted to hunt alone, after all" I muttered.

"You weren't going to leave us?" Alice whispered her eyes wide.

It would destroy too much to say it out loud, it would cost more than their uneasy acceptance that I had no prejudices against the wolves and they had to follow suit in some way-it would cost their relationship with Edward in the end, knowing I was unable to be away from him. Unable to let him be…

"No" I lied, looking away from her-denouncing her vision, hurting her to keep her from feeling a more intense pain.

"The wolves' interference must have messed with the vision" she sighed, looking up at Jasper who had her secured by his side. "Emmett rushed to your office when I told him I saw you swimming to Canada-possible to fly to through to Italy from there"  
>"I thought about it" I murmured. "It was an uncontrollable deliberation… it isn't easy to let ones…son go… but I stayed"<p>

"He stayed" Emmett breathed, his hands folded uneasily over his chest. "He is here… there are more pressing matters"

"Like Victoria" Jasper growled.

"She wants the wolves" Rose said closing her eyes haughtily, and pursing her lips "She can have the wolves. Edward is in Volterra with Aro-if she wants to hold a case against him, she'll have to brave the Volturi"

"They wont take both Edward and I killing her mate for a wolf lightly" I whispered, already seeing the sadistic twinkle in Caius eyes at a chance to prove there was nothing holy about 'Carlisle' except his ignorance to his nature. Holy fool was what he had called me…

"A werewolf no less" Jasper murmured thoughtfully. "They hate werewolves. Any involvement with them about wolves would be disastrous to the Quileute tribe"  
>"Since when were you 'for' the Quileute?" Rose breathed.<p>

"I am not against them" Jasper said defensively. "I just don't see any need to interrupt their existence"  
>"We are after all" I sighed, looking at her-she never did take anything impeaching on her solitude lightly "The ones who came onto their land, Rose"<p>

"Hmm" she breathed.

"Victoria… has a vendetta" I said coolly "Not only against the Quileute but against us. She is however, _one_ vampire…"  
>"And I would see immediately if she formulated a plan against us" Alice said confidently. "That's one thing I still have under control" <p>

Xx~xx~xX

Pretending that the previous night had not happened seemed easier than I had anticipated after long hours of obsessing over every little detail that had passed. I dispelled the uneasy feeling-the liquid fear-that remained in my stomach at the violent distrust of the wolves; they had no reason to trust vampires and I needed not make it a concern of mine to _gain_ their trust. All I had to do was uphold the treaty, protect my family and go to work…

If I happened to think of Leah Clearwater on the way-it was simply for concern on her well being. If I happened to wonder what she would do with my shirt, or the other shirt I gave her… it was… I would come up with a reason for that sooner in the day, I was sure. If I recalled how she looked in my shirt-another reason to come up with during the day too.

I could call her –to find out about Jacob and if his thigh bone had settled just right. I could ask her to bring him to the hospital so I could make sure it was set… and then maybe find out if the wolves fear of us had subsided somewhat, if Sam understood now how atoning we 'Cullen's' were. Wouldn't it be prudent for all of us to come to some sort of understanding that Victoria was not a threat as yet, but this didn't mean that she couldn't become something formidable against the both of us-Cold Ones and Wolves.

"School starts at eight-thirty Carlisle" Emmett grumbled from beside me in the passenger seat while Rose groaned. "This is when I miss Edward's obsession with control and time… 'Punctuality is Precision'"  
>Jasper chuckled at his odd gravellier imitation off Edward's fluid eloquence while Rose scowled out the window and Alice chirped a little giggle. They missed him, it was evident-no matter how horrid the last days had been. They missed him and I had to speak with them of the dangers of any one of them going to Volterra…<p>

"Could you increase the speed" Rose sighed. "We have never been late and all these precautions are wearing thin on me, I would be better of running to school in my Alexander's than this"

"Sure thing" I chuckled winking at Rose through the rear-view mirror "I wouldn't have you running in heels, lovely Rose"

"That was once" she grumbled.

"You run in heels even when you go hunting" Alice said thoughtfully. "I haven't bought you flat shoes in about three years actually"

"Emmett likes me in heels" she said coolly.

"I do babe" he laughed. "Don't listen to these flatfoots, they are just jealous…"

Xx~xx~xX

The difference in my equilibrium was never more pronounced. Surely I should feel some form of chaos at the trauma Laurent had shown to me of what a vampire could do-what a vampire was capable of doing when lost of a large quantity of his humanity. Surely I should be worse of; surely I should be more desperate to ensure Edward's safety…

Surely I should be shocked into stillness that Leah was a wolf… little Seth too.

I was lost; the information and emotional surplus allowing some form of stagnancy inside me were I could be happy or depressed simultaneously. I was lost because the one person I wanted to share this with, the one person who would understand the shock of such events and be able to explain them easily and pour cool light on my own easily obsessive nature of wanting to fix every distress in the world-every little flicker of distress that had run over Leah's face while we were in that little lounge and her… fellow wolves had shown a very hostile acceptance of her-every distress I had witnessed had formed a twisting concrete rope inside of me to wipe it away from her mind. To understand it and fix it.

_You can't fix everyone…_ I could hear him say. _You can't pour venom on it and think it would make God see you as any less a monster._

If I poured venom on Leah's distress… it would poison her, and if I sucked on her blood, would it taste as rich and be just as thick as Jacob Blacks. Would it contradict the slight animal aroma it gave to the nose and surprise the tongue with sweet powerful glory… with a little hint that this too could be _poison_. Addictive poison. Was she…

_Such Dangerous Thoughts_ _Carlisle_. He would say. _Have you forgotten your control for a __**wolf**__… such dangerous thoughts…?_

Such Dangerous Thoughts. I should not seek her out; my guise for wondering on her was as feeble as my inability to discipline my compassion. She would see right through it-I was calling on the old Leah-the human Leah, and she seemed lost in her increased height, leaner body, cold perpetually narrowed chary dark eyes and permanent violent scowl under choppy dark hair.

We were unnatural born enemies now.

**AUTHORS NOTE, again…: **

**I thought the initial SKIN DEEP was quite tense and it would have been a bit dramatic to move from that atmosphere to something else-enter the extended version.**

**So, after reading all your reviews and pm's-I realise that quite a few people don't take well to Edward, who I admittedly wrote to be quite the brat initially, hehe. Yep, his little love thing for Carlisle might seem weird (okay, it is weird) but it kind of intrigues me in a weird way. A lot of use of the word weird…**

**My bio page isn't working for some reason so I can't add news feeds there so bear with me while I abuse you with overload of bold writing.**

**Anyhow, Edward will obviously return-maybe we will get to see if the grass really is greener for him in Volterra? Poor little Seth and Leah-they got the short end of the stick with phasing. It seems obvious that Seth and Edward are to be paired of, but… don't denounce a possible soap opera like spin on things. I am a bit of a sadistic dictator with the complicated angst I have looming over these poor characters-that belong to Stephanie Meyer, blahblibah disclaimer and watnot. **

**Ooh, yes-again I do try to make the distinction between a 'vampire's' way of thinking and a 'wolf-human' way of thinking in my writing. Vampires over think, back track, deliberate and ponder because of all the space in their pretty heads I would imagine and again-their emotional intensity, which I have mentioned, don't know how you missed that... But because they are superior beings it would seem like I am writing out a thought process that would take a few hours but in fact, it takes seconds… so, yeah. I hope that answered that.**

**Uhm, I didn't think a description of Carlisle's torso would be appropriate while Jake is bleeding and convulsing on the ground-possibly dying. Lol. And obviously his shirts are expensive-he is the richest fictional character on Forbes's list! And no, I don't think it would be very 'Carlisle' like to demand his shirts back, although it would be funny to see how Leah would take that!-hmm, this would be interesting to implement somewhere soon…**

**Leah is nineteen or(hides, because she doesn't really know Leah's age), basically nearing the end of her teen years.**

**Is this the end of Bella? I don't know-should we leave her in peace on in pieces…? hmm, this needs a vampire deliberation.**

**NEWS FEED**

**Avatar: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF ZUKO is about a third done at two thousand and something words-it might be a long one guys, if you are reading that. Random Spa Day scenes with mother and daughter's, Zuko meeting Toph's intended and a possible little training between the Fire Lord and Earth Nation Prince. The whole Gaang has to arrive right, and I missed Katara somewhat, lets see how she likes the new Azula. Hope it doesn't become a two part thing, I am being hounded for some Toko hot moments, .**


	22. The Wrong Goodbye

**Xx~xx~xX**

**X**

**Xx~xx~xX**

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

**THE WRONG GOODBYE**

This was reckless.

This was stupid.

I was Leah Clearwater so fuck it all to hell. If I was never going to have what I wanted then let me say goodbye to it at least…

Xx~xx~xX

"Even though I understand now why he had his little group and prances around…" Jake grumbled, glaring at the grey sea and pulling his knees tighter to his chest. "Sam is still a…"  
>"Unreasonable prick" I chuckled, flinging a stone far out to the expanse of water and watching as it disappeared into an oncoming foamy wave feet away.<p>

"You know what makes me madder…" Jake hissed this time, his eyes flashing with that familiar indescribable hate all Quileute Wolves were pre-programmed with to hate vampires.

"She knew" I breathed leaning back into the sand.

"Yeah" he sighed sadly. "She knew… maybe if she hadn't _known_ it would be easier"  
>"If you love her then it shouldn't matter" I whispered, peering at his angry scowl from my sprawled position on the sandy ground. It wasn't really using him; in fact, I kind of liked Jake better than all the other numb-nuts in the pack after Seth-but Sethie really was my brother so it sort of made one pack brother I liked somewhat.<p>

So it wasn't really using him; I was actually listening to his Bella drama's somewhat-even if it was to get any intelligence on Edward's absent activities. I was really concerned that he hated this phasing thing more than any of us although he was better at it than the most of us, that he didn't want to be Alpha even though that was his birthright and more importantly that he seemed aged in too short a space of time when he was the second youngest to phase after Quil.

I really was _listening_ and _feeling _and after I was done listening and feeling and he was trusting me more outside of the title 'Harpy' and 'Queen of Hades', I was going to suggest he gets his leg checked up. At Forks Medical Centre-but oh, wait… weird things would surely pop-up on the chart if he went there randomly, and we couldn't have that. Now who could we possibly go and have him checked out then, which doctor could we find that wouldn't mind doing everything hush-hush…

_Who_ indeed…

"If she loved me then it wouldn't have mattered" he murmured, not noticing my start when I remembered I was with him-I had transported myself into a certain office somewhere in my mind. "How the _hell_ do you compete with a bloodsucker! How the hell does one consciously fall in-love with a vile bloodsucking dead thing…"

"Clearwater?" he breathed as I began chocking on the peanuts I had been enjoying so calmly seconds before. "Clearwater, the hell…? You seriously going to let one peanut bring you down?"

He slapped my back hard, then wrenched me from the ground and spun me around, his hands locking in front of me-in the wrong place and he began to lurch me forward-some teenage idiot version of the Heimlich manoeuvre. My throat constricted painfully and I could hear the blood pulsing through my ears.

"Clearwater!" he yelled and finally lodged his hands correctly and yanked; the peanut flying forward like a bat out of hell and leaving me spluttering and emitting frog-like sounds.

"Oh gosh…" I breathed, rubbing my neck. "Oh _fuck_…"

"We are _even_ now" he said weakly, bracing himself on his knees. "You saved me from the vamps and I saved you from the… peanut"  
>"I didn't save you for the <em>last fucking time<em>, Blackhead…" I began, out of breath and shooing his hovering hand.

"Bullshit" he growled. "Anyway, it would have been funny explaining your death"  
>"Really?" I gasped, falling back on the sandy ground and pushing the treacherous peanuts away and watching them hatefully as they spilled out of the packet across the sand grains. "How so…?"<p>

"Headline" he announced ominously, waving his hand in the air. "Werewolf dies. No, not by vampire bite, not by _silver_… but by _peanut_"  
>"Funny, but silver does shit to us Black-hole"<br>"You know I am hilarious Clearwater either way" he chuckled-his eyes still holding that anxiousness as though he expected me to start chocking on my own spit this time. "That's why you love me"  
>"Keep deluding yourself" I smiled at him, punching his arm. "I only date older guys, kid"<p>

"What, like that comic book store clerk you were drooling over?" he laughed. "He isn't even in the same _species_ as you"  
>"That's just how I like them, Black"<p>

Xx~xx~xX

"… she said she thought I was kind of beautiful" he continued and I resisted the urge to gag, chanting in my mind that this was not unnecessary torture. This would give me a green card to head to Forks Hospital with an actual tangible reason rather than my pathetic one-heading back with a borrowed shirt to return to a very kind pale doctor. I was yet to decide which of his shirts I was going to conveniently forget in my room… maybe the one that held his scent stronger…

"You aren't listening Leah" Jacob whined comically-his lower lip jutting out and eyes going large-an odd puppy dog expression on the face of a fifteen year old unnaturally grown man.

"What was that?" I murmured, snatching my hand from his when he had begun tugging at it for my attention. "Bella, Bella and more freaking Bella and then she is skinny and shapeless and something and then she has brown eyes and flowing hair?"  
>"Shut up" he grumbled blushing.<p>

"And she thinks you are _sort of beautiful_?" I continued watching as he turned redder. "Even though you have a beating heart… it will have to do or something?"

"Look" I said pointing at his face and he scrunched up his nose in confusion.

"What?" he asked self consciously.

"A red Indian"

"Funny" he said a sardonic scowl gracing his features but the blush refusing to desist.

"You know I am Black" I chuckled. "Anyway, what's it like being bitten by a vampire?"  
>"Painful" he grumbled, shuffling his feet unnecessarily through the gravel of my driveway.<p>

"Was there like an _odd_ moment…?" I pressed

"Yeah…" he whispered. "It felt like I was burning up, like I was burning _alive_… fire licking through my veins…"

"You think the venom is completely out?" I prodded and he sighed, shrugging in response. "What if its not completely out and you go to bed tonight and wake up munching on Billy?"  
>"You are sick, Clearwater" he growled but there was a smile lurking on his lips.<p>

"_Imagine_" I murmured, imitating his News Headlines sketch and waving my hand in the air. "Jacob Black-Vampire Werewolf Extraordinaire…"  
>"You actually freaking me out there Clearwater" he whispered uneasily. "I'd rather <em>die<em>…"  
>"Your leg looks weird" I mumbled, glancing at his leg that was by all accounts perfectly fine-looking.<p>

"It feels fine" he murmured.

"It looks weird Black" I said indifferently, skipping into my house and praying there was food in the fridge to entertain Jacob further. "But its your call if you want to be a three legged dog…"

And that is how you get a teenage boy to go to the doctor's office.

Xx~xx~xX

"You told Sam…"  
>"Sam…" I growled. "He'll know…eventually"<br>"What the hell do you mean 'He'll know' Clearwater!" Jacob spluttered, pausing our trekking through the Forks General Parking lot.

"What's the problem" I sighed. "Yesterday you weren't so worried about _Sam _when you conveniently included Bella in our patrolling and turned what was supposed to be an hour shift into three hours thanks to listening to her showering… idiot"  
>"I…" he frowned. "That's different"<p>

"The difference here is no one is at risk at being arrested by Charlie for being a _pervert_" I said dryly "And this involves your health…"  
>"My <em>health<em> would be at greater risk if we walk in there and end up a vampire's hot dog and no one knows were we went…!" he said theatrically, flailing his hands in the air "Your health too, Clearwater… how would we explain that to Sam I wonder…hmm, maybe with a; _yes, noble heartbreaking Alpha… we willingly walked into the Demon's layer and ended up chew toys and now we are dead_"

"How would we be explaining anything if we are dead" I said and he frowned, not having thought his little one man play through. "And I do not sound like a whiny vampire loving Bi-"

"Watch it Clearwater" he growled, his eyes flashing with animalistic violence.

"Where else am I to assume you heard that pitchy voice from" I said walking forward, knowing he would follow and want to lead in the end. I looked around for the big black shiny Mercedes, checking his usual spot… it wasn't there. He wasn't there… but it was too late and suspicious to back down now.

"Your mama" he whispered and I snorted.

"Seriously?" I chuckled. "That was your comeback?"  
>"Give me a minute" he frowned. "The thought of vampire interaction is throwing my game off…"<p>

Jacob was the only wolf-along Quil-who hadn't really interacted with Carlisle. He didn't understand the odd humanness Carlisle exuded to the other wolves that made it impossible to simply want to tear his head of for even Paul-he didn't understand it even seeing it in the minds of others because he was to hung up on his prejudice against losing the _crush_ of his life to a vampire.

"What's in the bag?" he asked.

"A murder kit"

"Sam's?"

"Bingo…" I sighed, leading him through the stiff sanitized chemical smelling corridors easily and wishing I had told him to wear a shirt. My nerves immediately went into overdrive, I suddenly wanted Carlisle to be home doing… whatever it is _they_ do in their home.

I stopped outside his office and inhaled slowly before releasing the breath quickly.

"It says Doctor Adler" Jacob frowned peering easily over my head at the door. "I would have been shocked if you knew where the leech doctor was, Clearwater…"

"I don't…" I said angrily-angry that I had forgotten that little detail while I was walking so sure through the halls "We'll ask… the…"  
>"Human?" he grinned.<p>

"Just knock" I sighed, folding my hands over my chest.

He knocked fast three times, loud resonating bangs to my sensitive ears.

"I said knock not break the door down, idiot!"

"Why so touchy suddenly" he asked grinning and opening the door "Nervous for the leech… don't worry, I'll take care of you"  
>"Oh, I feel so safe…" I breathed, letting him go in first.<p>

It looked nothing like Carlisle's office should; I expected the tones of grey, I expected the picture of the stormy sea and even though the name on the door said otherwise and I knew the moment we entered and our noses were greeted with the plump doctor's very human scent but still I expected that slow burn of his juniper scent and worse off-I expected to see him seated behind the desk looking like a tortured archangel in a lab coat.

"Hello?" the human murmured surprised.

"Hi" Jake said quickly, never really entering and allowing us to linger by the door "We were actually looking for the… Cullen Doctor?"

"The Cullen Doctor?" I snorted and he jabbed my ribs hard, sending me stumbling into the door and surprising the little doctor seated in the green office further.

"Oh, he is…" he pushed his glassed up and thought for a minute. "Down the hall… this hall right at the end"  
>"Thank you" Jake breathed and shut the door with too much strength, making the glass panelling complain.<p>

"Could you be a _little_ gentle" I murmured, gulping as we moved slowly to the end of the hall.

"Could you stop challenging me" he growled.

"You need to make up your mind about this alpha thing because letting out your pent up testosterone on others is not fair" I said absently as I gazed on the name of the door at the end of the hall.

"This is it…"Jake whispered. "Clearwater, if we don't make it out alive… I just want you to know, that once… so very long ago, when I was fourteen…"  
>"You were fourteen last year" I mumbled, holding the dark plastic bag with the navy shirt tighter-wondering why I hadn't thought to put it into some designer boutique bag…<p>

"… when I was fourteen" he continued irritated I had interrupted him "I once… had a happy moment thinking of you"

"If we don't die here…" I said slowly "I'll kill you in the woods"

"Ouch"

"And he can hear you…" I said softly, knocking on the door twice and stepping back like it was Halloween and I was a kid waiting on candy.

We heard the ruffle of air-so eerie and ominous like wind blowing through leaves in the night-and the soft; "Come in"  
>"Go in first" Jacob murmured poking my back so I lurched forward.<p>

"You are so noble and brave… bet Billy would be _proud_" I hissed at Jacob through clenched teeth.

"I am not going to bite you" Carlisle laughed softly and Jake stiffened.

I opened the door then, tugging Jake's uncooperative form by the hand through it and shut it behind.

"Not the best joke for a wolf that got bitten by a vampire" I murmured, busying myself immediately with looking at the walls of this new large office and ignoring the mahogany desk situated opposite me, housing his still form.

"Oh" he said, his smooth voice more decadent with my perfect hearing, his voice calling on me to look at him and feast and indulge on what I had been dreaming and imaging for the last few weeks.

"Hello" Jacob grated and I looked up at his face-gone was the odd shade of red-russet that blushing induced on his skin and instead was an angry purpling of a wolf being hit with the instinct to phase when faced with a vampire.

"Jacob…" Carlisle murmured standing up from his seat.

"Easy Jake…"

"No, I'm cool…" he breathed "Just the… stench…"  
>"Let me open a window" Carlisle murmured and appeared instantly by the blinds, pulling them open and reaching for the window, sliding it open too. "There is a little terrace here… I'll open the doors to that too"<p>

Jake turned around in disbelief, his shaking halting and eyes wide. That was Carlisle for you… making you feel like an ungrateful moron by being his natural loving good vampire self. We watched him perplexed as he busied himself with the blinds over the terrace door, propping them up and unlocking the doors before opening them wide and letting in the woodsy smell of pine trees that inadvertently mingled with his sweet scent-much to my pleasure and Jacob's slight dissatisfaction.

"Is that better, Jacob… Leah?" he asked and I had to look at him then.

The first thing I noticed were the darker bruises around his eyes but I couldn't make eye contact with him just yet. He was dressed not in his usual style strangely-there was no waistcoat or odd nuances of blue and grey. He wore darker colours; a black shirt I was sure, the collar peeping out of a dusky dark purple jersey and his pants were black too. Although he looked good-like some Armani model lost in boring old Forks-something was off. He seemed tousled and shaken a bit-like he had put his clothes on too fast or absently, not smoothing them over on his form.

And then his face, more glorious than last but his eyes… I looked away immediately; my throat constricting and heart beat raised.

"You need…"Carlisle murmured "A check up, young Mr Black?"

"A check up" Jacob said, slightly at ease now. "For my leg… and the uh, bite… venom thing"

"You can take a seat" Carlisle said absently and I felt his eyes ghost over me before he turned his whole body towards the open sliding door "We might have to close the blinds for privacy… I hope my scent has been muted somewhat"  
>"I understand" Jacob said calmly and then lied-something that gave him away as being lured by Carlisle's obvious humanity "It's not so bad"<p>

Xx~xx~xX

"No venom" Carlisle said happily "As healthy as a… wolf"

"Hmm" Jacob murmured, his brow creased and his mind obviously whirling with thoughts-Bella and I was sure now after meeting Carlisle officially he was wondering on 'Bella's Leech'.

"I am very honoured you trusted me enough to come for a check up" Carlisle threw in and Jacob's mouth dropped at the sincerity in his tone, while I abused Carlisle's attention on Jacob by watching him improperly, wondering how I had missed all the telltale signs of vampirism before and how one man could be so beautiful…

"It really was Leah" Jacob murmured. "Surprised me a little, but she was the one who really dragged me here…"  
>If I didn't have conviction before on whether Jacob Black was to remain a living breathing mammal-it came to me in full force in the form of blushing, spluttering and then my trademark scowl delivered to his shocked face.<p>

"What?" he stammered, raising his hands. "You were the one who insisted…"

"Shut up already" I muttered, my skin crawling with heat-a very good and bad kind when Carlisle's dark intense eyes danced sharply towards my face, locking with mine momentarily and I knew he hadn't forgotten our last _meeting_ in his office… "I came to… give you this"  
>"A gift?" Jacob asked in confusion as I reached the black plastic out to Carlisle without looking at him and opting to glare at the far wall.<p>

"It's his shirt, you stupid moronic singular…"

"Oh thank you" Carlisle murmured quickly, and I felt the tug of the bag and I released it into his hands. "I… thought… you really didn't have to…"

"Just be grateful she didn't _burn_ it" Jacob laughed.

"Hmm" he murmured and I realised he had opened the bag in his weird quiet vampire way. There was one shirt in there… "Maybe the other one wasn't so fortunate?"  
>"Other one?" Jacob murmured.<p>

"Let's go Black" I said hurriedly, grabbing his arm and pulling him up. "Uh, thank you… Carlisle…"

He looked at me and the hurt was evident on his face, his eyes wide and large-their darkness which my wolf mind associated with a more extremely dangerous kind of vampire pushed aside by this other side of me, this side of me that wanted to reach out and stroke his cheek…

"I forgot the other shirt at home… somewhere with my laundry, I know it is _expensive_ and I will _wash_ it and hand it to you _first_ thing Monday morning…"

"Firstly, I had no idea you could talk that fast" Jacob murmured "And why are you collecting vampire shirts?"

I gaped at him, no thought in my head except that I should surely die now. That I would surely be tied to a post and burnt alive when he posed this question to Sam…

"The first time we encountered Laurent" Carlisle breathed from behind me, this time making a sound when he closed the bag "And the second time when we stopped him from hurting you… well, hurting you beyond repair Jacob"

"Oh" Jacob said then. "You can shut your mouth now, Clearwater. Sheesh… the man saved your life, I mean…"  
>"No need to clarify, Leah" Carlisle murmured in a strange gravely tone I didn't associate with him. Everything about him was smooth and silky.<p>

"You are too kind, Doctor Cullen but Leah needs to know that…" Jacob mumbled staring at me in mocking incredulity.

"You saved her life Doctor Cullen… she can drop the _prejudice_ and be thankful. Like me" Jacob finished.

"Preju…" I said slowly-experimentally, frowning at him-almost spitting out how he had had a whole anti-vampire slur an hour ago but the opportunity presented itself to mask my affection and I had to take it. "Oh, yes… I uhm, I apologise… let's go, come on…"  
>"Thank you again, Carlisle" he murmured, waving his hand and closing the door behind us and after fifteen seconds of walking away from Carlisle's office, he hissed "Seriously, Leah… when vampires are sticking to the rules they are not as bad as you think they are, you didn't have to be your bitchy self back there… going on about <em>washing<em> things"  
>"Right, that was me being bitchy… you know me <em>so<em> well" I murmured, following his easy step through the car park and trying to form my mental barriers quickly.

"I mean, after the smell and the freaky black hungry eyes…" he said thoughtfully shuddering slightly, ignoring me completely "And the hard cold skin…"  
>"You are pro-vampire now?" I asked-my voice breaking nervously.<p>

"Hmm" he said thoughtfully "Let's just say… I wouldn't kill _that _particular vampire"  
>"Good to know"<p>

"So did you burn the shirt?" he asked conspiratorially.

"Of course I did Black"

"Knew it" he chuckled skipping through the trees and then pausing when I didn't follow suit and look for a natural changing room. "Uhm, Clearwater… this is the part were we ditch the skin for fur?"  
>"You know, I think…" I muttered, looking back at the Hospital structure peeping through the trees "I think I need to have a human moment"<br>"Cool" he sighed. "I was having a lot of Bella-thoughts currently…"

"Exactly" I laughed shakily, backing out of the forest "I don't want to be sharing your Bella angst right now"  
>"You going to walk home?" he asked.<p>

"I'll… make it home" I finished.

"See you Murky-Water" he murmured disappearing further into the trees.

"Get over that Pale-Face, Black" I sighed, heading back to Forks Hospital, realising what my idiot stammering could have meant to Carlisle. If this was going to be goodbye or whatever… it couldn't end like this.

Xx~xx~xX

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

**THE WRONG GOODBYE**

**Xx~xx~xX**

I am not to sure what I expected to happen. It seems silly in retrospect to have allowed that glimmering hope to well up inside me so freely, to become enamoured with the idea that my _intention_ noble and true had been conveyed to them-to the wolves. It seemed so silly and childish and that dreaded word '_naïve' _of me to blindly let hope grow in me that they didn't hate me. That what I could only imagine to be natural instinct ruling their thoughts and hearts against me-against a vampire-would be squashed in favour of forgiveness and acceptance.

The shirt isn't washed and it only makes it worse. Its folded half-heartedly, creased and smells of wolf. The smell is not as strong as that of a changed werewolf in its wolf form; the hard animalistic edge of a changed werewolf that stings my nose and forms an almost repulsing agent against the vampire side of me isn't present. But that doesn't mean the scent lingering on the navy shirt isn't too strong.

Her scent.

It should have been distant by now but there it is in every fibre of the shirt. Pine-as is with all the wolves-but intermingling with wild cherries and spice. Her wild human scent clinging to the shirt adamantly and prickling my heart painfully. She would never forgive such a betrayal I suppose and why should she?

Why should I keep letting such thoughts loiter in my mind? I want to throw the shirt away and say goodbye to the other being in this world who had managed to lodge themselves in an awkward hidden place in my frozen heart-this is the time for _goodbyes_.

I bring the shirt close to my nose one last time, remembering her inability to look at me and her scowl when Jacob prodded her about the other shirt and her hate for me. It made sense; her father was dead because of the existence of my kind-Edward and I had put her tribe at risk with the elimination of James but then… she wouldn't be here if that hadn't happened and that would have been a tragedy.

No matter her hate for me, I would rather she lived. No matter… she would live and have her beating heart. Wasn't it her raw kindness and sympathy that allowed her to brave her dislike… the pain of that reality… her dislike of me? her kindness to the young Jacob Black who looked much to old since I had last seen him, her kindness that allowed her to tolerate my presence so Jacob could have his check up. It may have been Sam's interference…

_What did you think would happen?_ I imagine Edward asking. _You need to stop expecting the world to throw rainbows and unicorns at you because you expect it…_

"Carlisle?" she whispers from behind the door and I start a little-I had heard footsteps but I had expected someone else. Anyone else…

"Come in…" I breathe and immediately shoved the shirt back in the black plastic bag, feeling vile for having it by my nose for ten minutes straight.

The door opened slowly and I realised I was hovering over my seat, undecided on whether I should be standing or sitting before deciding to just stand. She walked in slowly, closing the door softly before tucking her too short messily cut hair behind her ear nervously and then regarding me.

A much differed sort of consideration to my existence in this office in comparison to how she had seemed to want me to disappear when she was here with Jacob not fifteen minutes ago. She peeks at me timidly, as though checking I really am in the room-her wide slightly bruised eyes only making eye contact fleetingly like before, a kind attempt to keep her dislike of me hidden…

"You already managed to get the other shirt?" I ask nervously-chuckling "I really thought you had burnt it"  
>"I know" she sighed, swinging her arms a little as she takes a step forward.<p>

"So… you didn't burn it?" I murmur, my throat dry and parched and the thirst I feel not helping my nerves. How grateful I had no bleeding patients today.

"Why would I burn it?" she asks.

"Because…" I begin but I am too cowardly to voice it out, a side of me wanting to keep the memory of her coming to me for advice… the memory of her soft kiss on my hard lips. I let the word hang in the air and she stands opposite me patiently.

"Is Jacob waiting for you?" I ask confused. "He really is alright now… no problems I should think"

"Jake's gone to do patrol… maybe lingering somewhere around Bella's house" she murmured indifferently, roping her arm around her and clutching herself.

"So you didn't burn the shirt?" I ask.

"No, I wouldn't do that" she says softly, looking at the ground. "I thought I'd… keep it"

"Why?"

"Why not" she challenges frowning a little at the carpet.

"I am sure your… you call them pack brothers..?" I try and she nods "I am sure your pack brothers won't want that...?"

"Why would I tell them" she says taking another step forward.

"Why would you tell them _indeed_" I murmur, remembering the volatile way they regarded her, included her in their pack.

"I…" she breathed and then huffed, dropping her hands to her sides bleakly "I would have liked to be your friend"  
>"I would have liked to be <em>your <em>friend too" I whispered, captivated by how she seemed fierce in her new height and toned body but somehow in her eyes-a liquid fire of vulnerability lurked, a dangerous sort of desolateness. And like before I felt it crying out to me…

I really should have fed with Jasper.

"But I…" she stammered, looking away-never looking at me as though it would either turn her to stone or set her ablaze if she did so "We can't"  
>"Why?"<p>

"I may be good at hiding thoughts" she said cryptically "But that's only because most of my thoughts are set in my imagination and past. I couldn't handle reality, not with the way I am… all broken and whatnot"  
>"You aren't broken" I said dazed, moving from behind the table. "Just… fractured. A little fissured… a few pieces missing…?"<br>"You make it sound beautiful to have broken heart" she laughed.

"I guess it's beautiful when it's you, Leah" I said and she started when I was right by her side, unable to hide her yes form me any longer. "But imagine how breathtaking you would be Leah… if you were whole and had a peaceful beating heart"

This was supposed to be goodbye, this was supposed to be enough to know she didn't hate me and I was supposed to be allowing her family and brothers to heal her. This had nothing to do with me…

"You are so cold" she breathed, shuddering as my finger trailed her cheek and wiped her single tear away.

"You are so hot" I murmured, staring at the almost boiling droplet sitting tantalizingly on my index finger with hunger and allowing her spice scent to engulf me-wondering were such daring recklessness had come from. Wishing her thudding heart didn't call out on that hidden side of me that had discovered the potency of a wolfs blood, that she didn't make my centre purr instinctually when she reached for my hand and embraced it with her burning hot silken skin, her thumb moving in spherical gestures on the outside of my cold marble skin.

"I thought you didn't breathe" she laughed huskily and realised my breathing was coming out in hitches, embarrassed when the purring grating sound lodged in my chest didn't desist and reverberated around us at her closeness and contact with my skin-the skin of my hand, good heavens…

I tried yanking my hand gently but she held it tight with a definite inhuman strength.

"Goodbye, then" she whispered-her eyes dark and hooded meeting mine from the corner of their large encasing.

"Goodbye" I breathed and she shuddered as my voice came out low-animalistic and my breath fanned over our nonexistent distance. And I shouldn't have, it was reckless and stupid…

Reckless. Stupid. Entirely foreign to me but I had arrived here, I had to see it through…

I kissed her-the side of her mouth and the heat and shiver that ran over her skin made my own skin tingle with electricity and of my bodies own accord, I nudged her cheek with my nose-the heat, the burning open fire her skin gave off eliciting strange instinctual reactions from my vampire body.

"You should go" I murmured, gulping and pulling on a control I never knew was more difficult than denying human blood. I backed away from her, eyes a violent haze of russet silk colour and felt the cooling of the air immediately. "You should go Leah"  
>"I should go…" she mumbled hypnotised and taking a step forward towards me, staring intently at my indecisive form hovering between my desk and her.<p>

"Goodbye" I breathed and then I growled low, something in me telling me that this was dangerous. We were hovering on no-man's land but really we had to return to our territories "Leave Leah!"

"Goodbye…" she said then, running out of my office.

**Authors note:**

**Response to reviews and pm**

**No, Carlisle and Edward didn't do the deed… uh, they made out and a love like that (well theone Edward contains) wont rest easily so we will see if they meet once more in this lifetime.**

**So, if you are enjoying… review. If you have a suggestion… review. If you enjoy Jacob… review. If you are human… you get the picture.**

**Till next time.**

**Tj.**


	23. The Road to Hell

**THE ROAD TO HELL...**

**EDWARD CULLEN**

"The City is beautiful… is it not?" Jane murmurs.

"Most beautiful" I breathe. There is no way around this, I can see it in her mind-she doesn't want me here, she knows the reasons I am here and is aware it is not entirely willingly and Aro knows this too. By all costs, _all costs_… they will keep me here.

"You are most beautiful too, Edward" she drones in her dry tone, skipping beside me on the ledge of the roof. "Too beautiful at times, it must be hard finding someone…"  
>"I have someone I find most beautiful" I sigh and she frowns, her mind she feels-is superior to the powers of a telepath but there is only one mind like that… and she is much breakable to be superior to vampires.<p>

"The Rosalie vampire…?" she asked tetchily "We are yet to _see_ her"  
>"You have no interest in my family"<p>

"Family" she scoffed. "Not from what I heard. I heard they kicked you out and you had no where to turn to… you are lost without a master"  
>"As are you"<p>

"I love my master" she hissed

"As do I" I said coolly

"We share the same master now" she said thoughtfully

"He is all yours Jane, you are the apple of his eye" I said quietly, gazing at the dark cloudless sky.

"If you mock me" she whispered "I'll make you the apple of _my_ eye"

"I mean no harm"

"I can tell" she sighed. "I can tell… Do you know the worst thing about this form?"  
>"You will never know the full potential you would have had were you allowed to grow fully?" I murmured, picking her thoughts easily.<p>

"Hmm" she breathed "That mind reading thing can be oh, so irritating"  
>"Even for me… when I see in the minds of others who seek to use my desolateness against me" I chuckled and she frowned.<p>

"You know part of being in the guard is _feeding_" she said peering at the empty street bellow us.

"Old habits die hard"

"Now imagine if you are _immortal_" she laughed, skipping of the ledge easily and reappearing on the ground, five floors bellow. "Cross over to the dark side… you might like it, Edward"

"Do I have a choice in that matter" I whispered to the wind, as she ran through the town easily "When I know how excited some are; you at being my mind's personal torturer and Aro's unwanted sexual coercion are nearing if I do not submit, sweet terrible Jane…"

How terrible it was to hear your fate in the minds of others, how terrible indeed to know your knowledge of what was to come could not save you… how offensively pathetic to be helpless in your own grave. 

Xx~xx~xX

I miss him.

There can be no secret to that; there can be no doubt to that fact.

I miss him.

But missing him is costing me _so much_. Aro is not patient, nor is he incapable or beyond jealousy and my wariness of his advances; my timidness to his touches and reluctance to feed is costing me so much and bringing a smile to Jane's face each day…

She does enjoy showing off her talents.

And the thought of leaving is like a confession to treachery. Worse of any thought of Carlisle which come unbidden at the most inappropriate of times, at the most excruciating of times; whenever I am under hells fire, my body wrenching from the ground in an agonizing inferno of Jane's blackened heart and veins consumed with lava.

Like now, like now after four days since I had managed to find a cat to feed from and refused human blood-Caius patience is up, he says. But simply, he wants to know if I can hear thoughts when my whole body is convulsing sickeningly in the air.

And now, when I remember their faces, when I realise what I have sacrificed for him-but it is worth it in the end if he is happy. Now, when I can hear Caius soft cackle and Alex's request to try his own talent on me-Jane turning her power up and my back creaking as barbed titanium wire is raked along my spine and acid spilled into my veins-right this moment I see his face.

Carlisle; gazing at me humorously as I throw a sturdy brunch at him to knock him out of his daydream about a patient of his…

"You know this is my time to hold your every thought" I had chastised him and he had smiled sheepishly.

"If it pleases you…" he chuckled "Thoughts of you pop up in my mind randomly during procedures"  
>It had pleased me. It had pleased me greatly….<p>

I should have let him know that but it was too late for _coulda_, _shoulda_ and _woulda's_.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

What the fuck was I going to do…?

"… and Seth is not supposed to cover your patrol" Sam continued. "What the hell is going on Leah…?"  
>"I have some…" I stammered, wringing my hands over each other "Issues"<br>"We know, but seriously?" Paul piped.

"I'll do the midnight shift…" I begged and Sam's eyes widened at that. "I'll do all the midnight early morning shifts, how about that?"

"Fine by me" Quil sighed "I don't like having to cut my dates short…"

"Why?" Jacob asked.

"I am talking to Sam" I hissed and he growled at me. "Please Sam, let me do the midnight early morning shifts…"  
>"Fine" he caved, knowing full well a polite Leah was meant for appreciating while it lasted. "You better not let Seth end up covering that too, Lee… we trying to get all the guys to graduate here"<br>"I know" I whispered "I know…"

Xx~xx~xX

The thing about being a werewolf doesn't begin and end with you jumping into the air and reappearing a giant wolf. That's not the worst part-if anything that could be the best part. The thing about being a human living with a functioning wolf gene-being a human wolf… that there, would be the hard part. When you are in wolf form, you aren't bothering any random passer-by's. Simple rule, remain hidden and leave no traces.

Simple and simple when you are on four legs-it's the two legged part that's a major problem.

The first thing is living with your appetite. Working around it, realising that most of your money is going to go to your ridiculously fast metabolism and that your stomach and brain now live on equal footing when it comes to your decision processing skills.

Then the heat; you miss being cold, you miss needing a blanket and enjoying a hot shower. Everything feels warmish or cool-never hot or cold. And with the heat comes the overdrive of testosterone and hormones-something that has fucked up my biology system thoroughly much to the mental angst chagrin of every male wolf when mentioned.

You get emotional easily, more specifically angered easily; it doesn't take much and everything has to end with blood and snapping jaws which is cool if you can heal fast. But with heightened emotions comes the one thing that has cursed me since being a wolf-after the fucked up situation called _imprinting._

A horny wolf is a dangerous wolf. And man, is it so easy to fall into the horny category… and equally difficult to get out of.

It's different when you are male and it is oh, so natural. It is different when you are horny for an imprint, horny for some girl… or like some-horny after peeping my boob when I managed to burst into a wolf involuntarily.

Being horny, being a wolf and being human were not good. This was going to last _a while_, and I had no release. It wasn't just my stomach and brain fighting for attention… my lady parts had joined the party too.

And I had a certain memory stained in my mind of a very wrong goodbye.

A goodbye that had felt like hello.

Xx~xx~xX

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

There were many times I had felt this way. Not so many that I could be ashamed; I had my methods of dealing with it… of keeping these things at bay without tainting myself. A human life of living with an overzealous father had shaped me this way, had made the very thought of doing certain _acts_ seem more unnatural than being a vampire at times.

My father had taken the door off from my bedroom and promised me it would be chopped of if it was used for anything other than urinating. I was a holy child, he had said. Certain acts are reserved for prospering God's people only, not hedonistic self pleasure…

Oh, father… how easy it is to ignore that, to forget it when you are human-but resilient marble tissue does not desist easily under such pressure...

The shower is blazing, too hot and yet it's not hot _enough_. I can hear them leaving for school; it seems I have been put of supervision now-my return home yesterday had been a little strange but far better than my gloomy self it seems. I had asked Emmett to leave me by the forest so I could go hunt… I had needed to hunt so badly, past the thirst… just… too far gone.

If I wanted to, if I was really feeling up to the task-I could put my uncalled for behaviour towards Leah down to thirst-a thirsty vampire, an unfed vampire… is dangerous in more ways than just with blood. Our being is encompassed by bloodlust and how easy it is to confuse any other cravings after that, always putting it down to thirst…

The thirst heightens everything, every other addiction the body goes through normally-every other want hidden subconsciously is prickled under thirst which is why we are more aggressive, more passionate and easily distracted when we are being ruled by thirst. Why a dark eyed vampire is a dangerous vampire.

I don't want to think about it…

It is strange that an act that could easily be manipulated and displayed as a simple kiss on the cheek (Well, _almost_ cheek… it wasn't _really_ her mouth…) and a squeeze of the hand would wind me up internally more so than her human self rubbing over me seductively.

Surely, if they thought us natural enemies then we were their natural enemies… surely the thought of fire, lava and erupting volcanoes should make me cringe with the knowledge that my skin is easily flammable, that my venom is deceitful to heat…

Surely the thought of Leah setting me ablaze with the inferno of her skin should make me want to run and not give me a four hour long problem.

I was going to be late for work. This would have been easier if I were human, a simple cold shower-a thought about something entirely irrelevant to the situation would have sufficed. This would have been easier if it felt pointless, like it had no beginning so there was no need for me looking for an ending.

I know what will happen if I end this quickly. I know what will happen if I stop waiting for it to just 'go down' and be a 'man about it'. I will touch myself, I will stroke myself, I will feel dirty, I will feel shame… then the pleasure will come and any remorse or reproving will be tainted by my own vivid imagination of her hand replacing my own. The hot shower will become heaven sent, the steam keeping the cubicle hot-this will fuel my imagination and the heat will be her heat-a flimsy imitation but it would have to do.

It would be her hot hand, it would be her heat and when I do come-there can be no doubt about that and I know it wont be a vampire long marathon with the way I have held it of for so long… when I do end it, her face will flash over my eyelids, I will become undone… and in three minutes I will be consumed with pain, guilt and fear of my own self.

It is inevitable, I chanted-like I had done the sparse few times I had found myself in these awkward situations alone through out each year of every century. There are things you cannot hide from Carlisle; there are things you have to take care off…

These were just some of those. And think of it as a way of quelling the temptation, I mused. Think of it as freedom from the unsuitable goodbye you had waved in front of Leah and yourself…

Do it and be selfishly glad that Edward isn't here to witness your unholy release.

Xx~xx~xX

I have fed, I have taken matters into my own hands and I am still _odd_.

Nothing satisfies me, nothing distracts me and Forks General holds to many memories I realise… of too many things that have passed.

"Are you sure" Denver murmurs, looking at my contract with a frown. "We really need you here…"  
>"You can call on me for any tricky procedures" I murmur smiling, ignoring a little voice in me telling me I have become entirely selfish. How does one spring up the fact that they have worked for months now and felt overworked and needed a little break-just tending to house calls, was what I had requested-how does one do that when they know fully well they were resilient enough to work the whole year, that the Hospital was under staffed and all because they could not handle being… horny.<p>

There was no other way to describe my situation.

"House calls only then" Denver sighed, signing the paper "Adler wont appreciate having to really work now, you really take the load of him, you know"

"I know" I breathed, staring at the spot over his head by the door-were I had met Leah half way in a drunken sexual daze and immediately feeling magma pooling in my abdomen. I coughed once and stared at Denver instead.

"It's the nose" he breathed smiling and flipping the paper. "You are noticing my nose, Carlisle"  
>"Hmm?"<p>

"I had a nose job" he breathed. "For my forty-eight birthday…"  
>I noticed it then, it was straighter and had lost some of the bump on the top bit. It gave him an odd tilting expression…<p>

"It really is …"I began confounded.

"I know, amazing right" he chuckled, pushing the papers across my desk towards me. "The wife says she is going to have breast implants for her birthday and I am like… Yeah!" 

"But it's like I would have had two birthday gifts, you know what I mean Carlisle… you know what I mean!" he wiggled his eyebrows comically, his now straight nose that my vampire mind calculated made his face disproportioned scrunching up and eyes twinkling mischievously.

"I know… what you mean" I smiled.

"You need a wife, man as good looking as you…" he chatted-Edward hated chatting and it was now that I felt the full pain of sitting through what I suspected to be a few minutes of Denver talking.

"I am not really looking…" I began and he frowned slightly.

"Oh, everyone is looking…" he laughed. "We having a luncheon, Susie and I… and you know what you should come, bring your kids, my girl Laura goes to Forks with your kids, same year I think"  
>"We may have plans…"<p>

"Bullshit..." he laughed his loud obnoxious laugh. "Don't be shy… whatever you looking for, I have so many friends coming… have to showcase the nose!"  
>"Of course…" I murmured. "The nose…"<p>

"And as good looking as you are…" he stared at me inappropriately "I mean, you are very… anyway, I am sure you know"  
>"Hmm" I mumbled smiling politely and wondering how best to get out of this and if Alice had foreseen it yet.<p>

"Come…" he finished, moving out of the chair. "If you need a wife, there are plenty of girls that will be there… and if it's guys, I am cool with that too. A few… of those… types would be there. You are a good man and… it's cool. A man shouldn't be lonely"

"No, indeed" I whispered, watching him walk out and listening as his footsteps faded. "Loneliness… I know about that"

Xx~xx~xX

I left immediately for my car… I was not up to lingering and although a prominent part of me was beating my mind on how underhanded the whole situation with work had turned, I knew I had to leave. I couldn't be around it, I couldn't pretend when I was not one hundred percent vested into it but the change of scenery house-calls would give would be good. I would still be doing good; I would still be helping but only with more added time. I would have to find a hobby, a few more to add to by steep collection that would keep my mind and hands preoccupied.

"Carlisle…"

I turned around too fast towards the encroaching forest, all thought gone and insides churning furiously. She stood in the trees luminously, green lighting around her and soft hidden rays of the sparingly cloudy day hitting her oddly, clutching the pale shirt by her side and my eyes immediately found hers.

"I… brought the shirt" she muttered.

"I thought you said you would keep it" I breathed brusquely and she stretched her hand out, not intending on leaving the cover of forest but willing me to come and collect it from her. I walked over slowly, aware that my mind had lost all control and I should be grateful I had over indulged on blood, that I had been brave enough to pleasure myself…

I stretched my own hand out to hers timidly, fearing touching her-suddenly so sure she did have the ability to ignite my hidden venom with the touch of her blazing silken skin. The shirt ruffled as my fingers clawed gently to get a hold on it without touching her. I tugged but her grip tightened around it.

"I brought the shirt…" she breathed-her voice low and textured and I imagined if her skin was silken fire-the husky sound her tone resided in would be the flint to ignite any man's passion. "The scent has faded"

"The scent…?"

"I want _another_ shirt Carlisle…" she whispered pulling on the shirt we both held gingerly and tugging me back into the forest, I let her lead me away from the clearing of the car-park and through the shrubbery-hypnotised as I stared into her hungry eyes.

"I didn't bring any other shirt" I breathed absently, not worrying about understanding her request-chuckling nervously when my voice came out low and rough through my throat.

"This one will be perfect, it will do perfectly…" she murmured, her hand resting on my chest and I feared she was searching for a nonexistent heart beat; wishing I could produce one beat if only for her.

My head felt heavy and it dropped forward slightly, intoxicated with the woods, intoxicated with Leah and hidden. We were hidden… she let her head meet mine and we rolled them against each other gently, my eyes closed as her fingers undid one button and then the next… and that treacherous purring began…

"Why do you do that?" she asked softly, and I felt her hot finger ghost over my still somewhat shabbily covered chest- her small finger poking behind the material of the shirt. "Wolves… we growl and stuff in human form… when we are angry or upset I guess... I can't pinpoint your sound"

"I can't tell you" I murmured, and I felt the heat of the sun-Alice had promised it was of no consequence-ghost over the left side my face and my eyes flew open. This would be the part were she…?  
>"Is that what they meant" she said in awe, instead of gasping and growling as I had expected when the denseness of my skin reflected the light into a billion fracturing rays outwards, it was only over my left eye that the sun touched briefly but it was impossible to miss the diamond effect my skin had on the single ray standing so close together... "Dazzling humans…"<br>"Skin condition, remember…" I chuckled as she began undoing the eighth button, nearing my abdomen now and I opted to close my eyes-feeling her fingers shake slightly as she continued downwards. "I could bring you a whole set of my shirts…"

"Unless you are going to put them all on at once so I can take them of while they still smell of you _freshly_…" she murmured and I chuckled. "I would prefer this"

She pushed the shirt back and I let her hot fingers burn over my skin as she pulled my arms out, her touches fuelling the grating in my chest…

"Tell me why you make that _sound_" she prodded softly and I groaned-her fingers laced with my right hand briefly to get the cuff over it.

"No, Leah…" I murmured chanting how we had veiled everything with good intentions; she wanted a memento of me and I was giving her. This was nothing sinful, I didn't need to keep the string of 'Hail Mary's' raining in the background of my mind so I wouldn't end up in the same situation I had found myself in the shower this morning… I just needed to keep my eyes closed…

"Done" she announced. "You can open your eyes now, nothing bad has happened. I haven't vandalized your… your… chest, body uhm, abs..."

"I didn't think you were" I breathed, looking at her and watching as her hair fell into the sunlight in all its short untidy glory, her hard face lost and replaced with _that silly _vulnerability that being a wolf had woken up in her-that I had a feeling I was only privy to. I realised I was holding the other shirt, the one with my fading scent.

"I can go now" she stated and then frowned, her russet skin-which was darker than Seth's by far but somehow lighter than Jacob Black-tinting by her cheeks. "I mean… I will go now, I uhm, have to …"

I lurched forward abruptly, starling her and pulled her head to mine again-fingers lost in the silkiness of her hair, lolling my forehead over her hot one before kissing her swiftly over the lips-gone was the 'Hail Mary's' but I knew I had control as she sighed over my face in cinnamon cherry spices.

"I make that sound…" I breathed, my eyes closed again and listening to her thudding heart. "Because… I desire you and being near you calls out to that desire. I make that sound for you alone, Leah"

"Oh" she squeaked.

"I have nothing to remember you by" I murmured, my voice not recovering to its higher baritone and remaining low and husky.

She kissed me again, adamantly and reckless-her hands going around my shoulders and pulling herself up to me. I held her there, terrified of returning such fervour and drowning in what tasted too decadent, what alerted every fibre of my being that this was hallowed forbidden treasures and let her lips mould over my hard ones-allowed her hot tongue to taste what I feared would differ from her sweet hot taste-what I feared would be bitter to her. But she held on tightly, fearsomely and with no thought to where she was right now I imagined. Her only thought being that she was with me, in my arms…

And I fell into her arms too. I was with her…

"I fear you have broken me, altered me… Leah" I murmured when she released me and wobbled drunkenly a few steps back.

"No, you are still intact" she whispered, out of breath. "I suggest… the shirt…"  
>I put it on swiftly before she had finished her incoherent sentence.<p>

"I say I got a good bargain out of this" she laughed giddily.

"You got a shirt and I got…" I raised my eyebrow suddenly bashful at saying the word _kiss_ after holding her curved supple body in my arms moments before.

"I made a _vampire purr_" she winked, skipping away from me into the sleepy shade of the forest "Keep those shirts toasty for me, Carlisle… or frozen. I think frozen will do"

She disappeared through the trees and I heard her soft feet run over the ground. I stumbled out of the forest-a vampire equivalent that entailed not bothering to moderate my strength, speed and awareness of my surroundings and stood at the edge-staring at my car.

Xx~xx~xX

"Carlisle…!" Denver called. His car was parked next to mine and I realised I hadn't thought my entry and exit from the forest through. "Jennifer said you had left but I saw your car… is everything okay?"  
>He looked back at the forest as I walked toward the car and then surveyed my form when I reached my car, opening the door quietly.<p>

"What happened to your shirt?" he asked.

"I spilt coffee on it" I said instantly.

"Still on for the weekend I hope" he chirped. "I'm counting on you Carlisle…"  
>"We'll see what the <em>future<em> says, Denver" I waved at him calmly, swinging the car out and thanking the heavens everyone was at school and I would have time to release my body of all of Leah's scents.

I would go for a run, hunt again and return to the shower… some things were inevitable.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**EDWARD CULLEN**

"You understand the predicament" Aro murmured. "After much discussion of the life you have left we have realised there is this one loose end"  
>"She is not a loose end!" I hissed, trying to free myself from Felix's and the oaf's hold.<p>

"She shouldn't know about vampires" Aro murmured sadly-as though he was truly sorry but inside, in his mind I saw how he felt eliminating all that made me withhold from him would be most logical. Letting everything I cared about fade and die or forget me would be better than waiting for me to stop whining…

"You were to uphold the laws" Marcus murmured wanting things to be over with immediately as soon as they had begun. "You didn't… you know the laws"  
>"She…" I breathed. "Do not punish her for my own carelessness"<br>"But it would be punishing you too" Caius breathed and Jane laughed, Felix's hand flexing slightly over my bicep.

"She is only to know of our world if she is to join it…" Aro sighed desolately "Or if she is to die"  
>"No!" I yelled thrashing between the two guards. "I will drink the blood; I will do whatever the fuck…"<br>Pain flashed through me, the two vampires releasing me immediately and allowing Jane's torture to carry me through the air as though I were hanging by a single thin rope from my crown to their ostentatious ceiling.

She released me and I collapsed onto the marble, gasping for air I didn't need.

"Language" Aro drawled. "For the last time, Edward"

"Carlisle will not follow me here, he isn't coming… I won't be swayed" I whimpered, the pain resounding through my body.

"I am honestly surprised" Aro chuckled. "I thought you were downplaying his lack of affection for you"  
>"He does…!" I cried but the days had turned the words to nothing but dust blowing in the wind.<p>

"No he doesn't…" he laughed childishly "Just like you had thought, Edward; he would have come by now. He really is glad to be rid of you and your _unwanted_ affection. Now it is up to you on whether you want to go through the motions of us 'Breaking' a vampire into the Volturi Guard and risk damaging your beautiful body… or just submit to me. Be _my _sire…"

"Ngh…" I groaned.

"He is _crying_" Caius said amusedly as my body convulsed with silent cries and dry tears. "Aro, this pet you wan so badly… it has no backbone"

How many times had Carlisle warned me about making humans pets? How fitting… how horrifically fitting that my ego would be brought down this way. Pride before a hard fall…

"He has lost something _great_" Aro murmured coolly, not indulging in my pain as Caius and his temporary favourite Jane were-his odd form of pity for me and unease at the little control he managed over Caius.

"Or is it you never had it?" Caius bellowed. "Eh Edward…? So pretty and you can't even get _Carlisle _to love you. What do you have to lose by joining us?"

"Let this be done with" Marcus sighed. "Shall we send for the girl…?"  
>"No" I whispered. "Please… I'll…"<br>"No" Caius breathed rising from his throne and walking around me, disgusted by my unkept form-a form he had ordered to have Jane and Alex use as experimentation as punishment for some meagre rebuke on my part.

"What you will do…" Aro said softly. "Is either to bring the girl and turn her as an interesting addition to our guard. Her mental muteness would be most interesting when converted by venom… or…"  
>"I won't kill her!" I screamed, rising from the ground fluidly and being brought back down by Felix.<p>

"If I do it…" Jane said sweetly. "It will hurt"

"Very much" Alex added. "I suggest you do it, Edward"  
>"I'll…" I breathed. "I'll see…"<br>"Immortality or Death" Aro laughed. "Nothing in-between Edward"

"Of course" I murmured.

"And maybe now" Aro chuckled. "You will get to say goodbye to Carlisle…"  
>His thoughts whirled with possessive threats-definite and probable-of the chaos he would ensue on the lives of my family if I failed to return to him. There was no option of lingering in Forks, of allowing them knowledge that I was near them-I would get Isabella; she could not die… I could not condemn her to death when I had brought her into this. It was what she wanted in the end in any regard...<p>

To be a vampire. A soulless demon...

And this was how Aro sought to bring down all Carlisle had worked inside me. This was how he would break me and ensure I would never be able to return to my father. My Carlisle...

It would be murder either way.

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Thank you for the reviews!**

**Hehehehe, they need to get in on-I agree. But it's the little moments leading to that that make it explosive sometimes... Jake and Leah have great chemistry no matter how their relationship is written, I think. They are witty and fun to do dialogue with.**

**So who will Edward end up with or is he destined for pain? Is Leah going to ask for Pants instead of a shirt next time?**

**We shall see!**

**As you see, I work well with feedback! **

**Loves, tj **

**Will be working on when lightning strikes... a day in the life of zuko may suffer in the next update department as a result, but a reminder will help here and there.**


	24. The Grey Area

It wouldn't be the best mode of transport but I didn't have much of a choice on the matter. Snap decisions, virtual anonymity and remaining hidden were all that structured me now. The fear and confusion of leaving Volterra made decisions a war I wasn't prepared to fight in any regard; the slight clarity one would think would fall under a tortured demons mind from being broken free from hell had somehow escaped me. I didn't know what to do, it felt better to be locked up than set loose with this uncertainty.

But to prove them wrong was a compulsion to the remnants of pride that used to reside inside of me.

To prove them right was sacrilege to the memory of Carlisle but the fact that I was on this very journey back to Forks was blasphemy to all that I knew of Carlisle and that he believed in me.

But there was no choice in the matter and the moment I discovered _that,_ it made the pain more bearable. It made diving into the ocean and ridding my lungs of air that more painless...

The only pain residing in the violent thrashing dance my mind performed in my scull, replaying every sneering thought and engraved in my memory, printed on my eye-lids was the disgrace... the show my own body was put under and the petty price my immortality fetched, the Sale in which Aro had bought me. He had only to wait a few decades to make me his and his I would become. I would bend in the end, I would strip when commanded eventually and Caius had been right to give him such novel advice; break him down, if he was Narcissist then he had to be reduced to nothing. No less and no more than _nothing_ to have his loyalty beyond that of the gifts of a vampire.

To be nothing and numb would be God's blessing to a soulless damned demon.

My own emotions had become my personal hell and there was no escape.

Xx~xx~xX

**EDWARD CULLEN**

The ship is a convenience.

There is no luck in finding it after only a day of swimming, there is no luck in this _at all _because it means I have pulled the days closer to slamming any doubt that I am not as much of a darkling as all of Aro's treasures... more so because I am his most _valuable_ and fondest.

It isn't a cruise liner, how haughty I had been in my previous coddled life as a vampire under Carlisle; this is how most vampires have to travel, I would imagine-if they have not conquered their thirst. The humans are not the problem, the thirst is still very much inferior to a humanblood drinkers in some consideration (the consideration being I possess a flimsy conscious still); the problem is my mentality. My sanity... it matters not now, I have lost it and there is no regaining that.

Living in the shadows with the smell of empty decay keeps any reminder of the old Edward and the new Edward at bay. It keeps the memory of Carlisle's musky sweet ginger smell tinted with mints and various cleansing herbs at bay and the stuffiness keeps _Aro's _scent away. It helps me pretend I am not coated in it after spending countless hours rolling in the air of his presence, if not his physical self willing to roll in _my_ presence...

But the memory of Aro's goodbye kiss stains my lips and is torn into the flesh under my dismally pathetic shirt-the shirt itself fighting for survival on my body.

I have never gone this thirsty; it is unbearable yet I cannot bring myself to hunt. The ship possesses few humans and they seldom meander too deep inside the loading section to check on the shipment of large containers and that keeps me somewhat satisfied with the growling monster in my throat.

Leaving hell and going to vacation in the hell of my own mind... I may be incapable of physical exhaustion but the strain of having no memory left to myself after each fleeting thought is ripped from my mind by Aro and desecrated by an immortal sadist...

"_You miss him?" _he would sneer. _"Do you think he is missing you right now, if he is still in Forks and near that beautiful girl?_"

So many colourful questions he would pose for me... implications that Carlisle cared for me out of pity for my mother only and now I had become a burden to Carlisle, to my family and leaving them was the right thing to do. But he was right in one place in my character, I was dark. I was dark and that darkness would have tainted everything good about being a 'Cullen' if I had remained. I would have sunk them into the abyss; I would have folded them into demented nothing like I had been doing to myself...

But this hell had twisted into something not even the devil would have thought up. I was trembling on the line of something _worse_ than a pet but each day, I was getting closer to that title and it was either I complied and be saved what would surely be physical humiliation over the idea I had allowed to well inside me that at seventeen of age I was a man. That I was a man and not a _boy..._

And after that main attraction of pain I could serve the curiosity of Jane and her brother's unforgiving talents, Jane's own twisted demented curiosity spanning further than her jealousy of Aro's unwanted attentions, to her own wonder at my beauty and appeal to Aro, an appeal she herself wanted a part in... And the conclusion lay in Caius. Caius and his steady stream of threats-oh, so certain threats-of what was to become of me and my beloved lost family if I failed to return by any reason...

This mental exhaustion was enough to alert my body of what it had forgotten in my humanity and I lay in the darkness still, silent and dead-too tired to pretend to be living anymore. A muttering beautiful corpse in the darkened filth of a container, barely able to catch rats; enough pride in me to stop myself from quenching even a fifth of my thirst on vermin.

As long as I never retained a memory for Aro's pleasure of myself feasting on rats to the point of satiation I might still be considered something less or more (depending on ones standing) than _nothing_ with a talent that was worth the fuss.

Xx~xx~xX

I can smell the change in the air; the sifting smells of land quenching the parched air of salt and water. I have no room for panic and instead all that's left of me is this one desire to end this. To be done with it and succumb...

The jump is soundless; as inconspicuous as I had managed to board the ship, the sea barely rippling as I cut through the thin membrane of swelling waters and sink further deep into the dark murky depths away from any eyes. There is a storm heading to Forks, a heavy one and the sea is evident with it; the sea life is not just scattering because now it is invaded with the presence of the palest of grim reapers but the unsure temperamental waves moving with fierce confusion is enough.

It felt like everything knew how tainted and irreparable I was...

Everything inside the water knew that when I reached shore I would be committing murder.

Even if Bella's soul was the collateral for this act I was about to play out, this vilest of crimes I was about to commit that would ensure my _father_-for now under mental torment and exposure to sexual perversion did I understand this; Carlisle was father, he was brother, he was friend...

He was God...

My father-my God-would forsake me forever after this murder of a soul. A murder so unnecessary and yet the necessity of the act was all that held me together-this same necessary motive held me together and threatened to rip me apart from the seams. It had to be done to keep him safe, to keep my family safe from the ripple effect of destruction I had played out.

This murder of Isabella Swan's soul was only half of the problem because the call of her blood ruled the fate of more than just her passage into the immortal life. The call of her blood ruled her very existence if it sang to me as sweetly as I knew it did.

She would die and awake without a beating heart, safe in another ship the Volturi would provide personally for us back to Volterra.

Or another future that Aro was not too inhibited of, a future he secretly wanted and that he and I knew I had no control over; she would die in my arms with my eyes glowing red and break me entirely and forever mark me as Aro's darkling.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

There is no way to look at this... there is no way to think of this and try and establish the right emotion to it. You are a wolf, you have barely walked through the giant red doors of teenage-hood but there you are looking like some sort of nineteen year old, had to carry your father's lifeless body in your arms through a dark forest and witnessed the destruction of a sentient being.

There is no way to look at this but head on.

My father is dead, my best friend is a vampire and he skipped town with little knowledge (whether he picked up any from my thoughts that I was still undecided about how best to qualify hating someone who had been there were no one else was) that I missed him. I missed not knowing things; I missed not caring about this and just being a kid...

I didn't like _liking_ him. But I did, anyway. And it was something that I would have to endure like everything else because there was no other way to look at this but head on. I was the kid and yet I was the one everyone thought they could come to with every worry... like this hadn't messed up my life too and I had a secret copy on how to 'Cope While Being a Wolf' for Dummies.

This would be ten times easier if I had a friend, if I had _my _friend who knew what I meant when I hadn't even bothered to explain it properly, who knew all the answers and just what to say and remained objective and yet somehow in _my _corner with _everything._

Werewolves are not allowed to miss Vampires. Seth Clearwater is not allowed to miss Edward Cullen.

But there was no other way to look at it; I missed him. Badly, especially after being paired of with Jacob for patrolling the six to twelve shift...

Xx~xx~xX

**SETH CLEARWATER**

The sun isn't supposed to have gone down yet but this is Forks Washington so it ditches the skies a good three hours early, chased away by angry grey clouds. It smells like a storm, it smells like the best storm ever and it's not so bad if I am going to be in wolf form with Jake, talking about cars and the Rabbit... only if Bella remains in her house and not in my co-joining mind with Jake...

"I know you must be sick of me telling you this" Jake sighs, picking a large timber plank from the ground and propping it up. We are at his house mucking around near the little garage-his house is always empty, no worry of Leah or some other unsuspecting wolf lingering around eating grub to eavesdrop or rain on our mellow fun.

"Kind of..." I chuckle peering at him. He is frowning and staring unseeingly into the forest a few feet away. He has let his hair grow again, and it's all messy all over the top of his head-Sam is going to bitch about fleas...

"Seriously?" he asks and I realise he hadn't caught the joking tone in his brooding.

"No, not... _seriously_" I stammer "Just... I know what it's like needing someone to talk to about _someone_...someone you _really_ like"  
>"This isn't '<em>like'<em>" he huffs. "This is similar to... it feels like I have _imprinted_..."  
>"You haven't imprinted" I cut him swiftly rolling my eyes.<p>

"I know that, _Seth_" he hissed "It just feels so permanent; I know I haven't imprinted but she is all I think of"

"It's not really imprinting" he whispers, not actually speaking to me but to the moving mass of dark clouds looming overhead "Not really, you know?"

"Yeah..." I breathe; thankful we were having this conversation as humans without a mental link "Not as strong as an _imprint_..."  
>"Exactly!" he yelps, patting my back too forcefully with his hotter hand. Jake and Sam seemed to run hotter than all of us, a much warmer variation of fever for a wolf.<p>

"It's not imprinting" I continue absently, trying to ignore his dark eyes boring a hole on my face, glee sketching all over his face at having someone diagnose _this_ with him finally "But it damn near kills you when you are away from them... or even when you are with them except its like being miles away at the same time, watching and gazing on something so valuable and knowing you can never touch it"  
>"That was beautiful" he exhaled "You are pretty mature for a kid"<br>"You too" I chuckle unsteadily.

The sky flashes over the forest momentarily and the thunder rolls seconds later. I hate storms when I am a wolf; the smells thrash all over the place, you can't really pick up any singular scent and its probably not the most suitable whether if there is a vampire lurking somewhere... but if its Jake and I, I am not really worried. It's not so bad...

"That's why..." Jake hesitated, swinging the plank absently and with too much force "She has to know"  
>"Know how you feel about her?" I asked dumbly "I thought she kind of knew... from your mind it seemed she was aware you..."<br>"No, not _that!_" he said tetchily, chucking the branch a good few feet into the air before it disappeared behind the mass of trees with a loud whack, no doubt splintering.

"She needs to know what I am" Jacob said in an automated tone, his expression smoothing over.

"Jake..." I began, already seeing Sam's bulging eyes at the notion and knowing full well he wouldn't be able to tell her in any regard.

"She knew what _he_ was" he said venomously before managing to rearrange his features into something diplomatic "If she knows what I am... it would help"  
>"Jake don't..." I stuttered, fear welling in me at the sight of his violent certainty "Even if you tried, Sam's edict..."<br>"Fuck Sam's edict" he growled, pushing forward towards the forest "Let's do this patrol quick and leave the midnight shakes for Leah..."

"We'll end things at Bella's" he continued his low rant, oblivious to my unease "I want to see how far Sam's sanctions go for my self"

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

This was a different sort of strength from the one I had developed after changing into a wolf and found out about imprinting. The strength I had become accustomed to back then and that my heart had been able to produce was acidic; a bitter high that rose inside me momentarily whenever I inflicted pain on another to dim my own torturous glare shining sadistically on my life. That kind of strength that lasts sad meagre moments when you wound another being so you aren't alone in your misery...

This new strength that Carlisle had awoken in me was pure, clean and saccharine to my broken soul. I didn't know him as long as one should to start feeling this way but that didn't matter either-maybe the only question I could pose for myself was that all my insecurities were still there but it didn't feel like I was on offence or defence, I was just me... the old Leah only wrapped up in this new hard body.

I didn't have this urge to think about what I was doing, what I led him into with a naïve sort of hypnosis to be near him and feel him.

I missed being hot but being wrapped up in his _cold _had never been more comforting to my rigid form...

What did I have to lose? Did it matter that he was a dreaded cold one and the inadvertent reason I had lost Sam...? If everything was so black and white then how had Carlisle and I stumbled into this grey area... this wonderful oblivion of grey...?

Maybe an hour or two until Jake dropped patrol duties over to me and I didn't need to be psychic to know he was going to drag my little brother in the end route to watch him perform self mutilation at his Pale-Face torture machine, Isabella Swan.

They would be at the other side of the Peninsula. All I had to do was find a way of getting Carlisle to no man's land, by the stream cutting through our two territories.

A text felt... crude but it wasn't like this pure strength I now had pumping in my veins was helping me purify any not so innocent thoughts. It might have been one _glorious _kiss for man kind but for this singular She-Wolf, something a little sweeter and decadent had to be sacrificed...

Trekking would take hours thanks to Sam and Paul patrolling the La-Push area and Seth and Jake were probably giving each other Bella-pep talks and Seth hero worshipping Jacob's brooding angst.

It just wasn't safe to be in your own mind... until midnight. I had to find an easier way.

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

The forest is different through my human eyes.

My eyesight is obviously much better than your average twenty-twenty navy seal-way superior even when I don't have a tail to wag. Everything is a little more muted, the air not so full of floating bits and trailing with moving fragments. I once stupidly wondered if we would be colour blind as real wolves but I was glad we weren't. Green turns into emerald, blue into azure and everything else is blown up into glorious crystal like radiance. The magic coursing through us willing us to recognise and worship the power of nature, the beauty of it...

Tank top and jeans; I am simultaneously over dressed and under dressed but there is no helping it. Over dressed in terms of now I had two extra articles of clothing to worry about falling of my leg and under dressed because... because Carlisle could wear a dishcloth and look like... hmm, Carlisle with nothing but a dishcloth on...

It was stupid to have doubts when I was already at Forks Hospital but this was the only way I could think of getting to him without resorting to texts. He was probably a thousand years old-that really should bother me but if all thousand year old men looked like that, then this world be a much better place-and texts were _childish._

There she was seated by her desk and working up a gossip storm with some nurse.

"Leah!" she shrieked her eyes glistening with excitement.

"Uh, Mary..." I mumbled, grateful I had jeans on so I could shove my hands in my pockets and ward of any unwanted hugs.

"I thought I saw you the other day..." she continued in her fast way of talking.

"Yeah, you probably did" I said coolly "Is Doctor Cullen in?"  
>"You know the programme was cancelled?" she frowned.<p>

"I know, but is he in?" I said tersely, looking away from her.

"No..." she frowned at me, pursing her lips and obviously over thinking everything that had passed. "He isn't in, I'm afraid"

"Is he coming in?" I said trying not to be angry wolf in the middle of the waiting area.  
>"No"<br>"Uhm..."I couldn't hide my confusion in time and she softened somewhat, sighing and sifting through some papers.

"Leah, Leah..." she tooted, shaking her head "You still have a crush on him, eh? Doctor Adler is a good doctor you know, you can talk to him about college and that too"

"Uh, okay" I said slowly-confused thoroughly.

"In any case" she sighed "I am sorry about your father"  
>"Right... I think I'll just... go"<p>

"And Doctor Cullen is only doing house calls now, he won't be in for a few months" she finished watching my face closely.

"So he is at home?" I asked, letting her brashness fall away form my temper. She nodded twice before returning her attention to the nurse.

Government workers...

Xx~xx~xX

I really thought I wouldn't have to hike through the forest to the stream. I really thought it would be easy... if he knew he was not going to be at Forks then how did he think he was going to give me my shirts. I mean his shirts...

Unless he did expect me to call or text...

Like booty call.

The anger only flashed over me for a few seconds, slowing my hiking through the forest momentarily as I shuddered and felt the telltale signs of the inner wolf not so pleased at _that_ thought but the thought of Carlisle doing that was too _absurd_. He probably didn't even think things through... what had passed between us was impulsive, abrupt and entirely _beautiful_...

And Carlisle could be so sexy and obliviously enticing and then just drop back into looking like the purest angel floating from heaven. It would be so like him to just forget I needed to have a way to contact him... _booty call_, I can be so ridiculous...

**Carlisle, do you mind meeting me by the stream in no mans land?**

My finger hovered over the 'send' button and I groaned, deleting each word hastily. How does one lure a vampire away form his... I was still unsure if he lived in a coffin or a crypt and the confusion did irk me. Luring a vampire into the forest... I have no idea why I thought they just hung out in the woods anyway. Maybe he was having late lunch with his family... did they eat the elk or whatever _together..._

I needed to calm down. The realisation of what I planned on doing; or hoped would happen and the sound fact of what this would do if it dropped from my own mind into some dangerous other wolf-Sam to be precise -was causing me a mini-panic in the middle of the woods not thirty-five or so minutes from the stream.

**It's been three days and you owe me a shirt, maybe something in my favourite colour? I am by the stream in no man's land.**

I closed my eyes and hit the send button, exhaling sharply and feeling my fingers tingling with electricity. Not a second later my phone vibrated brusquely in my hand, startling me.

**What is your favourite colour?**

I giggled; the sound was odd in the company of the soft chirping of the birds and whooshing of the wind. The sound was odd because I hadn't done that in a _while..._

**Surprise me, I am only thirty minutes away from the stream so don't take forever wondering...**

I felt light. I felt free. It was almost like with Sam, when he first started _courting me _or whatever fucked up version Quileute boys are taught about wooing women but this was more... addictive. I didn't expect him to reply but when the phone vibrated, I wasn't too surprised but the excitement to see the little envelope on my screen with his name in code over it was still the same.

**I am guessing you aren't typing in wolf form? I bet I will be there in five minutes even after taking forever to wonder about you, Leah. **

Were had this man been all my life...

Xx~xx~xX

It took longer than I had anticipated reaching the stream. I was still fast in human form and I should have made it by all accounts in twenty minutes but it was his little texts fault. I couldn't stop looking at the message over and over, humming weird pop tunes in the air and grabbing at random leaves and flowers-that I prayed were not poisonous. It would be counter productive to arrive covered in hives and boils...

"Leah..." I heard him and I paused. The bubbling of the stream was somewhere up ahead and he would be at the other side of the little brook.

I peered through the trees for his pale form but I was still too far away. A wolf's hearing was much better than its sight, even in human form. Was this really the time to be backtracking everything; was this the time for sweaty palms and panicking over the tank-top jeans combo... and worrying about condoms. Oh, for crying out loud; it's just a beautiful, shimmering, angelic vampire... who happens to _wonder_ about you...

He emerged through the thick curtain of trees on the other side of the soft brook like I had predicted but nothing about his appearance could have been preconceived in my mind. He seemed entirely out of place in the setting of peace and natural tranquillity with his flowing hair, reflecting in zero light into a gold and white halo over his face-over a pure white _magnificent_ face. And yet the very setting of nature's beauty seemed to magnify the true fact of Carlisle's own beauty, the sweet murmur of the water smoothing over the rocks in the brook serenading his existence before my eyes. Only for my eyes...

The thought popped into my mind so suddenly and fiercely that I paused my hypnotised walk towards him; _I could never let him go_.

"I'll help you cross..." he said as my foot hovered over the ground unsure. He appeared by my side immediately, his index finger trailing over my hand in ice fire before he carefully picked me up-a second in his arms feeling like a lifetime-and we emerged at the other side and he placed me carefully back on earth.

"Purple..." I breathed staring at the shirt and avoiding his eyes. "Pale lavender...?"

"Hmm" he murmured that shy smile of his playing on his lips. "It almost took me _forever_"

"What made you pick that colour?" I said, wishing I could hide and bask simultaneously under his intense gaze but opting to stare at his chest instead, not trusting my control.

"It's my favourite" he said in a musing tone. "I bought the shirt for the colour... Alice thought it was hideous"  
>"Alice...?" I said slowly, remembering him mentioning his daughter once when I didn't know about vampires and he didn't have to worry about wolves.<p>

"Hmm" he said, his eyes closing and his head coming to rest on the side of mine-something that he had done before and I had a feeling was instinctual to vampires. I listened intently, waiting for _my_ purr... "She is very... involved in everyone's wardrobes"

It was a pale lavender shirt, the colour not too pale that it merged with his alabaster skin but containing more purple in its hue than blue and it made his skin seem luminous. Almost like he was the moon... it wasn't buttoned up till the collar like he normally would have worn his shirts. There was no tie like I had stupidly expected. Three buttons were neglected and I could see the strong expanse of his throat, his chest moving slowly up and down.

I knew what I wanted this time and with the knowledge that we were completely hidden I felt braver. That strength he had awoken in me...

I placed my finger slowly but confidently at the top of his neck, where it smoothed out to his jaw. He shuddered; I imagined if my skin was all too aware to his coldness then his would be equally exponentially sensitive to my heat. I trailed my finger lazily down his throat, over the subtle bump of his Adam's apple and to his collar bone. He rolled his head over mine, his breathing changing to fast quick raps and I felt his hand ghost behind me and gingerly rest on the small of my back.

But I waited for my queue patiently; the purring would tell me if it was safe to play out my desire...

"It is your favourite colour?" he asked huskily, the baritone his voice resided in-that he never seemed too comfortable to let out-quivering in a melodious stutter. A vampire could never stutter as humans could and the sound was liquid even in hitches; it just felt like smooth _intentional _pauses.

"It is..." I breathed, trailing the slight exposed division of his chest before hitting a road block on the first buttoned up button of his shirt.

It was a nice shirt or maybe I was biased because it was on Carlisle but then again Carlisle possessed the ability to make manure look appealing. My mind, the side of my mind that was vindictive, crude and hard-the side I didn't really let any thoughts on Carlisle pass through began to sing and hum and bay for the shirt to be ripped of his body.

The button was undone with shaky hands-I was fighting not to attack the pearl coloured expensively shaped plastic. The second one, the third one... and then I gave up; this was too slow for my liking.

"Take them off..." I hissed.

"Hmm?" he mumbled lifting his head from my own and gazing through sleepy eyes at me.

"Take them..." I began and he smiled a sort of mischievous smile that still managed to look innocent on his face.

"Done" he murmured and I looked down at him. The shirt ruffled lightly in the cool breeze forcing its way between us, exposing the smooth muscles of his abdomen and the darker contrast of hair trailing enticingly down his abdomen and hiding away under his dark pants.

"Right" I breathed reaching for the collar and smiling at his shocked expression when I rocked forward and pulled him down slightly-he was a little taller than I was.

He groaned loud and hard when my lips made contact with his neck and the moment I moulded my lips over his skin and sucked hard, nipping at the smooth impenetrable flesh... _my_ purring began.

His arms engulfed me possessively and it fuelled me; I sucked over the too sweet skin, the coolness stinging over my tongue and his hands tightening inch by inch and promising me that he too, would never be able to let me go.

The shirt came of over his shoulders timidly, as though it knew any such escape too hastily from Carlisle's body would be both of our destructions and hung precariously instead-hooked oddly by his left shoulder and bent right elbow. I kissed his neck going up to his jaw up, feeling the vibrations of his purring from somewhere deep in his chest and the steady hard pants escaping his mouth.

The cool fragrance of his breath spread out over my face, that bitter edge I associated with vampires had faded from me and I was able to dissect the sweetness of his scent instead. Rolling in his shirts may have helped...

I kissed his jaw and he exhaled a hard breath, I licked along the hard line and his hands shook behind me-as though he wasn't sure of his own strength in the moment and when I reached his ear I paused. I watched his face from the corner of my eyes, I watched as his breath invisible even in the cold air pushed hard from his slightly parted lips and his eyes rolled expectantly behind their lavender lids.

I ducked; trying not to grin at this little high I had managed on the effect I had on him and kissed him bellow the ear. He shuddered and groaned and when I nibbled, when I bit hard-testing to see how far I could go against his hard skin-he growled low and deep.

He growled low, scooping me in his arms shakily and pulled my head to his, his kiss fervent and strained on my lips. I let my legs go around him, kissing him back with no restraint-his own odd schizophrenic moments against me fuelling me to show him how bliss felt when you were free. How good it was to feel and not think...

"Carlisle..." I groaned over his lips and he growled again, pulling his head back and then groaning when I didn't allow the motion to dislodge my tangled hands in his hair.

"Leah..." he breathed and I felt the coolness of his skin through my jeans, his hands rubbing my legs and pulling me closer-allowing me to straddle him while he remained upright and pivoting absently around the forest, never tripping or stumbling.

"Stop thinking about it" I moaned as his hands hovered unsure over my thigh before timidly resting on it.

"I have to..." he groaned. "I have to think... I have to..."

"No you don't..." I shuddered as his lips made contact with my collar bone, a tentative kiss and a groan of frustration washing over my skin were he nudged me there with his nose.

"I do..." he whispered. "I... have never..."  
>"There is no way you are a virgin" I murmured in disbelief and he chuckled.<p>

"A three hundred year old virgin?" he laughed, unlocking my legs from his back easily and pushing me away from him slowly, placing me upright.

"A good title for a movie" I sighed, realising my own breathing was laboured and then pausing at the revelation of his age. I didn't want to give up so easily... but he was stronger and _worrying _about too much.

"Hmm" he murmured, righting the shirt.

"Kiss me" I breathed and he peered at me in question. "Kiss me Carlisle... kiss me like you want me"  
>"I do want you" he said confused. "Leah... wanting you and having you are two different things"<br>"You have me!" I said loudly taking two large steps towards him. He didn't move away but he couldn't hide his alertness to the action-to our closeness.

"I am a vampire" he said grimly-holding my gaze with unwavering effort. "I am much stronger than you are, more especially when you are standing before me in your human form. My strength... it is natural to me. Every motion I do that is human and human-like is _unnatural._ It takes a few months for a vampire to give precision to their tactile senses... and after that it is a matter of control. If we go there Leah, and believe me I want to _go there_... I could hurt you because I wouldn't be in control"  
>"Then hurt me" I said and he chuckled, reaching forward and pressing a finger to my lower lip-it was jutting out sulkily I realised.<p>

"It is not just that" he confessed walking away.

"It's the 'I am a wolf' and 'you are a vampire' thing" I grumbled, following him difficulty over the rocks. He moved smoothly and if I had thought I had managed some measure of grace as a wolf, he dimmed that little hope.

"No" he sighed. "It's the 'you have a soul' and I have turned into the 'demon tempting you' thing"

"I think I am the one doing all the tempting here" I laughed and he smiled beautifully at me.

"You are very strong" he mused. "A strong heart and mind... good qualities"

"You over think things" I sighed, weaving my hand into his when I reached him and turning him towards me. "Just kiss me..." 

He leaned forward and brushed his lips to mine before pressing smoothly on my own and retracting the sweet motion. I groaned in frustration and lurched forward, grabbing his head and pressing myself against him, surprising him into a momentary standstill and biting his lips hard-gentle wouldn't do I realised-and licking his lower lip, willing him to part his lips.

"Leah" he managed, pulling me safely from him by an inch. "Don't... we can't..."  
>"We can!" I insisted, refusing to release his hair but he didn't seem to mind the threat his silky strands were under-I could leave him with a possible bold patch.<p>

"No..." he insisted but the uncertainty of his own curbed desire swam in his golden eyes. If he had brought out the old Leah... the human one, he had somehow merged her with the new wolf version and I had to pounce on that. I had to... I couldn't live with just _this_...

I kissed him again in the same way-the same violent desperate way-and he groaned, his hands hovering over me before falling slackly to his sides and I was sure this was his way of making sure he didn't hurt me when he thought he couldn't control himself. His neck was next, something about the smooth hardness it was shaped in calling to me in addictive tones, his chest hidden yet again behind the sparsely covering lavender shirt. I pushed the shirt of him, pulled it away from his body and threw it carelessly to the side. He closed his eyes then, speaking to fast for me to hear and I was sure he was chanting on all the wrongs every holy book had thrown at him and he had believed so willingly.

"Nothing is wrong about us" I whispered. "Won't you trust me, Carlisle?"

"Leah..." he said, his voice textured as I kissed his chest. "Shouldn't we... this is..."

"No, we can't stop..." I whispered, trailing my hands from the expanse of his chest to the smooth planes of his stomach before dipping a finger behind the waist of his pants, feeling his whole body tense at the motion. "We can never stop..."

He remained quiet then, giving up his atoning to quiet murmurs I imagined were whispered in his mind. I kneeled before him, kissing his abdomen and listening as the purring continued, feeling each ripple of contained desire shudder through him and move over my lips.

"Leah..." he moaned his hands brushing over my short hair before falling back to his sides.

The pants were unzipped and pushed down and I stood up slowly, trying not to be hasty-trying to not dismiss his warning about his vampire strength but my own body's treacherous growing heat and the snaking in my abdomen alerting me that this could not wait. I could not wait...

I had never been intimate with anyone but Sam and I was suddenly unsure of this violence I wanted to play out between Carlisle and I. Praying that this was a result of being a wolf; that my locked muscles wanting to tear and grab were not a result of a damaged mind...

I exhaled sharply and attacked him. He surprised me with his own welcoming growl, he startled me when his hands tried desperately to _not_ rip my cotton tank top and pulled my jeans hastily of off me. He chanted my name like it was a proclamation of faith to the now dark heavy night sky, scooping me up and allowing me to devour his mouth-never letting his lips part enough so I could taste his mouth.

It wasn't enough.

We subconsciously fought for dominance and I was sure if he wasn't holding back still-I knew he had only given an inch to this and I had to keep pushing-but if he was not holding back, he may have had me any way he wanted. He growled for me not to bite him, so that's what I did. He groaned when I unabashedly sought his hardened length out from between us and positioned myself over his coldness in what was the most exquisite contrast of ice and fire. He tried-his schizophrenic dance back in full swing-pushing and pulling me over him simultaneously. Torn between wanting me so badly and fear of having me but I made the decision for him with one quick motion and abuse of his uncertainty.

"Leah...!" he growled as he dived into me, freezing and causing me to finish the motion in pure ecstasy and wild animalistic groans.

Cold heat. It felt like cold heat-as though his unheated manhood was giving proof to the fact that there really was hot lava welling inside my womanhood. I had paused-this was no the part I knew... this part, if memory served correctly with Sam, involved me lying flat on my back and staring at Sam's ceiling and counting backwards from sixty-six...

It was like being numb and yet too overly sensitive at the same time. I froze, shuddering in his arm my legs locked fearsomely behind his naked back, the muscles of my thighs quivering violently. He remained still, too still... his breathing halted.

"Please _move_..." I begged and he groaned hard-making one tantalizing slow movement with his hips, going too deep inside of me and never managing to leave completely, his breathing returning in hard wild gasps.

"I can't..." he panted moving too fast forward, trees blurring momentarily before stopping abruptly, the motion sending a wave of pleasure from were we were connected to every nerve in my body. "I'll hurt you Leah..."  
>"I'll cause damage for the both of us then" I growled, bracing myself and holding tighter around his neck. If he was any normal man, even a wolf man, he would be groaning in pain and choking to death...<p>

I moved my hips up and back and he groaned, his head falling to my shoulder and my own vision blurring in undiluted pleasure. They were slow lengthy movements but each motion sent a shock through me, wherever our skin touched setting fire to my body.

He couldn't help it in the end, trying to match my movements timidly but always managing to hit the back of me hard-just right, and just hard enough-that I growled and yelped and moaned throatily. I should have let it end there, I had gotten us this far... I should have left things in the perfect synchronized crafted primal harmony of our upright lovemaking but I wanted the chaos. I wanted him to be lost in me as I was in him, with fever and passion...

So I bit his neck. He groaned and begged and I continued-his neck, his jaw and ear were all under attack. Hard and eager but not once did I feel his skin give in. He moaned and I realised I had stopped rocking over him and it was him who had began thrusting in short pained sequences, growling orders to stop-switching between commands and imploring.

I couldn't hear him over the sound of my own blood rushing in the end, electricity clawing over me in harsh hormone fuelled heat flushes and I didn't care that the dark night was blurring as Carlisle moved us around the forest... through the stream... to _somewhere_, begging me to stop and yet it was him who carried on filling the contracting space inside of me, rubbing what was hot and sensitive with the coldness of his abdomen and sending me on a hard high...

I heard the smack right by my ear but I wouldn't have cared if it was the sky falling over our heads. He groaned, releasing me from his arms and forcing me to latch on with my arms around his neck. From the corner of my eyes I saw the large expanse of the boulder, I saw his hands dig into the rock like it was putty, disappearing into the cement like quality and leaving a jagged fissure along both sides were his hands penetrated through the rock; his arms disappearing all the way up to his elbows.

His head rocked forward and he snarled. He resumed thrusting slow and hard, not allowing me to dictate my selfish drive and his purring turned deeper and merged almost fluidly with the rumble of thunder over our heads. The lightning flashing and exposing his contorted face glorious-entirely inhuman in its flimsy hold on lusty bliss-with each minute it flew over the sky and the giant boulder rumbling from inside as it strained to absorb Carlisle's excess energy.

"Don't bite..." he growled. "Do you not _understand_... you are marking me! I cannot mark you... I cannot..."

"_Mark me... Carlisle._" I breathed by his ears as the honey he had been stirring inside me spilt over and I quaked ferociously over him, his arms never releasing from the boulder but his insistent pushing against the rock splintering its face. It felt like hours, but it may have been forever we had been at this...

He growled and plunged his face into my neck and I felt the sweet sting of his teeth as I released a pleasure I had never known from a man, in a wild moan through the air, the distant sound of a wolf howling lost in my wild ride of pure concentrated bliss.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

"Do you remember the time you came to La Push..." he whispered slowly, his face contorted in a permanent tint of anger.

"When you came with your friends" he continued looking at her intently. He knew he was committing Seth to his crime against Sam but somehow, deep inside-he knew the kid wouldn't sell him out. Even in the mind link... Seth had some sort of super power when it came to keeping certain things hidden.

"Of course I remember" she said tersely, not forgetting the way he had sneered at her-revealed his knowledge of what the Cullen's were.

"What did we talk about it" he urged, crouching opposite her and holding her hands in his large hot ones.

"We spoke about your rabbit..." she mumbled, stalling.

"What else..."Jacob insisted.

"We spoke about... mud-pies..." she whispered, staring at his hands and wondering how large he had gotten; how tall and fierce her Jacob had gotten.

"Bella!"  
>"You told me scary stories..." she said quickly "You told me Quileute legends about the cold ones"<p>

"Exactly" he said with finality, staring at her and expecting her to understanding his cryptic conversation. "Think Bella, what about that sto-"

He choked, grimacing and then opting to just look at her.

"The story?" she asked and he nodded. "Uh, the story about... the _cold_ ones"

"Yes" he sighed in relief before adding a hard sarcastic "It doesn't surprise me that that's the only part you remember though"

Isabella remained silent, looking away from Jacob but allowing him to hold her hands. Her momentary joy at having him back, even her promise to run away with him to be away from Sam and the memory of Edward etched on every Cullen's pale face blown away by her desire to protect Edward in the face of Jacob's illogical hate. Why now did he decide to believe in the legends... when he had so willingly dismissed Billy before...?

"Just... think about it" Jacob sighed rising from the grounds and stroking her hair. "Think about it and get some rest... I know you'll... anyway, I have to go"  
>"Don't go" she begged instantly, reaching for him. She wasn't used to being alone and the recovery of their friendship seemed weighed down by Sam's looming figure-and any time Jacob left would be a chance for Sam to pull him further from her.<p>

"I have to..." he sighed. "Seth is waiting and... it's _our_ bedtime now if Leah doesn't slack off again. Yours too, Bells. Get some rest"

He stretched walking over to the window again and throwing her one last hopeful look.

"You can go through the door!" she yelled rushing to pull him away from the window but he had already swung his body too agilely through the square window. Tentatively towards the window, praying he wouldn't be sprawled on the ground, still and unmoving. She was tired, it was late and the storm was nearing but things felt better. The hope in Jacob's eyes letting her feel like she would be able to breathe again.

Xx~xx~xX

**BELLA SWAN**

I almost missed him in my awe of Jacob's dexterity but all it took was the violent scowl on Jake's face to wipe my amazement from my eyes. He appeared at the corner of my vision of the dark back yard.

The lightning flashed and it was as though it delivered him to me, tangibly finally in its momentary brightness over the dark clouds and swaying heads of the giant encroaching trees. Edward stood far off from Jacob by the edge of the trees, gazing unseeingly at nothing while Jacob shuddered violently and never relenting in his glare at Edward.

He would try to fight Edward, I knew it... he would want to fight for me. I had to get down there and stop things... I rushed forwards, swinging my door violently and tripping down the stairs. I knew it would take mere seconds for chaos to rain, but when I rushed out the door; Jacob and Edward remained far apart in entirely different levels of a stand off.

Were violence was radiating of Jacob, his form shaking and nose flaring; Edward meandered from the forest, his head bowed heavily as though in defeat and his lips _moving._ He was talking to himself, I realised. His hair that had always been unruly was now wild and unkept on his head and his wonderful glorious face pale. The pain ebbed away when I gazed at his face, entranced by his beauty but aware that he was off. He may be here but he was _off..._

He seemed paler, eyes averted from _everything..._ it was then that I knew if I thought I was hurt by our separation, that he too had almost been killed by being away from me. even in his dishevelment he was glorious...

"Stay away from her if you are not in control" Edward called, his honey voice cutting through growling of thunder.

"Edward..." I breathed and it felt like it was the first time air had passed through my lungs in months

"I can't..." Edward groaned, grimacing and then so suddenly I missed the movement, he whipped his head to the forest and bore into the shadows.

"Don't go to him Bella!" Jacob begged, reaching his hand out to me.

"He needs me!" I whimpered, taking three steps forward and then pausing when I realised Jacob was trailing me.

"I can't..." I could hear Edward chant over and over again.

"You can!" I called desperately "Don't leave me again, Edward!"  
>"I won't hurt him Seth" Edward murmured instead, lucidly this time.<p>

"I wont hurt him" Edward sighed and I watched him closely as he spoke-as his eyes refused to rise and make contact with anything "Because I know about unrequited love Seth and I wouldn't hurt him knowing that. I came here with the intention of... I matters not. You Seth Clearwater are one of the purest souls I know... and the clarity you have given me. You are all young, so young and you have this chance to grow and become great men and women... never stuck in eternal unforgiving youth"

"No!" I yelled but he wouldn't look at me even as the hollowness of my chest returned and cried out to him.

"I have committed enough treachery..." he breathed, shaking his head slightly before a flash of bliss fleeting over his face. "I will leave, I have no doubt you will protect her Jacob and my return to Italy and subsequent death will protect my family"

"Death..." I screamed launching myself across the lawn towards him and ignoring Jacob's blurring for calling out for me.

I heard the growl behind me, low and deep like the thunder and saw the panic on Edward's face as he gazed at something behind me in terror. As I ran he moved forwards blurring-and for that split second he was lost to my poor eyesight, I thought he would embrace me... but he didn't. behind me I heard the growling mingling with Edward's absurdly calm voice and when I stopped and turned, he was tackling a red giant wolf.

"Jacob..." he pleaded with the wolf. "If you love her then you will calm down! I am not... I won't take her from you!"

A sandy coloured wolf peered through the trees yelping anxiously at the mass of russet fur whirling too fast with Edward and I realised I was crying and shaking. This had to be a nightmare... this had to be a dream...

Edward released the red wolf, looking over to me too briefly before grimacing at the sandy wolf.

"You alerted her..." he breathed anxiously "She told him, he knows I am here... oh... I have to... leave..."

He disappeared then and I realised the ruffling I had seen by his shoulder had been his torn shirt and his arm may have been dangling sickly between the sleeve and the rest of the shirt.

I should have been afraid and terrified he had left me with the two wolves but instead I willed their attention to fall on me. I willed them to end me...

""Edward" I breathed hard and the red wolf cast me one doleful look before disappearing into the woods and leaving me standing still as the rain began to beat hard on me. The storm had arrived.

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**Thank you for the reviews, story alerts and pm's!**

**Seriously, I love feedback because it helps with the writing-I actually try and improve with each story I begin and so forth. So keep the feedback streaming especially with the little uhm, forest loving scene (don't be shy to comment even though I am shy myself to have gone there...)**

**It's a bit cliffy and that's because it was way too long when I sketched it out and began typing so I had to strip it in two. I didn't think fifteen thousand words was a good number. So all I have to do is type the sketched out bits... and you know how fast I work with reviews so don't be shy...**

**So remember to review and feedback**

**Until next time, hopefully sooner than later**

**Tj **


	25. Escape

_**Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers up all wrongs.-Proverbs.**_

**Xx~xx~xX**

**X**

**Xx~xx~xX**

**ESCAPE**

"I have to go..."Leah whispered quickly, fumbling with the string by her leg-trying to fold her jeans and tank top loosely but still securely by her leg.

"You are certain..." I murmured swallowing hard. "It was Edward... Jacob was fighting him?"  
>"Not really <em>fighting<em>" she sighed, chucking the clothes away in the end and pausing to study me.

"Not fighting..." she said slowly, looking at me anxiously "Edward wasn't _interested_ in fighting him. Seth... Seth was scared for Jacob... everyone is fine. Edward left."  
>"He left" I said in a daze. "Are you sure..."<br>"Carlisle..." she said sternly, walking over to me. "You need to find him. The wolf link... very difficult to lie when it's a replay in real time-Seth heard him. He was talking about _death _and Italy... I have an idea of were he will leave from. The same location I saw him leave from last. The cliff a few feet of from were the stream connects with the waterfall. I have to go... this is... _shit_"

She was naked and I saw the many purplish bruises spotting her skin in various places. The wound by her neck was taking exceptionally long to heal... but as long as I had sucked the venom out, she would be fine she had promised. She promised she would be fine...

She looked at me closely, her eyes wide and deep and the strength I associated with her-an adamant sort of will to _live and be_-swimming in them but even that didn't hide the fear. Something wasn't right, something she couldn't tell me... she reached up and kissed me softly, sighing gently before walking away from me. She threw me one last look before leaping in the air, her form shimmering and when she was lucid she had turned into the soft grey giant slender wolf.

The image of her standing in front of the rubble of the boulder I had destroyed would remain engraved in my memory like all things but with different connotations more intense than most memories I contained. Her grey fur almost a similar grey to the many rock fragments and eyes wide and amber staring at me with too much emotion for any normal natural creature...

She sighed, one gust of air warming the chilled air in front of her and bounded through the woods. Moments later it rained... it rained hard and I knew I had to find him. All the shock of the world evaporated from my still form and I ran down the little stream praying his scent will cross my path and not be washed away by the ferocious rain.

Xx~xx~xX

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

Even as I ran, moving in synch with the thrashing wind and slicing rain, I couldn't comprehend her words. He was here... he was talking about death, giving his own eulogy to Isabella and Seth-condoning Jacob Blacks affection for _his _Bella. It felt like Leah had been speaking about someone else... it couldn't be Edward.

Not _my_ Edward...

I suppose I had deceived myself in someway to survive his... departure. He and I... we had performed the most atrocious act of deformed love in our kissing and touching but somehow I had managed to forgive myself. A doctor can't heal those who aren't sick...

God cannot forgive the ones who haven't sinned. And as long as I had come in front of the Lord with this... would he turn me away? Was it not Leah's voice that had merged into my mind with the one sentence that had set lose to so many chains; _Forgive yourself... and you will be forgiven._

Sin... and temptation.

I had no shirt on and her smell began to fade from me in the holy shower of rain. But it was evident-sin and temptation. I should care and worry but there were more pressing matters right now... matters that still felt distant as I ran crazed through the forest. He was faster than I was but I had been nearer to the edge of the peninsula he planned on departing from.

If it was where he planned on leaving from... but where else would he go? He had to stay in contact with the Wolves territory to avoid Alice. Like I had... preconceived trickery.

I caught his scent in the wind, mingling with the rain and fading... I wasn't sure if it meant he was ahead or behind me so I ran faster. The howling wind, the violent flashing of lightning and the rumbling thunder fuelling my frenzied pace-and I saw him.

He turned his head briefly, his eyes wide and black-bruised around in ways I had never seen on him-and he cursed low, muttering that he thought I was further away... murmuring how he had to reach the water quickly...

Talking to him self even as I called out to him to wait.

He wouldn't wait. He pushed further but he hadn't fed, he was weak in a very vampire way. His mind was distracted.

"Edward!" I roared over the storm and he ran-trying to push for faster but failing, shaking his head and chanting "No... I can't...!"

"Stop!" I yelled but he continued, we were only a few seconds from the cliff and I knew even if I was much faster than he was at swimming, I wouldn't be able to capture him in the water.

"I will follow you to Volterra!" I tried and his pace stumbled. I took advantage and propelled myself through the air, whizzing past the trees and confusing him-he stared at me in disbelief and we collided.

I tackled him hard to the ground, uprooting trees and sending kilograms of dirt, earth and foliage flying through the air. We rolled and tumbled to the clearing over the sea-by the cliff and I realised he was struggling against me. I had thought if I held him he would calm down like he had always done when he had been a younger immortal but he fought. He hissed, he spat and snapped his teeth at me and I could see the little markers of wildness in his eyes-the natural vampire that our way of life had kept at bay erupting in him. He was beyond reason...

"Please..." I groaned, locking my arms around him, knowing that if I gave him an inch to move I would never hold him again.

His talent would ensure that. I had caught him by surprise... a hard thing to do but I gave thanks to the storm. The wind thrashed uselessly against us, trying desperately to push us and blow us of the edge but no hard marble body would ever give in to such feeble strength.

I moved us back into the woods, opting to throw us over the ground and fight him kilometre by kilometre towards the manor, my arms never relenting around his torso. I kept him facing away, his snapping and snarling wild and desperate-he would maim me to get away, I realised. I prayed she would see us the closer we moved into our thicker territory, the terrain working against me as he uprooted trees and tried to use them to whack me, his snarls and inhuman sounds fighting to be heard against the thunder and venom flailing from his mouth in indifferent abundance and mingling with the rain-ending up on my face.

"Edward...!" I cried "Stop son... stop, you are safe...!"

"No...!" it was the first coherent word to leave his mouth.

I heard the quick footsteps, I heard Emmett's shouts that he was coming and I breathed finally. He would not escape us this time. He would stay. He was home.

Xx~xx~xX

"Edward..." Emmett tried but even as Jasper held his other arm, even as he sent wave after wave of calm over him-he struggled. It was down to frail motions, influenced by Jasper's gift to give the elusion of weariness on vampires but he was unbending in his resolution to be away from us.

"Lock his arms behind his back, Em" Jasper sighed, looking to me for support and I nodded. "He'll break the house apart..."

"_No_..." Edward moaned in a feeble voice, his eyes flicking wildly left right and down-never looking at anyone or acknowledging a single one solid thing. He may as well have been moving through a dream, a _nightmare_...

They stood by the entrance; Alice and Rosalie-their eyes wide and desolate. It was Rosalie who ran to us, looking to me first and I sighed, rubbing my arm were Edward had managed to bite; luckily not gauging any flesh out but leaving his venom there. I would have to suck the venom art to ensure no scar would remain...

"Inside..." I instructed "In the dining room, please"

Xx~xx~xX

"Edward you are safe" Rosalie said-her voice quivering. She tried to touch his hair but he snapped at her and she jumped back to my side, clutching me in fear.

"He doesn't mean to hurt you" I whispered to her.

"He is safe..." she cried. "You are safe Edward... stop!"

It was like she hadn't spoken. He continued to mutter incoherent things vampire fast under his breath and in regular intervals he groaned the word "No" and when he felt up to it, he fought against Jasper's manipulation of his emotions and tried to free himself from Emmett's titanium grip, cursing loudly when his body was unable to shake of the feeling of weariness to move Emmett's arms even slightly.

"Is that the shirt...?" Alice whimpered, gazing at Edward, she had not tried to look at his face as Rosalie and I had "Is that the shirt from Bella's birthday...?"  
>"He hasn't changed?" Rosalie cried, shaking me and I saw it too. He was in the same shirt from that fateful day that had changed everything somehow... it was tattered and faded-I guessed from swimming in the ocean, one arm ripped by his shoulder.<p>

"They..."Alice murmured and then sighed, dropping to the ground and crying silently, the rain water still trickling from all our hair forming tears on our faces-tears we could not shed at this...

"What did they do to him?" Jasper growled.

"Why didn't I see this?" Alice cried behind her hands, curling on the floor a few feet from Emmett's hard form-unmoving and expressionless-holding a whimpering Edward.

"I wanted him _gone_" Rose whispered bleakly, letting me hold her with my one arm.

"Let's get him to the cottage..." I instructed Jasper. "I'll... I'll calm him"

"Carlisle" Jasper drawled, raising an eyebrow. "He really is beyond..."  
>"We can't sit around here restraining him and manipulating his emotions till the end of time" I said sternly and he frowned-it was always most difficult for him to take orders. "Get him to the cottage..."<br>"I need to clean him up" Rose murmured.

"I'll clean him up... Rose" I said slowly, smiling weakly at her. "I'll calm him and clean him and then you and Alice can tend to him"

She nodded then, calming somewhat and sat by Alice, pulling her slender arm over Alice's little form and whispering to her sister that he was back. That it was over, that none of them could have known this and now they could take care of their brother.

Xx~xx~xX

He let the steady stream of curses erupt from his chest through out the short journey to the cottage hidden in our woods-and I knew if not for Jasper, we would have had to wrestle and fight him there and there would have been slight injuries.

"No..." Edward repeated as he was pushed through the door. His movements had become half-hearted and I took this as a good sign.

"Let me be alone with him..." I muttered, looking at his face unrelenting and waiting for him to brave my eyes. He refused, staring at the hard wood floor angrily, his breathing heavy and fast.

"Alone... how?" Jasper asked. "Should we stand somewhere near...?"

"Alone Jasper" I sighed.

"Carlisle..." Emmett began.

"He won't hurt me" I said calmly. "Not like his leaving me had done after he had promised me he wouldn't."  
>Edward paused his limp thrashing then and looked deliberately away. Slackening in Emmett's hold suddenly and letting Emmett prop him up.<p>

"_Leave_" I said firmly "I'll bring him to the main house after he has showered"

They left through the rain, the storm roaring violently over us and heavy raindrops falling hard on the roof. He stood still in the little lounge, staring out the large window and fumbling with the torn sleeve of his shirt before opting to rip it of completely and throwing it absently to the side.

"Carlisle" he said hoarsely. "I shouldn't be here"

"And where should you be, Edward" I said, walking over to him slowly.

He whimpered in response, moving too fast away from me and appearing by the opposite wall, staring at it with his back to me.

"Tell me what happened" I said coolly, sitting on the coffee table. "_Everything_..."  
>"No" he sobbed, falling to his knees and clawing at his hair. "No, no... <em>No!<em>"

I rushed to him, expecting him to run away again but he didn't. instead he surprised me with his cringing of my touch, his violent pushing against me-refusing to let me hold him and growling low in warning.

"Tell me Edward!" I said desperately, fighting him into my arms and locking him in place. He gave up then, his body shaking against me as he cried silently with his eyes closed. "Won't you tell me...?"

He remained quiet and crying and a violent anger emerged in me. Even with the rain, even with the sea and air... I could smell him. His scent which was a compilation of my own I imagined as was with Rosalie and Emmett... Alice and Jasper's was only slightly similar as a result of living together in a coven.

"Tell me about it" he whispered after a second.

"The scent...?"  
>"Yes" he breathed, remaining still in my arms and letting me source through my aggressive emotions and thoughts.<p>

"Eleazar..." I said slowly, trying to keep the hard edge from the revelation of Edward's changed scent. "Eleazar explained to me when he first met you... how you sort of smell like me. It is the same with every vampire really, almost like half of your scent is that of your maker... and then the other is an intensified version of your human smell"

"I don't know what I smell like, _naturally_..."I sighed and I felt his hand twitch behind me-he held me as I held him finally. "But it... I know we are a family because of this"  
>"Natural vampire coven intimacy" he said softly, picking this from my thoughts.<p>

"You smell..." I growled. "Like..."  
>"Like I should be with <em>them<em>?" he whispered softly, twisting my jumbled words into a hard truth I didn't want to say. "Because I should be, Carlisle..."

"No" I growled, surprising him with my conviction. "I am your father..."  
>"You don't want me" he gulped. "Trust me, you don't want me..."<br>"... you need a shower" I continued adamantly overriding his own conviction on the matter, scooping him up awkwardly but securely in my arms-his longer limbs remaining limp in the air as I moved us to the bathroom. "...and I'll remind you who _loves_ you..."  
>"You don't want to love <em>this<em>" he sighed, letting me seat him on the closed toilet.

"You don't know much for a mind-reader" I scoffed and he chuckled derisively. I opened the faucet of the shower, letting it turn all the way to hot and waiting as the steam to filled up the bathroom.

"Shall I congratulate this new _you _to Leah" he whispered and when I turned to him he looked away.

"Shall I congratulate you not hurting Jacob to Seth?" I countered and he froze-that frenzied look returning hard to his features and terrifying me. He would run, I was sure...

"The water is filling at the bottom" he said instead.

"That's because you refused to clean out the drain when Rosalie asked you" I said confused but grateful he was trying to stay with me.

"She didn't ask me" he said in a dry tone-detached to the conversation but somehow I thought he only wanted to move away from the scene that had played out at Isabella's house. "She _commanded_ me... only she and Emmett use this cottage anyway"  
>"Come..."I instructed, reaching my hand out to him. He let his hand fall in mine gingerly and sighed, rising up slowly.<p>

When I reached for the collar of his shirt to undo the buttons, he froze-growling low again.

"Do you want to take it of yourself?" I asked softly and he moved his head tersely, looking away from me with his face contorted relentlessly into an unforgiving scowl. Still he was beautiful... but I wanted to smooth his forehead with my fingers and wipe away the violent fear in his eyes.

He undid one button and then stopped; looking at me desperately and he seemed surprised by something-surprised and terrified.

"I'll... shower with my clothes on" he mumbled.

"Why?" I asked.

"You have bruises by your neck, did I do that?" he asked-deflected-pointing at my neck lightly.

I touched my neck, almost sure he had inflicted them but I remembered Leah... wolf teeth were formidable in their wolf form but in human their jaws didn't have the necessary strength to utilise the arsenal...

"Hmm" he murmured, moving past me and opening the shower door. "The _good_ Doctor Cullen takes house calls and _forest calls too_..."

He stepped in and sat down at the bottom, his shirt darkening slowly with the shower raining on it and he pulled his legs to his chest-staring at nothing. He was completely wet in seconds, humming something and moving his lips-muttering about the sea and its crushing depths.

His hair had turned black, his face pale and the purple bruised more pronounces-he looked bleak even in his magnificent youthful looks; the shirt and pants darkness elevating his wild aura.

"Take the shirt off, Edward" I said softly and he shook his head.

"I am taking the _damn_ shower!" He hissed. "I am here, I am here... leave me be!"  
>"The shirt..."<br>"You know I am going to leave you...!" he shouted, swivelling his eyes to me, their dark flatness terrifying me in their narrowed encasing.

I stepped into the shower and he looked away, refusing to make space in the cramped square cubicle, his longer legs already taking up unnecessary space. I sat by him and put my arms around him, pulling him to my chest and he tried to shrug the motion of but failed, falling into my arms instead.

"No" he said.

I ignored him and reached for the buttons. He shook; his breathing erratic and head shaking vehemently but he didn't push my hands off. Not when I undid the second button, not when I managed to reach over for the third... but he continued to shake and mumble-his voice moist and no tears streaming from his eyes although I knew he was crying again.

"_What did he do to you!_" I gasped, pushing the shirt of his shoulders and struggling to get the one sleeve of his arm and then just ripping the entire shirt of and throwing it over the glass door of the shower.

There were marks... not on his front were his chest and stomach remained smooth white marble, but tiny little marks along his rib cage were his arm could have easily fallen over and hid them. A single violent _still healing_ purplish gauge just at the base of his neck; more to his back than the front-almost aligned with his shoulder. It was still healing but it was definitely a _gauge_ from teeth...

I touched it and he winced.

"Did you get hurt when you..."

"Jacob Black didn't hurt me" he groaned.

"Who hurt...?"

"You know who hurt me, Carlisle" he whispered. He let me dip to his neck, smelling the venom easily and sucking it out tentatively, cleaning the wound and spitting the liquid near the drain. I breathed in hard... trying to remain calm... but it was too late...

"You shouldn't have gone...!" I cried eventually. "You are not to leave me! Do you hear me, Edward...?"

He remained silent, never removing his locked hands from his knees.

"I said do you hear me, boy!" I shouted harshly and he winced when I shook him. "Do not leave me...!"

"Don't _leave_ me..." I whispered, crying and holding him to me. He let his head fall to my chest and sobbed silently.

I didn't know much about fighting... even _play_ fighting was an issue for me. But I was sure in this moment I could take down the whole guard to get to Aro... and in some form of sick pleasure, I wanted his head to remain after everything was burnt. His big head that believed it was entitled to everything and that _love _and _company _were for the weak and pleasure fell second after power.

"The rib cage is _Jane_" he said eventually. "Carlisle, such dangerous thoughts..."  
>"Hmm" I murmured, rocking him back and forth and ignoring the groan the tiling made when I hit back too hard against it, chipping it.<p>

"I..." he whispered panicked. "It wasn't so bad"  
>"Don't lie to me" I said dryly. I would have thought it for him to know but I needed him to feel that this was not the time for his pride to get in the way-he wouldn't stand alone in this.<p>

"This isn't about _pride_...!" he cried. "I have to... return"  
>"Nonsense" I breathed.<p>

"He promised... All of them promised" he stammered. "If I didn't return they would hurt you... he would hurt _everyone_"  
>"Let him try"<br>"Carlisle, he sent me to kill Isabella" he whispered. "That is how Seth saved her... well, Seth saved Jacob but inadvertently Jacob's confused love for her saved her too"

"You wouldn't hurt her" I muttered angrily, Aro's red wicked eyes flashing over my vision.

"I am wicked too" he said and I realised he was trying to get me to _hate_ him. To dismiss him and send him on his way to Volterra.

"Then I am evil because I am your maker" I said calmly and he resumed his crying. "You are my son, you are Emmett's brother and you are Jasper's brother... Rosalie and Alice's brother... and they are waiting for you at the main house. Will you not let them take care of you?"  
>"Carlisle...!" he managed.<p>

"Let them take care of you" I whispered. "They have missed you so and their love for you would survive more than you know"

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

This was bad... this was very bad.

I wasn't even sure if this meant the treaty was off. Isabella's house was technically on the expanse of 'No Man's Land'. I had to be crafty about getting in; I ran through the woods quickly, reaching the house and crouching by the corner-listening inside for ay movements. A naked Leah was not a good thing in this chaos...

The rain had washed his scent away but the little bruises were taking longer to fade, the bite mark on my neck was still very visible as a _bite mark._ I crept inside and made my way to my room. The house was quiet, empty... I had to get dressed and head to Sam's immediately. It was early morning, maybe two in the morning and the storm had somehow missed this side of La Push in its ferocity.

A scarf... I hadn't worn one of those in a _while_ and I would have to suffer through the heat but it was better than trying to explain a bite mark...

"Leah...!" Seth shouted, and I heard his anxious barging up the stairs. "Leah...!"

"What!" I hissed as he broke my door down-literally, it was hanging by the bottom hinge.

"He didn't mean to tell..." he stammered, pulling at his hair."He didn't... even though it was... he wouldn't but the wolf link..."

"What are you on about!" I hissed.

"They _know..._ you have to leave _now_!" he growled shaking me.

"Know...?" I stared at him blankly  
>"You had sex with a <em>cold one<em>!" he roared and I felt the world move beneath my feet.

"Leah!" it was Sam and he was outside. My senses were alert, I could hear the heavy breathing of phased wolves outside, probably hidden in the forest.

"Don't go down there..." Seth whispered in a tiny voice.

"I have to "I hugged him dazed "I am so sorry Sethie, just... stay inside"

Xx~xx~xX

"You are a disgrace and disgust me..." he managed before his closed fist connected with my face.

I stumbled back, groaning and the taste of blood filling my mouth but I got up again and faced him. He frowned hard and lurched forward but I didn't back away.

"You disgust _us_..." he hissed slapping me with the back of his hand this time, and when the flashing bulbs of pain desisted somewhat, I could make out three wolves standing still just outside the forest.

Paul and Jared were gazing at my irrecoverable humiliation with scrunched up furry faces and Jacob... Jacob's head was lowered, hung grimly and eyes averted from everything and a hard sadness rolling of him.

"You stop...!" Seth roared crashing out the house and charging at Sam's looming form.

He was going to try and punch Sam, I realised-and if I could see this fact then Sam could too. Seth missed and collided with Sam's awaiting strike instead, flying backward form Sam and landing on the ground in a mass of sandy fur and tattered cotton fabric floating over him.

It was then that all hell broke loose...

Sam turned around confused; attention divided by Seth snarling and wriggling to get upright and my violent shuddering and insistent blows against him; most of my punches missing him through my blurring vision and those that collided with him were of no use. Seth knew the law; we could only fight each other when we were in the same form and Sam was still human.

My anger broke me. I couldn't phase but remained shivering and shuddering, the hard heat rolling up and down my spine. He hit me once more and I rebounded; my fist connecting with the centre of his face, breaking his nose. Before my eyes, he shuddered and blurred and I heard Seth's distorted whimper and growl as I failed to move out of the giant black wolves snarling way.

The pain was exquisite, flashing all over my back and the smell of rust was released in the air. It was then the ripple managed to spread all over my body and I phased; my mind merging with chaos as I saw Jacob, Embry and Seth battling with Sam and Paul-Jared remained perplexed and watching.

_Leave Leah_! Seth roared and I sprung up, ignoring the shooting pain in my leg and thanking the heavens I was the fastest wolf in the pack and Sam was too angry-murderously and dangerously angry-to manage a coherent sentence to order me with his Alpha tone.

_Leave..._ I heard Embry murmur. _And phase immediately, he will order you back otherwise..._

I saw in his mind the division I had put the pack under-more so after Paul and Jared had come across the red-heads scent today. Paul, Sam and although Jared had paused; they were all for _punishing me severely. _Of course punishing me when you are ruled by instinct could be a danger to my mortality...

I had to leave and I was sure I could never return.

Xx~xx~xX

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Once again, thank you for the reviews and pm's! Seriously inspiring..!**


	26. The Medicine Men

**THE MEDICINE MEN**

**X**

**Xx~xx~xX**

**X**

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

The run was short.

And yet, as I sat on the wet rock-my heart thudding furiously against my chest and my breath knocking out of me with each heavy gasp; it felt like I had been running to this point all my life. It was the same stream and I was a few metres if not more-depending on Carlisle's vampire speed-from the rubble of the boulder and his lavender shirt.

Sitting by the side of the energetic bubble of water, naked and with an open wound had to be the highlight of pathetic at this moment. A shirt would do, _his shirt would do..._

I limped up, grimacing as my back twanged intently, an itch-like pain crawling along it were Sam must have dragged a claw in his close phase. It was healing slowly-still faster than human-and I was sure the blood wasn't escaping as freely, hopefully clotting at the edges of the gash. Every sound felt like a wolf stalking me at the other side of the stream, every animal scurrying felt like a demon chasing me and cooing that I accept my fate. I was dishonoured, I was disgraced and I had been banished from all that was good to me...

Banished...

I didn't need to have a trial to know what the fury of the thoughts between Sam and Paul's mind meant; I didn't need Jacob's soft plea to understand my fate. I was banished, I was a disgrace-a disgusting one at that-and they saw me as a traitor. They saw me as the wolf that wanted to be a vampire...

Xx~xx~xX

The boulder remains were far off, it turned out. If I wasn't in the middle of life threatening misery, I would be in awe of vampire speed. Of course I was possibly faster as a wolf but I didn't have the luxury of safety in being a horse sized predator right now. It felt like the wound was not only located on my back but somewhere inside. I won't say in my chest or heart-that would be too easy a location... this pain, this wrenching sadistic void-it was inside of me. Flowing through my veins, churning with my grumbling stomach and flashing with my blurred vision from crying.

The shirt was there, after the hour of slow stumbling hiking. It was lodged between long emerald grass blades and dead bark-the shirt wet and spotted with sand from the rain. I put it on gingerly, first reaching at my back to feel the wound. It was smarting but had stopped bleeding now.

The shirt was cool and sticky against my skin, the buttons slipped through my fingers and were difficult to fasten with my trembling hands and when it was on I inhaled desperately. His scent was washed out.

The sun was climbing over the tree tops now, the shadows dancing gently with its slow ascent. I knew I was still too close and what hurt the most was being in no man's land meant exactly that-banished and belonging to not _one_ group. Being a wolf meant being in a pack and the silence of my thoughts-even though I stood on two feet-felt like poison.

I was still too close to them, they could wander this way and find me. It hurt intensely to not know what the reception would be... if the anger of a wolf had not abated enough to allow them to tolerate me here...

Wishful thinking; I had _sex_ with a vampire. They would sooner kill me. I felt it in their minds-the _instinct_. Seeing me would drive that home-especially seeing me in their wolf form. I turned and looked into the thicker woods spreading into the Cullen territory. I couldn't very much roam through them...

I couldn't go to Carlisle...

I couldn't do that to him-his family meant everything to him and it had been reckless and beautiful but that was no reason for me to destroy it because I had no home. Just as my family had thrown me to the wolves... because I had been with a _Cold One-_then surely his would hurt him too, for being with a wolf.

I trekked along the expansive border-the no man's line-slowly, heading north and keeping closer to the Cullen side. I knew were I could stay for a few days, as long as I remained at the very cusp of the vampire territory, the wolves wouldn't pick my scent up and if the vampires did...

I would just have to deal with that when it happened.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**SETH CLEARWATER**

Controlling ones thoughts in a wolf link is like having four brains in one skull and trying to fight for a little corner where you can store away some personal stuff. Now, when that skull is filled with violence, instinct, war, emotions too human and fear-you forget to claim your little corner.

You slip up...

"Seth, its Jake on the phone...!" Mum called from the bottom of the stairs. I know she had been crying, there was no doubt about that-but Sue Clearwater was so strong, it could only be _justified speculation_.

She didn't know why I had not gone to the meeting and she had gone at it with me on how that made our family look in light of recent events. She would like to be the strong one, the one who could carry such family disgrace with steely eyes and a clenched fist but Leah was still her daughter. She could seem heartless and closed to her banished daughter for them... she could play the part for the tribe, she could hold her head up high and say "Yes, my daughter had been _compelled_..." but in the end her heart was as strong as her will and she knew better than to believe Leah had abandoned us-abandoned what it meant to be a Quileute.

"I can't" I shouted back, leaning against the wall and closing my eyes.

"Seth, he wants to know if you are okay" she insisted and I groaned, walking slowly down the stairs.

"You guys had gotten really close" she murmured, handing me the receiver.

"Jake..." I breathed and he sighed in relief.

"I thought you were never going to speak to me again" he said "I didn't mean for Sam..."  
>"Yeah, I know" I said softly, waiting for him to mention it-waiting for him to accuse me of having <em>inappropriate<em> thoughts of him...

"Uh, the guys miss you" he mumbled instead "Uhm, I miss... well, you should come and hang out sometime?"  
>"With the rest of the pack?" I asked clenching my jaw-that was not possible at the present moment with them contemplating finding my sister and bringing her to <em>justice<em>.

"Just... it will be me and uhm, it will be at my house" he paused and then said hurriedly "In the shed, uhm... garage, we can work on the rabbit?"  
>"Okay" I sighed "Maybe tomorrow, I really don't feel like being <em>stared<em> at today"  
>"Tomorrow" he said in his husky voice and then dropped the line.<p>

Maybe he hadn't seen, heard or felt what went through me every time I was near him. That small insignificant second when he and I had panicked in unison over Leah being caught by Sam-everyone else was preoccupied with the chase and calming our Alpha but Jake... he had stuck with me and that moment I had become so hopeless and he had said he wouldn't leave me alone ever...

That had been the singular second when my emotions filtered from man to wolf-and how would Sue have handled it if she were called to a meeting to discuss her treacherous daughter and her young son with a thing for men.

Xx~xx~xX

"I see you managed to brave it for today" Jake laughed nervously, walking ahead of me and glancing back hesitantly. I had rushed here, through the woods quickly and tried to remain silent amongst Jared and Paul's thoughts. They had heard me but their pity for me allowed them to leave me alone.

"Yes" I said-my voice hoarse and dry and I was aware that my face was twisted into a frown.

"I am glad you came, Seth" he breathed, skipping over a large metal scrap piece and then shoving it easily to the side for me to pass through.

"Hmm" my heart skipped and then restarted too fast. There was no doubt he had seen, I kept chanting. This was the part he asked me to _not _phase with him.

"I want to talk about Leah" he whispered "If... you are ready. I know it must be hard for you"

Maybe I had imagined everything, my own paranoia at being pushed to the rim of our pack for having a sister who had intercourse with a vampire. Jacob still cared-he wouldn't bother caring if he knew, obviously.

"It's better if I know she is away from Sam" I sighed, sitting on his rickety stool opposite his leaned form on the side of the covered rabbit.

"Sam..." Jake said thoughtfully, his face inching into a contemplative disapproval. "His ideas are a bit intense about everything"  
>"What do you mean?"<br>"I mean..." he inhaled heavily and in one breath said "The Cullen's are not evil"  
>I stared at him then, my eyes wide and mouth hanging loosely in disbelief. He puckered his lips and sighed, before running his fingers through the length of his dark almost night black hair.<p>

"Don't get me wrong..." he said quickly, his eyes wide "Having a romp with a cold one in the forest... it was a bit extreme of Leah, you have to admit"  
>"Extreme to what?" I asked defensively "She wasn't out to hurt the tribe... not Leah..."<br>"I meant extreme in getting back at Sam" Jake cut me quickly "I see it in his mind when Leah and you aren't with us in wolf form... through the imprint_-even with the imprint-_he still feels for her. He still thinks of her as _his_ except... he is Emily's. It's so fucked up and in some way I think he is fucked up for feeling that way when Leah is hurting..."  
>"She didn't do it because of Sam" I snapped looking away from him "She... I don't know why she did it. She wasn't exactly given a trial to show her mind to us... the level of the situation. Everything we have to go by is dished out through Sam's spitting vengeful mind"<br>"Exactly" Jacob said nodding his head. "His decisions are now susceptible to his emotions, right..."

"Nice adult way of putting it, there Black"  
>"<em>Boston Legal<em>" he grinned at me and I felt my stomach whirl abruptly, I looked away from him and saw him frown from the corner of my eye. "I want to help you Seth"  
>"Help me with what?" I glanced up at him briefly, the sun filtering through the little cracked window on the corner and casting a warm glow over his face.<p>

"With..." he breathed in again and exhaled sharply "Leah"  
>"With Leah?" I repeated "I told you not to feel guilty Jake; there is nothing we can do about it right now. Sam's edict"<br>"Sam's edict was that we were not to hide her on Quileute land" Jake stated. "He didn't say we couldn't go and look for her"  
>I stared at him dumbly; the implication his words gave raking over the power of the Alpha command.<p>

"Do you want to help your sister or not, kid" he frowned and I gulped. I was being strange and I had somehow wrapped myself in this blanket of negativity.

"I am... scared" I said eventually "Jake, Leah is gone and alone somewhere... and I can't hurt my mum too"  
>"You won't" he said with such sincerity I felt stupid for ever thinking it.<p>

"What do you want us to do?" I asked him softly.

"We go look for Leah... with blankets and clothes..." he said softly, and I could see his mind working around the edict "Just for a chat. We aren't helping her, we just want to chat... right"

"Right" I nodded my head.

"What would you do with out me, you Clearwater's?" he grinned and I smiled back timidly.

I would possibly not have a heat flush over my already hot skin if not for him; I would be all alone in this very depressing moment if not for him...

And I wouldn't have this overwhelming sense of hope, if not for Jacob Black.

Xx~xx~xX

If there was one thing Jake was scarily good at-after the whole super phasing thing-it was working around Sam's commands. It was like he could source out the loopholes, find the little gaps and walk easily through them.

It's not to say he was immune to the Alpha edict. How best to describe an Alpha edict... it's like one of those repetitive dreams about something sitting on your chest and you are trying to fight it of but it's so heavy and immovable that all you can do is flail your limbs, scream silently and fight desperately to wake up.

That's what the Alpha edict felt like to your mind-you could fight all you want, but until you woke up (or the Alpha lifted the edict) you are never going to win. You could flail but your muscles wouldn't be strong enough to fight it, you could scream but your voice would go unheard... and until you woke up, you had no choice but to bear that immovable command.

And if you fought it, it hurt...

So no one ever really tried fighting it; pointless and pointlessly painful.

"Okay, we have about an hour and a half of free wolf telepathy" he said quickly, stuffing the blankets into my arms. "I checked on Embry and Quil... Jared is with Kim, and Sam is with Emily"  
>"Paul?" I asked standing awkwardly with the blankets, watching as he packed a cooler bag with sandwiches.<p>

"Paul is next for patrol, he is napping and Sam's" he said and then stared at me "Well, fix those to your leg, kid. I can't carry every thing!"  
>"Oh..." I busied myself with the wire like rope on my ankle, watching as he placed the bag on the tree stump and took his shirt of.<p>

He paused then, his form going stiff and hands hovering oddly with the shirt crumpled in his fists, half lifted of his exposed back and before he could turn around to check if I was looking-I knew he would-I turned away and cast my attention to taking of my shoes.

"Uh..." he mumbled and I peered at him from the corner of my eye. "I'll phase first and you... strap the bag on my back?"  
>"Sure" I said hoarsely, pointedly looking at the bag on the tree stump while he took his pants of. I heard the air ripple and the soft thud of several hundred kilograms of muscle hit the ground on four paws.<p>

"I could tie it on your left paw?" I asked and he shook his massive wolf head and shrugged his shoulders-indicating I just put it on his back "Right... on your back"

I strapped the bag on quickly and quickly stripped down, trying my clothes to my leg and hiding my shoes behind a bush. I waited a second, quickly occupying my mind with the stress of finding Leah and phased.

_Where do you think she would go?_ Was the first thing to echo in my mind, followed by an unwanted recap of Leah's stolen and incriminating thoughts.

_I don't know._ I whispered.

_If I were her, I would go somewhere no wolf would run the chance of bumping into her._ Jake said already taking off. _And if I were her I would stay hidden... from both groups. I don't think Doctor Cullen's brood would appreciate a nineteen year old werewolf stepmother._

_Neither do I._ I agreed with him, already seeing from his mind the memory of the cliff were Carlisle had saved him from the dark haired male vampire. He thought she was there, if not on that cliff then somewhere on the edges, right by the drop to the ocean were no wolf or vampire would bother going to.

I followed him easily; the red mass of fur weaving through the trees and lighting the way.

Xx~xx~xX

She wasn't easy to find. We had paused gingerly by the very line that was the stream and peered into the thicker opposite territory. Her scent was no where in the edges of our territory and it only meant she was in their side or worse... not in Forks. If she wasn't in Forks, Jacob thought, her scent would still be in the Cullen side and we would need to find it to follow her.

Her scent was in their territory-her scent and the smell of blood. We followed it, trying to keep the pace fast and praying we didn't run our time out and we almost gave up when Jacob's theory proved entirely correct.

She was at the edge, the very edge-huddled in the trees and shrubbery of the forest perimeter and staring out to the sea over the cliff.

"Leah!" I ran to her and she jumped, her eyes going wide in disbelief. "Lee!"  
>"Seth?"<p>

"Leah!" I felt the tears stinging my eyes, scrambling to the ground and pulling her into my arms. She let me hold her in her daze, repeating my name a few times before crying silently with me.

"Lee" I whispered into her neck and she stuttered before resuming her crying.

"He let you come to me?" she asked eventually, leaning away from me and wiping her tears violently. I saw the dark purple bruises, the worn expression on her face and felt an intense anger for Sam. He wouldn't let up, not even now... always finding a way to make her cry...

"Jacob?" she murmured softly through ashy lips. "He let you come too?"  
>"No" Jake stated kneeling by us and opening the cooler bag "I found a way... around it"<br>"Of course you did" she laughed cynically "He wouldn't reach that level of compassion"

"Here is food" Jake said softly, handing her a wrapped sandwich. "We can't be in wolf form for maybe three hours; Paul is patrolling"

"Hmm" she murmured, eating quickly.

"I just... have to know Leah" he said, glancing at me "Why you did it?"

She stopped eating then, chewing slower and swallowing hard before studying my face as though I had asked the question. Her eyes were wide and red, the thoughts she must have been having before our arrival still lingering in them.

"You are too young to know" was all she said, looking away from Jacob and I and glaring at the soft clouds.

"Try me" Jake insisted "Because... I know you aren't some evil harpy, Leah. I know how good you are otherwise I wouldn't be here"  
>"I... I used to talk to him before I phased, when I'd go to the hospital" Leah said quietly, staring at her hands and taking in a shaky breath "It seems so long ago. Back then when I had a broken heart, a missing boyfriend and parents who didn't want me to leave home"<p>

"So you knew him before you phased"  
>"That's what I said, Black!" she hissed-any misinterpreted form of vulnerability dissolving immediately.<p>

"It's different" I murmured and he looked at me "Knowing a Cold One before knowing it's a Cold One"

"Don't tell me you too!" he yelled, leaning back on his hands.

"Edward... was my friend" I said softly. "When I was going through things..."

Things that involved liking Jacob, things that involved catching Sam and Emily... Edward had been there and willing to listen and talk me through it.

"Friend..." he breathed shaking his head in disbelief "Friend...? How does that even work...!"

"It works the same as with any normal human person" Leah said slowly "And I guess because I knew him as a human, he remained _human _to me even when I phased. He just happened to smell like bleach and once you get used to that, it's not so bad. The smell just fades..."

"You Clearwater's..."Jake began and then opted to just shake his head.

"Ultimate Tribe Taboo, huh?" Leah chuckled sardonically, nudging his shoulder and he huffed.

"So what are you saying?" Jake asked "You fell in love with a Cold One?"

"I..." she paused, frowning a little. "I don't know. I connected with him... do I love him? I thought I loved Sam and the feeling I get from Carlisle is stronger..."

"You sure he didn't hypnotise you?" Jake asked "You know he drinks _blood _right?"

"Animal Blood" Leah said coolly.

"Right, animal blood" Jake said thoughtfully "Still puts him on PETA's bad guy list"

"You are taking this well, Jacob" Leah said smiling a little, some light returning to his eyes. "Thought that wolf-traitor-must-die instinct would take you over too"  
>"Not with you... you guys" he said softly "Through thick and thin... you saved my life, Clearwater"<br>"For the last fucking time...!" she began and Jake cut her swiftly.

"Yeah, well... Carlisle wouldn't have helped me if he wasn't banging you" he said and she groaned, falling back onto the grass theatrically .

"I wasn't banging him then!"  
>"But you wanted to" he wagged his eyebrows and I laughed.<p>

"Yeah" she said a little shyly "I wanted to"

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

"I don't really want to talk about it" he sighs, shifting slightly on the couch. The wound on his neck is only a ghosting curved line now and it would soon disappear but there was not much to be done about the few bite marks Jane had inflicted along his rib cage.

"That's okay" Rosalie murmurs, smiling slightly and opening the curtain behind the couch Edward is seated on. "You are home, that's all that matters"  
>"Thank you..." he says slowly, gazing at her through dazed eyes "Thank you, Rose"<br>"You are my brother" she states and he smiles softly.

"I can't see any current decision from Aro that involves us" Alice sighs.

"Try _anything _that involves us..." I tell her and she huffs and closes her eyes in concentration. It was a tall order for her-checking all avenues of our future-even the ones that had nothing to do with Volterra.

"You will enrol back into Forks" I tell Edward. "Rose and Emmett have no need to go back"  
>"Yes" he murmured looking at me briefly.<p>

His eyes were wide-as though he was not sure if this was reality or something his mind had produced for him. He gazed at all of us for a second too long and listened intently to each voice as though to capture the sound through to his ear and fill in the space of his heart.

"You have to understand, Carlisle" he said to me intensely "I never thought I would be back here. I never thought the weight I had been carrying even before my departure to Volterra and in retrospect after my initial visit there so many years ago would ever be lifted and I would be able to see clearly where I stand"  
>"Where do you stand?" I asked gently.<p>

"With you" he said "Always... as we are"

Xx~xx~xX

It's irrational for me to feel this way.

After the initial anger over Aro's daring strike against my family abated, after the intense calming I came under while just holding Edward in my arms and knowing my family was whole again and with me-under my care as it should be... After all those fleeting and yet concentrated overwhelming emotions had finished weaving themselves over one another...

After all that, I felt this irrational fear for her.

I realised that with all that I held dear safe under my watchful adoring gaze, I needed her there too. Under my gaze, safe in my eyes and whole.

"She makes you strong" Edward said softly. I could feel him watching me as I stared out of my office window, stared at the remains of my favourite tree.

"What happened to my tree?" I whispered, not sure if Leah was a topic he was tolerable with.

"I burned it in my... episode" he sighed. "She makes you strong, Carlisle"

"Marginally" I said eventually, taking his insistence on the topic as approval on it.

"I cannot begin to hate her in any form if she brings this _fierceness _in you" he said quietly.

"A strength to protect you, Edward" I sighed, glancing at him. He was tidying my hospital files, reading through them simultaneously-as he had always done even when I had to berate him on doctor-patient confidentiality. He thought he was beyond such diminutive moral laws...

"To protect all you love, Carlisle" he laughed "Her included... you cannot deny her in this strength when she is the cause"

"Carlisle!" Alice yelled from downstairs and I heard her tiny feet fleet over the stairs. I quickly looked to Edward who had gone rigid by my desk.

"What is it?" I asked him and in the instant she flew into the office.

"It's her!" she said quickly "The red head... she is in the woods... she is scouting our territory!"

"Victoria..." Edward hissed low "She has to die... she wont stop. She wont..."  
>"This is our only chance" Jasper breathed "She is a hindrance, a danger if she somehow takes this matter to the Volturi"<br>"She is alone..." Alice said and Emmett joined us in the office, his expression violent "In the woods, maybe a few hours... but it's _close_"

"We won't get a chance like this" Emmett growled "She has to die-she is an unpredictable liability"  
>"Yes" I breathed looking at Edward intently-she would take her case to the Volturi, she would alert Aro that he was back with me and they would be most petty in their ruthlessness.<p>

"Victoria has to be ended permanently"

Xx~xx~xX

We stretched through the woods, running in pairs metres apart and breathing furiously through the whipping air-awaiting her scent. Alice threw in her warning, her visions becoming more solid and showing more familiar areas as Edward and her led us ahead.

His words rang in my head-how ferocious I had become in my love. Of course the conception of our deed in this search party hacked at my mind-we were full of murderous intent. It didn't sit as easily as it did for the rest of them although I had the most passion in ensuring we were all safe. I had the most conviction in ensuring Edward would be kept out of Aro's reach for all of time...

It would never be as easy as murdering another of our kind just to be certain of our family but there it was-that strength she had awoken in me. The previous Carlisle would have lagged at the back, the previous Carlisle would have found another way that would ensure Victoria's immortal like remain as is and would have sacrificed our own certainty in our safety...

This new me left no option for _uncertainty_. It was resolute in me-she had to die for Edward and Leah to be safe. She wanted their deaths and if love was as I knew it was-a ruthless obsessive nature, an accelerant to vengeful hatred-she would never stop unless we stopped her for good.

"I see her... she is running further out" Alice hissed but Edward was already ahead-his bronze hair fleeting like wayward fire in the distance.

"Edward... not so fast!" I hissed and he growled.

"She has to be caught..." he shouted and I groaned-a prickling fear at losing him from my sights after finding him so soon, Emmett whizzing ahead of me almost a kilometre out and Rose reaching my pace.

She appeared then, pausing for a millisecond before shooting through the trees, hair wild fire and scent unfamiliar and hated by instinct. Rosalie hissed in frustration, Alice shouting for Jasper and Edward to charge ahead-they were more agile and faster as Emmett bulldozed across to cut her of.

She played with us, cat and mouse-discerning which route and which vampires would react in which way to her spinning and weaving. With Edward and Jasper she resorted to aerobics in the trees, flinging herself easily from tree to tree when Emmett tore them down, avoiding the girls just as easily and slipping through my fingers like she was made of air.

And when she lead us to the very tip of our territory and spun over the stream to the fringes of the Quileute territory, I knew without a doubt she had a supernatural sense of evasion.

"The wolves!" Edward hissed and we halted-Emmett crossing inches into the territory, pausing in the stream and growling at the moving masses of shadows. "No, they are after her too!"

She ran up ahead, bouncing from Quileute land to our land, and we followed desperately. What we knew as happiness and peace weighing in with her every nimble move. She kept to the stream, she knew... oh, there was no way she didn't know, that we would not go over it into the Quileute territory and that the wolves wouldn't risk stepping into ours. She moved quick and like a cat, always wafting like smoke in both the wolves and our own grasps-heading up towards the edge of the Forks Peninsula.

And just like that, she burst through the trees and into open white space and flung herself into the air, of the cliff and down into the water. We halted-the abrupt stop of velocity sending earth up into the air and adjacent to us, too close now that the stream had remained behind and the border had disintegrated-the wolves whammed into each other, growling when they saw that they too were too close to us.

We faced of, moving back slowly and the air filled with growls and hisses.

"Jasper...!" Edward said desperately.

"I am trying..." he hissed back "Give it time!" 

They moves slowly then, their growls calming and I searched for her. She had been in my sights as we ran, I kept imagining the soft grey slender wolf amongst the giant muscular ones...

"Oh no..."Edward breathed and the black wolf took a step forward, Emmett tensing at my side and rolling his shoulders. "Carlisle... move back. Shit, Leah..."

"What...?" I asked dumb struck, staring at his face. He pushed me back and in the next second the entire line of wolves erupted in growls once again-rumbling through the air and heating every molecule in erratic violence.

"Leah!" he growled, jerking his head left violently but never removing his eyes from the line of wolves. I turned slowly, and behind us-crouched in the shrubs of the edge of the forest was Leah and Seth and in front of them was very large russet wolf-growling at Rose and Alice who were facing it.

We were, in essence... _surrounded_.

"No, not us..." Edward whispered fast "The red wolf is Jacob, he is protecting Leah and Seth"

The black wolf grunted violently, taking another step forward and Edward and Emmett hissed.

"No, Sam" Edward growled.

"What...?" I said desperately, looking from Edward's face to Leah's terrified shaking in the back. She wanted to change into a wolf... she would be safer if she changed into a wolf... safer from... her pack mates?  
>"Yes" Edward said quickly "Shit, Jasper try harder..."<br>The black wolf-Sam-took another step forward and from behind me I heard the shimmering in the air, similar to how it had sounded when Leah had changed and another animalistic baritone joined the red wolf. Seth Clearwater...

"Jacob and Seth are trying to reason with Sam" Edward murmured.

"Why are we here... this is between them!" Rosalie hissed.

"They would attack Carlisle too" Edward said-I was sure it was a half lie.

"Why..." Rose demanded and before she could voice out her question further, a pathetic groaning sound came from Seth. The sandy coloured wolf sat down stiffly, its shoulders quivering and beside it the red wolf did the same...

"Don't phase Leah, he will command you too!" Edward instructed and Leah whimpered "Stay the fuck were you are Carlisle... if you go to her this whole thing will blow up..."

His words set of the dark grey wolf and Sam some how. They charged-Emmett preparing himself but they moved right past us and straight at the odd trio behind us-growling and teeth glinting in the light. All that I held dear before me would end in that second, I thought as Jacob and Seth's wolf bodies remained nailed to the ground momentarily. I ignored Edward's desperate hands and ran to her, tumbling with the violent black wolf and struggling to get her safely into my arms as Sam fought to get her into his muzzle.

It was too fast, my family could only watch as Sam moved for me and then Jacob _unlocked_. He roared into the air, Sam instantly forgetting his attack in favour of looking back at the fierce russet wolf whipping the dark grey wolf violently into the trees.

It was enough time for Edward and Emmett to emerge by my side, Jasper and the girls quickly forming an arch around us and by the time the wolves had moved out of their own odd chaos-Leah and I were encircled by Edward, Emmett and Jasper.

"What is this?" Rosalie asked desperately but I remained quiet, Leah in my arms and shaking violently. She wanted to change, she was fighting it desperately and I smelt the blood in the air. She was hurt-I hadn't been fast enough...

They regrouped, Sam back in the middle and at the head and Jacob nudging Seth along with is nose towards us.

"Jacob and Seth are more than welcomed in our territory if you Quileute have denounced them so severely" Edward stated dryly and Emmett and Jasper looked at him in disbelief, but remained quiet.

They growled low at us, their eyes moving over us with pure hate before glancing over at the red wolf and sandy wolf with disgust. It was in the air, it was in their too intelligent and emotional animal eyes-the three wolves had been expelled from their tribe.

Two for protecting Leah and in my mind-in my intuition-I had no doubt they knew of Leah and I.

It didn't matter-she was in my arms.

The selfishness was short lived as I realised what this would mean to my family and I. How would they look at me as their father after this, the disappointment... would they think that all that I had stood for had fallen to hell now?

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

They rushed into the house, Carlisle taking Leah into his office immediately and calling on Rosalie for assistance. She was unwilling, recognising the girl easily as the frowning Quileute from the little house Carlisle had gone to heal the boy in-but she did it regardless in the end. She saw it in his eyes, she heard it in his voice-the girl was important.

They could discuss the degree of that importance once he had calmed down.

Edward lingered on the porch-his heart light and free oddly. This didn't bother him as it should. He listened as Jacob Black warred with himself on whether or not he wanted to remain in vampire land, whether or not he wanted to just run and live in Canada and whether or not he wanted to follow Seth up to the house to where Edward was seated outside.

They emerged together-Seth dressed in Edward's pants and Jacob in Emmett's-moving stiffly towards him and gazing at everything in suspicion.

"The only suspicious thing here is wolves" he laughed and Jacob frowned at him. "How strange, not long ago I wanted to bite your head of, Jacob"  
>"Not long ago you were telling me a sob story about goodbyes" Jacob countered and Edward grimaced at the memory of his despairing acceptance of Jacob's affection for Isabella.<p>

He looked at Seth who stood awkwardly next to Jacob and smiled knowingly at the young boy-tilting his head slightly to the left at Jacob and lifted an eyebrow. He had known Jacob Black's face in Seth's mind from before the whole wolf emergence and it had changed considerably.

"Yes" Seth said softly and Jacob frowned at the exchange.

"What" Jacob asked in confusion.

"Don't worry about it" Seth said quickly "So you are Alpha?"  
>"No, don't call me that! Jacob grimaced "That was... once off"<p>

"Is that an order?" Seth asked.

"No" Jacob sighed irritably, watching Edward's still form with hard distrust.

"Then it's Alpha from now on..."Seth grinned sitting by the bottom step. "Alpha Jacob..."

"Your noble brave Alpha..." Edward murmured teasing and watched as Seth blushed slightly-the exchange remaining oblivious to Jacob.

"Still your enemy leech" Jacob growled.

"What ever happened to the enemy of my enemy!"

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Long update huh? I humbly apologize, I forgot how much I love Leah in this story... sigh. **

**Hopefully will regain my previous pace in updating...**

**Remember to review your thoughts on things, criticism likes and dislikes. Did anyone get who the two medicine men are...?**

**Tj **


	27. A Worthy Lamb

**THE WORTHY LAMB**

"Edward don't..." Alice begged, tugging my hand. "Don't do this... it's just a _vision_. It doesn't mean anything..."  
>"It means <em>everything<em>" I said hoarsely "Don't you get it? They can't make it here; they can't arrive in our territory and find Leah, Jacob and Seth with us"

"I can't see them" Alice sighed, never releasing my hand "The wolves, I can't see them and maybe if I could just see them..."  
>"It doesn't mean that the outcome isn't predictable as it stands" I said coolly. "This is my... this is <em>my<em> problem"

"You aren't going to them!" she hissed "Edward, you promised... You promised!"

"Aren't I?" I asked her sardonically as her vision swirled past numerous blurs-wolves-and solidified in our clearing where we played baseball. It was covered in snow and I stood still and alone facing Jane and the Guard assigned to her. There was snow... the date was far off, maybe a month from now. But when you were an immortal, months tended to feel like mere days...

"Edward..."Alice begged but I removed her hand finally. "I will tell! You know I will and Carlisle..."  
>"Carlisle is in <em>love<em>" I whispered to her and she shook her head, trying not to believe so hard but when the proof stared at you through wide awe struck honey eyes and fell on a sleeping beautiful russet girl, there was no denying it "And you would be a fool to make him destroy such a treasure for something he has no control over"

"I can't keep this secret!" she wailed throwing my hand away from her, rushing towards a tree inconsolably and crying against it, her shoulders slumping. A pitiful image in a dark night, my sister... mourning me before I had died because she knew the _future_.

"Alice?" I murmured but she only shuddered in response, continuing her parched sobs with new found fervour "You know, dear Alice... I don't think I have ever been more at peace right here, in these moments-with her-Leah and Carlisle. I have never been... more satisfied with my existence than knowing I inadvertently found the cure to Carlisle's melancholia"

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

It was something other to wake up to the intensified collective smell of sweet bleach.

"Huh?" I blinked, making out the shimmering outline of Carlisle beside me.

"Leah" he breathed, his cool honey breath caressing my face. "You're okay"  
>"Like I told you she would be" that was definitely Edward's dry haughtiness working in all it's spoilt bratty glory. "Cynicism operating full swing, I'd say she is ready to be put out of the house..."<br>"Edward" Carlisle reprimanded stonily-his eyes flashing with an uncustomary violence.

"Uh, this is going to take a while to get used to" Edward murmured from somewhere and I felt the air move before a door shut softly.

"Leah" he said again, sitting at the edge of the bed slowly. He reached over my head and I felt the cold traces of his fingers move through my hair gently, his eyes watching his hands with wonder-like my hair was something hallowed and lost in this unworthy world.

I shifted uncomfortably under his undiluted exposed fixation with my hair and forehead, swallowed hard once and moved my head away from him self consciously. What do you do when such a valuable sort of emotion is thrown your way when all you knew was pain...?

"What happened?" my voice came out groggy and grating. He smiled softly and sighed.

"Sam... Happened" he said.

"He kicked me out, didn't he?" I whispered. I remembered the feel of Sam's teeth in my spine-the feel of nerves shattering, numbing and the pain getting lost in the chaos.

"Yes" Carlisle said. "He snapped your spine, too"

"Uh..." I let my head fall back heavily on the pillow-the single movement to sit up felt like moving a mountain.

"Jacob and Seth are here" he said-I could feel him watching me even though my eyes were closed. It felt like being under a white spot light, and not the kind that made you feel like you were guilty for a crime you didn't even know about... this felt like being under the gaze of a singular force in life who found everything you did a blessing. Who thought you were a blessing... but the feeling that came into your heart with such adoration turned to shame. You were not worthy of this...

"Leah" he whispered his fingers back in my hair momentarily and then the soft lulling movement stopped. His finger grazing my cheek so lightly, wiping away a stray tear... "Leah... I am so sorry"  
>"It's happened" I mumbled, feeling the wetness escape my shut eyelids, regardless of the force I applied to keep them in.<p>

"No, I am..." he paused, that fluid way vampires did that made you hone in on their voice even more and then his hand went back in my hair, my tears falling freely now "I am sorry. I should have not been so selfish, disregarded what my... desires... would mean to you and your family"  
>"A family so ready to kick me out!" I snapped, my eyes flying open and meeting his pained dark ones. I wanted to fly up with such passionate force; to sit up and grab his face and tell him this wasn't the time for him to bare the weight of every other crime that wasn't his...<p>

But my back twinged when I attempted the movement and I groaned; Carlisle immediately reaching down to me, his cold fingers tucking around the blankets and his face wretchedly anxious.

"Don't move, Leah!" he begged and I tried to stay still-but a part of my mind was noting my legs had not begun to move at all when I willed them to.

"What's happening...!?" I groaned peering over to the left were he was setting up a drip.

"Your spine..." he managed, casting me a miserable look before focusing on the drip "He... your spine and you were out for a few days and your regenerative cells keep kicking in and healing you.."  
>"So why aren't I healed?"<p>

"A nerve isn't in place" he said numbly, dropping his hands to his sides. "Surgery"

"What, Carlisle...?"  
>"But you burn up the morphine and your blood..." he murmured to himself "I don't want to risk taking you to Forks... Sam is, well... unagreeable at the moment. So doing things here would work but I would need an extra pair of hands and...?"<p>

"No one wants to help you save your wolf mistress" I muttered absently.

"No!" he roared, shaking his head childishly and pacing at the foot of my bed. I realised he looked frazzled; his hair pushed up-a sign he had been running his fingers through it too much-and he was wearing a t-shirt with a print of John Lennon. John _fucking_ Lennon...

"Nice t-shirt" I mumbled and he paused his soft ranting about how his family were trying to understand, that I had it all wrong and the pause in doing the surgery in Cullen Manor was not because I was the most hated being after Hitler and Justin Bieber, but something to do with my blood and control and the disaster of a war that would ensue if they accidentally killed an exiled Shapeshifter...

"Huh?" he ran his hand over the front of the t-shirt in confusion, then looked down at it and his eyes widened, like he hadn't realised he was wearing a t-shirt (that fit him way too well, if I had thought Carlisle encompassed alluring tastefully sexy in a shirt...) and then looked back at me perplexed.

"Nice t-shirt" I repeated. "Yours?"  
>"Uhm, it's..." he frowned "Mine. From long ago... Rosalie got it for me, I was too distracted to bother with human etiquette while... tending to you"<br>"As much as the idea of you tending to me half naked is appealing..." I began and he grinned first then frowned and groaned, glancing at the door-they had heard that little comment it seems " Having Barbie vamp compare you to John Lennon..."

"It's just t-shirt, I don't think any harm was meant..."  
>"And what, everyone else is the Beatles?" I said grimacing when I moved my left arm-it was the only arm that was capable of moving at this point-and a sharp sting gripped my right side "And let me guess, she has a Yoko Ono shirt for me somewhere...?"<p>

"Actually I do, guess you Quileutes aren't as thick as I thought if you got my message" Barbie entered the room, a thoughtful grin on her face and Carlisle immediately placed himself between her and me on the bed-he was trying to be surreptitious about it but it was so obvious "Seriously, Carlisle... you would think I would harm an injured dog..."  
>His back was facing me but I watched fascinated and terrified as his back tensed slightly, his hands fisting and a low sharp growl came from him and bounced of the walls in the room, Barbie pursing her lips tightly.<p>

"I apologise" she said coolly "I didn't mean to offend"

"She didn't mean to offend" I said absently and Barbie looked at me in confusion "Just... banter"  
>"Banter?" Rosalie mouthed and then said laughing nervously "Banter... I hold no ill towards her. But liking her immediately is a little... irrational of you to expect"<br>"I am not expecting_ that_" Carlisle said finally-his deeper baritone that he always covered in patient velvetiness thrown easily in the air "I just thought you meant it when you said you understood"

"Understood what?" I asked but they ignored me.

"I do!" she huffed "We see it... Jasper feels it... but she is one of them!"  
>"She is here because of my..." he paused and took in a steady breath "I will come down shortly; we have a lot to discuss. Let me tend to Leah?"<br>"Of course" Rosalie left like a ghost and the aggression Carlisle had somehow coated in his stillness began to fade.

"I apologise" he murmured after a beat, his back still facing me and turning his head only slightly.

"She didn't mean to offend you" I said.

"I know" he replied softly "But I know she meant to offend _you_"

"With a little Beatles reference and Yoko comparison?" I chuckled and he unlocked from the middle of the room, appearing by the side of the bed "It takes a lot more..."  
>"You shouldn't have to have so many defences against these things" Carlisle sighed, moving my pillow more centrally behind my head "You should be bathed in light, carefree on some Island somewhere with only the change in weather to worry about and even then... a smile should be on your lips always"<br>"Maybe in your day..." I said softly, the image of me on some small archipelago somewhere, lying on white sands with a diamond God beside me fading into a seen of dark thundering clouds and a black large wolf chasing all that paradise away.

"In my day people died of something as silly as a cut on the finger" he laughed "...and paradise was a rain free day away in the fields without the smell of death"  
>"Really?"<br>"Well, from what I can remember"  
>"I thought vampires never forget" I smiled at him while he took a small vile of liquid clear medicine-morphine.<p>

"They don't..." he said thoughtfully pricking the lid of the vile with the syringe and then pulling the medicine up slowly "But our human memories tend to fade if we don't grab onto them"

"Oh"

"Jacob and Seth would be more than happy you have woken up" he said softly, injecting the morphine into my drip.

"Jake..." I murmured drowsily, I still had the lulling medicine in my system "He is like some sort of super hero..."

"Yes" Carlisle agreed "Edward and him... have surprised us all"

Xx~xx~xX

"Ngh" I groaned, prying my heavy eyelids open. The light shimmered past the slit I managed; warm browns merging into various orange and white hazy lights. I slowed my breathing slightly, parting my lips and sucking in a breath.

It took me a second to register where I was; the high ceiling with an ornate glossy paint and intricate light cover hypnotised me for a second and when I looked to my left, a grand ancient wardrobe stood majestically with an equally royal lamp beside it. To my right was another set of expensive old furniture spaced perfectly in the large room so they conformed to each other.

It felt like I was lying in the presidential sweet of some swanky French hotel. I got up carefully, feeling the intense vertigo of being horizontal for too long hitting me from all angles. My limbs hurt and at first I thought it was all the sleeping and painkillers that made them feel like rubber, but when I tried to lift my right hand up to scratch my chin-it went half way into the air and fell back down heavily in my lap.

I stared at it for a second, trying to get it to move from were it had landed to somewhere beside me but it remained stubbornly still. This wouldn't do. This wouldn't work. I couldn't be some sort of invalid...

I rolled of the bed, landing clumsily on my feet and steadied myself by bracing the high bed. The whooshing sound of the world merged with my heavy slow thudding heart. I could do this; I had to do this... I _would_ do this.

"Shit" I hissed looking down at the T-shirt. Yoko Ono was printed beautifully in white against a black backdrop. If I wasn't so high on medication, I would have managed a courtesy laugh just for Rosalie...

The journey out the door seemed torturously long. I managed to stumble two feet ahead and then somehow my legs thought being cautious and careful wasn't the way to go, and I practically ran into the grand wardrobe, slumping against it and trying futilely to grab onto the smooth surface before just giving up and falling to the smooth hardwood floor.

"Leah?" Carlisle murmured from behind the door, knocking softly "Leah, are you okay...?"  
>"Are you seriously knocking on your own bedroom door, Carlisle?" Edward said smoothly-in that tone that made me know he was snorting except he was a vampire and they don't really project 'awful or hideous' well.<p>

"Just get in" Edward sighed irritably and the door knob turned slowly, Carlisle entering carefully.

"Hey" I breathed, still on the floor leaning lethargically by his wardrobe.

"Leah!" Carlisle murmured, appearing beside me, his cold fingers going around my arm carefully and lifting me of the ground easily.

"I'm okay..." I said "Just my limbs don't want to listen to me and..."

"She is high on medication" Edward said in an amused tone "You overdosed her"

My first act as his stepmother, is ordering him not to breathe...

"I think we are getting ahead of ourselves there" Edward said dryly but he sighed and opened the blankets further on the bed so Carlisle could place me in them.

"You know" I whispered to Carlisle, smelling him not so subtly "I seriously don't need all of this"  
>"I do" he said seriously.<p>

"He does" Edward said again with the amused tone, smiling slightly. "But he also needs to hunt, and I have been trying to convince him of the fact for about an hour..."  
>"I am not leaving you" Carlisle said severely and Edward sighed. "I don't really need to..."<br>"I mean, isn't it dangerous out there anyway" I whispered "With Sam and..."  
>"We have made due on an unsatisfying diet of..." Edward began but Seth and Jacob barged in, Jacob grimacing beautifully.<p>

"Poor squirrels" Jake said standing right by the edge of the door, hands folded behind his back and looking like a bouncer.

"...and rabbits" Seth added only he was actually joking unlike our dear immature Alpha.

"Squirrels and..." I began, smiling at Carlisle but then my stomach whooped and constricted.

"She is going to hurl" Edward said calmly and one second I was looking into Carlisle's dark as night eyes and the next I was in a large bathroom, held over a toilet and retching queasily.

"Argh!" I groaned and Carlisle patted my back lightly.

"The medication or..." he was saying fast and quick, the words merging into each other and Edward handed him a towel to clean me up.

"I don't know" Edward answered looking at me oddly before giving Jacob an anxious glance. "I have to go talk to Jasper about that thing, Carlisle..."  
>"Okay" Carlisle answered and I was back in the grand bed, Seth at the other side staring at me like I had cancer and Jacob followed Edward out.<p>

"What thing?" I asked Carlisle but he only smiled at me shaking his head slightly. "Sethie?"

"Uh, it's nothing" Seth answered.

"What thing, Carlisle!" I demanded and Carlisle sighed, sitting still by the edge of the bed, cradling my burning hand in his frozen one.

"Sam... Jacob is certain he is going to attack us" Carlisle murmured. "They have to... they are going to try and hold a meeting with him, explain that everything that happened was a series of sound choices and no one was compelled and there was no... Betrayal per say"

"Right" I said dryly "Because Sam has a voice of reason in his over crowded puny brain"

"This will give me time, Leah" Carlisle said desperately "This will give Edward and I definite time without guessing on any imminent attacks to do a quick operation on you and fix the nerve"

"And after that I can just leave" I whispered, smiling a little.

"No, Leah... silly" Carlisle smiled back, that little gleam in his eyes that was barely noticeable shining freely-that boyish light that was covered by ancient knowledge and pain "You and I can leave together..."

"What about...?" I began but he placed a cool finger on my lips.

"It's all been taken care of" he whispered. "I will have them, they will have me but I am yours-only yours and I have waited too long to be claimed by you"

"Oh" was all I said, any doubts I had ever thought possible falling away instantly and replaced with his face-hope.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

"He understands that he is outnumbered, surely?" Jasper asked

"Yes" Jacob said "He won't attack, although he wants to. He wants to get rid of you and..."

"Leah..." Seth said dryly.

"Well, he can't" Jake said, looking at him seriously "He can't and I won't let him just... run wild with his prejudice"  
>"Embry and Quil weren't there" Seth said absently.<p>

"He didn't want them branching of with me" Jake said softly and then he looked up at me "How is she, with the puking and..."

"We did the surgery" I said quickly "It was a success but she will have to wait a while before she can phase"

"Right" Jake answered, back to his thoughts on Isabella.

I knew it was a lot ask, maybe too much in the end... and Carlisle's words begging me never to leave ringing in my ear. But the more I stayed, the more I interacted with Jacob, Leah and Seth and saw how good this all was for him...

The more everything contradicted each other.

I should never have come back, but to leave now would be most unwise for them all; for Aro would know about the Quileute's more intricate existence besides us and it would be most disastrous what the outcome of such knowledge would bring out of Caius.

If I stayed with them, I was dooming everything... and there really was no option; not even the one they had given me-that we were family and should go through it all _as one_.

It would be too much to ask of Jacob and in the end... they wouldn't stand a chance; no matter how far away the date seemed, it was coming fast.

If she healed, I could convince him to go away with her and I would wait for their arrival quietly. Of course I would go willingly, of course I would brave whatever fate awaited me... of course...

I would do it for him.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

"This is not going to end well"  
>"Don't say that!" Seth hissed, momentarily glaring at Jacob but he was incapable of holding negative emotions for long. He sighed and said in a much softer tone "Please, don't..."<p>

"I didn't mean Leah and the Doctor" Jacob said quickly, his eyes large and anxious "I meant... you know, with Sam"

"Argh, forget Sam" Seth said petulantly, his lower lip jutting out "He bit my sisters back and almost paralyzed her!"  
>"Yeah" Jacob murmured "He really can't stand it"<br>"Stand it?"

"Leah... a vampire" Jacob murmured "It's turned him psychotic"  
>"He needs to concentrate on Emily"<br>"He does" Jacob agreed "But what I meant about this not ending well with Sam is... there are practically two packs and Embry sent me a message that a vampire was spotted outside the border line of La Push. It wasn't the red head, she hasn't been seen in a while and whatever leech it was wouldn't be in these parts because well, there are way too many available uhm, vampires and you and me... you know, patrolling. And there aren't as many in La Push and Sam has pups there instead of fully grown wolves"

"And Sam doesn't want to understand that?" Seth asked. He had been unable to hear the conversation between Seth and Jacob due to some form of intricate Alpha link.

"No, its leave these vampire lands and return with Leah or stay out of La Push and remain an outcast" Jacob sighed, leaning back heavily on the log, his eyes closed.

"Will... will she be safe?" Seth asked softly "If we return, will they... they won't harm her, will they?"  
>"Does it look like Leah is going to leave here without her <em>Doctor<em>?" Jacob asked and Seth groaned.

"Yeah, he actually loves her!" Jacob said in disbelief and Seth frowned, wondering why the notion seemed unbelievable-suddenly terrified that Jacob didn't believe in _impossible_ love "It is actually _love._ A vampire in love with a wolf... this is too much!"  
>"If she did agree to return..." Seth said absently, overriding Jacob's comment "And you know, we returned too... what would happen with the Cullen's?"<br>"He didn't say" Jacob murmured, smiling cynically-a dangerous chaotic glint in his eyes.

**Reviews greatly appreciated **


	28. Dreams and Nightmares

**X**

**DREAMS AND NIGHTMARES**

**One mans dreams is another's nightmare**

**X**

**Xx~xx~xX**

**LEAH CLEARWAER**

**Xx~xx~xX**

The cottage was the picture of quaint fairytale. The trees around it formed pine fencing, a lush green bush snuggled against the cream outside wall-the bushes muted leaves reflected the thousands of tiny little blossoming white flowers on it beautifully. And through the intertwining branches that formed the ceiling of this little patch of heaven, the sun filtered through in thick smoking rays.

"It's beautiful" I told him. He let go of my hand then, the sudden lost of his comforting coolness jerking my enthralled staring of the little chalet to gaze on his face.

"I built it" he said "I built it long ago"

"When you first got here?" I asked him. He smiled a small personal smile-the kind that somehow seems so internal and private that it mystifies and gives clarity at the same time. I wanted all his smiles to be open and public-for me alone, of course.

Was I jealous of him having his _own _smile that wasn't part of the rest of the world... such a silly feeling to want all his attention, even that which was cast upon his own person?

"When I first got here..." he answered, staring at me intensely and erasing my irrational irritation immediately with his gaze. I realised more acutely that we were alone here-far from the house. I hadn't thought about it as he sped through the trees with me in his arms-I was too busy marvelling at how strong his shoulders felt and how immensely different it was to move at this speed when I was in human form.

His eyes smoulders, he was in tune with my increased heart beat; he realised too that it was just him and I in this secret little garden with a house made out of candy love.

"A while ago..." he continued, taking a step forward and then another much faster one that brought him too close, his masculine floral scent engulfing me warmly "And I spoke with Ephraim Black-well, Edward spoke mostly due to his telepath" he grinned, tapping the side of his head with his finger before bringing it to my chin and coaxing my head to tilt up.

"Does that bother you, Leah?" he asked.

"Huh?" I heard him loud and clear-but his words didn't make sense when I was staring into his eyes and remembering the extreme sensation of ice against my fiery skin.

"That I am this old" he said and then repeated so softly, the sound felt like it came from an angel far off in the skies "Does that bother you, sweet Leah?"  
>"No" I said and then cleared my throat when my voice came out sounding like a man's "I mean, no... but it bothers you"<br>"The only thing I am certain bothers me about you..." he smiled, releasing my cheek from his cupped hand and weaving it easily through my limp arm to hold me firmly, placing his hand deliberately on the small of my back "The only thing that could ever bother me with regards to you Leah..."  
>My eyes were wide on his face; I was all too aware about all my faults and flaws. I tried to count the number of things that could counter them but I came up with nothing. The loud roaring of my own voice in my mind telling me over and over again that I was a freak of nature-she wolf; and that was a <em>bother<em> on its own. But this was Carlisle... he knew some other alternate version of me that was beautiful and a goddess... but this could also be the time he woke up from that little dream.  
>"I would be <em>bothered<em> if I didn't have you" he whispered kissing my forehead so softly but with succulent firmness that I felt the distinct swirling of something inside my lower abdomen. "I don't think I can ever be without you"

"And I you" I murmured looking up into his eyes. "I couldn't be without you either, Carlisle"

"You could" he said "You could Leah. You are practically human; you could forget..."  
>"Don't you realise you are unforgettable"<br>"I am selfish, Leah" he whispered begging me with his eyes to understand something but I was unwilling-nothing negative about us was worth any analysing. "I really should let you go; now that Jacob says Sam has calmed down... I should allow you to return to your family"  
>"Allow me?" I scoffed "I hadn't realised I was being held prisoner"<br>"Do you see the type of jailor I am then?" he smiled sadly "I have intoxicated you and given you a rapturous incarceration and deluded you from understanding freedom"

"I have never wanted to be shackled so badly" I grinned giving up pretence that I wasn't horny and one minded at this moment, kissing him in butterfly wisps on his pouting mouth "On a bed, a pole... I am yours"

"Just remember..." he moaned as I hung onto his shoulders and bit at his throat in alternating nips and sucks "You can always leave..."

"Now where would I be going without you, Doctor Cullen?" I giggled as he sped us into the house, growling about how I had turned my body into his idea of heaven.

Xx~xx~xX

I wish I could reminisce about the amazing quality of sex we had the second time around.

But he didn't give me chance to dwell on that before charging ahead. Something about me almost dying, Sam and Edward and then there was some talk about royal murderous vampires... something about all of this had changed Carlisle. He was behaving like a desperate man, like he didn't believe me when I told him I didn't know how to operate without seeing his face in hourly intervals at the maximum.

Just as the violent tide of pleasure subsided, he scooped me up and sat me in his lap. He was cocooned chaotically with a purple quilt and I was naked, possibly messing up the fabric from grinding on his hidden hardness but I didn't care. He didn't care either and that just made it all the more pleasurable. We were scooped up in light timber chips-he had gauged the flooring this time around and in between his many ghosting frost kisses and my alternate ticklishness and lusty bliss, I made out various broken furniture pieces and dented infrastructure.

"Make me stop!" he growled into my neck, licking and nudging-never biting although I had begged him at the height of my orgasms numerous times prior. "Leah... you need to understand..."  
>"Make me understand!" I hissed although I was aching everywhere and a certain lulling pleasurable ache had fallen over my limbs. I was already high, and now I was pushing for an overdose... I lazily traced his shoulder blades and he shivers-like I was the cold one.<p>

"I wont stop" he murmured jerking lightly up before shuddering and controlling his body again, his grating purring drenching his voice with textured want. "I could go on forever..."  
>"Then go on!" I yelled, falling away from him theatrically into the scattered cushions and bedding on the floor, my legs swung easily over his. I peered at him from the floor, grinning impishly "Take me forever, Carlisle..."<br>He stared at me in wonder, his eyes raking everything and drawing electric lines on my body. My face was held in his eyes for what seemed minutes, my neck, my breast, my stomach and thighs and legs... he just looked and savoured me. Like he had been dying of thirst and here I was, lying insolently before him made entirely of liquid...

"Oh heavens" he breathed, leaning over me before lowering his body carefully so he was hovering over me. With one hand, he traced my face-over and over again, turning it quickly into a pleasure point. I cheekily darted my tongue out when his fingers passed over my lips and tasted saccharine bitterness. He growled, but let his finger rest on my lower lips deliberately. I took it into my mouth and he gasped-just as the cold was an intense sensation for me, so was my heat to him-and when I sucked, his eye lids flew open and honeyed eyes darkened to something tawny and smoky.

"I can do that to you... wherever" I whispered and he stared at my mouth before looking at my face in confusion.

"No" he said finally, rising from the floor and looking away from me. "You should rest; I have... I have been rather spoilt and..."  
>"Don't you dare say selfish, Carlisle" I yawned.<p>

"Sleep Leah" he smiled, pulling various soft objects around me "Sleep well, Beauty"  
>"Hmm" I smiled back, my eyes shutting and the image of him rising naked in front of fleeting sunbeams; glowing and shimmering before me... drifted with me to sweet nothingness.<p>

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**EDWARD CULLEN**

"I do agree that it is the right thing to do" I murmured, surveying the giant rock captured in a white gold encasing. It shimmered lightly and threw a multitude of rainbow beams around-just like my skin would have done. "The ruby is a nice touch..."

"Yes" Carlisle said softly, stepping deliberately towards the bookcase and leaning on it, his back to me. His back was always to me, his eyes never really meeting mine. He worried about his happiness in respect to me. Always worrying...

"She will love it" I told him.

"You think so?" he asked turning so suddenly from his new controlled demeanour to desperate excitement "You think she will think it beautiful...?" he stared at me-at my face rather, still avoiding my gaze.

"She will" I smiled and looked at the ring once more "But she will be reluctant to take it"  
>"Sometimes you speak as though you know her more" he murmured.<p>

"I know her mind..." I chuckled "You know her soul and heart..."  
>"No, no I don't" Carlisle said shaking his head and playing with the collar of his shirt. "Wasn't it you who said human attraction and love was fickle and..."<br>"And she is not human" I told him "Not really. With any regards, Jacob might be pleased by this development"  
>"How so?"<br>"Sam put it in his head that you were a 'love 'em and leave 'em' type of vampire"

"Didn't you say that even with the imprint, Sam still has some measure of feeling for her... for my Leah?" he said dryly and I smiled at 'my Leah'. I smiled at how she had made him into this...this... well, something slightly terrifying past his angelic baroque beauty that sought to destroy already suicidal hearts.

"He has calmed down now" I sighed touching the diamond once more with a tentative finger "More especially since there are more important things to worry about like _red eyed _vampires impetuously dancing in their lands"  
>"So he just wants more wolves then?" Emmett growled-he had weirdly gotten along with Jacob. And Seth had weirdly found that irksome. "He wants Jake and Seth back..."<p>

"I wouldn't know" I sighed "I wasn't there to see through his mind on what his intentions are with lifting his ban"

"Maybe he has realised that Leah is a wolf but her own person too" Carlisle said hopefully "And maybe he has finally been able to forgive himself if I have..."  
>"You can be most naïve, you know that?" I huffed. He smiled and I smiled at him; his eyes finally holding mine for a second. He blinked quickly and stared back at the spine of an ancient copy of the Oxford Dictionary-his thoughts stuttering and mind swirling through his lovemaking with Leah till one strange part.<p>

She sucked his fingers and it reminded him disgustedly of me and him... and he had thought the act would taint her. I frowned, my smile twisting into something painful; was I something contaminating?

I was... something impure maybe.

"I have to go hunting" I said quickly rising. He didn't look back at me, nor did he apologise for his slip-up like I had stupidly expected.

"But the..." he began instead.

"I will be back in the middle of the night sometime; same time Jacob will be here" I said brusquely, walking out.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

"It is wrong Seth, and you know it!" Sue Clearwater roared, her hands on her hips and eyes darting around the little kitchen with violence in them. "She should come back here this minute; she needs to be away from that demon!"

"He isn't keeping her there" Seth tried in a small voice and then looked to Jacob.

"She wants to be there with him, Sue" Jacob explained

"You abandoned the tribe for them!" Sue accused pointing at Jacob who backed away "How can I trust anything that you say? Maybe they've hypnotised you too!"  
>"They don't hypnotise anyone" Jacob sighed "Look, Leah wants to be there. It's up to you to accept her decision or not. I can't drag her Back here..."<br>"Yes you could" Sue said switching so suddenly from violence to imploring "You could; you are her Alpha"  
>"Sue..."Jake sighed "Look, Leah is a big girl... and quite frankly, there are more pressing matters that we have to worry about"<br>"I knew it" Sue gasped "I knew it; that's the only reason you are all back here. You don't care about my baby!"  
>"You know that's not true, Mum" Seth said.<p>

"It is!" Sue cried "You just want another soldier for the vampires sneaking into the tribe"

"Well, yeah... true" Jake said nodding "But that has nothing to do with Leah. And if you could see her now, you will know she hasn't been that happy in a while"  
>"Tell me why Sam agreed" Sue demanded "Not that I am not..."<br>"We know" Seth sighed

"You are right; he sees the vampires that aren't the Cullen's as something more important than Leah and Carlisle" Jake stated and Sue frowned violently at the sound of the previously unknown vampire's name. "And you know what else... he is thinking of the tribe and Leah. I am too. You see, we are outnumbered"  
>"What?!" Seth looked at Jacob.<p>

"We are outnumbered" Jacob continued "There were about fifteen different vampire scents..."

"So what are you saying?" Sue asked.

"Those Cullen's... the ones whose leader has fallen for your daughter..." Jacob murmured "We need their help"

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

"I can't see anything" Alice sighed. "Nothing to do with the Quileutes, sorry Jacob"  
>"I thought I'd give it a try" Jacob huffed "Though its refreshing knowing that you can't see us"<p>

"It's because of the wolves" Alice said self consciously "The tribes future is one and the same as the wolves"

"Hmm" Edward pressed a finger to his chin, his eyes narrowed "I recognise the one scent... but of course she would be lingering here..."

"It's been three weeks since we've been here" Seth said "She hasn't shown up at all"  
>"And you don't think it's strange that numerous other vampires have shown up-all using her sneaky entrances with quick getaways?" Jake groaned, falling back into the seat and closing his eyes.<p>

"Of course we would" Edward said mystically and then explained quickly after ecieving frowns from his siblings "He was wondering how to ask us for help"

"Helping the Quileute who hate out guts?" Rosalie raised an eyebrow.

"We could cover Forks town and the furthering borders" Jasper said, already on board.

"Yeah, tag the treaty line too" Emmett grinned "An excuse to leave the yard! I seriously don't want to know the telltale signs that Carlisle is finally getting laid"

"Argh!" Seth groaned.

"Oh, come on!" Emmett laughed "When was the last time you saw your sister? She looks like she was rolling in rubble with all those bruises"  
>"Don't let Carlisle here you say that" Edward said "He is very sensitive about her being bruised..."<p>

"Well, maybe he should be a little less...!" Jacob began and Alice tutted, shaking her head.

"You guys need to concentrate on your own sex lives" Alice sighed.

"Those of has who have them" Emmett snickered pointing at Seth, then Jacob who rolled his eyes and mouthed Isabella and lastly a deliberately looking away Edward.

"Emmett, you need to grow..." Seth started hating the angry blush on his cheeks but Edward shushed him quickly, walking quickly to the glass.

"It's Carlisle... something has happened... Leah!" Edward breathed and the two wolves looked to each other in panic. The door front door flew open in the next second, Carlisle blurring into the lounge and scanning all their faces before his eyes fell desperately on Edward-Leah groaned lightly, wrapped in a sheet and held like a new bride in Carlisle's arms.

"I don't know what's happening!" Carlisle breathed "Edward... I don't..."

And they all saw it simultaneously, the subtle pushing movement of Leah Clearwater's sparsely covered stomach followed by her green tinted face turning queasily to the side, a low groan leaving her lips.

"She vomited again" Carlisle said his eyes wide "I don't know... I have been careful with venom... I can't..."  
>"Carlisle" Edward said sternly, moving forward and reaching his hands out to take Leah "Calm down and let me take her up stairs"<br>"I just..."  
>"It's okay" Edward said, flinching at the heat of Leah in his arms "It's going to be okay"<p>

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

**LEAH CLEARWATER**

Should I think it ironic that the moment Sam and the tribe lay off me, the moment I don't feel like crumbling and falling to the ground... the moment everything seems like it really is going to be alright, that very fleeting instant...?

Is the same moment that all that joy and contentment receives an ultimatum?

"I am so sorry Le..." he began but stopped when I wouldn't look at him. Not because I am a coward or a heartless bitch-definitely not because I am a heartless bitch, not to him... never to him. He was my heart, he was my soul...

But I can't begin to understand the despair in him when in these fleeting moments, I feel like I could float off the bed into the air and remain there from all this sheer light happiness filling me. So what if it seems that it all has a looming death sentence on it, we have received it and we should celebrate it...

"Don't you understand?!" Edward hissed, pulling Carlisle difficultly away from the side of the bed, where he had been kneeling as though I was his priest and he had committed the most atrocious sin instead of the paramount favour-begin for divine forgiveness.

"I am pregnant" I breathed-cringing at how _in love_ with the statement I sounded, smiling at how true to the fact it was. I was in love with it all; being pregnant and being pregnant with Carlisle's...

"You idiot!" Edward growled and Carlisle snapped out of his tortured grimacing to round on him, to snarl dangerously at him. Edward backed away, his face unable to hide exactly what any negative emotion from Carlisle did to him; he looked tormented and desolately afraid, his eyes searching Carlisle's face desperately, fearfully.

"Carlisle..." I murmured "Don't take it out on him"

"I apologize" Edward said gravely, looking away from Carlisle to stare at the east wall, his face hard and concrete. "I didn't mean to offend you. You know that, don't you?" Carlisle didn't answer him and opted to turn away from both Edward and I and pace the entrance of the door.

"What I meant..." Edward continued technically, all feeling buried as soon as it had emerged "Leah needs to understand that being pregnant is not a good thing"  
>"If this about you lots religious fetish..." I began waving the hand with the ruby ring with a diamond lodged snugly in it and Carlisle growled low at me. I stared at him in surprise, my mouth still moving to get out the rest of my sentence but the contents lost somewhere in his angry beautiful face.<p>

"This is about my being a demon!" he roared and I flinched back into the giant continental pillow. He took three aggressive steps forward and Edward moved subtly to stand by the side of the bed, resting his hand on the head board. "This is about you being deathly allergic to my poison, this is about..."  
>"I thought I would never be able to have..." I began and stuttered when I realised my voice was drenched in emotion and eyes were stinging with hot liquid. "I thought..." I blubbered and then grabbed the pillow beside me and hid my face, gulping hard and shuddering uncontrollably.<p>

"Leah..." Edward murmured, and I felt cool fingers touch my shoulder tentatively before resting unsure there. "Don't... we'll figure something out, wont we Carlisle?"  
>"We'll get it out" Carlisle finished with such uncustomary harshness that I removed the pillow and stared at him. "I won't let it hurt you"<p>

"I would like to see you try!" I snarled and shoved Edward's hand away "If you come near me, if you even think... I'll... I'll..." and here was the scary part; I wanted my child, but I couldn't even imagine how to go about defending it against Carlisle... because I couldn't hurt him. And the fucked irony of it all was Carlisle was already hurting...

"I won't let them, Leah" Rosalie said in a clear ringing voice that rebounded through the tensed silence, opening the door and replacing Edward beside my bed. She adjusted my pillow and growled low at Edward, who moved back in confusion, looking to Carlisle who stared at me in his own miserable frustration in return.

"Let me take care of you!" Carlisle implored and it felt almost immoral to not allow his words to comfort me as they would have. "I put you in danger with Sam, please... I just managed to make everything alright for you. Don't do this... I don't know how to save you from this!"  
>"I don't need saving from our child" I whispered.<p>

"Get Jacob!" Carlisle ordered Edward, who blinked in confusion. It was the first time he didn't seem arrogant and appeared so weirdly like a seventeen year old boy in way over his head. He hovered by the door for a second, giving me one last curious look before disappearing from my sights.

"What do you think Jacob will do?" I asked Carlisle and he looked at me hard, for a few seconds too long before pursing his lips determinedly.

"I think he will..." he breathed sitting carefully by the edge of the bed, ignoring Rosalie's quiet threatening "...maybe convince you how wrong it is"  
>"Do I look like I will be convinced of anything right now?" I growled and he smiled a sad smile that I hated. A pained smile-pain that I was causing him.<p>

"Rosalie..." Carlisle murmured and she huffed in response "I won't sacrifice her for your longings"

"Cruelty is unbecoming of you, Father" she said softly.

"Nor is it of you" Carlisle replied just as sweetly "No matter how much you coat it in self righteous justifications and delusions-it is cruelty sweet Rose, she doesn't know what she is housing"

"So my womb is a lodging venue, now?"

"Leave the ancient slang to us old people, dear" Rosalie breathed with minimal humour, glaring at Carlisle.

"Leah Clearwater" Carlisle said, his tone slightly changed-a weird elegance in the infliction of his voice that made his accent sound... British... "I think you have underestimated the affection I hold for you... I think you don't realise it has moved far beyond _affection in truth_. I care for you. I care for you so deeply..."  
>And my body had just gotten used to stagnant hormones, and the new spike in hormones caused my tears to well up once more... I blinked rapidly... but he ignored it, and continued to hold my gaze to his.<p>

"So deeply, Leah..." he breathed impassioned "That when I think of it, the word 'love' seems so inadequate. Do you understand what I am saying to you?"  
>"He is saying he loves you" Rosalie groaned irritably, ruining my Shakespearean moment thoroughly. "Carlisle, make your self useful... and bring your pregnant girlfriend..."<br>"Fiancé" I corrected absently

"Oh, uhm... okay then. Bring her some tissues for the tears you have caused with your declarations" she finished, picking up my hand in her ice fingers tentatively and looking closely at the ring. "A Cullen werewolf, well I be damned!"

"I'll be the 'damned' one, Rose" I murmured when Carlisle had left "I will be so damned when my mother gets wind of this-and it won't matter if I explain the ring came first..."

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So there are no surprises, the genre of this story is general and tragedy. And there is a sequel to be done when this is uhm, done. This is supposed to be a dark romance, none of that effortless 'happily ever after'. Not to say the happiness wont come, but there will be a lot of rainy days...**

**Remember to review**

**Tj.**


	29. Stolen Flame

**STOLEN FLAMES**

**If the eyes be the window to ones soul... then the soul that can see through the eyes, can kiss with a gaze **

**Xx~xx~xX**

**X**

**x**

The flames flicker calmly, casting a burnt ochre tint across the radius of its ambling light. He can hear the crackle of the dry wood, the hiss of the hot coals as moist air circulates inside the fireplace. It isn't a magnificent fire; it isn't anything that could warm a cold living body unless one sat right by the fire place, right on the hearth ... It had no hope of ever warming them, they were past comforts and warmth but something about its naïve burn pulls their eyes to it regardless.

The inexperienced inferno reflects in all their dark inky eyes, that little burn it portrays revealed in the reflections of their hungry orbs as something uncontrollable and dangerous. Little flames could never warm any living flesh on this cold night, but they could very well burn down monsters.

She moans once and he closes his eyes, feeling her pain through his mind. Seeing her strength and determination to live and be. Naïve little flame; that was what Leah Clearwater was, Edward thought. Drawing their eyes hypnotically to her adamant burning even thought they knew she could destroy everything given the right environment to grow, consume and then consume herself...

"Leah..." Carlisle murmurs through the concrete, his voice fleeting past cement and hard wood-strained and agonized. He doesn't continue his thought out loud, preferring to play out the action for Leah and fussing over the bedding and such-leaving the rest of his children to question on what scene is playing out in his bedroom.

It's quiet after one last groan from Leah, the flame continuing its lulling crackling and sizzling. The room is dark, as dark as any room to a human and he muses that if a human were to enter, they would walk right through and never notice the five pale marble statues positioned in various places in the lounge, so at home in the shadows. Their every thought was on Carlisle, in different levels.

Leah mingled in there too, unwillingly or otherwise. They were growing to understand that she was now a part of this world-well and after they sorted Victoria out. Well and after Edward did what he had to do to ensure their world remained unspoiled and unconquered by Aro.

"Rose, he wants to be alone with her" Edward sighed, when Rosalie twitched from under Emmett's arm-her eyes briefly darting towards the grand stairs. She longed to go to Leah, to listen to the child's steady heart beat from within the young girl's womb. She frowned at him-he was grateful she let the expression be more irritated than venomous, neither of them could stand another spitting showdown-and snuggled back into Emmett.

"Jacob is supposed to be back by now, isn't he?" Alice said glancing up at the ceiling, through all the barriers separating Carlisle "I think he is supposed to be back now, at least I was certain a moment ago, I can't be sure now..."  
>"The longer he takes the better, so don't fret over his refusal to immerge in your sights, dear Alice" Edward sighed, poking at the cinders and the last bit of wood being eaten slowly by the eager little inferno "It isn't anything fatal that would come to conclude of their meeting. Well, with Leah, at least..."<br>"I don't trust them!" Rosalie hissed "I don't trust them one bit. They will hurt her..."  
>"No, they won't" Edward cast her stern look, the left side of his face sprayed in an amber glow by the little flame. He leaned on the side of the stone face of the fireplace heavily, like a tired weary man-prodding the flames with distracted but acute motions.<p>

"How can you be so sure?!" Rosalie demanded.

"Because..." Edward sighed, returning the poker to the rest of the iron tool set and picking the warm grate and returning that too, to the front of his eager flame "They love her, firstly. Secondly, there are more important things to worry about in this _instantaneous_ future..."  
>"And thirdly?" Emmett asked.<p>

"Well, if there was an impudent conception to _harm_ her..." Edward rose from hunkering on the ground and dusted his hands free of the grey ash, never facing his siblings behind him "I am certainly not about to let that happen. And Carlisle would sooner be an atheist than allow for her to be harmed, be it physically or emotionally-be it getting the yoghurt up to her too slowly, he would sooner slap the Queen than have her go another second craving the stuff..."  
>"He would sooner..." Jasper began, casting Rosalie a cautious look before adding internally, <em>he would sooner have pulled that abomination out than have her killed. And Edward, that's enough to let me know he would die for her... and as much as I have my aversion to this predicament, I cannot allow for him to die!<em>

"Did you not hear me?" Edward frowned "I won't allow for it to come to that. They love her, hybrid child or not and in the end it will be their fear of us... and they fear what is growing inside of her and that hate for it which will ensure that you all will be asked impolitely to leave, when it is delivered. I have a feeling that will be their condition, they won't want to have her..."  
>"What do you mean 'you all will be'?" Emmett frowned at him but Edward ignored him, resuming his study of his flame "<em>We<em> Edward? _We_ won't be allowed to stay here?"  
>"They cannot do anything about it!" Rosalie hissed, rising from the couch, the little light fighting for dominance in the lounge contrasting her violent angels glower in its ambition "We are in our territory and she is under our care!"<p>

"Who is to say she will even survive..." Jasper began but the bedroom door upstairs creaked ever so slightly, the air moving in a pull and swinging their scents about the large living room. A weightless single step was heard by the top of the stairs. He slowed to a human pace when he reached the bottom and stood there momentarily before walking stiffly to the archway of the lounge, standing in the ornate frame and gazing at all their averted eyes with hollow feeling

"_Who_ is to say she will _survive_ what?" Carlisle asked, his voice lost of its bedside warmth. It boomed in its subdued huskiness, barbed and sturdy like a whip. Edward returned his gaze to the little flames once again, he was aware his eyes were widened. As if sensing something had changed, Edward's little fire danced frantically, cooling and then fighting once more to remain burning and alive.

"Who is to say..." Carlisle stepped into the lounge, his eyes trained on Jasper "...who is to say she will survive what, Jasper?"  
>"It wasn't a threat to you or her, Carlisle" Jasper said eventually, holding Carlisle's depthless black eyes tensely.<p>

"I just want to know... what it is she will or will not _survive_?" Carlisle asked and Edward grimaced, leaning on the mantle and listening to Carlisle's cold but desperate mind.

"Who is to say she will survive...?" Jasper sighed agitated, briefly glancing at Edward-asking him if it would really be so crude of him to calm this unpredictable situation. Edward nodded once, an indiscernible movement, without looking at Jasper.

"Carlisle" Jasper closed his eyes momentarily and pulled at the aggression and agony Carlisle was mixing inside his form with a whole concoction of other emotions-too many, all hidden behind his alien cold exterior. "We don't know if she will live with the child being what it is and her being what she is-that is all I meant. No offence to you, _Father_"  
>"I don't want to be offended" Carlisle confessed. "I... I apologize. To you all"<br>"No, Carlisle..." Alice whispered, walking over to him and taking his hand carefully in her smaller one. She studied it for a minute, then looked back up at him with shining eyes "There are no faults here"  
>"You don't have to stay" Carlisle whispered desperately, a pained smile on his face. It stretched beautiful and distorted over his lips. "You could go to Alaska? After we deal with Victoria of course..."<br>"Maybe we should tell Eleazar about Leah?" Rosalie suggested.

"No, that is not what we want" Carlisle breathed, patting the back of Alice's hand before letting it go and walking over to Edward. Edward remained facing away from them, not wanting to see Carlisle's impossibly paler face and dishevelled look for himself. It had struck at his centre already through their minds. He felt Carlisle's cooler touch-the little warmth of the flame had heated him up from hours of standing before it and watching it transform from something substantial to this barely surviving version. Carlisle's hand rested on his shoulder, he peeked at the four fingers visible on his dark shirt; the paleness and long whimsical form of them made them seem much larger than his own.

But they weren't larger. He knew that, like anyone who obsesses with a being to such etents as he had and places them foremost to God-such minor knowledge was his. The little half moons were lavender and the tips were rounded and smooth. He had never been for violence and as a preacher's son, he didn't know about farm work. Little carvings like that tended to follow into their forms-Emmett's hands were smooth but something about them gave away to their mortal callous quality easily.

Carlisle tightened his grip on Edward's shoulder and Edward winced slightly. It hurt. Carlisle wanted it to hurt him; he wanted to word out everything mentally and physically because his thoughts and feelings had no clear path left to them.

"Who is 'we'?" Edward breathed stressing the word after a second of listening to Carlisle's barraging thoughts, images of a very pregnant Leah beaming up at him-at Carlisle-with ashen lips and bruised eyes. He hadn't seen her in the last two days, and it was working on his nerves.

It was fear and it shamed him to his core, he was terrified of her. She scared him with her immediate devotion to the child. She scared him with the love she had for Carlisle-which he feared so greatly because it had a rawness that rivalled what he once felt.

Once felt...? Hadn't he promised himself he would shed his heavy coat of self delusions on his path to righteous honesty (it wasn't self righteous, he refused to believe this even when a side of him argued with him self-if he wasn't so proud then why did he insist on seeking his own salvation? One doesn't save themselves, surely...)

So in his fight to be righteous in his honesty to himself (whether it was a selfish or selfless act, he would war with himself with time-he would have plenty of time soon), he gulped down the realisation that the love that Leah had that was so raw and potent was _possibly_ a variation to what he _possibly _still felt in the corners of his empty chest.

And maybe his ego and low self esteem (honesty is the best policy especially to ones self, so a shaky sense of self-worth could not be denied by Edward, for he knew it was the root of all his evils in one way or all) had made him think on these things.

"What do you mean it is not what 'we' want" Edward asked again, his longing gaze on Carlisle's hand resting on his shoulder turning to a petulant scowl rapidly-he wanted nothing better than to shove Carlisle's hand away, or tear it off and fling it at Leah, since she owned _everything _and _anything _that had once been Edwards reason to exist. "You, Leah and the foetus-is that 'we' now?"  
>"Leah and I..." Carlisle removed his hand quickly and ghosted to the other side of the room to merge with the shadows "She and I have come to an understanding that we should remain here for the delivery, even after everything... "<p>

"No one was expecting you to part from her!" Alice shouted her eyes wide and prickling. She would be crying now, she would be sobbing with her anger, frustration and pain but all that came out was frustrated headaches of a future so mangled and torn. "Why do you want us away, Carlisle-Father?"  
>"I don't want you away!" Carlisle stressed "I want you safe. This is... you see, with Victoria and everything..."<br>"Not good enough!" Rosalie snarled "We are getting rid of Victoria as it is!"

"So Victoria is your escape so you can be rid of us?" Alice asked.  
>"How can you be so ready to translate this situation to such morbid of desires! Alice, my daughter-can you pretend so devotedly to think me so selfish?" Carlisle pleaded frantically "Shed your ready paranoia for insight-see that I would sooner have you safe than harmed-tell her Edward?"<br>"Tell her what, you are so full of words-you and your Leah and that thing!" Edward hissed, grabbing a broom from the iron toolset and thrashing the cinders and little flame till there was nothing but glowing red coal blinking after his cruel murder, the darkness enveloping the lounge and all supernatural eyes blinking in the dimness.

He stopped harassing the coals, his breath coming out harried and then propped the broom back with the rest of its companions in the tool set. He tried to still his breathing so he wasn't the one filling the tension with noise with each frustrated exhale.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked and when Edward looked up, he met the dim silvery glow of Carlisle's inhuman eyes from across the room. Edward looked away again, frustrated. "Edward, you know that my request is not filled with such cruel selfishness as wanting to be away from you?"  
>"Yes" Edward said, steadying him finally-forcing calm over his anger "The foetus is not a threat to Leah even with the rapid growth. You wont need any assistance-facts are facts to you at the moment"<br>"Exactly" Carlisle said "Leah doesn't want to complicate things for the tribe and I do not want to push their understanding any further. We will come to you... just, she does need to be near them"  
>"Yes, of course" Edward breathed quickly, sounding irritated. "She hopes they will understand"<p>

"I am not leaving her!" Rosalie laughed. "I am not leaving her... you are out of your mind!"

"This is not something you have a say in, Rosalie" Carlisle said, his patience-in such short supply as it was-iridescent in his eyes. "And I respect her wish for keeping the foetus... well; she is the strongest person I know. So much stronger to even bare to look at me when I set poison inside her"

"We do not go anywhere until Victoria is a pile of ashes!" Alice growled and Edward envied her acting abilities in that instance. She was doing much better than he was at separating his emotions from the task at hand.  
>"Well, I don't see any other way..."Carlisle murmured.<p>

"Have you run this little discussion between Leah and you by Jacob?" Edward asked stiffly "Does Seth know?"  
>"Well, I am sure they will have no problem" Carlisle smiled.<p>

"They will have no problem, eh?" Edward said, his tone droning out as he tried to keep from yelling, he took a step away from the dead fireplace "Seth and Jacob will have no problem, I am sure. They will have you in their sights. They will have Leah in their sights-all through that gruesome unpredictable child birth. Well, the tribe will have no problem-we would have kept them safe and to top it all vacated our own territory to keep them happy..."  
>"Edward, buddy..." Emmett warned and Edward became aware that he had taken fifteen more steps and could now smell Leah clearly standing inside Carlisle's scent.<p>

"Father?" Edward asked his voice hard and eyes flat "Everyone will be happy?"  
>"Yes, Edward" Carlisle sighed, confused.<p>

"Have you thought about whether I will be happy or is that an optional thing once again?" Edward whispered and Carlisle's eyes widened, his gaze flicking to the scene behind him of Emmett and Rosalie standing whole together and Alice and Jasper sitting by the coffee table. All of them hearing this.

"Edward..." Carlisle warned and said indicatively "I thought all was forgiven, before?"

"You are confused with a brief apologetic past, for you" Edward answered his thoughts "This isn't about anything other than the fact of you and your Leah's selfishness! I have been were you are, for always. Who will I stand with in Alaska while you and Leah are far away?"  
>"...not so far away?" Carlisle murmured uselessly and Edward smiled.<p>

"Any distance is too far away" he told Carlisle "and again; please believe me when I say... I really cannot be away from you, especially now-every second counts, Father"  
>"Don't think because he got all poetic he gets to stay!" Rosalie snarled "If he stays, I stay!"<p>

"And I am not leaving Rosalie..." Emmett said with finality.

"Well, I guess we are all staying!" Alice beamed.

"And next time you and Leah want to make plans and talk about 'we' like selfish buggers..." Edward said dryly "Make sure you don't do it in a house full of beings with super powered hearing, a telepath and a... _Jasper_..."

"You can refer to me as an Emotional Facilitator" Jasper drawled.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

"You realise that is cutting it too close?" I asked Alice "How are we going to explain our leader not being with us during the battle; Jane will not let it go"

"He wouldn't leave Leah alone" Alice said quickly "That is more obvious than any half-baked vision, Edward! And Leah cannot very well be anywhere near the clearing, in her present state!"  
>"And when her present state is a past one?" I asked Alice softly "She isn't so far along..."<br>"And what of the child?" Alice sneered "You would have it join us at war?"  
>"Don't be so cruel, of course not..." I said absently watching Alice's mental frustration at not knowing the future, of trying to force the wolves into view.<br>"Edward, no one but a vampire family will be equipped to care for that child, you do realise that?" Rosalie asked "And this is going beyond my love for all things innocent"  
>"How prosaic you have turned in your self righteous humility, dear Rose" I scoffed and she hissed at me.<p>

We were out back, far from the house-the three of us huddled in a way only vampires could manage, a few feet apart from each other. Three vampires left to wager their fates in everything; Alice and I personally trying to secure Rosalie's support for Carlisle, for I would be gone soon. The moment Victoria was dead; I would disappear forever... possibly.

"Give it another try, Alice" I sighed. "Try looking into only Emmett's future"

"You honestly think I am daft enough to not try that?" Alice growled, but she closed her eyes irregardless and concentrated on Emmett. "I see, snow..."  
>"Great, snow" Rose scoffed "It will be chilly soon, thank you for the news forecast"<br>"It will be snowing"  
>"We got that part, Alice" I said patiently "Try and think of Emmett fighting anyone or such..."<br>"It doesn't work that way, Edward" she sang but she pulled in decisions by Emmett involving fights regardless. There was a fight between Jasper and Emmett soon, but that soon blurred and dissipated-showing that wolves would be present. Then the snow came, and there was Emmett in the clearing standing beside a heart broken Rosalie. It froze there and broke apart once more.

"It's nothing we can control!" Alice gasped, falling mournfully against a tree and weeping.

"We need not control all avenues, Alice" I whispered to her "We only need to ensure that one part fall through and then all other things would be left _safe._ Stop trying to see if that one part can be avoided"

_I don't want you to go._ Alice whispered. _I can't bear to see you tormented so...!_

It meant the decision would prevail if I was to be tormented upon my arrival to the future-I would go with Jane and they would remain safe.

"Private conference?" Rosalie sighed "What's new..." 

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

The timber dock had been non-operational for a good six months now since three workers were found dead in the surrounding woods. All of them with varying broken bones and gashes that had nearly bled them dry...

It had to be the Olympian Wolves, the authorities (Charlie Swan mainly, in all his deep thinking) had concluded. Logs and planks stacked more than three metres up, some treated and some already sawed and sanded. The little wooden portable office was in desperate need of varnish by now and the surrounding forest a few feet off of it kept it hidden and far away from any would be thieves. Down to its south, the lake used to transport the logs formed another barrier. In essence, the true detectives of the murders-the Olympian wolves in questions-were right at home here.

_How is she..?._Sam thought directly at Jacob. He was standing at the apex of the loosely formed arc, his black fur moving slightly at the thick of his neck where the hairs were longer. The wind blew harshly from the cold sluggish lake (to lesser creatures than the Quileute wolves alias Olympic Wolves, naturally) in jagged winds.

He sent his former Alpha one vivid image of a grinning pasty Leah Clearwater lying on a gigantic bed, surrounded by cushions and boxes of expensive chocolate. _It isn't Valentine's day yet_, Jacob Black thought in a juxtaposed affection riddled murmur (the way a parent would speak of a child when they had done something they knew only they found cute but had an urge to share it with the world regardless)...

_But he treats her like his Valentine..._ he finished, ignoring Sam's fusion of relief, jealousy and intense revulsion. The black wolf pawed the ground once, shook its heavy head and growled low at the other wolves behind it. The wolves who were calling for Sam Uley to submit to this part of him that wanted to run to that hellhole and pull Leah out and rip that thing growing inside of her away from her body.

Save her... that's what Sam thought he would be doing. Removing her from demons, removing a demon from her... releasing Seth from having to go there everyday to protect his sister... helping a lost Jacob Black understand that his decision to lead was understandable, but the direction his leading was taking him was all wrong.

How grateful Sam was that Jacob could not hear any thoughts save for the ones he threw deliberately and controlled to Jacob.

_As long as she remains alive..._ Sam thought back instead.

_Alice had a break through..._ Jacob breathed, a hot puffy cloud blowing from his muzzle. _She sees a war... a fight. She figured a way around us, we figured how to track all this chaos into something a little more understandable._

_How?_ Sam sat down finally, his hind legs folding neatly underneath him. The rest of his pack took this as a sign and soon the loading dock's central bay had a good few giant wolves sitting calmly but alert in a loose circle.

_All they had to do was travel back to the day they met the red head._ Jacob said, glancing behind at the sandy coloured lean wolf briefly. He remained silent for a moment-Sam tensing slightly at the realisation that just as he was having his private palaver with Paul and Jared about that particular day when they had found Clearwater-so too was Jacob discussing it with Seth.

_The male had been her mate_ Jacob stated and Seth nodded his huge head once and growled. _And Edward and C-_

There was a roll of growling that erupted at the familiarity of which Jacob laced the names-the thought that passed through him to Sam and subsequently the rest of the pack.

_Get over it! _Seth thought loudly but to no avail-Jacob hadn't opened up his mind entirely and the thought was met with a soft murmur from his alpha to ignore them.

_Well, they killed him and because of that Alice realised all she needed to do was concentrate on their future but of course Carlisle being with-oh, shut up about it!-Carlisle and Leah's futures are practically one so... she had to do was look at Edward's. But his didn't go very far before blurring out..._

_But what we got at_, Jacob sighed wearily falling onto the ground with dust floating around him _... was that this red-eyed bitch is bitter. Bitter to the end and somehow she knew it was Edward who dealt the deciding blow so..._

_A life for a life, _Sam murmured. _So if she is after Edward then why don't we throw him to her...?_

_I said that was what Alice saw because she can't look into our future._ Jacob growled. _Seth and Carlisle strongly believe that she wants Leah dead just as much-Leah did cause this, in her twisted red-head mind. And it isn't just Leah, Sam... It's all of us. She wants revenge._

_About this war... _Sam's wolf eyes quirked up slightly.

_More than thirty vampires-new born._ Jacob thought grimly. _Jasper says the numbers are likely to be decreasing. But with our combined efforts and the Cullen's... we can take them. And the date is soon... very soon._

_Yes._ Sam agreed. _But we will have nothing to do with the other vampires you told us about-these Vol... The ones from Italy, the ones you said would make an appearance after the fight. We protect out tribe and when that's done, I hope you will bring the Seth away from all of that immediately, we have a lot to discuss_

Jacob remained silent about that, ignoring Sam's exclusion of Leah. He knew nothing about that part of the Cullen's life and he didn't really want to get involved. If he could pull Leah and Seth away from that... and that was what he was planning on doing, then all was well.

_The thing she is carrying..._ Sam thought loudly-his thoughts felt like a jagged spear piercing Jacob's musings on how to protect the Clearwater siblings.

_Just like the vampires from Italy, _Jacob thought morosely, cutting Sam's on coming tirade. _It really has nothing to do with you Sam. Or me, for that matter. Trust me; I tried to get her to see how abnormal and, well... this is all in Leah and the Cullen's hands. _He thought about Rosalie deliberately to Sam, just to let Sam know that it wasn't all clear and cut... the thing Leah was carrying was already loved by some. And those _some_ might be irritating and blonde, but it didn't make them any less formidable...

_We will meet with the Cullen's to discuss the battle strategy, _Jacob said, _and hopefully by then, Alice would have figured the date out more clearly._

_And of Leah? _Sam asked once more.

_Sam, it is like you said..._ Jacob said softly, _our priority right now is the tribe._

They bowed their heads low once in understanding, the russet and light brown wolf stepping gingerly backwards before turning eighty degrees and bounding over the logs like champion bred giant horses and disappearing into the woods.

Xx~xx~xX

There were many infinite possibilities to the outcome of Leah Clearwater's dalliance with a vampire, for her resulting damnation into predetermined love with this opposing being and all the way to the point in her life were she was, for once, unconcerned with the trials and the joys of imprints-Sam Uley to be precise. So many possibilities and so many alternate fates had led the first born daughter of Harry Clearwater and Sue Clearwater to the point were she was surrounded by strangers, so strange to her in fact that they were not even of the same species in actuality; all of them united in the single stupefying bliss of gazing upon Leah Clearwater's secondary miracle since she had begun her horrendous year into her twenties.

Her secondary miracle; the little baby girl asleep in her weak sweaty arms, a heart beat thrumming in her little chest and her cheeks coloured a brilliant red.

Edward did not want to come inside the delivery room (that had been Carlisle's bedroom once), he didn't want to view his new little sister or niece-it was all varying to his temperament, was he Carlisle's brother or son today? So he watched from their minds as they gazed on something soft and slimy and disproportioned and tried in vain-as was his nature-to not be pulled in by such an inconsequential creature into loving it beyond reason and understanding.

"See, she blushes" Rosalie told Carlisle. He was still in the shirt that had spots of blood, but no vampire could be bothered by it-Jasper was currently busying himself with preparing the child's formula, conveniently to him.

"Come and see her!" Leah laughed, raising the sleeping baby slightly up "Come now, Carlisle... see our miracle!"

Her first miracle-Carlisle Cullen-shuffled in a daze towards her, his eyes wide and small mouth set in a confused 'o'. Rosalie took the towel away from him, carefully wiping his hands too quick for Leah to register and removing the basin she had used to clean the baby girl from beside the bed. She signalled for Emmett to back away, and they stood a little far off as Carlisle sat carefully beside his fiancé and peeked at his daughter-the first time understanding how precious she was, now that she was clean.

"Isn't she squishy!" Leah cooed and Carlisle laughed abruptly. He surprised himself with the sound, after moving in fear for so long now. "Look, she is blushing... she doesn't like all this attention!"  
>"She is... human?" Carlisle breathed, an odd smile dangling on his lips. He bore into Leah's eyes, implored her to understand his secret fear and she kissed the tip of his cold nose quickly and rocked her little sleeping girl. "She has a heart beat?"<br>"Oh, good heavens Carlisle!" Rosalie reprimanded him in a way only a girl from her era could, so he blushed invisibly to everyone but Edward and Jasper "How can you ask such questions about a lady?!"

"What shall you call her?" Carlisle asked Leah "What would be the name for a human baby, born to a vampire and a wolf?"

"Don't be so hasty" Edward breathed from behind the wall "She is a baby, but let us not go as far as to say she is _human. _The possibility of that is..."  
>"Do shut up, Edward!" Rosalie growled and Leah giggled. "Either come in and view her, or go away with your morose self!"<p>

"I think I will remain stagnant" Edward whispered but Carlisle was oblivious to his son, then brother-to Edward's melancholy. "Jacob and Seth are on their way" Edward finished softly "Finally"

"Well, isn't she exquisite?" Rosalie cooed "If Alice were here, she would agree tenfold!"  
>The nature of Alice's gift; running on estimations as it was thanks to the inclusion of the wolves. And all estimations had been made in concurrence with Leah Clearwater's delivery. And as they were all currently gathered together at the manor, with Jacob and Seth on their way... Alice feared the future had fallen to turmoil, and she had no image to back her feeling up and had quietly excused herself from all acting duties when she knew that one of them would be ending by the night.<p>

"She is remarkable" Carlisle whispered and Leah giggled full of mirth and undiluted joy. She new a fact that her cynicism would not allow to be squashed by her motherly hormones. She was too tiny, that had been the first thing Leah thought when baby had been handed into her demanding arms. She was too pale, but that couldn't be helped with a pale father-Leah supposed. Her eyes hadn't opened, and Leah was secretly afraid they would be red.

Edward too, feared the child having red eyes. The pretty little girl, sleeping and being adored was entirely remarkable to the supernatural beings, in her utter audacity to appear as unremarkable as any natural being. In fact, her mother was concerned by her smallness, her father feared the child's feeble singular cry and her body was too warm to Carlisle's brief cold touch. But no one bothered with that, unremarkable was as ostentatious a child as any vampire father and wolf mother could ever hope for.

"Where is everyone?" Jacob asked from down stairs and Jasper murmured quickly the undertakings that had followed in the Alpha's absence. Seth yelped and Jacob yelled, Jasper quickly handed Jacob the baby's formula-and gave instruction for a kiss on baby's forehead on behalf of him.

They listened to Jacob and Seth's half run up the stairs. A quick acknowledgement of Edward outside the door was made, and Seth and Jacob entered the room.

"Leah?" Seth breathed, rushing to his sister and kissing her twice on the cheek before resting his forehead against hers. "You are a mom?"  
>"And you are an uncle!" Leah beamed "Look, she is perfect... perfectly normal"<br>"What's her name?" Jacob asked softly, walking over to Carlisle and Seth slowly.

"Hmm, haven't thought about it yet" Leah admitted "Carlisle and I were to busy worrying over her survival-me more so than Carlisle"  
>"Well, I erm..." Carlisle grimaced and Jacob smiled at him. Leah wasn't known for tact, and he had a lot to learn in immortality. "Edward?" Carlisle called.<p>

No answer although they all knew Edward was standing frozen by the door outside. Rosalie's expression hardened and Leah looked at Carlisle carefully. Emmett moved to the entrance and peered out "Bro, come on in?"  
>"It is best if I... not witness this" Edward said parched but inside, in his dead heart-he knew he had witnessed everything from their minds. The birthing, the child and Leah and Carlisle... and whether he remained in his decision to go with Jane to save them, it would only give them mere moments before Aro snatched this memory from him and came hounding Carlisle for the unremarkable miracle.<p>

"Edward?" Leah called and Edward's eyes snapped open, although he had heard the call before it was verbalised. "Please, Edward... she is everyone's?"

He entered the room slowly, ignoring Alice's wild yells to him from somewhere far off. Everything was falling to ruin, he supposed-but maybe this was the moment he repented with much more convicted faith. Alice was running back from the woods to them and he was taking the longest walk towards the giant bed, with Leah in its centre and Seth, Carlisle and Jacob on her right hand side watching the little baby sleep. Rosalie moved from the left side a little, thinking so loudly and fearsomely that he should come to where she was and view the precious babe. He hesitated, looked at Carlisle who smiled and then Edward went around the bed to Rosalie. Carlisle followed him to that side-and Leah and precious baby were flanked on the bed by vampires and wolves respectably.

"Let Edward hold her" Leah pleaded, handing Carlisle the child. Rosalie stiffened at the suggestion, not bothering to hide her thoughts; this was to generous an allowance to a being so full of melancholy that was bordering on insanity she thought. Carlisle immediately agreed-anything to bring Edward closer, to let him understand how complete he felt in the moment with all his most treasured beings with him.

And baby fell into her fathers cold hands, and through the blanket she felt the chill and started. "There now" Carlisle cooed "Edward hasn't seen you yet"

And she fell into her most indecisive unrelated family for that moment, for was he brother or uncle (he was still at war with himself). She was too hot in his hands, too small-he knew this so easily. Her skin had a glow that he realised with great fear was heat, and they had all mistaken it as a warmth born from being from Leah, the wolf. He made to voice this out, to pronounce that baby beloved had a fever working a storm in her but as his mouth opened to word this out, as Alice flew into the house to announce that Victoria had brought her army with her through the unexpected storm raging outside, not as present but in the very near future-Baby Beloved opened blurry unfocused eyes, and smiled softly.

"The War is upon us-Victoria slipped up!" Alice cried. "She is working with _them...! _We leave now!"

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

It was everything we had expected it to be, but even then-the addition of the wolves was grudgingly accepted as the tilting factor to our favour. We ran through the woods, Jacob and Seth taking a diverging path to meet with Sam. Emmett and Jasper flanking the large arc Rosalie and Alice and I formed through the woods. It would be nothing but darkness, nothing but ashy film moving through the woods and coldness to any unsuspecting lessor creature.

But we were the most supreme of creatures, the most knowledged in the art of being non-human and our lives, for once-depended on our ferocious malformation.

"I see them" Alice said and I smiled grimly at her pale humour. For once, we could all see what she saw-and in the distance, driving over the clearing we had once played numerous super powered sports on, a few dozen vampires blurred and growled towards them. "Edward, begin at the centre with me, Rosalie-snag off any strays"

And with that we entered the battle, each of us remembering the little miracle we had witnessed barely an hour ago-but it was I that was fighting for her on a different level. I had nothing to lose, as long as Carlisle had her safe and Leah, I prayed, would realise the precious babe's fever. I closed my eyes momentarily, holding on desperately to that selfless passion that had delivered such a wrath upon my being that it had torn away at my centre and chiselled out all evil miscellany of selfish essence living in this eternal glorious form and left nothing but purity in its wake. I saw dark large eyes, filmed with an unseeing membrane as was the form with newborn babies and trimmed with too thick eyelashes-fine as silk and just as precious...

How grateful I was that I was a vampire, for that one reason-that I knew a surprise that would surely bring joy to Carlisle at the end of all of this. That his baby, when able to see fully-would have sparkling blue eyes like those he had in his human life.

I met the first wave of ferocious newborns in such startling calmness, that the sound of their screeching beheading could not muffle the sound of her secure cherished heart beat.

Xx~xx~xX

They were half gone, the clearing littered in twitching body parts. The wolves wove in and out from the trees, through the clearing and back again-returning stray vampires to their grave yard with their quick snaps and dagger teeth. We hadn't spotted her yet, and I was uneasy.

"Edward!" Emmett called; he was hauling a young girl by her hair, dragging her indifferently through the choppy grass and twitching limbs. "She says she doesn't want to die"  
>"They all say that" I sighed, listening intently for Victoria's thoughts.<p>

"How do you know you wont like it, sweetie?" Rosalie cooed.

"It hurt the first time round" the girl whimpered "The burn... and the thirst"

"What should I do with her?" Emmett asked. "I know Carlisle would have... you know, heard her out and such"  
>"We don't have time for such liberal compassion" I growled "Do what you feel is right!"<p>

"I agree with Edward" Jasper said "Our current situation is not very flexible for sensitivities. We have to be most... ruthless in our selfishness"  
>"I didn't want to!" the girl wailed and Emmett grimaced, begging me to relieve him of the turmoil of harming one who reminded him of a young girl he had fed on long ago.<p>

"Alice?" I ignored Emmett; she was currently assisting a chocolate coloured wolf with ending a large new born male.

"...She is here somewhere!" Alice cried, glancing at me briefly, before whizzing over the wolf and pulling the vampires neck while the wolf snagged the torso and shook it free of limbs.

"You are looking for Victoria?" the girl said quickly, gripping Emmett's huge hand with both of her hands "I only know of a male with a funny name!" she twisted in Emmett's hold, budging his hand with her new born strength "Mister, he said he had an important task; he said he had to bring the girl to Victoria in private because Victoria was too important..."  
>"Too important to hold such inconsequential <em>decisions<em>" I whispered, watching with Alice as the vision that should have been only Jane and her guard expanded and included Victoria. "She is with them"

"Victoria?" Rosalie asked, pausing to kick a girls head off and throw a lit matchstick indifferently at the twitching corpse

"Such high ambitions" I hissed "Kill them all! Kill them all-the girl should not be allowed to live. She will speak of the wolves working with us!"  
>"Victoria didn't extend such knowledge" Alice whispered, pulling bodies into a large pile.<p>

"And the male she speaks of, the one who was sent to find Leah..." I said fearfully.

"We can't think of that now" Alice sighed, turning away from Jasper and Emmett's execution of the nameless girl "Here they come brother... and here you leave us"

The air filled with burning celestial fumes, the heat unbearable around us-but the scent of the wolves was since removed by it. I prayed Jacob would hold my plea strong, past our short history of animosity; to escort Seth immediately to Leah and Carlisle before seeing to an injured Embry.

They entered at the north wall of trees, Jane at the head-a small beautiful creature hidden in a dark hood. I could make out her cherry lips moving, I could hear her say with humour "Just on time, the bon fires have been lit"

Victoria grinned at her, pleased to be heard by a high official of the guard. We were safe for now-she hadn't met Aro to give him all her memories as yet. Jane would not be so callous as to bring a half wild vampire to Aro with songs of Wolves and Vampires uniting against her lover.

"Edward" Jane smiled looking around her at a few left over limbs and the raging fires positioned around us. The snow had stopped, and the heat and trudging of the wolves left the grass evident. She took a step forward and removed a soft velvet glove from her left hand, insolently tossing it to Victoria-who caught it with as much vampiric dexterity, but failed to hide her scowl from Alec. Alec grinned at her, and Victoria tried to neutralise her expression but it was of no use. Jane had seen her from the corner of her eye and when business was done, Victoria would be dealt with.

"Jane, you are most lovely" I said with force.

"Where is Carlisle?" Jane demanded and Victoria sneered at me. "I wish to speak to men, not boys"

"Carlisle is indisposed of current events; you know how he is with violence... and the such" I said evenly and Victoria cried out "Ha!"

"I guess I will have to retract that title of _man_, a bit of shuffling is in order" Jane grinned at me and my insides curled "It seems, we have made of you a man as yet?"  
>"It seems so" I whispered.<p>

"Do you believe that crap?" Victoria demanded. "The blonde one is either hiding the girl..."

"I see your Isabella is not with you?" Jane asked, cocking an eyebrow up. She had misunderstood Victoria's tales of a human girl, it seems... I smiled beside myself and Victoria watched me with narrowed dull red eyes. Emmett yelled mentally, demanded understanding on whether we were in danger or not. I shook my head once.

"Oh, wait..." Felix laughed, zooming to a pile of ashes "Will he tell us she is hiding in here, with the rest of his playmates?"  
>"Is she part of the fallen?" Jane asked.<p>

_Say she is._ Alice instructed and I nodded, keeping my expression morose.

"She is not, most certainly not! I have proof, you have to wait but a few minutes and it will be dragged her by the fucking hair!" Victoria roared and Jane decided she had enough of the uncouth vampire and cast a bored eye to the red head. Victoria stopped her ranting immediately, before she could explain that there was no way so few of us could stand against her army-and arched in the air in a pained cry that I knew so well. Jane released her and Victoria fell heavily to the ground, spluttering.

"Felix, stop prodding the dead" Jane called calmly and Felix dropped the stick he had been using to jab at the cinders "Come now, here is something for you to do. Would you see to it that Miss Victoria doesn't have to grieve her beloved anymore-shush, honey, it will be quite okay (Jane placated when Victoria's eyes widened and she began to yell out how she valued her immortality more so than her _beloved_)-and set for Miss Victoria her own lovely pile of ash"

"No" Victoria croaked but Felix was upon her, a guard assisting him and in the middle of our parley, Victoria mate of James was ended. Jane ignored the new flames and smoke and took another step forward. I tensed and Rosalie tilted her head up at me in confusion.

"I think matters of the heart are so tedious, don't you?" Jane smiled at all of us but no one returned her rigid grin. "All this mess, breaking laws all because Edward tore her mates head off!"

"And as it were..." Rosalie began "With broken laws, there should be officers to enforce them"  
>"We are sorry about that" Alec smiled "When we heard of the murders we thought for sure Edward had grown a pair and done what he was supposed to do"<br>"What is he talking about?" Rosalie asked, frowning at me.

"Oh, matters of the heart Alec!" Jane giggled a vile sound. "Are best kept private!"  
>"Hmm" Alec frowned in suspicion. "I suppose..."<br>"I see your eyes are still such a cowardly colour?" Felix asked and I frowned. "Ah, shall we excuse this to matters of the heart once more?"

"Do as you may, think as you will" Alice growled.

"Well, do as we may... "Jane said thoughtfully "Maybe we will go and pay a visit to dear Carlisle and then come up with our own thoughts on things before we head back to Volterra with out lost pet?"  
>"What the..." Emmett huffed and then thought it wise to not call Jane an inbreed by muttering that the fumes had everyone high.<p>

"We can leave from here" I whispered and Emmett's head snapped left, eyes boring the side of my head. "I am eager to return to Aro"  
>"Edward?" Jasper asked.<p>

"What are you on about!?" Rosalie hissed.

"He has to go" Alice murmured "Rose, Emmett and Jasper... Edward has to go"  
>"No" Emmett stated shaking his head "He isn't going anywhere!"<br>"Says who?" Jane asked with badly concealed glee.

"Says me!" Emmett roared taking a step forward. He was met by blinding pain, his form shuddering and backing away and Rosalie let out a sharp cry for Jane to stop.

"Stop it Jane!" I pleaded "I said we leave now, this is unnecessary!"

"Does Carlisle know?" Jasper asked "I take it you knew Alice, you and Edward and all your fucking secrets! This will kill Carlisle and..." he stopped, groaning and backing away, covering his face with his hands.

It would kill Carlisle and Leah would contribute herself as the reason of my sacrifice... once they got around to telling her the wondrous Volturi guard and all its warmth. But was it about her? Jane gave me the option of going back to Carlisle and pleading my case, as Isabella was assumedly dead in one of these piles-Jane didn't care for the truth of my declaration... Aro would find out eventually.

But to return, even with the fear of Victoria's lackey being at the mansion, even with the glimmer that Jane had been sent to hear Carlisle beg on my behalf-with the single condition that the good doctor should feed on blood in exchange for having me. Aro was so gracious... but all these possibilities were thwarted before they could ever be held in my core by Baby Blue-Eyes. The sooner this was over, the sooner they could return and ensure Victoria did not in fact, receive a dying wish.

"Shall we be done with it?" I asked Jane and she nodded stiffly.

I looked back once, at the quartet that was my brothers and sisters-saw them as I would be seeing them for eternity after the night was conquered; two couples joined by everlasting love, huddled together and refusing to believe that it was the image of their beloved misread brother that they were witnessing, being herded by Felix and Alec away from them forever.

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

They returned from partaking in violence to be witnesses to another violence.

There was blood littered on the floor and Rosalie ignored Emmett's cry that someone may still be bleeding inside and rushed through the house. It was empty, the blood was wolf-blood but it was not nearly enough to suggest a wolf (human or changed) had died.

"Leah..." Rosalie whispered "Baby... the baby!" 

"No" Rose whispered, crying silently from under Emmett's strong arm "I guess we were broken apart in the end... like you so rightly feared Alice, because you saw it coming!"  
>"I saw nothing Rose" Alice said quickly, rushing to Rosalie and pulling her sisters longer hands into her own "I saw nothing but I felt everything; and in a world were the future is determined by ones own sentiment towards it... wont you and I have hope?"<p>

"There is a note!" Jasper yelled from the kitchen, skipping over the destruction of their lounge, over Edward's prized piano that had been reduced to matchsticks. He waved the stained little white paper and brought it to his nose. "It's Carlisle, the blood is... I think Leah's blood"  
>"What does it say!" Rosalie demanded.<p>

"That we should leave immediately..." Jasper murmured. "And that he suggests Leah look for the place he is taking Leah and himself, because she won't have a chance of seeing it"

"Denali Clan..." Alice said softly, closing her eyes, her fairy looks pinching into a grimace "I can't see them"

"They must have gone there..." Jasper stated controlled "They very well wouldn't have been able to come to the clearing with Jane there"

"Then we trust in that" Emmett said coolly "We go to Alaska and he will explain everything to us"

"He stressed 'Leah and himself'!" Rosalie announced and they all gasped as realisation fell hard over them.

"No, Rose, please don't cry..." Emmett breathed "You have to be stronger, we have to go; its like Alice said, our sentiment will carry us into a positive future"

They left Forks then, freeing its unassuming inhabitants of vindictive vampires and the Quileute free of the Cold Ones they held in chary respect. The smokes from the clearing billowed high into the night, and in the morning... they were erased from existence by a thick blanket of snow.

Xx~xx~xX

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

**You have no idea how close this came to being the Finale! The Cullen's have Arrived, and now they have left! I have Inosolan to thank for inspiring me to continue on this immediately. I was anxious about it; admittedly-it was a similar feeling to how Alice gets when trying to spy into the future, while in a room full of wolves.**

**Thank you so much for the reviews! Feel free to voice out your thoughts, you have no idea how much they help!**

**Xx **

**TJ**


	30. Growing Pains

The trees outside were not the ones she knew of, the ones she grew up with or the ones she had run through in moments of joy, love, pain and power. She could see them easily from the second story of the mansion; green-black Christmas trees topped with white. The winds howled between them, whipping the snow-gauzy fairies were dancing in the woods.

"Leah" Carlisle said her name with such reverence, as though she was God and he was but a holy man. She hated how twisted everything was for them; how Carlisle thought he loved her more, when she obviously loved him more. And things had only gotten worse, as soon as they had gotten so beautifully perfect... "Jacob and Seth will keep her safe"  
>"I have no doubt about that" Leah said calmly. Carlisle looked away from her treasured form; he looked away from the love of his existence standing cold and closed in front of their bedroom window.<p>

"I have no doubt..." Leah said again in a hollow tone, and then leaned heavily on the smooth cold window pane, her head falling on it and her eyes snapping shut. He was immediately by her side, like he always was when she was threatening to crumble to pieces. She was heaving, breath coming out fast and laboured and when she pried her eyes open, the picture perfect view of the forest had disappeared and the window had fogged over. He touched her shoulders, then rubbed them and when she didn't protest-he spun her around and crushed her to his chest. Like he was trying to make them one-and this only made her cry harder; for they had been one, and they would forever more be one as they were held solid in one golden soul.

"Olivia" she murmured and Carlisle groaned, his nose lost in her hair and breath tantalizing the skin of her nape.

"Olivia Camille Cullen" he told her with conviction that wiped away her shameful doubts about entrusting their child with Jacob and Seth "Our Olivia, and she will be with us once more"

Xx~xx~xX

The rest of the Cullen brood arrived early into the morning but Leah Clearwater had not fallen asleep. She felt silly for hoping that somehow, through everything, they had gotten her baby and come with her. There was no chance for that, and hadn't it been her call anyway?

In that moment when the house was broken into, and their moment of happiness was disrupted so thoroughly and Leah and Carlisle Cullen found themselves in an act of such violence as they had never seen before-that had rendered their intruder paralyzed to complete his task-that moment, Leah had known something that was so very 'Edward' in way of understanding, that she felt proud and terrified to have realised it. When the boy had run out, when they could tend to Olivia and her insistent feeble cry-Leah Clearwater realised that their child would not be safe if Victoria had really been working with the Volturi and if that boy had so clearly deduced _something _had taken place between her, Carlisle and Olivia that was not of the ordinary.

Carlisle was certain he would not come to the conclusion that the baby had been naturally conceived, but that had not meant that Olivia would be safe. She would never be safe it she was near the one vampire that this Aro was eternally jealous and wary of. And in her morbid deductions that were so very Edward, she knew Aro would search Carlisle out. And she knew, there was no way she didn't know this-that she was now irrevocably involved with the Cullen's and so tied with Carlisle that if one was searched out, it meant the other was searched out too. Aro would know of her relationship with Carlisle and Aro would seek her out with this 'guard' of his and the Quileute were clear in having no involvement in the repercussions of her uncontrolled predicament of falling in love with a vampire.

So baby beautiful, sick and hungry-was carried in her mothers arms, as Leah ran through the woods with Carlisle shadowing her over the treaty line. Jacob had not returned yet, and she was not certain about going to Sue's-it would have to be _Emily._ And in her heart, she was filled with an indescribable but not overpowering sensation of complete trust in her cousin with precious Olivia.

"Take her!" she remembered begging Emily, whose eyes flashed in a way that made Leah realise she had known she had been pregnant, and who exactly the father was. "Look at her, Emily-she is human! I am not asking you to care for her, I am asking you to hide her; when Jacob and the Pack return, you take her to him! To Seth and Jacob, do you understand me?" 

She had hesitated in taking a sleeping Olivia. The note was in the basket, the details carefully written out in five seconds by Olivia's desperate father. "Make sure Sam doesn't see her! Go with her to Billy's if you have too!" she had finished desperately, and with a hot kiss on Olivia's fevered forehead, she left Emily standing bewildered and in tears in front of a house that shouldn't have ended up Leah's through a predicted marriage.

She peered into the darkness of the front yard of the Denali Manor the moment Carlisle whipped to the door. He hesitated to open it, looked to Leah who nodded her head once and then with a heavy breath, he welcomed his children.

"Where...!" Rosalie cried, barging through and ignoring Carlisle. She spotted Leah, froze momentarily, her eyes shining with the ghost of her lost mortal tears and clutched Leah in her frozen desolate embrace. "Oh, no... Oh no...!"  
>"Rose, its going to be okay" Leah said stiffly, failing to pry herself from Rosalie's embrace.<p>

"How can you say that, Leah!?" Rosalie wailed, pushing Leah away and surveying her with frenzied eyes "I hear your heart beat, and only yours!"  
>"As it should be, Rosalie" Carlisle said sternly "Olivia is in the care of her Uncle's Jacob and Seth; I just received text from Jacob that he got her"<p>

Rosalie blinked, tilted her head as though processing the information slowly and then looked to Leah for confirmation. Leah nodded and tried to smile, her hand touching her already healed and flat stomach and her breast were no longer throbbing. In an hour or two, it would be as though she had never had a child. Out of everything, this return to immortal form was what she knew would bring her to tears.

"Where is Edward?" Carlisle asked Emmett. Emmett only shook his head, walking over to a silent Eleazar.

"Where is Edward?" Tanya emerged from upstairs and held Rosalie tightly for a moment. They all remained silent; Leah already preparing for the worst had relocated herself to Carlisle's side.

"That must be him!" Carlisle breathed turning around rapidly as Alice and Jasper entered the house arm in arm. Alice was emitting low sobs from under Jaspers arm. "Is Edward lagging; how strange-he is the fastest vampire I know!?" Carlisle told Leah "And we have such news for him... don't we Leah. That he is godfather to Olivia"  
>"Is he now?" Eleazar smiled, grabbing hold onto a fact Carlisle was refusing to see.<p>

"Yes, he is-Leah's suggestion" Carlisle said, squeezing Leah slightly. "This will all be cleared and we will set our lives up once more; we have done it numerous times"  
>"Not this time" Emmett said gruffly. "This time one immortal may have to remain outside of our plans"<br>"What do you mean?" Carlisle blinked.

"He is gone" Alice cried, flinging herself from Jasper's arms and moving so fast Leah barely had time to free herself from Carlisle as she collided with him and held on desperately "He went to Aro; he went to keep Jane from the house, but we had not known that you had left! And he is gone!"

"What, no!" Carlisle said calmly, patting Alice as though she were the one in denial of some obvious fact "He is... on his... way?"  
>"He is gone, Carlisle" Leah said strongly and Carlisle's face contorted between a smile and a grimace, his eyes locked to Leah's "He promised me he would make sure I continued to make you happy no matter what, he promised me this once"<p>

"And there was a note" Leah reached into her jeans and took out a crinkled folded paper "And I don't need to see a signature to know it is his. It reads: _Leah, I leave with a free spirit. For I know, you are the only person on this planet who can keep him safe and happy. I thank you for existing, and you have been too generous to give him Beautiful Babe._"

She gave Carlisle the letter and he studied it, as though somewhere in the lines something would contradict reality. He looked up at her, this time his face grave-his daughter could not be with them for fear of Aro and now his son was taken from them for fear of Aro.

"ARO" Carlisle growled and Tanya jumped, Eleazar casting Carlisle a worried look. The rumble rummaging out from his chest collided with the thunder from outside, the resonance serenaded by the howling wind and the promise so etched in stone that Emmett grinned wickedly at the promise he knew was made by Carlisle silently.

There would be violence, and it would remain of the holy kind.

Xx~xx~xX

"When will you retrieve her?" Rosalie asked.

Leah was in a state, and she was glad that her thoughts were her on-although her emotions were not. She was happy beyond reason, fearful beyond capacity-and confused from lack of years. Carlisle, although sharing in her initial two emotions had now developed a third and fourth she didn't comprehend. They wanted baby back, but they wanted her safe first most and that could only be achieved by understanding that Aro and the rest of the Italian vampires never found out about her unique existence.

That was all and fine, and plans were being made for that and Carlisle had thrown himself vigorously to them; they were to move to Canada now, far from Forks and Olivia. Jacob and Seth were to go in the opposite direction within months, giving Olivia time to grow and be strong; who from Leah's frustrated and near insane understanding was constantly sick and had developed a chest infection.

Now Carlisle was full to capacity; Olivia, Edward and Aro. She couldn't share in Edward the same way he did, and although it had been explained to her the nature of the Volturi guard; the only emotion she had grasped was that she needed to keep her baby safe. She needed to be brave in her time away from Olivia and support Carlisle and be a strong woman worthy to be at his side.

She couldn't share in his unwanted hate for the Volturi that went so far beyond Olivia and Edward-or maybe it was so rooted because of them both. She didn't share in his immense sorrow for losing Edward-his brother, son and friend-but she gave him her understanding and support.

And maybe she was young, and she needed to grow-but she had time. And he had her, and they had Olivia.

"When it is safe and sound, Rosalie" Leah said coolly, hating how Rosalie embraced the hysterical mother role better than she did. She rationed that she was only what Olivia needed; a strong mother, a rational mother-a mother who had a plan for her baby, and not a headless chicken.

"Can Jacob and Seth even take care of a child?" Rosalie spat "They are two teenage boys who you are sending on the run, with a new born child"  
>"Rosalie, do you honestly think I have not walked down each possible route with regards to Olivia?" Leah asked her sharply "Do you think Carlisle and I have risked so much to just throw her to fate?"<br>"No but..." Rosalie pursed her lips "I could have gone with them; I could go to them and make sure she is..."  
>"The Volturi don't know about Quileute wolves past what Victoria told them; that a bunch of werewolves have infested Forks" Leah raised an eyebrow "Do they know about you?"<br>"Yes" she breathed terrified of Leah's shaking and anger.

"Jacob is the most adaptable person I know" Leah's voice resounded with conviction-she couldn't afford anything else, when it came to giving her new born precious baby to her kid brother and brooding teenage Alpha. "And if you have met Seth Clearwater, then you know he is a walking ball of sunshine and positivism"  
>"That is most definitely not going to be...!"<br>"It most definitely is EXACTLY what Olivia is going to need-it is going to _have_ to be _exactly _what my baby needs or else I am going to grow a pair of wings, fly up into the _fucking blue sky_...!" Leah was shaking and Rosalie was backing out of the kitchen, all talking had ceased in the lounge "And _murder God!_ Do you hear me, Rosalie _fucking_ BETTER-AT-BEING-A-MOTHER-THAN-YOU Cullen, do you hear me?! I will murder God, if it ends up being that an Alpha Wolf and a ray of sunshine isn't enough to keep Olivia _mine and Carlisle's _living representative of this love!"

"Leah" Carlisle said sternly, pushing Rosalie easily to the side, out of the firing line. "Please, my love..."  
>"No!" Leah roared, she was shaking and Eleazar and his wife had never seen a wolf in a kitchen making pancakes. She shivered, and Carlisle backed away two steps-she blurred and flung forward, her amber wolf eyes spilling tears and a low droning howl filling the heart of the Denali Manor.<p>

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

"Come on kid, you got to stop crying..." Jacob sighed; patting Olivia's tiny back with two fingers. She hesitated, as though contemplating giving in to his request and then continued after a stutter with a little more vehemence.

"Give her to me" Billy sighed, raising his hands up for the wriggling tiny bundle "She cries like Rachel"  
>"No way" Jacob sighed, falling into the armchair and watching as Billy expertly bounded Olivia and rubbed her back.<p>

"Yes way, Rachel had asthma" Billy smiled. "But that wasn't the problem, now was it Camille?"  
>"Her first name is Olivia" Jacob droned, covering his eyes with his hand. It had been three days since Carlisle had sent word and if it hadn't been for Billy and Sue <em>pretending <em>to not want to come over and check on Olivia-he and Seth would have been dead and gone.

"I can't believe they picked such boring names" Seth yelled from the kitchen "But I like Camille better, it's kind of like they tried to combine Carlisle and Leah and then..."  
>"Stop, Seth" Jacob grumbled "The idea of combing two names to make a name is plain idiocy"<br>Seth emerged with a baby bottle of boiled water, warmed and set to the right temperature. Olivia was silent, Billy still bouncing her and by the time Seth reached her with her water-she burped, yawned and snuggled into the old man's shoulder.

"Ah, I slaved for this!" Seth grumbled, smiling and setting the bottle by the table before taking a seat on the stool beside Jacob's chair. "Any word?"  
>"By word, do you mean has Carlisle changed his mind and decided that just maybe Sam will include Olivia under the protection of the wolves?" Jacob breathed and Seth sighed "No"<p>

"Give him time" Billy sighed, setting Camille in her pram "He is still reeling; we all are"  
>"I explained it to him!" Jacob growled, flinging his hands in the air and accidentally clipping Seth on the nose. "Leah and Carlisle are under the Vulture's eyes sure enough, but that doesn't mean that Olivia has to be condemned because of that!"<p>

"Maybe if I say I imprinted on her?" Seth offered.

"You can be a retard, you know that?" Jacob shook his head "Firstly, it's your sister's kid. Secondly, it's part vampire-why would any wolf find himself so royally fucked like that? And thirdly, it's your sister's kid. Fourthly..."  
>"It's my sister's kid?" Seth frowned and Jacob grinned at him unwillingly.<p>

"No, fourthly... how will you prove your imprint when we phase and your thoughts are _everyone's thoughts_"

"This is why you are the rightful Alpha" Seth smiled softly at Jacob "Nothing passes you"  
>"Back to Livy" Billy rumbled.<br>"Argh" Seth groaned "Not Livy, anything but Livy!"  
>" I agree with the kid, no cutesy nicknames" Jacob peered at the sleeping ball of pale cuteness sucking furiously on pacifier. "Kid is half-Leah, she is excluded from cute by heritage!"<br>"But look at her fingers!" Seth breathed

"Yeah, she is so small!" Jacob agreed.

"You two need to stay focused" Billy murmured "Sue suggested sticking it out by her place, their house is more or less by the treaty line-don't frown, Jake; you know she feels bad about not being there for Leah"  
>"Fine" Jacob hissed. "But just so we are clear; Seth and I are going to leave soon; we are not waiting on Sam. Carlisle said that a vampire tracker may be sent to snoop around and its better to be safe than sorry"<br>"I understand" Billy said "I will try talk to him and the other guys"  
>"He isn't going to budge" Seth said stonily "As far as the tribe is concerned, Olivia being here means there could be an army of vampires sweeping the place for her"<br>"Did he leave with them?" Billy asked Jacob "Isabella's boy..."  
>"He isn't her boy anymore, and I don't think he did" Jacob murmured "Carlisle said 'Edward's thoughts would not be his own for long, and everyone else... when Aro lays his fingers on him'"<p>

Xx~xx~xX

X

Xx~xx~xX

The chamber is dark; four walls of ancient stones and a low ceiling. The bed is for aesthetic purposes, for the being inside will never be released from his reality to go wondering into the dream world.

"Aro is not pleased with you" Jane sighed, shutting the door. "I apologise for the bed chamber-it was the only one suited for insolence"  
>"I understand" Edward breathed. It was the illusion of imprisonment that made him smile though. It was the thought of Aro's childishness and Caius arrogance, having granted him possibly a few months to keep his thoughts to himself in the chamber, which made kept his heavy mind lighter.<p>

"I am still curious about one thing" Jane whispered "If you really killed Isabella? Or if she was even turned"

"You saw the ashes"  
>"Exactly, I only saw ashes, Edward" Jane frowned at him "I am not so much a gullible little girl"<br>"Not so much gullible" Edward smirked "But I think you fell right on the little girl part"  
>"Very funny" Jane whispered, her eyes flashing "I have a joke for you too"<br>"ARGH!" he creaked forward, his hands clawing at his sides and a butcher's knife hacking at his head, barbed wire scraping over his spine. She sighed bored and flicked her gaze to a crumpled piece of ribbon on his bed, and he fell down with a heavy thud.

"What is that?" Jane asked, moving toward the bed and ignoring Edward's outstretched hand trying to grab her robe-he was still feeling the remaining tremors of pain. "A ribbon?"

"Please, Jane... let it be" Edward implored "Let me have it?"  
>"What colour is this, anyway?" Jane asked impetuously, waving the ribbon through a dim stray light from a withering candle "Blue? Violet?"<p>

"It's azure, now if you would let me keep it, Jane?" Edward rose, smiling nervously at the small figurine of a woman. He held his hand out for the ribbon and Jane frowned at it.

"It looks like violet" Jane drawled.

"It's azure" Edward kept the smile on his face, his hand still outstretched

"Was it Isabella's?" Jane asked suddenly and Edward's smile faltered, but the hand remained waiting for the ribbon.

"No, I wouldn't say it was" Edward said stiffly.

"A lover's most _certainly_" Jane sighed, twirling the ribbon on her finger. "I would say you owe me a trinket of sorts for keeping you company in these mouldy lower quarters. I give you such preferential treatment, Edward"  
>"You can't have the ribbon!" Edward breathed "It is the only blue... the only thing that... I am willing to keep with me, while I remain here!"<p>

"What do you have on you...?" Jane scowled at his unkept glorious form "That can substitute this? And it better be of value!"  
>"I have..." Edward looked around him, tempted to offer a lock of hair but seeing into Jane's jealous infatuated mind that this would never do "I have a... kiss.."<br>"I kiss my brother enough times"  
>"But I have a lover's kiss for you, Jane?" Edward breathed "And it wont be like your childish platonic affection with your brother or... or someone who we shall not name. The one thing I can not have, that I cannot hold on my own but that I value more than anything. A kiss for my lover"<p>

"As a lover?" Jane peeked at him from a large red doe eye. She had never seemed more breakable and less demon like-but none of these new slights could redeem her to Edward. He swallowed and nodded, hand still outstretched for the ribbon he had stolen. The colour of Baby Blue Eyes, for he had never learnt her name-she was Azure to him.

The ribbon dropped in his open frozen palm as soft and silken as its expertise hand craft. He quickly moved it into his back pocket-he would find somewhere safer for it to lodge, somewhere worthy and precious like its true never-met owner. He walked up to Jane carefully; she was still studying him with caution but had not moved or altered her interested gaze. He let her think he was unsure on how badly she wanted to know, to feel it-a lover's kiss from someone so hated.

"Jane?" he whispered and she pursed her lips, allowing her small head to be tilted up. He was much too tall, and she was much too youthful. He swallowed away his immediate reproaching tremor. She looked into his eyes, crimson to gold and batted her long eyelashes once-deliberately.

_Please..._ she begged "Just do it" she said.

He growled, lifted her off the floor to meet his height and not have himself submit to her lowliness so thoroughly and kissed her as she had never been kissed before. She was delivering his love to Carlisle, murmuring his appreciation to Leah and allowing his siblings to know he would always think of them-whenever he was brave enough for emotional torture. And Baby Blue eyes, he couldn't risk moving his love through Jane's plump little lips to her.

She was too pure, Azure. And Jane would die under a love like that.

"Uhhh!" Jane moaned, swaying when he set her down. She touched her lips drunkenly and eyed him with a ferocious hunger that children give to new delicacies they had never known off. He was unfazed, the ribbon had been brought out off his pocket and he was lying on the bed, twirling it in the dimness and watching all its hues. He had already started on Azure's lullaby and it now filled his chamber, next to Jane's useless panting for more...

"Edward?" she breathed. He ignored her, he had what he wanted and she had but a taste of what she didn't realise she wanted more than anything else she had ever been offered. She left then, and he begun his searching for Aro's thoughts, praying time will allow him to find a loophole that would keep every one of his immortal loves, safe.

But _her_-the succinct and sweetest-most of all.

Xx~xx~xX

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**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**The Cullen's have officially departed. You will find this story continued next on; The Broken Mirror.-that title may later change when I begin with the story, but look out for that for now.**

**REMEMBER TO REVIEW: **

**X O X O, to all the lovely reviewers and the lovely readers. Thank you, and thank you-for the support. Remember, it is never to late to spread some love-whether a criticism or not!  
>xx<strong>

**Tj **


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